- CHAPTER 10: Remembrances -
"It's so damn stuffy in here." Ron was complaining as he tried to loosen up his collar. "How am I supposed to put up with this for the rest of the night?"
Harry rolled his eyes. There were bigger things to worry about than stiff collars. Things like a night of dancing and 'fun' with Shauna Swirl.
The boys were in their dormitory getting ready for the ball. Ron was mostly nervous and quite anxious, trying to make himself look as charming as possible.
"Harry, do my robes look all right?" Ron was asking.
"They look fine…" Harry answered without even glancing at them. "I can't believe this is happening! How did I get stuck with her?"
"Come on Harry, it's not that bad." Ron made an attempt to restore some confidence in his best friend. "It's not like you have to marry her."
"Ron…" Harry was getting angry. "I despise her and the whole of Hogwarts knows that! But imagine what the people will say when they see us together tonight!"
"Who cares what the school thinks of you… " Ron implied as he ran his fingers through his hair and spoke absent-mindedly. "It only matters what you think…"
Harry couldn't believe what he was hearing. "What's the matter with you, Ron? Don't you know that I think Shauna is outrageous? Don't you know that I hate her?"
"Maybe you're right." blinked Ron. "But what can you do about it. I mean… if you ditch the girl or the ball, McGonagall's going to kill you."
Ron was right. Harry seemed to be trapped in all directions, and there was no logical way out of this.
"Harry… do I strike you as a dashing man?" Ron suddenly asked.
"What did you say?" Harry was fully bewildered as he faced his best friend.
"I mean… do you think Hermione will like me?"
"How am I supposed to know?" Harry exclaimed. "Why don't you ask her tonight yourself?"
"But what if Hermione says something totally awful…?" Ron kept talking.
"She said yes to you, didn't she?" Harry was now quite cross. "I have to leave now, Ron"
Ron appeared a bit surprised. "Aren't you supposed to come with me and Hermione?"
"I wish!" Harry shook his head sadly. "I have to go McGonagall's office and pick up Swirl." He glimpsed himself in the mirror. "I don't look too nice, do I?"
Ron had a confused expression on his face. "What?"
"I don't want Shauna to get any disgusting ideas about me…" Harry explained as he turned to leave the dormitory. "See you at the ball."
"Yeah…"
Harry slowly made his way towards Professor McGonagall's office. He was going to dread every moment of tonight. Just visualize, he was going to have to dance with Shauna Swirl when a couple of weeks ago, they were thrashing each other to death. What horrible luck!
On reaching the office, Harry didn't have to think twice and immediately knocked on the door. No way, he was not going to eavesdrop ever again. Look what happened when he did just that last time.
"Who is it?" came McGonagall's voice from the inside.
"It's Harry…"
"No… Professor! Don't let him in!" Harry heard Shauna shriek from within the office. "Please don't…"
"Don't be ridiculous… you look tremendously lovely, Miss Swirl." Then Professor McGonagall exclaimed. "Come in Potter."
Harry took a deep breath, placed his hand on the door knob and slowly twisted it. The door opened away quite easily as Harry peeked inside the giant office and then gradually stepped in. Professor McGonagall was sitting at her desk, seeming extremely satisfied with herself. Shauna was standing right next to her…
Harry's eyes widened abruptly when he noticed his archenemy. All of a sudden, Harry's heart began to beat faster than usual and he could feel adrenaline flowing through all over her rigid body.
She was definitely not Shauna Swirl. At least, not the repulsive Shauna he knew. She was looking absolutely beautiful and, bit by bit, was taking Harry's breath away. Dressed in jade green robes that flowed delicately around her body, and it matched perfectly with her emerald lit eyes. Her stunning black hair was dye-free and was cascading gracefully around her back. Shauna's face not only glowed with beauty, but also with warmth of the world.
Moreover, Harry would have never ever recognized her as Shauna, if he hadn't seen that muggle photo of her brought by Ron.
"Are you ready?" Professor McGonagall asked.
Harry was openly staring at her… and Shauna seemed to realize it. Maybe that's why she shyly was avoiding his gaze, "Yes…" he gulped tensely.
"Well… you two enjoy yourselves." It was rather an order than a remark from the Professor. "And Remember, no funny business or face a lifetime expulsion from Hogwarts."
With a slight push from McGonagall, Shauna came towards Harry appearing very flustered.
Harry cleared his throat. "We should get going…" he breathed, struggling to not look at her in the eye. God… he never had been uncomfortable like this in all his life. The person he detested so much was suddenly appearing as lovely as an angel!
Both of them hurried towards the Great Hall, not saying a single word to each other. The entrance was swarming with slightly nervous couples, accompanied by giggles and teasings, while excitement and buds of romance ruled the air.
Harry took a deep breath and paced towards the entrance of the Great Hall, with Shauna trailing behind him. He had nearly go in, when Professor Flitwick stopped him.
"Mr. Potter… where's your dance partner?" he squeaked.
He gestured towards Shauna very awkwardly.
"Very nice…" Professor Flitwick was reprimanding. "But you must offer your arm to your lovely lady before crossing the threshold of the Great Hall. It's an old Hogwart's tradition."
Harry's face fell, and Shauna was smiling fearfully at the Professor who instantly voiced. "It's alright, he doesn't have to…"
"No, I must insist. Now don't be shy…"
Very reluctant to do this but having absolutely no choice, Harry offered his arm to Shauna. She accepted it by hesitantly placing her arm in his.
"That's more like it." the tiny Professor beamed. "Have fun…"
Harry simply wanted to die… he really did. He was so mortified when he entered the Great Hall, arm-in-arm with Shauna Swirl.
"Oy, Harry!"
He twisted around to see Dean Thomas and Parvati Patil making their way towards him.
"Nice to see you here…" Dean commented as he turned towards Shauna. "Hullo, you're looking gorgeous. Who are you, by the way?"
Shauna seemed surprised, and so was Harry. Dean hadn't recognized her. Grinning meekly at him, Shauna spoke uncertainly. "A friend of Harry's…"
"Yep… she's my friend." Harry assured with a fake smile. "It was nice talking…" He immediately grasped Shauna and dragged her away from Dean and Parvati before they could bombard any more questions.
Shauna looked as if she were dumbstruck, however seemed relieved. "Thank goodness…" But it was short-lived, because Neville Longbottom appeared in front of them right that moment.
"Harry… have you seen Eloise Midgen?" Neville panted as he looked around. "She's my partner and I've been looking for her everywhere. I think I lost her when I asked her to dance…"
"Or she ditched you…" Shauna exclaimed with a bit of annoyance.
"Who's your date, Harry?" Neville looked confused, as he stared openly at Shauna.
"Just nobody…" answered Harry in a very quick manner. "Don't worry, you'll find Eloise soon enough."
"I hope so." Neville turned to leave, but at the same time he treaded on his robes. At once, Neville was tumbling onto the ground, as he grabbed Shauna's dress for support and pulled her down with him.
"What are…" Shauna shrieked as she landed alongside him on the ground. There were a few instants of utter confusion. "Longbottom… you clumsy scumbag! How dare you…?" she was screaming with anger.
"You… you're… S… Shauna Swirl!" Neville accused in fright.
This was catching everyone's attention and students were beginning to gather around them.
Without thinking, Harry helped Shauna get up as he whispered. "Are you alright?"
"No…"
People were now gaping at them with surprise. "That's Shauna Swirl. I don't believe it!"
"She's Harry's date!"
"But I thought…"
"She's looking really pretty."
"But Harry hates her…"
They wouldn't stop. Harry could see Shauna's cheeks reddening with embarrassment. "Tell them to shut up." she pleaded Harry in a panicky murmur.
For some reason, Shauna seemed to have lost all her confidence when she had been stripped off her punky look. Normally she would have started shouting at everyone by now. Instead she was backing away and saying. "I'm leaving…" With that she turned her heels and dashed away from sight.
Harry couldn't understand why he did it, but immediately rushed after her. It took him a few minutes to find Shauna. She was outside the entrance of the Great Hall, almost in tears.
"This is all wrong!" Shauna cried out when she saw Harry coming towards her. "I wish that I'd never been …I… I…" she suddenly stopped, worried but then sighed deeply. "I wish I was dead."
Harry didn't know what to say, so he just pressed his lips together.
"I'm not going to go back in there!" Shauna declared.
"Are you mad?" exclaimed Harry. "McGonagall is going to grind our bones, if we don't!"
"I can't care less!"
"Listen…" Harry began. "I have no plans of being expelled from Hogwarts, anytime soon! Why don't we just endure each other for a little while longer, and then we'll set things to where they were before… all right?"
"No!"
Harry threw his arms in the air. "Don't be so difficult, Shauna!"
Her expression suddenly frowned and she was now staring at him. Harry suddenly realized he had just called her by her first name.
"I… come on, let's go. " Harry insisted, highly embarrassed. "You don't want to deal with the wrath of McGonagall. Believe me… you don't want to get on her bad side."
"Forget it… Potter!"
After a bit more of persuasion, she finally agreed as both of them entered the Great Hall again with their spirits slightly out of place. A local band - The Roller Ghosters (which consisted of five ghouls and phantoms) were playing their melodious hit single 'What would it take to make you see that I'm alive'. The new Minster or Magic was sitting next to Professor Dumbledore and both of them were enjoying watching the students and some teachers dancing and whirling around to the beat of the music. Delicious and tempting food was already set on the tables near the sides of the Great Hall and many wizards and witches were already eating.
"So…" Harry wondered as he shifted his leg. "What do you want to do?"
"Eat…" Shauna replied as she headed towards the dinner table and grabbed a plate with some food. Harry did the same.
Soon Ron and Hermione approached where they were seated, all hot and puffed up from dancing.
"Hey Harry…" Ron called out. "How's it going?" But when he saw Shauna, he almost fainted. "What the…?"
Hermione had a similar reaction. "Good Lord…!"
Shauna glared at both them. "What's the matter? Haven't you ever seen a girl before?"
"You look even better than in that muggle picture!" Ron blurted out.
"What did you say…?" Shauna seemed confused.
Ron was divulging, as he gave away a whoop of lust. "I really like the way you look!"
"WHAT?" cried out Shauna as she shot up from her chair, the food lay forgotten. "That's disgusting, Ron. How can you say something like this?"
But he was still ogling at her, and Hermione was getting angrier. "Ron…" she ordered. "Let's go jazz some more." She pulled him away to the dance floor.
Shauna sat down again, obviously still angry. Harry was staring at her from the corner of his eyes. She was acting really different tonight, extremely weird. And once Harry had gotten this feeling… that he had known Shauna forever. And it had been quite discomforting, really.
He turned his attention back to his food and some of the dancing couples. He saw Ron twirling Hermione and he was doing it so much that she seemed to be getting dizzier by the second. Harry laughed out loud, and then he instantly caught Shauna watching him intently.
"Ahem…" Harry cleared his throat, and she instantly turned her attention away as her cheeks flushed scarlet.
Suddenly Shauna gasped in fright as she darted off her seat. "Oh no…"
"What's wrong?" Harry went worried, browsing through the crowd for some sort of trouble.
Without a word, Shauna rushed towards the dance floor and Harry saw her making her way towards Draco Malfoy, who was dancing with… Jenna Parker.
Not wanting to create a scene, Shauna skillfully cut in between them as if asking Draco for a dance and lightly brushing Jenna off. Harry saw Shauna mouth a 'go' to a frightened Jenna, and the little girl immediately left with a sense of relief on her face. Draco had apparently been forcing Jenna to dance with him.
Shauna danced with Draco, laughing and looking happy. But Harry could see easily tell that she was rebuking him, because of that look of horror on Draco's face. Indeed, Shauna was a very good actress.
It didn't take long for the song to finish, and soon Shauna was back with Harry. He couldn't help it, but Harry was feeling a sense of admiration for her. Shauna was really determined keeping Draco away from harassing Jenna Parker. And Harry would have done the same…
"How was the dance with Malfoy?" Harry asked sneakily, wanting to see her reaction.
"Huh…?" Shauna seemed surprised. "Oh… that! It was okay. I was just… I mean… I just promised a dance with him… that's all."
"But I thought you hated him…"
"I do. But you see, we had this bet and…" Shauna uttered, her eyes still following Draco across the dancing crowd.
"Who won?"
Unexpectedly, Shauna exclaimed. "I have to go!" She swiftly got up and made a dash towards the exit.
Harry stared after her, and then immediately decided to follow her this time. He chased Shauna across the Great Hall, the exit and then trailed after her outside towards the Hogwarts grounds. It was pitch-black and almost a moonless night, but somehow Harry couldn't help noticing the air of beauty in it. The only source of light that sprinkled around the area was the gleam of the stars which were loosely fastened against the blackness of the night.
Shauna, as sleek and quiet as a cat, treaded softly among the lush green bushes, was in pursuit of Malfoy.
That must be it! Harry was thinking. Shauna probably was making sure that Draco didn't go after Jenna Parker. Subsequently, Harry saw her sitting on one of the benches, not taking her hawk-like eyes away from her prey. Unhurriedly, Harry went towards the bench and then took a seat next to her.
"Harry… what are you doing here?" Shauna whispered.
"I was merely wondering where my date shot off." Harry had also a good view of Malfoy who seemed to be waiting in the dark for someone.
"You can go back Harry…" Shauna suggested.
"No… I'm alright."
"Really." persisted Shauna. "I don't want to back because it's too hot in the Great Hall."
"I know… I need some fresh air as well."
Suddenly, both of them heard a pair of footsteps. Looking across the bushes, Harry saw Pansy Parkinson making her way towards Draco. Both of them seemed to be absorbed into each other as Draco out his arm around Pansy's waist and lead her away towards the dormitories.
Shauna heaved a sigh of relief, as Draco didn't seem to be after Jenna anymore. "What a weird night?"
Harry laughed as he agreed with her. "Definitely."
None of them said anything for a while. Harry was instantly spellbound when he noticed the gentle rippling of the lake beside them. The starry sky was mirroring in the silky waters; it seemed as if two very different worlds were merged as a single wonderful entity. For some strange reason, the lake and stars floating in it truly mystified him. He was seductively drawn into its dreamy facade by a mesmerizing force and it was some time later when he realised that he was experiencing the sensation of happiness and content. The moment of bliss trickled away and Harry became aware that Shauna was still sitting next to him, silently studying him and the horrible fact that he was completely alone with her. Suddenly, he began to get a bit uncomfortable…
Shauna lowered her gaze when she asked this question. "So… how's Ron doing?"
"What do you mean?"
"I recently heard… that his little sister passed away in the summer." Shauna breathed.
Harry couldn't believe it. Shauna was talking about… Ginny…
How was it possible? Harry had been actually enjoying the night… how could he?
He had done it! He had betrayed Ginny's remembrance…
Tears were spurting out of his eyes as Harry stood up to leave. But Shauna grabbed his arm and exclaimed. "Did I say anything wrong, Harry?"
And suddenly Harry couldn't take the guilt any longer. "How do you think Ron's doing? He's devastated that I killed Ginny…"
"What?" Shauna was wearing a bemused look. "But… you didn't kill her…"
"Yes I did!" Harry snapped. "It's because of me Ginny is dead."
"Harry…" Tears were beginning to appear in her eyes.
"Do you know what it feels to lose someone you really loved…?" demanded Harry. "Do you realize the pain and guilt you have to go through…?"
Shauna seemed a loss for words. "You loved Ginny…?" She let go of Harry's arm in shock.
"Yes I did, Shauna!" Harry exclaimed, utterly angry at himself. "But that only happened after she had died… when it was too late." Harry sat himself on the bench and covered his face with his hands. Some time later, he felt Shauna sitting next to him.
"Harry… please don't do this." she pleaded.
Harry whispered. "I can never forgive myself…"
"But Ginny has forgiven you…"
Harry looked up at her, confused. "What?"
Shauna's gorgeous face was lined with stardust, as she spoke. "Ginny is gone forever, Harry… but she has forgiven you. I mean… if she hadn't, then her spirit would have been haunting you right about now. And I don't think that's happening… is it?"
"She comes in my dreams…"
"That's different." Shauna tried to explain. "That's only your guilt haunting you… not Ginny."
Harry closed in eyes, he was in pain. "She was so beautiful…"
"She certainly was!" Shauna smiled. "I saw a picture of her when I was staying at the Burrow."
Harry looked up at her. "But I never got to tell how much I loved her…"
Tears sparkled in Shauna's eyes, and it was a while before she spoke again. "I'm sure Ginny knows that..."
"I miss her terribly…"
"Harry…" Shauna uttered softly. "I think you're hurting yourself too much with her remembrances. You should get on with your life and…"
But Harry interrupted her. "But I can't just forget her."
"You misunderstood me, Harry." clarified Shauna. "I'm not asking you to do that, because you can never forget Ginny and she will continue to live in your heart. But Harry, don't drown yourself in your guilt of losing her. It's not worth it."
"Then what am I supposed to do?" Harry wanted to know.
"Firstly, you should try to remove all traces of guilt inside your heart. Harry, I know Lord Voldemort killed Ginny and that automatically means you didn't. It was the Dark Lord who made that decision and acted upon it, and you had nothing to do with it. It was Voldemort's' own free will… to do what he did."
Harry stayed silent.
"And people don't really die… they are among you all the time because… they live in you. Harry, don't you sometimes feel your mother's voice or your father's laughter?"
He smiled at that as Shauna continued. "And it's the same with Ginny Weasley. She will be inside your heart all the time, but… you must learn to let her go physically."
Harry's tears were stubborn, and refused to stay in. But he felt as if a great load was lifted from his heart. Shauna Swirl was incredible… what she said seemed to be so true. He looked up at her as he dried his tears. "You know quite a lot about this…"
"I do." Shauna slowly smiled through her own tears. "I have also lost several people whom I loved very much."
It was a shock. "Several…?"
"Yes, Harry… they were more than just a family to me." narrated Shauna with a hint of melancholy in her voice. "And I still love them with all my heart…"
"What happened…?"
Shauna burst into tears and turned away from Harry.
"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked." He begged. "Forgive me…"
She slowly faced him, teary-eyed. Shauna seemed so vulnerable and so lost, that Harry immediately reached out and took her in his arms.
"Oh… Harry!" she clung onto him more tightly and it stayed like that for quite a while.
Slowly, they drew apart as Harry looked deeply into her emerald eyes. And all of a sudden, he had this urge… a powerful desire that he could never have explained, not even to this day.
Harry Potter put his arms around Shauna's waist, pulled her closer and kissed her softly on her lush pink lips. She didn't fight it at all and unhurriedly placed her arms around Harry's neck. They drew away from each other, but it lasted only for a moment because Shauna had pulled up and was kissing him back.
She held him close as Harry kissed her jaw that trailed right down to her neck. "Harry…" she was whispering with delight as he kissed her lips again, with his hands thoughtlessly wandering all over her body.
Harry couldn't believe it. She felt so wonderful in his arms. Somehow, Shauna had managed to open a hidden door within him that permitted the feelings of warmth and pleasure to enter his heart. It was a sensation Harry had never experienced before - the miracle of allowing himself forgiveness for believeing to be the real reason of Ginny's cruel murder. With that thought in mind, he kissed Shauna even harder, devouring the sweet taste of her lips.
All of a sudden, Shauna stiffened as she exclaimed. "No… please. Harry Stop it!"
He instantly pulled back from the kiss, completely perplexed. "What's wrong?"
Shauna shoved him away, as she stood up from the bench, staggering. "I shouldn't be doing this!"
"Shauna…"
"Oh God!" she exclaimed, seemingly furious with herself. "What have I done…?"
"Shauna…" Harry tried again.
"Please, forgive me…" She wasn't talking to Harry but with the stars. "I'm so sorry!" She started to leave, but Harry grabbed her.
"What's wrong?" he demanded.
Shauna was in tears. "I have committed the unacceptable. Please… Harry, pretend that this never happened. I have to leave."
"But why…?" he wanted to know.
"It can not be explained." Shauna insisted tugging her arm, as her face was being replaced by absolute, raging anger. "Let go of me… Poopy Potter!"
"Shauna… please…" pleaded Harry.
With one powerful yank, Shauna's arm was free. "Stay away from me…" With that warning, she left Harry in the midst of full-blown darkness. The stars were gone…