From: LTS
To: CC
Mercenaries, soldiers, scientists, I understand, but I cannot imagine a place for a thief amongst Shepard's crew.
'Is there no way to just save the memories?'
For the first time since she had met the young thief, Shepard could not see even a hint of a smirk on Kasumi's lips, or hear her voice dancing with humour.
'No, Keiji was a master encrypter, there's no way to...'
Kasumi turned her head towards Shepard, and lowered her hood. For the first time, she saw the woman's face without shadow. She was striking, of pure oriental descent, with pale golden skin boldly marked with heavy make-up. Her dark eyes were shining, gazing up, imploringly, at Shepard.
Another person asking her, trusting her, to do the right thing by them.
How much more of this could she take? She found it easier to take responsibility for helping people when they did not know; when a battle hundreds of miles away would save them without them every knowing they were in danger.
When people came to her, looked her in the eyes and asked for help, it was harder. In doing it they opened themselves, showed Shepard their fears and hopes, gave her a part of themselves, gave her something she was not comfortable to accept.
'Kasumi...'
What could she say to her? What should she do? It would be easy to destroy the information, protecting both the Alliance and themselves from any repercussions of others finding out. She did not ask Kasumi what she found when her own greybox unlocked Keiji's; she did not want to know.
But was that the right choice? Kasumi was not asking her to decide whether or not to keep the data. She was asking whether the risk was worth it, to keep the memories, to relive every moment as if it were happening again.
Was that any way to live?
'Kasumi, you have your memories of Keiji. They are yours, and they'll be with you whatever happens.'
'Memories fade, Shep, this... this'll be forever.'
'But that's all they'll ever be, Kasumi. Some memories fade, we keep hold of what we can, and we live and make new ones.'
Kasumi fell silent for several long minutes, then looked up at her, and nodded.
'Thanks, I... you're right. Keiji always lived in the moment.'
'I could do it, if it would be easier.'
'No... thanks, Shep. I'll be the one to say goodbye.'
Shepard reflected on the conversation as she washed the filth of the day away in her shower. The cascading water felt wonderful against her skin, and she sighed in pleasure as she rubbed her hands through her hair. She had said the words to try to console the woman, but the more she considered them the more she realised how accurate they were. How much she could have applied them to herself.
She finally stepped from the shower and dressed herself in some of the loose fitting, casual clothes Cerberus had provided. She had long since given up the childish idea of vandalising them, and at least appreciated that the private organisation bought clothes made of actual cotton, unlike the itchy Alliance issue gear she was used to. The ship was quiet and the lights dimmed; it was the onboard "night" cycle. The fish tank, still empty, glowed across the cabin. She had initially wondered about either having it removed, but had come to enjoy the gentle rippling of the water, the lights it cast across the room. She said the word "music" aloud and EDI activated her stereo, the gentle tones of a guitar and piano duet filling the room.
She had lived for years with her past around her neck. It gave her strength, motivating her to go further, to be stronger. It reminded her of what she fought for.
But... it also hobbled her. She had had no thoughts for the future, no plans for an extended career, no friends. She only had her current mission and her memories.
She had thought she moved past that. With Liara's help, she had accepted what happened, and moved on. She could now look back at her time with her family and remember the good times as well as the bad, and when she fought, she did so for her own reasons, not the blind idealism of the Alliance.
But was she not doing the same now?
Every time she picked up a new crew member, she imagined how they would fit on the old Normandy. She imagined how Ashley would react, how she would talk about them with Liara, how they would fit into the old group dynamic in battle.
She could not walk through the ship without reminiscing about the old Normandy, or talk with Joker about anything else.
Was she still living in the past?
Every night she laid, looking into the vast expanse of space above her, questioning what could have been.
One memory always came back to her.
I am sorry
Liara had come to her on the night before the final battle, the inevitable conclusion to their weeks of growing closer and closer as friends and more.
Shepard had pushed her away.
Why, had stopped mattering. There were always reasons, excuses, for a person not to do something. Not to take the risk.
And still she remembered. Every tiniest detail of the night. The anxiety she had been feeling. The weight of the long-ignored datapad in her hand. Liara's awkward shifting in her doorway. The fear; of letting herself fall, or hurting Liara, of any and every thing that could have happened. Liara's alien scent, as she embraced her, and apologised.
The words still haunted her.
I am sorry
Why had Liara said that?
'Some memories fade, we keep hold of what we can, and we live and make new ones.'
She would follow her own advice. She had a new mission, a new life, a new crew, and maybe she could even make new friends. She would not insult or risk them by wallowing in the past.
It was with some measure of relish that Liara T'Soni hacked into Ilium Police Force's secure databases.
It was not often that she got "hands on" in her work anymore. She had agents, mercenaries, hackers and more at her call, and spent most of her time as a facilitator, with gentle nudges, orders and decision making being her life.
The asari was certainly no top-tier hacker, but her upbringing had been incredibly diverse meaning she was well accustomed to learning new skills, absorbing information like a sponge. Tali had shared some of her less savory talents with her on the Normandy, and she had been taking private lessons with one of her agents; also a quarian, one who posed as an innocent youngster still on his Pilgrimage.
In fact, he was nearing middle age and was incredibly adept at posing as the naive, stupid street rat most people saw quarians as, meaning he could go just about anywhere without attracting serious suspicion. He, like most of his people, was very adept with computer systems and Liara trusted him, as much as she could trust anybody in her profession.
Today he would be proud to see his teachings put to such an, as he would say, "mischievous" use. Gross and high risk criminality was another way of saying the same thing; if there was one thing Ilium police did not tolerate it was the private sector getting involved in their business without the proper bribes in hand.
The firewalls on the database she was aiming for were some of the weaker on the system. The information was not particularly classified and the Force had apparently been lax in updating security protocols. She did not imagine many people were particularly interested in archived GPS data for the fleet of police vehicles.
Specifically, she wanted to know whose car had ambushed her package.
It did not take her long to break into the system, and she was relieved to find that the data was not encrypted, and the format it was stored in was easy to understand. Liara frowned as she found the information she was looking for.
The car was registered to an asari and her turian partner. Her batarian informant had not said anything about a turian at the scene; perhaps she had stayed in the car. Turian police officers, especially female ones, were rare enough to draw attention and it would not have gone unnoticed.
Her frown deepened into a suspicious line as she recognised the name; Oresis. The turian had also been involved in a crash of a car containing another of her packages several weeks ago; Oresis was the officer who finally declared it accidental. Liara's pulse quickened at the discovery, like it always did when a piece of a puzzle revealed itself.
Liara would need to check security camera footage from the surrounding roads and businesses to be sure, but if the turian female was indeed with the asari in the car Liara would not put her involvement at the first case down to coincidence. Her belief in such things had been erased years ago, at the same time as her naivety.
What could it mean? A coordinated effort to stop her accumulating Prothean artefacts, especially involving corrupt Police officers, did not sound like the work of a private collector, no matter how determined he or she may be. A rival broker would surely take an easier path to whatever end they were planning.
The alternative was somewhat disconcerting. If there were agents of the Reapers out there, and they knew enough about Liara to identify her work as a threat, she was in serious danger.
But she had not let mere danger stop her work in the past, and she would not do so now. She would also not jump to conclusions, or cut corners.
She logged out of the database, leaving a small program which wiped any record of her session; there would be no trace of her visit.
She would first find out if the turian was with the asari who murdered her driver. The time it would take to find out was an acceptable cost compared to chasing false leads.
She started hacking into the video feeds nearest the ambush point, and scouring through the archives. She had done this initially, of course, but whoever attacked her courier was a professional and had disabled most of the nearby cameras. Now that she knew she was looking for a police car, the outlying cameras would be of greater use to her.
The asari turned to another holopad, opened a screen and started a new session, the amber characters reflecting from her blue irises in the darkened room.
The memory of one distracted batarian just a launching point, as this was Ilium. Someone was always watching, and the cold, hard cores of computer drives would never forget.
A/N: Thank you to Jay8008 for taking the time to greatly improve Liara's section of this chapter!