Going back to Hogwarts had always felt like coming home but this year just didn't feel the same, the year before had changed me and the walls of Hogwarts no longer looked the same in my eyes. Everything was the same but also everything was different and I ate food to fill a void that only seemed to expand.
We had a new defence against the dark arts teacher – again – and she was the worst by far, and one of those teachers had a literal Lord Voldemort on the back of his head so the competition was pretty fierce. She didn't even really teach us anything, just had us copy from textbooks while she sat at her desk smiling her sickly sweet smile and looking like a cat who'd got the cream. She gave Harry a detention in her first lesson.
It was a barbaric detention and I almost wept when Harry showed me what she'd done to him, what she'd made him do to himself. I'd known something was wrong because I got that familiar ache behind my ear and I'd stood outside her office till he came out again. I spent a lot of time trying not to cry these days, I blamed it on the tiredness and the sleepless nights.
Wherever Harry and I walked by people would whisper – even some of the Gryffindors had turned against us, I walked beside harry protectively, started following him round like a lost sheep. I don't know if it was really because I wanted to protect him or if I just needed him close enough to protect me, I had a lingering sense of fear stuck to me – like a weight constantly on my shoulders. I felt closer to Harry this year than I had any year previous and while I enjoyed this, I did worry that he was pushing his friends away too much.
When I wasn't with Harry, I was with Fred and George, working on their little inventions – practical jokes and sweets that made you ill enough to get out of class, they were quite ingenious really. I stole moments alone with Fred when I could but even with him I still felt tense, like a coiled wire ready to spring at the first sign of danger. I knew he was worried about me, he voiced it enough times and we'd argued too many times about it.
Fred and I weren't a secret, but we also weren't not a secret – to be honest I wasn't even sure Fred and I were a real thing, we didn't act like a couple except for a few short kisses stolen here and there. Any time either of us brought up the subject, the other would change the conversation to something lighter, something easier to talk about. I regretted it every time I did it but I didn't want to face the chance that he might tell me we were only passing time till he left school.
The days went by in one long extended blur until one afternoon, Luna Lovegood introduced Harry and I to the thestrals. We'd been down to Hagrid's hut, Harry often stopped by now even though Hagrid wasn't there – I thought perhaps he hoped that one day we'd go down and he'd just be there, drinking from an extra large cup and talking about the next creature he'd acquired.
I liked Luna, she was strange but she was kind and she believed us. I felt like I'd made a friend in her and often I would seek her out, just to listen to her talk so light heartly about reatures I'd never heard of.
Professor Umbridge started to change things at Hogwarts, every day an new rule was added to the wall outside the great hall and she started to appear in other classes, interviewing the teachers and judging them. She banned all Weasley products but Fred and George still made them on the sly.
I think the final straw was when she tried to banish Professor Trelawney from the grounds. It was then that Dumbledore finally stepped in. He'd been ignoring Harry since before school had even began, this was something that Harry wasn't used to and it was upsetting him greatly. I felt useless, I didn't know how to make him feel better.
It was Hermione who came up with the idea for Harry to teach any student who wanted to learn how to defend themselves. For once I was on her side – we needed a teacher and Harry had already battled Voldemort more than once. Once everyone was in agreement, she began to get organised. Sometimes Hermione was quite scary with how quick she could prepare something, she'd organised a meeting in the Hog's Head by breakfast the next morning for the next trip to Hogsmeade. Both Harry and I were surprised by how many people actually turned up and equally surprised by how many stayed once the subject of the meeting got underway.
"I'm still worried that this could all go horribly wrong," I told Fred after the meeting ended – most people had left the pub but a few still lingered, asking Harry questions and getting answers from Hermione.
"You worry too much," Said Fred, kissing my forehead gently.
"Don't do that," I said casting a quick glance around the room, "Someone might see." Fred looked down at me with a sort of half-smile.
"Why should I care if someone sees me kissing my girlfriend?" He asked, here it was; the conversation we'd been avoiding for months.
"Am I your girlfriend?" I asked, feeling a little awkward.
"There you go worrying again." He replied, "Of course you're my girlfriend, what did you think you were all this time?" He still looked down at me, still wearing that little half-smile.
"Just a way to pass the time, I suppose." I answered and his face changed, he looked at me like I'd just said I wanted to grow a second head.
"How could you think that?" He asked but didn't give me chance to reply, "You could never be a way to pass the time, Emmy. Time stops when you're around."
I kissed him then, pulling his face down towards me and wrapping my arms around his neck. He lifted me onto my toes, pulling me towards him by my waist. I had a lot of things to worry about this year – the rise of Lord Voldemort, Professor Umbridge's reign of terror, failing all my exams that I never bothered to study for, but I didn't have to worry about kissing my boyfriend in a crowded pub with our friends only metres away.
Harry was a good teacher, he was patient and supportive and he looked like he enjoyed teaching. I could see Harry as a teacher, if our lives were normal and I wasn't convinced we were all living on borrowed time, I could definitely see Harry eventually becoming a teacher. I had no idea what I wanted to do once I left Hogwarts, I'd be surprised if I even managed to pass my OWLs this year.
"Do you think you could teach the DA some of those spells you've taught yourself?" Harry asked one afternoon while we were in the library. "I'm not exactly the most advanced wizard – I know absolutely no spells past fourth year and you know spells that I've never even heard of."
"I don't know, Harry." I replied, closing the book I'd been reading. "I'm not exactly teacher material." Harry insisted I'd be great but I still wasn't sure. "I suppose I could teach them to you," I suggested, "I just don't think I could teach a big group like that." Harry agreed to that and so we began our own lessons, Harry had always been a quick learner so every time I taught him another spell that I knew, he'd be teaching it to the DA the next day, meanwhile I was still trying to conjure a Patronus charm, I couldn't even conjure a wisp of blue cloud – even with the happiest of all my memories and I'd been trying since third year. On the bright side most of the spells I knew, I could now cast non-verbally so that was something.
The days flew by and Umbridge just made things worse everyday. She banned Fred, George and Harry from playing Quidditch and Hagrid came back to Hogwarts all beaten and bruised and talking about negotiations with the giants.
Then one of Harry's nightmares became all too real. Panic spread through our group, I stood by Harry in Professor Dumbledore's office as he stood shaking in a cold sweat and trying desperately to get the teachers attention. The old man gave his attention to everyone but Harry and I, sending paintings and teachers to search for the Weasley children and one painting to search for an injured Arthur Weasley at the ministry.
"Look at me!" Harry shouted, finally losing his temper with the teacher and startling me in the process. I reached for his hand, maybe to comfort him, maybe to comfort myself. Harry was whisked away by Professor Snape after that, something about learning to lock Voldemort out of his head – I prayed it went well. Then it was just me and Professor Dumbledore.
The old man sat at his desk, scribbling away with a long, white feather quill. I stood silently watching him for a moment, unsure of whether I should just leave and try to settle my unnerved feelings alone.
"P-Professor," I started but the old man didn't even look up, "Will Harry be alright, Professor?" I continued anyway. He still ignored me, it was like I wasn't even there. "Why do you ignore me?" I tried another question, "Why do you pretend that I don't exist?" My voice was rising in volume and I could feel myself getting angry, I didn't usually get angry, I got sad a lot but I wasn't one to really have a temper. I could feel it bubbling in my stomach, like a cauldron about to overflow. "Why do you dote on my brother but pretend I don't exist?" I didn't mean to slam my fists down on his desk but the sound of it echoed through the study. I also knocked over his ink.
Dumbledore did look up at me then and he had pity in his eyes. For the first time I could see a real emotion in the headmasters face and it was pity, he pitied me and I had no idea why. I didn't even wait for an answer before storming out of his office, slamming the door behind me with silent magic, so hard that the stone doorframe shook.
"What are you still doing here?" I asked Fred when I entered the Gryffindor common room and saw him stood wearing his careful expression by the fireplace.
"I'm going, I just wanted to see you first." He replied, "Check that you were okay." He shrugged and I walked towards him wrapping my arms around his neck, his arms automatically slid round my waist and I hugged him tightly.
"You idiot," I wispered into his ear then gently pushed him away, "I'm fine, go be with your family."
"You're my family." He said and pressed his lips to my forehead. I felt warmth rise all the way from my toes and up to my face when he said it. It took me another five minutes to convince him to leave, I had to assure him the Christmas holidays were only a few days away and I'd be with him then.
Christmas couldn't come soon enough, the days before the holidays felt suffocating at Hogwarts. Breathing didn't feel any easier when we reached Grimmauld place. Mr Weasley survived the attack but I think it put Harry on edge to know his dream was actually real and seeing Mr Weasley all bandaged up just sunk that in a little more.
I spent Christmas morning in my room trying to work up the energy to go downstairs and pretend that everything in the world was fine. I could smell Mrs Weasley's excellent cooking wafting up the stairs and my stomach growled - I hadn't bothered with breakfast and I'm sure it was pretty close to lunch, maybe even later when there was a knock at the door.
I waved a hand from where I lay in bed and heard the door lock click and the hinges squeak as the door opened.
"Are you getting up at all today?" Fred asked from the doorway, "I mean it is Christmas and mum would very much like you to join us for dinner." I pulled the covers over my head and groaned, I really didn't want to get up. I felt the mattress sink beside me and Fred pulled back the covers, "Okay Potter, ten more minutes and then I'm dragging you down to dinner whether you want too or not." I smiled up at him, a little embarrassed that he was seeing my hair before I'd tamed it. "It's either I drag you downstairs or mum does." Fred sink down beside me, resting his head in the hollow between my neck and shoulder. "And she probably wouldn't be as big a pushover about it as I am." I loved being this close to him, close enough to smell his hair and close enough to hear each breath he took. It was like being in a bubble, a safe little bubble that felt unbelievably normal.
"We should get downstairs before your mum comes up and catches you in my bed," I said but I didn't move, I didn't care if she caught us – we weren't doing anything – I just wanted to feel normal for as long as I could. Fred didn't move either, we stayed, laid together just staring up at the canopy above my bed and pretending we weren't preparing for a war.
Dinner tasted just as good as it had smelled and I ate more than even I normally would have. They'd been waiting all day for me to appear so they could open presents – Mrs Weasley had insisted – which made me feel guilty for not coming down sooner. Fred got me a locket for Christmas, silver and in the shape of heart. It was small, about the size of a penny and when I opened it there was that picture of us from the first triwizard tournament task – the one Rita Skeeter had only put in the article as a space filler. The same one I'd cut out of the paper and kept paper clipped to the inside of my notebook because it was the only photo I'd ever seen of us together – in it we were laughing, his arm was round me and he was smiling at the floor while I smiled up at him - I can't even remember now what he'd said to make me smile. I loved it and had him clip it round my neck immediately- it'd never be taken off again.
Then it seemed like I blinked and Christmas was over and we were back at school where the air was too thick to breathe.
I feel like my chapters are getting progressively shittier - sorry about that. If you could be kind enough to leave me a review I'd be so grateful. ~RainbowVeins