Episode 9.14 "Stronghold"

Nes knew deep down that this was never going to last, but still she had built up enough hopes to have them crushed when Dr. Weir asked her to come to her office and informed her that Teal'c had disappeared.

"Members of the Jaffa High Council have been brainwashed. It's likely Teal'c has been taken for that reason as well."

"And they're not sure who it is yet?"

"No. They're still investigating."

There must be a way to control the Jaffa again…

"It's Ba'al. It has to be him."

"How can you be so sure?" Dr. Weir looked skeptical.

"It sounds like him…" Nes felt her chest start to tighten. "I'd like to be on board the Daedalus when it leaves, Dr. Weir."

"Ba'al thinks you're dead. Isn't that what you wanted?"

Nes dropped her head and rubbed her eyes. "I know, but I can use my connections to try to find Teal'c. And if I need to go back to Ba'al, I'll be able to blame everything on a couple clones. He'll take me back...hopefully without much punishment."

"Nes...are you sure? You've been doing so well here."

Nes nodded. "I'm sure. I won't just leave Teal'c to suffer."

"Mary Wilkins is technically dead so we can't send you back under that name...we may be able to just leave you off any reports at all and Colonel Caldwell can help explain once you're back to Earth." Dr. Weir looked at Nes with sympathy. "If they find him, you'll be welcome to return here."

"Thank you...I better go pack."

"And tell Captain Elliot."

Nes' shoulders slumped. "Yeah...that, too."

She wandered back to her room, taking the long way that included several detours, but finally took a deep breath and pulled out her bag to start packing, mentally going over the conversation she planned for Kevin.

"What are you doing?" Elliot asked with confusion as he walked into Nes' quarters, seeing her belongings strewn about the room.

Nes turned back to the bag on her bed. Helping or caring. This was for his own good. "Packing." She kept her voice light and casual.

"Packing? Why?" He tried to keep the panic out of his voice, but he needn't have bothered with Nes.

"Because the Daedalus leaves in a few hours."

"Nes!" He grabbed her shoulders and turned her towards him, but she kept her eyes down. "You said you were going to stay."

Nes didn't have to dig very deep to find Sekhmet ready for her and she lifted her face with a smirk. "Well, I say a lot of things. You really should learn not to believe me." She leaned forward with a playful peck. "You were so much fun, though. We should do it again sometime."

"What's going on? What are you doing?"

"I told you. I'm leaving on the Daedalus. Now that Ba'al thinks I'm dead, I can take some revenge on him and the clones. It'll be so much easier now." She patted his cheek. "Thanks for the help."

His eyes were darting across her face as he tried to sort out the truth. "Don't, Nes."

"Don't what?" She pulled out of his arms and grabbed a few more items to shove into her bag.

"What's really going on?"

Her voice caught with the pain she heard.

"Nes, stop it!" He grabbed her wrists to stop her from picking up more of her things. "What are you doing?"

She let her thumb glide over the lion ring she'd put on just for this reason. She needed to be Sekhmet now. "I just told you," she said with a sigh of annoyance. "There's not always a hidden truth, Kevin."

"I can just go talk to Dr. Weir then."

"What good will that do?" Nes took slow breaths trying to hang onto Sekhmet. She had hoped to be gone before he spoke with Weir.

"Well, she clearly is giving you permission to go. She wouldn't do that without a good reason."

"And I'm especially talented at providing good reasons." Another smirk for him, but it was weak. Sekhmet was slipping away.

"Fine." He threw her wrists down. "If you won't tell me..." Elliot turned toward the door, but Nes reached out a hand to stop him.

She dropped her voice to a whisper and gritted her teeth, her voice strained now as despair started to flood through her. "Let me do this, Kevin. It's easier this way."

"No! We're not doing this again, playing this game!" He released a slow breath and softened his voice. "Talk to me, Nes."

She fumbled around trying to find Sekhmet, but finally accepted the goa'uld couldn't help now. She slid the ring off her finger and threw it into her bag. "Teal'c's been taken."

"Taken? And you think it's Ba'al?"

"He's the only player left in town and whoever took him has also been brainwashing members of the Jaffa High Council."

"Ba'al does love a good brainwashing, doesn't he? Okay, fine. You think it's Ba'al. Why the act, Nes?"

Nes finally raised her eyes to his. "Kevin, if we're together...then I can't do what's necessary."

A small spasm when through his jaw as he clenched his teeth together. "You mean you can't go crawling back to Ba'al and into his bed."

Nes dropped her head at his disgust. "I can't just sit back and hope everyone at the SGC is able to save Teal'c. How could I live with myself if he's been brainwashed or killed? Knowing I could have possibly saved him?"

Elliot turned away from her and brought his hands to the back of his head in frustration before leaning down to pick up a book to throw at the wall.

"Damnit, Nes!"

She shoved her bag off the bed and sat down, trying to hold back the tears that were collecting in her eyes. She would never be free as long as Ba'al was alive. She didn't want to accept all the blame for this, though. What was she supposed to do?

"Ya know, it's all of you that make me Nes, but you're also the ones that need me to be Sekhmet."

"None of us want you to be Sekhmet for us, Nes," he said hollowly.

"But it's been the only way. I never could have saved you just as Nes, Kevin. You know that."

"So now I'm supposed to just send you back to him. How can you expect me to do that?"

So much pain and anger in his voice, just like when she'd sent him and Lantash away. Now she was sending herself away.

"I wanted you to be happy to see me go."

"I'll come with you. You don't have to do this alone."

"No! I can't have you there." She could never stay Sekhmet with Kevin around. "Just tell me you hate me and let me go."

"I'm not going to do that, Nes, and you know it." The despair had flooded him, too.

"Then I don't know where to go from here."

They both were silent, sorting out what to do next when Kevin finally turned and came over to where Nes sat, leaning down and gently pushing her back onto the bed.

"Stay, Nes." He kissed her, moving his arm underneath her waist to shift her onto the bed more. "Just stay. You don't need to save everyone."

"I'm not trying to save everyone. Just Teal'c, just my friends." He kept trying to interrupt her with kiss after kiss. "Kevin, please…"

She pushed him away. It was too difficult to remember what she needed to do when he held her, when he kissed her.

Kevin's face seemed to finally register defeat and he swallowed hard, shifting his eyes away from hers. "If you're going to leave," he said with a firm, but pleading tone, "at least leave as Nes. Don't make me say goodbye to Sekhmet instead."

She closed her eyes, but nodded. He was making this so much more difficult.

"And Nes?" He waited until she opened her eyes again. "Come back, okay? I don't care what you need to do or who you need to be, just come back and we'll sort it out from there." He raised his eyebrows, waiting for a response. "Okay?"

"Okay."

He kissed her more possessively then and Nes responded with the same desperate need, trying to hold onto something that was already rapidly slipping away.

"Do you still want to be with me first?" Kevin whispered in her ear.

Nes did, everything in her did, but she was sure she'd never be able to leave then. She shoved aside that desire with too much effort. "I won't go then."

He pulled back with a sad smile. "All the more reason then."

Nes put her hand on his cheek. "I'll come back."

"Then I'll wait." He grinned. "Please don't make me wait too long, though?"

Nes laughed. "I'll do my best." She turned her head to the side to see the chaos around them. "I should really finish packing."

"Five more minutes," Kevin said as he started kissing her again. "Maybe ten...fifteen…twenty at the most...twenty-five is barely more than that...half hour is probably okay…"