Hello! Hopefully you all are not as tired as me right now. Four essays and I am still standing.

Anyways, I want to tell you all that even though my coursework and my job have been on my tail, I am glad that you all are still here, reading my story. I make time to write this, so I am glad you all make time to read this.

So let me thank you.

Thank you to Marie . claire267 and Whydoievenexist for following my story! I can't wait for you to see what happens.

Thank you to Whydoievenexist for adding my story to your favorite! I am so happy that you loved it so much!

And as for reviews, I am going to just make a section where I copy and paste the reviews and then reply to them. I know that you might have forgotten what you said and then would have to go back and read it to understand my reply, so I don't mind doing this instead.

Reviews!

Shamelessnweird: woahhhhhhhh best mate hmm... sirus wanted to write something but enjoyed it. .the jily part as well as wolfstar part... hope they soon clear their fight

My response: Thank you much for the positive feedback! As for Wolfstar, you'll just have to wait and see. ;)

Guest: SCREAMSSSSS IAM SO INTOTHIS STORYOMGOMGOMGOMG

My response: *screams* I am so into you being into my story! Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, oh my gosh! :D

And here is the obligatory disclaimer: J. K. Rowling owns everything, including my feelings. *cries remembering that Halloween was also Jily Death Day*

And the story begins!

Chapter 10: Anxiety Kicks In

Morning, Tuesday, October 11, 1977

It had not even been a week since James had reprimanded Lily for not getting enough sleep, and she still hadn't gotten enough sleep. She scolded herself as she ran through the empty halls, for she was late and class had already started for everyone.

Her frustration and despair grew as she remembered all her failures while preparing the ball. The recipes that she had chosen were not successful because the house elves did not know how to make half of the foods. Almost all the bands she contacted rejected the invitation to play at the ball. The decorations still have not arrived. She wanted to cry.

She also had to skip breakfast to salvage an hour of sleep, because she had stayed up all night studying for today's Transfiguration exam.

She burst into the classroom and flushed red as all heads turned to hers.

Professor McGonagall looked up from her book. "Miss Evans, please do not disrupt the class with your tardiness. Have a seat, and be on time next time."

Lily nodded, her eyes downcast. She took the exam that Professor McGonagall gave her and she sat down next to James.

When Professor McGonagall looked away, she turned to glare at James and whispered, "Why didn't you wake me up?"

James whispered back, "When I came to check on you, you were knocked out cold. You needed rest, so I let you sleep."

Lily's eyes flashed as she whispered, "That was not your decision to make!"

Professor McGonagall looked up. "No whispering during the exam!"

The two students turned back to their exam sheets.

Lily looked at the first question and the words started to blur.

Get it together, a voice in Lily's head said, unless you want everyone to know how stupid you are.

Lily's hands shook as she answered the first question.

Are you sure that's the right answer?

She crossed the answer and out and chose a different answer.

That is going to end up be the wrong answer and you know it. You are going to fail.

Lily froze as she remembered her nightmare, the "T" on her N.E.W.T.s.

Suddenly, she felt a warm hand over hers. She turned to see James give her a soft smile and mouth, "Are you okay?"

She nodded and smiled weakly.

He gave her hand a final pat before going back to his exam.

She turned back to her exam and her stomach sunk. She had 24 more questions left to answer.

She tried to finish them quickly, somehow managing to finish just as James did. He stood up first and she followed him.

Suddenly, she grew very dizzy. The world swayed as she walked to Professor McGonagall's desk behind James. Her hands could not stop shaking.

James placed his exam on Professor McGonagall's desk and turned around to see Lily, shaking, swaying, and pale. "Lily?"

Professor McGonagall looked up at her and frowned with concern. "Miss Evans, are you unwell? If so, you can take the exam another time."

Her vision started to flash between James' face, Professor McGonagall's stare, and the "T" on her N.E.W.T.s. She whimpered, "I promise...I can do...better…"

Her knees buckled, and she waited for the hard thud of the floor that never came.

All Lily could feel was the pounding in her forehead. Her stomach growled viciously and she curled further into her fetal position.

"Lily…" said someone, stroking her hair. "It's okay. You're okay."

Lily slowly opened her eyes. She squinted as the bright light nearly shoved her back into her cocoon of darkness.

Lily's eyes focuses as she recognized the blonde girl sitting on her bed. "Alice?"

She smiled and nodded.

"Here is some tea, Lily," said another voice. She looked in the corner to see Marlene pouring her a cup of tea on a tray. She walked over and set it on Lily's nightstand. Lily sat up and picked up the teacup and saucer, blowing the tea before she drank it. She closed her eyes as she drank. She stopped and looked at them.

"What time is it?" asked Lily.

Alice answered, "It's lunch hour, but that isn't important right now."

Marlene frowned, nodding, and said, "You had us so worried, Lily. One minute Alice and I were sitting in Potions, the next we hear that you've fainted!"

Alice nodded, "The nurse said that your stress hormone levels were abnormally high, and you are also very dehydrated and malnourished. Why didn't you tell us you weren't sleeping or eating?"

Lily looked down at her lap. "I didn't know it was a problem. I am fine, really. You two don't have to take care of me."

"No, Lily," said a voice at the door. Lily looked up to see Remus coming in carrying a stack of books for Lily to read. "You don't have enough nutrients to keep you going. The nurse says that you will be put on bedrest for a week to get your strength back."

"What?!" cried Lily. "But I have assignments, Head Girl duties, and the ball preparations to attend to! I don't have time for sleep!"

Remus shook his head as he set the books down on Lily's bed. "You need to make time for sleep, Lily, and for eating, and for yourself."

Alice smiled and said, "Also, don't worry. All of your professors know, so you won't be assigned homework for the entire week."

Marlene smiled and nodded.

"But-"Lily started.

"No," said her three friends.

Lily deflated, but then sat up straight again. "Where's James?"

The three friends looked at each other uncertainly, not wanting to meet Lily's eyes.

Remus finally answered, "He doesn't want to see you."

Lily's face fell. "Why?"

Alice put a hand over Lily's. "We think he's angry."

Marlene scoffed, "Actually, we know he's angry."

"Why?" Lily asked.

Marlene shook her head, glaring at the ground. "He's just pissed that you didn't say anything, which isn't your fault. In fact, I think he is the one who should be sorry. Shutting himself in his room and not visiting you even though you fainted? How rude."

"Wait a second," Remus said, defending one of his best mates, "James has a right to be angry. To him, Lily basically lied about her welfare."

Lily said quietly, "But I didn't mean to lie."

"I know you didn't mean to lie to us, Lily" Remus said, "But it feels that way."

Alice look at the clock on Lily's nightstand. "Lunch is over and we have to go to class. We will see you later, okay?"

Lily nodded, letting them tuck her in before they left her to her loneliness.

That evening, Lily heard him come in. She lay in bed as she heard him throw his broomstick in the broom cupboard, shaking the walls, and head for the stairs.

She trembled as she got out of bed, determined to see him before he locked the door to his room.

She wobbled as she crossed the room, the world still dizzying.

She opened her door and saw his back as he head for his bedroom.

She shouted, "Wait!"

He froze.

Lily held onto the door frame for support. "Look at me and tell me why you are so angry."

He turned and she nearly flinched at his stony eyes.

He glared at her as he said, "You want to know why I am so angry? You fucking fainted, Lily! No one just faints when they are perfectly healthy! You've been starving yourself like a damn house elf in the Malfoy family!"

Lily flinched.

James continued, eyes flashing, "I had to catch you before you cracked your head open on McGonagall's classroom floor!"

Lily tried to walk to him. "I-I-I'm sorry you had to do that-"

She crumbled before she could take two steps. In an instant, his arms wrapped around her before she fell. He silently picked her up and carried her back into her room and laid her on the bed.

He turned away and started pacing.

She sat up. "James?"

James rubbed his temples before saying, "I am sorry. I didn't mean that I didn't want to catch you. I meant that you were so dead on your feet that I had to catch you."

Lily nodded and replied. "I know. I'm sorry for worrying you. But I am sure I just missed a meal or-"

James sighed and sat next to her on the bed. "You don't get it, Lily."

He turned to her fully. "You are so important. Everyone needs you to be okay. The prefects need you. Alice and Marlene need you. Remus needs you. I-" He paused, contemplating if he should continue.

But then he gripped her shoulders and said, "I need you."

Lily's mouth fell open. "James,"

His face was set with determination, his eyebrows angled downward and his eyes blazing into hers. His mouth was set into a hard line, so different from the playful grins he gave her every day.

Tentatively, she put her hand on his cheek.

His face fell from determination into surprise. "Lily?"

She watched his lips form her name. She wanted to kiss him.

They began to lean toward each other.

You'll never be good enough for him, said a voice in her head.

She paused, putting a hand against his chest.

He tried to scan her face, but she turned away, saying, "I think I would like to rest now."

James was silent for a moment before smiling sadly. "Get some sleep now. I'll take care of everything. Don't you worry."

He pulled the covers over her as her eyes fluttered shut, sending her floating into her troubled dreams.

Lily jerked awake.

She had the same nightmare again.

She sat up in the bed, tears starting to trail down her cheeks.

She didn't know what to do. How could she sleep when her insecurities invaded her in her dreams?

She placed her feet on the floor and managed to stand up. She walked over to her desk, hoping to find a book to distract her into sleep.

As she sifted through the drawers, her fingers touched parchment. She pulled it out the last few letters that Loyal Lion had sent to her, marked from just a few days ago:

Dear Emerald Flower,

My mates are in the middle of an argument, and it's both hilarious and troubling. On one hand, one is super dramatic while the other just proves him wrong with logic every time. It's entertaining. But this is the longest that they've been angry with each other. And this is the biggest argument that they have had yet. What do you think I should do?

Loyal Lion

And she remembered replying with:

Dear Loyal Lion,

I completely understand. My roommate (you know, the one that I am now friends with) has two friends that are fighting right now, and they are the exact same way, with one being over-the-top and the other being pretty level-headed. But my best advice is to let them sort it out. You don't want to meddle and possibly mess things up. If it gets too intense, you can maybe talk to one or both of them separately and try to guide them in the right direction, but see if they make it there themselves first.

Sincerely,

Emerald Flower

His response was truly endearing:

Dear Emerald Flower,

Thanks. I didn't even think of that. You know, doing nothing. I guess it's just the Gryffindor in me that wants to start doing without thinking.

You know, you've helped me a lot. You trusted me, even though you don't know me, and you have a lot of great advice.

Whenever you want to tell me about that secret of yours, I'll be waiting for the letter. Any hour of any day.

Loyal Lion

She remembered her nightmare. Maybe now was the right time to tell him.

James woke up to a clicking noise at his window.

An owl's glowing eyes stared at him, a letter tucked within her beak.

He rubbed the sleep out of and put his glasses on. He rolled out of bed and opened the window.

It flew in, leaving the letter at his nightstand.

James scratched his head. Could it be from Lily or Emerald Flower? Somehow, they must have bought their string from the same shop.

Oh, wait, it's Emerald Flower, he thought, If Lily had sent me a letter, she would have sent Ruby. Matilda sent this letter.

He pet Matilda, who rested on his nightstand.

He untied the letter and it read:

Dear Loyal Lion,

I think I am ready to tell you my secret.

I...I have anxiety.

I get sucked into my own thoughts whenever I take a test or go on patrol. Whenever I am faced with a challenge, I put on a brave face and power through it, but on the inside I am screaming because the pressure can be too much sometimes. There are even times when I am so terrified of failure that I am frozen with fear. I can't do anything other than think that I am going to fail. I am so scared, and I can't tell anyone because I don't want anyone to know that I am a failure.

I don't really know how to cope with it. I have been getting nightmares about me failing for a while now, and I don't want to give up and lose the fight, but I don't know how to make them go away.

That's my secret.

Sincerely,

Emerald Flower

James ran a hand through his hair. He had never heard of anything like it. So afraid of failing that you do nothing? It was so different than what James was used to doing, which was jumping into action without thinking about it, even if it was dumb and reckless.

James shook his head. He couldn't imagine how crippling it must feel. How powerless.

But he could. He remembered feeling powerless as his father yelled at him for his immaturity and untrustworthiness.

But Emerald Flower helped him with that.

Now it was his turn.

Lily didn't realize that she had fallen asleep at her desk until she woke up to Matilda poking her arm with Loyal's Lion's response letter.

She pet Matilda as she took the letter from her beak.

When she untied it, it read:

Dear Emerald Flower,

Let me tell you a story.

Once upon a time, there was a boy who was too afraid to get on a broomstick. He saw how high his father flew and wanted to be just like his father, but every time he got on a broomstick, he jumped right off, because he was scared of falling.

One day, a muggle lady was crying hysterically. The boy walked over and asked why she was crying. She said that her cat was stuck in a tree and she had spent hours trying to retrieve it, but could not. When he saw the cat in the tree and the crying lady, he knew he had to try something. So he sent the lady home, saying that he would get help to get the cat out of the tree.

Then he grabbed his broomstick and prepared to fly it. He hesitated. He wondered if maybe he should ask for help or ask someone else to do it. But then he saw the cat start to slip. So he jumped onto the broomstick and flew it without even thinking, as if he was meant to fly. He sped for the tree and saw the cat slip off the branch. Miraculously, the boy caught it.

The boy continued flying until he reached the muggle lady's house. He got off his broom and knocked on her door. He handed her the cat and she thanked him passionately, sending him home with several muggle treats.

Today, the boy is one of the best Quidditch players at Hogwarts. Now imagine if he been too afraid to fall?

Flower, what you have sounds really serious. Maybe we should talk in person. You've heard about the ball, right? Let's meet there, in costume. I will be the one in red and gold.

Loyal Lion

Lily smiled and wiped her tears away. Her breathing settled, and her nightmare felt far away.

She kissed the letter, thanking it before closing it. She pulled out a new piece of parchment and wrote her reply.

Dear Loyal Lion,

And I'll be the one in emerald.

Sincerely,

Emerald Flower

It put so many hours into this chapter. I even took my computer to my job at the library in order to squeeze in more sentences during my 15 minute breaks. In fact, this chapter was supposed to be Chapter 9 and 10 combined, and Chapter 11 (which I am writing now) was supposed to be this week's Chapter 10, but I felt like the plots from the current Chapter 9 and 10 would have been to overly complicated together, so I split them apart.

Plus, it ended up being 20 pages, which was way too much for one chapter. That is why Chapter 9 and 10 might seem a little short, even though they were 10 pages each. They were written to go together, but I had to separate them because they became too big.

Anyways, I hope you enjoyed it! Remember that I upload every Saturday*!

**Note: Again, for some, it will obviously be earlier or later. Those in the time zones behind mine will probably see a post on a Friday while those in the time zones ahead of mine will be on the short end of the stick and won't see it until Sunday. I will try to keep it as early as possible because there are no posts on Sunday. ;)