Chapter 4 pt 1

I sit there on the floor for over ten minutes. Still trying to get past the shock of the kiss.

What exactly went wrong? Did I do something—or was it simply my social status as Queen?

I let my head fall back against the wall with a thud. Life is so unfair.

After several moments of moping, I force myself to my feet. It's time to go to bed even if I know sleep will only elude me.

I trudge through the halls feeling like I'm going to prison. If it wasn't so late, I'd go to the gardens. With it being so late I would surely be asked questions. Best to avoid those if I can help it.

The rest of the night feels like a year has passed. By the first streaks of dawn I'm out of bed, unable to keep myself there any longer. It's near about impossible to find a dress I can fasten on my own.

Sighing in frustration, I give up my attempts of dressing myself. It's hardly morning anyway, right?

I toss my littered dresses back into the armoire and go for my dressing robe.

I'm not sure of the reason but I want to be in the garden. Ever since last night it has called to me like a beacon.

Tip-toeing through the castle halls, I make my way to the rose garden Hal introduced me to on my transportation lesson.

Did Hal get any sleep last night I wonder? Did he even go back to his chamber?

(Sigh, Amelia you have to stop thinking about Hal) But I can't seem to stop myself. I know I'm in trouble with my heart. I've finally let myself realize that I've fallen hard for the beastkin—my butler—who isn't even a Prince. I was told to choose a Prince as my partner. There is no Prince out there that I would ever choose.

I don't want to choose if I can't have Hal… who might not ever speak to me again.

Reaching the garden I collapse on a bench in defeat; tears threatening to well up anew. (Blast these tears!)

There's a small scuffle and I jerk my head up to find the source of the noise; immediately locking eyes with Hal. Gasping, I turn my face away before he can see my wet face but I know he already has by his expression. Dark circles mar the skin beneath his eyes, telling me he slept about as much as I. Why is he here?

In silence, Hal sits down beside me and we stay like this for several moments.

Hal's ears flop down like wilted flowers and I resist the urge to touch them but I dare not.

"I was out of line, My Queen. Forgive me."

(No! He's using my title as a wall between us again.)

"No." He can't keep doing this to me—to us. I look him in the eyes and take his hands.

Hal literally looks like a trapped rabbit but meets my eyes head on. "You weren't out of line…"

His brows furrow at my words. "I have no right to kiss a Queen. I'm only a commoner, Miss Amelia."

"That doesn't matter a lick to me." I give his hands a squeeze. "I don't care if you're a commoner or a Prince. It doesn't change my feelings for you," my last words are only a whisper, "I love y—"

Hal places a finger over my lips, "The others would not agree." His eyes close for several moments. "If you say it aloud, it will be all too real. I beg you not to say it. My heart can't take it because I feel same as you," his voice wavers in despair.

That's when it hits me in the face. Hal really does love me as much as I him and he feels guilty for it enough to punish himself.

"Hal?"

"It's not in anyone's best of interests; especially yours. I'm not worthy enough to be your partner." I was not imagining the tears pricking his eyes.

"No Hal, please don't say that—"

"Why would you want a butler when you can have any Prince in the land?" Hal keeps his eyes downcast, self loathing himself.

Letting go of his hand, I touch his face to bring his gaze back to mine. "I don't want a Prince; I want the butler because I love him." My words are stern but spoken in soft tones.

And even though Hal knows of my feelings, he seems shocked by my confession. "But you—"

"Sshh," I shush him with my finger so he can't argue further but the way his lips part against my finger has my heart in palpitations. I can't help the tiny gasp escaping my lips. Such an innocent action and yet he has no idea what he's doing to me and my failing heart.

To prove my point, I let my finger fall from his lips, replacing it with my lips. I can feel Hal's eyelashes fluttering against my cheeks. "Let me love you Hal. Don't run from it anymore. We will face the consequences when they come."

"Amelia," Hal whispers against my lips. I take it as a yes. "I love you," he softly says into my mouth. I feel tears prick my eyes. I'm so happy.

Little did we know we had an unwanted guest right behind the bushes…