Author's Note: I'm back! I apologize once again for the hiatus. Thanks for sticking with me!
Chapter 10: A Sticky Encounter
"Inside, Titania," Lucius said sternly.
I felt two long-fingered hands slip under my armpits and hoist me to my feet, and I stumbled weakly through the door that Lucius was holding open.
"Help her to her room," he said swiftly to Severus.
In a daze, I let Severus guide me up the stairs and to my room, where I slumped against the wall as I fumbled for my key. Severus took it gently from my hands and unlocked the door. I promptly hurried forward so that when my legs inevitably gave out again, I could collapse onto my bed.
"Dear god," I whispered into the comforter, my face buried in the dark folds of fabric.
The bed shifted to my left; Severus had seated himself next to me. I felt a tentative hand on my shoulder, but it was quickly removed. I kept my face pressed into the blanket so Severus couldn't see me cry; it was so much harder to let myself be vulnerable in front of him.
"Titania," he said softly. "Titania."
I turned to face him, my features still mostly obscured by the fabric.
"Are you all right?" he asked.
The question was so infuriatingly simple after everything that had happened that it jarred me out of my shock.
"Am I fucking all right?" I asked, sitting up abruptly. "Are you all right? How can you be so damn nonchalant all the time?"
He blinked impassively at me.
"Calm down, Titania," Lucius said, wandering in through the open door. "A house elf will be bringing up some wine shortly. It will help."
I rubbed at my face, embarrassed that it was damp with tears. Lucius seated himself on my other side and flicked his wand at the door so that it clicked closed.
"A disgusting house elf isn't going to make me feel any better," I said petulantly. Why was I acting like this?! "I just ki —"
Lucius flicked his wand abruptly at the door.
"Quiet!" he snapped. "Just because we are in a territory that supports our cause doesn't mean we can go publicly parading our misdeeds!"
He glanced back at the closed door and studied it for a moment as if he could somehow tell whether someone was outside listening at the keyhole. When he turned back to me, his expression had softened somewhat.
"You aren't the only one who killed someone tonight. Look at Severus; he's not screaming like a child."
"Yes, but —" I began, my tone still peevish.
Lucius ignored me.
"Your first kill is hard," he said, continuing to address me more than Severus. "I apologize if I seemed brisk with you, but there is no other way to learn. I can't coddle you as you learn to kill — you either have it in you or you don't."
"How long before it gets easy?" I asked uncomfortably, feeling my stomach heave as I contemplated killing again. The dead eyes, the motionless body, the burning and chaos all swam before my eyes again and threatened to make me sick. "How many more do I have to kill before I don't care anymore?"
"I'm afraid I don't have an answer for you," he said.
A series of soft knocks on the door. Lucius lazily allowed it to swing open.
"That will be the wine. Enter!"
A house-elf hobbled in balancing a teetering tray of wine and goblets on its head. Now this I could have killed — willingly and with pleasure. Lucius set the tray on my nightstand and began pouring us each a glass of deep burgundy-colored wine before dismissing the elf. He passed glasses to each of us before speaking again.
"No part of this summer was supposed to be easy for you — the goal has been to push you to your limits, to see what you are capable of, to prepare you for the coming war. But you both have followed through so far, have you not?"
Severus and I nodded.
"It will get harder before it gets easier. Just because you were hand selected doesn't mean you won't need to prove yourselves."
"What do we need to prove?" I asked.
"That you won't fall to pieces like this in the future, Titania. It is understandable in your present circumstance, but your hesitation could have put us all in jeopardy if that raid had been for anything other than sport. Expect the remainder of your training to be like tonight."
Neither Severus nor I spoke. I slugged down my glass of wine and helped myself to another, unconcerned by Lucius's judging gaze.
"You should both get some rest," Lucius finally said, though he caught my eye with a look that told me I wouldn't actually get that opportunity.
Severus bid us goodnight and Lucius left the room as well, though I knew he'd be returning to me. My stomach turned slightly at the juxtaposition of intimacy and cold-blooded killing, but I knew I would never be able to say no to Lucius, no matter the circumstance.
And thus passed the rest of the summer, in a blur of violence and passion, stressful days and sleepless nights. I grew used to only being able to catch a few hours of sleep a night, and I learned to survive off pure adrenaline. On most nights, Lucius would come to me once the other residents of the inn had all retired to their beds for the night. We would fuck for hours until I was exhausted and dazed, only to wake up and resume training the next day. I like to think Severus was ignorant to all of this, but he did share a wall with us after all…
Somehow, the rush carried me through days of intense training. It was only the days after Lucius did not spend the night with me that I awoke — after a full night's sleep — feeling down and lethargic. Maybe it was because in my sleep deprived state, my conscience decided to take a rest, allowing me to perform horrific tasks thoughtlessly. Raids had become at least a weekly event. There were those among us who thrived; Avery's maniacal laughter could be heard from over the burning and the wreckage every time he tortured or killed at one of these outings.
Lucius quickly learned that I was more apt to follow through with the Unforgiveables during a raid if he hovered in close proximity to me. He knew as well as I did that I would do anything to please him. Far from being repulsed by my actions every time I tortured or killed, Lucius had conditioned me instead to feel aroused. He'd positively reinforced my behavior by swooping in for a kiss (or more, barring no one was looking) every time I followed through with whatever horrors were asked of me. I always wondered if the others noticed, or if they were simply too wrapped up in their own depravity to notice our lasciviousness. We'd ride the adrenaline high all the way back to the inn, where we'd finish what we'd started during the raid.
Suddenly, only a week remained before Severus and I would be boarding the train to Hogwarts for the final time. I'd been so consumed with training and what my life wold be like after Hogwarts that I'd almost forgotten we were even going back for our last year.
"Shit!" I exclaimed to Severus one afternoon. We'd been given the day off after a particularly exhausting raid the night before. "We haven't done any of our back to school shopping! I've nearly exhausted my Potion supplies; I don't have new books…"
"There's none of this 'we' business, Titania. I took care of mine shortly after we received our letters earlier this summer."
"You did? Where was I?"
I only vaguely recalled even receiving our letters with our school lists and the usual instructions to board the Hogwarts Express from Platform 9 3/4 on September 1. I did, however, remember being both disturbed and impressed in the back of my mind that Dumbledore had known where to send our mail. Did he know what we were up to? Surely, if he did, we wouldn't be allowed back.
Severus's ever-exasperated tone brought me back to the present: "You were otherwise occupied, I'd assume."
I snorted. "Because I'm obviously so much busier than you are."
Severus shrugged. "I tried knocking on your door and you didn't answer. When you weren't downstairs, I just left. Does it really matter? I'll accompany you today if you insist."
"Really? That'd be great. I'm ready whenever you are."
Severus snapped his book shut. "Let's get this over with."
The two of us wandered down the perpetually dark, enclosed streets of Knockturn Alley and into the streaming sunlight that was Diagon Alley. It was packed. Clearly, everyone else was just as much of a last minute shopper as I was. Severus was wearing the same harried look as all the parents trying to restrain their overzealous first years — not that I'm comparing myself to those first years; this wasn't exactly my top choice for ways to spend my afternoon, but I was going to make the best of it. An ice cream stop at Florean Fortescue's (chocolate ice cream smothered in hot fudge with chunks of more chocolate on top) made coming to Diagon Alley worthwhile for me — especially now, because, as a child, my parents had never let me anywhere near sweets. That was always Aunt Belinda's doing. This could have been part of the reason she had been my favorite aunt. That and she'd been my only aunt.
But I digress.
Conveniently, the afternoon required only restocking my Potion supplies and purchasing The Standard Book of Spells, Grade 7. With my future career plans unknown (outside of hopefully becoming Death Eater) and my parents only allowing me limited access to the family fortune (enough to get by, and not much more), my only splurge that day was the ice cream for which I'd been salivating all afternoon.
After receiving the heaping cone of ice cream, Severus and I ventured back outside (though he was empty-handed; no wonder he stayed so worryingly thin) and began heading back towards Knockturn Alley. I raised the ice cream to my face, ready to take a lick of melty chocolate, and then, next thing I knew the ice cream had surpassed my open mouth and ended up all over my forehead; the remaining scoop fell to the dusty street.
Disappointed, though not at all surprised due to my general lack of coordination, I tossed my empty cone into a bin and proceeded to siphon the sticky mess from my face with my wand. And that's when I heard it: a failed attempt to suppress a ratlike squeak of laughter that I knew only too well came from a stupid, rat-faced boy.
"SIRIUS!" I screeched, whirling around to face him and his posse as his deep, bark-like laugh joined Pettigrew's inane squeals.
"You should thank me for that, Titania," he said, pushing back his shaggy hair from his face. "You wouldn't want to get fat, or not even losers like Snivellus will want to shag you."
Was this some weird retribution for me making fun of Sirius for being a fat kid? The Black family ran in our same pure-blooded social circle, so Sirius and I had spent a lot of time together growing up — though not willingly. He'd been chubby and awkward, and the rest of us children teased him incessantly for it. Bellatrix Black, though several years our senior and definitely old enough to know better, had often been the ringleader for poking fun at Sirius. Innocent little me was willing to do anything that would make me more like effortlessly cool Bellatrix, so I always joined in. Thus started my rivalry with Sirius Black early on.
And then he became a blood traitor and Gryffindor, so now I have reasons not to like him that are far less shallow. Needless to say, our mutual hatred is not unfounded. One again, I digress.
Severus appeared at my side at the sound of his name, wand in hand.
"Really, Titania? That's who you're dating now? I never thought even you would sink that low." Sirius shook his head, and Pettigrew let out a wild shriek of laughter that drew stares from passersby.
I looked at Sirius, puzzled, for a moment. Did he actually think Severus and I were dating? As enamored as I was with Lucius, I didn't hate that idea. Severus raised his wand.
"Now, now, Snivellus," Potter chimed in. "You don't want to go embarrassing yourself in front of your girlfriend."
"Let's get out of here," I mouthed to Severus. "We don't want to be stirring anything up; Lucius wouldn't approve."
"That's the wisest thing you've said all summer," he hissed back.
"What are you lovebirds whispering about? Is Snivellus telling you how he's going to wipe his nose on you later?" sniggered Potter.
"That's not even clever, Potter," I spat. "And I've got better things to do than look at your ugly face all day; Sev, let's get the fuck out."
I spun on my heel to make my dramatic exit, only to slip in my spilled ice cream puddle and fall.
"Goddamnit, Titania," Severus snapped, helping me to my feet hurriedly and leading me down the street to jeers of laughter.
As soon as I became a Death Eater, those Gryffindor boys would be the first to face my wrath…