Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I'm just an uninvited guest swimming in her pool.
The Path We Chose
Chapter: 10 Winter's Walk
Our first day back at school, Edward and I trudged through the snow together. He let go of my hand to adjust his backpack and of course, that's when I slipped and landed on my butt. "I can't let go of you for a second," he said, helping me up and wiping the snow off my backside. "Are you okay? Your pants are wet." He laughed at me. I pushed against his arm but then I almost fell again. He was still laughing when Jessica ran up, threw her arms around his neck and kissed his lips right in front of me. He grabbed her waist and pushed her back.
"Jessica!" I yelled.
"What?" She asked, smiling and wiping her lips with the back of her hand like it had been a real kiss. "You know you owed me that, Edward. Remember before break? We were standing under the mistletoe together next to Mrs. Hines's desk."
"I don't remember that. And I wouldn't have kissed you even if I did." He wiped his mouth off too and then he looked at me, reaching for my hand.
"Jessica. Would you please just…go find your own boyfriend. Leave mine alone. He doesn't want you." I took his hand, and upon touching him, the vision of Jessica kissing him flashed through my mind again. I looked down. It made me sick. I couldn't even look at Edward and that made me sicker.
"How do you know he doesn't want me?" She asked. "It's not like he would tell you if he did."
"Goddamn it, Jessica!" Edward yelled. "This has to stop! Even if I'd never met Bella, I wouldn't want you. I thought I made that clear last year and the year before that. And the disrespect you are showing Bella right now is cruel and your behavior is fucking pitiful." I felt his eyes on me but I still couldn't look at him. "Bella? Does she do this shit to you when I'm not around?" My answer was in my silence.
"Look. I didn't mean anything by it. It was just a joke. Lauren dared me to do it. Blame her." She motioned behind her with her thumb. Lauren was yards away pretending not to be aware of us.
"What are you, seven?" Edward asked. "Jessica, let's get something straight right now. And be sure to pass this on to Lauren. I am in love with Bella. I love her. Do you hear that? When you do anything to upset her or hurt her, it pisses me off. Do you get that, too? Stay the fuck away from her! Unless she talks to you, I don't want you to even look at her."
"Edward," I said. "I can tell her that myself."
I felt him turn to me again but I still avoided his gaze. "I know you can. But I wanted her to hear it from me, too. She's a fucking kid. She just doesn't get it. No common sense."
Jessica's eyes started to tear up and her chin quivered before she turned around and walked back to Lauren who was laughing now.
Edward brought a finger to my chin and tilted my face toward him. "Are you all right?"
I nodded. He bent down to kiss me but I turned my head--his lips caught my cheek.
"Bella?" He was frowning. "You know I didn't return the kiss."
"I know."
"Then what?"
"I keep seeing it."
"Oh." He let go of me completely. "Well, let me know when I can kiss you again." We started heading to class. Neither one of us spoke. I snuck a glance at him and he was staring straight ahead. He didn't look at me again until we were standing just outside my French class. I could tell he wanted to kiss me--I recognized it in his eyes, but he was holding himself back. He looked stiff. I thought about how I would have felt if I went to kiss him and he turned away. My stomach hurt all over again, and even though my mind was still playing Jessica's kiss on repeat, I gave him what he wanted. The kiss was light and quick but it was the best I could do at that moment. He knew it wasn't right.
"You know, as long as you avoid me, you're giving her exactly what she wants."
"I know. I don't even think she wants you. I just think she doesn't want me to be with you."
"That's not her choice." He left me there watching him walk off to his class.
I didn't see him again until lunch and he wasn't staying. "I've been sent home."
"Why? Because of Jessica? She told on you?"
"She said I scared her and threatened her."
"Let's go talk to Mr. Randall. Explain it."
"I tried. It's not going to work. He says it's a serious accusation and there were other witnesses."
"Who? Lauren? Yeah, she's reliable."
He shrugged. "I'll pick you up after school, okay?"
I nodded and hugged him.
"Don't let her get to you, Bella. Don't let her behavior affect us."
I kissed him long and deep in front of everyone in the cafeteria to let him know I wouldn't. And then I sat at our lunch table--the only uncoupled one.
In Health class, without Edward, I confronted Jessica--asked her why she provoked Edward and then tattled on him.
"He was mean to me," she said, which got Mike's attention. "He scared me."
"He scared you?"
"Mike," I said. "You stay out of this. Or, in fact, you two should get together." I pointed a finger at both of them. "You're made for each other." They looked at one another for a moment before Jessica broke the gaze.
"Bella, I don't even know what you see in Edward."
"Good," I said and returned to my desk.
On Sunday, Jasper showed up at the Cullen's house. He said his parents were arguing about housework. His mom was screaming, why is it always the woman's responsibility to keep the house clean, and his dad was yelling, why couldn't she manage it when all their friends could do it just fine. That's when his mom started throwing things at his dad. Jasper needed to be around happy people. We didn't have to share Jasper's special empathy gift to understand that.
"Where's Alice?" I asked. We were in Edward's room listening to Marvin Gaye--Jasper's choice. I was sitting on Edward's desk chair resting my chin on the backrest. Edward was standing next to me just looking out the window. (I could tell he wished we were alone but he would never ask Jasper to leave.)
"She and her mom have this tradition. Every year, in the middle of January, her mom takes a vacation from work and they pack up the car for a week long road trip of doing things they've never done before. It's supposed to mean that their relationship will remain close for another year."
"Oh, she did tell me something about going away with her mom. I didn't know she would be gone all week. That's sweet," I said. "What new thing is on their agenda this time?"
"I think they're driving to Colorado to hike up to Hanging Lake. You never know with them, though. They might change course mid-way. They did that last year."
"Lucky Alice, she gets a week off school."
"Yeah, but it sucks for me." He dropped himself onto the bed.
Marvin Gaye had just started crooning, "Let's Get It On" when Edward tossed me my coat. "Let's go for a walk," he said.
Outside, the air was brisk, you could feel the chill run through your insides. Even my heart was cold. The three of us walked through the woods toward the creek behind Edward's house. There were snow patches here and there. I might have made a snowball if I didn't think my fingers would freeze off.
"I built this with my dad," Edward said, gesturing to the foot bridge over the creek in front of us. We crossed it.
"Did you build it in the Spring?" I asked.
"Yeah, why?"
"I just wondered how you managed it with all the squirrels running around."
Edward's mouth opened wide and so did his eyes. Then he grabbed me around the waist with both of his arms. "No squirrels, smart ass, just a pack of dogs."
"What?" Jasper asked.
"Never mind," Edward said.
"You two are weird."
"Thank you," I said.
We sat close--me in between Jasper and Edward--on a big, flat rock near the creek's edge. The creek was full and flowing fast from recent rains and melting snow; it sounded like running bath water. If the sun was out, I knew the tips of the water where it lapped together would sparkle like diamonds.
A shiver ran through me and I blew into my hands to warm them. Jasper took my hands and started rubbing.
"How are you warm right now?"
"I'm cold," he said. "My hands are only warm compared to yours."
"Let me do that," Edward said, rubbing his own hands together to heat them with friction and then took my hands from Jasper.
"What's it like to be you?" I asked Jasper.
"Not easy."
"Tell me," I said.
He squinted out over the creek for a while. So much time passed, that I wondered if he had decided not to answer. He finally spoke. "You know when an ambulance passes and you pull over?"
I nodded.
"Maybe you wonder what's happened. Maybe you feel a little worried that someone might be hurt. Maybe you fear for a minute that it might be someone you know."
"Yes, I do."
"Bella, when I pull over to let an ambulance pass, scenario after scenario plays through my mind: a grandfather, a baby, someone's wife, daughter, father--and it's like it is someone I know--my family. It physically pains me. I have to pull myself together. All the other cars that stopped for the ambulance are long gone when I'm finally ready to drive again."
I felt the need to comfort him because he was always comforting everyone else. I pulled one of my hands from Edward's and rubbed Jasper's arm. I wasn't sure he could feel it through his thick black coat so I put my arm around his back and rested my head against his shoulder, and I felt better, too. Jasper looked down at me and smiled, "Thanks," and then he looked at Edward. I pulled away and leaned back against my boyfriend, whose arms came instantly around me. I placed both my hands back in his, and our fingers played together as usual.
"I'm weak," Jasper said. He was staring out at the water again.
"You're not weak," Edward said.
"No, I am. Not physically weak but emotionally weak. Edward, what would you have done if Mike had kissed Bella instead of Alice that one day a few months back?"
I thought about what I'd wanted to do when Jessica kissed Edward a few days ago.
"I would have beat the living shit out of him. I almost did, as it was."
"I wanted to do just that," Jasper said. "I wanted to hit him until all he could see was black and shiny stars. I wanted to sock him in the mouth and watch it bleed for ever putting his lips on Alice without her permission--for making her cry and feel guilty over something that wasn't even her fault.
"I saw him in the parking lot after school, his back was to me and I was ready. I didn't care that Eric, Tyler and Ben were right there, too. I would have taken them all; I was that mad. But then Mike turned around, and when he saw me, he was sorry. I could see it in his face and I could feel it. It wasn't just guilt or fear, he was truly sorry. His apology was leaking from his pores, I could almost smell it. All I could do was tell him not to do it again. I knew I didn't even have to say that, either. I already knew he would not do it again. The worst part was, I didn't get that release I needed. I was still pumped for a fight, my adrenaline kicking, but I didn't get it. It's like another type of impotency." He shook his head. "I went home and kicked the shit out of my punching bag, but it's not the same."
"You're going to be some kind of humanitarian," I said.
"I know," he said, nodding. "I'm going to grow my hair long and move through third world countries passing out sunshine and roses and giving the peace sign." He laughed. "I really am."
We all sat by the creek and watched and listened to the water until it started raining and the three of us ran back to Edward's. Somehow, I made it without acquiring any new bruises.
After Jasper left, I told Edward I had to go, too. We were in his room, finally warm from our wintry walk. Esme was downstairs preparing dinner.
"I have homework to do," I said.
"Do it here."
"You're joking."
"Stay." He held my hand.
"I can't"
"I'll take my shirt off." This made me laugh even though the thought was enticing.
"It's not that, cutie." I brought a hand up to his cheek because he really was that cute. He hadn't shaved so I rubbed my palm back and forth to feel his scruff. He pressed his face against my touch and closed his eyes until I spoke again. "I do need to study, you know? So I don't fail out of school? You've heard of school, right? I know you don't want to be dating a Junior again next year." I grabbed my backpack from his bed.
"All right, go, you shrew." He said the words, but his face and his body said the opposite as he stepped closer to draw me into his arms. His arms, my face against his heart, just as good as shirtless Edward. I dropped my backpack absentmindedly; I hadn't even noticed I let go. I kissed his cotton-covered chest, then pulled his crew neck down and kissed the bottom of his throat. He kissed my temple twice. And then I went home.
My dad was yelling at the newspaper when I walked through the door.
"I was there, you asshole! That's not how it happened." He looked up at me from his recliner. "What is wrong with these reporters?" He shook the paper in his hands as though it would move the words around the way he wanted them. "What has happened to reporting the facts? If they want to write fiction they should write for that…what's that called, where they make up crap about celebrities?"
"Tabloid?"
"They should write for a tabloid. If you ever decide to get into journalism maybe you could bring back the tradition of factual reporting."
"Sorry to disappoint, Dad, but I'm not going to be the journalism savior. Maybe you should write a letter to the editor. It might mean something coming from the police chief."
"Nah, then they'll start bugging me for an interview. I like to keep myself as unavailable as possible when it comes to these liars. They knock on my office door too much as it is, always asking for a statement so they can spin it any which way they want."
"How about a beer, Dad?"
He lifted his can off the table and showed it to me.
"How about dinner, then? Spaghetti and meatballs or…hmm." I checked the fridge and called to him, "Well, we have loads of condiments but nothing to put them on. How's spaghetti and meatballs?"
"Sounds good. I'll be there in a sec to help."
I tugged my World History book out of my backpack and studied at the counter while I waited for the water to boil, or until my dad interrupted me. "Oh, I almost forgot. Your mom called." He crossed to the refrigerator pulling out the package of frozen meatballs. "She's coming for a visit next month. Said she has some news." He tossed a baking sheet on the counter. I moved my book aside. "We can guess what she has to say, but still she wants to tell us in person."
"Good. She can meet Edward, then."
"You and Edward? Is that…serious?"
"Yes it is."
"Don't you think you should date other people, Bella?"
"No."
"It's not healthy for you to be so serious with one boy at your age. I don't want to see you brokenhearted at seventeen."
"Edward would never do that to me."
"How can you be sure? Believe me, I know teenage boys. And not just because I used to be one."
"Edward's different. You should give him a chance, Dad. Besides, if anyone is going to break my heart, I'd want it to be Edward."
He shook his head at me. "Unhealthy."
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