So then, of course, we had to wait for my damn brother's bastard boyfriend to show up, which took about ten minutes, which caused Antonio to get all impatient because he "had to be there on time or he'd lose his job", which annoyed the crap out of me to the point where I told Feli to drive himself over. But the moment I told him to do that, the German walked through the front door, looking just as indifferent as he always seemed to be. So then Feli got all excited and went to kiss him. Naturally, I stopped him before he swapped saliva with the motherfucker, which earned me a pout that I ignored, demanding that everyone get in the car before my head fucking exploded.
They complied, Feli and the potato bastard sitting in the back, Antonio beside me in the front, acting all fidgety. I swear to God, it was the longest eight minutes of my life driving the three of them around. Feli wouldn't shut up, Antonio wouldn't stop twitching, and… the last one spoke for himself. I was extremely glad when I pulled into Annabelle's driveway and got out of the car, getting some fresh, not German- contaminated air.
Antonio was at the door in an instant, the rest of us following slowly after. When the door opened, for once it wasn't the little girl, but a much older looking version of her, most likely her mom or something. Her eyes widened when she saw the crew that the "babysitter" had dragged with him.
"Um, hello, Toni. Who are all these people? Wait… Ludwig? Is that you?" she asked, spotting the other blond man last.
He nodded stiffly and quickly said, "Hello Aunt Angie."
Aunt? Had he really just said AUNT? Annabelle, the little bitch, was his COUSIN? Well that explained so fucking much.
"Uh… sorry Mrs. Angie… I know you told me I could bring one person but there was a little mix-up and we're trying to fix it!" Antonio laughed awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head. "This is Lovino, my boyfriend, and Feliciano, his brother and Ludwig's boyfriend…"
Mrs. "Angie" smiled at him in a motherly fashion. "It's alright, Toni, you don't have to apologize! I never thought I'd get to see my little nephew all grown up!" she said, grabbing Ludwig's cheek.
I wanted to bust out laughing at his bewildered and embarrassed expression, but somehow contained myself, settling for the evilest grin I could muster. Ludwig pulled away from her grasp, giving her a quick a hug before introducing my dumb brother to her, all quiet and serious, with a hint of blush still hanging around his face. She said hello and started talking with him easily, seeming to get along with him. While they were talking about girl stuff, Antonio took my hand and brought me inside, to Annabelle's toy-filled room.
The little girl was sitting on the floor, creepy-looking doll her in her hands. "Toni!" she cried as she spotted him. In an instant, she was clinging to his leg, glaring at me.
Immaturely, I glared right back.
"Why'd you bring that one?" she whined to Antonio, referring to me, pissing me off.
He seemed taken aback by the question, but laughed and told her, "Because he's the one I love, you silly girl!"
She made a face of disgust and said, "That's icky! Why would you be in love with a boy? You're a boy! You're supposed to go find your princess, not another prince! Yucky!"
Neither of us knew what to say to that comment. For once, we were both speechless, staring at her, me infuriated, Antonio… who knew. His facial expression was impossible to read. Then he laughed again, longer this time, sputtering, "Well, L-Lovi IS my p-princess!"
That was the last fucking straw. "I'm not a princess, damn it! Listen, you little b… witch, you better change me and my brother back right fucking now or I'll kill you!"
Of course, that was what Annabelle's mother walked into hear. My luck was just so damn amazing. I heard Feli gasp and Ludwig grunt (like the pig he fucking was) before I spun around to see an angry woman, hands on her hips, lips pursed, pissed off look on her angry face. I had never gotten nervous about anything as stupid as cussing at someone, not even a young child, before this moment.
"Excuse me?" she asked me. "Would you please repeat what you just said to my baby girl?"
Being who he was, Antonio instantly started trying to cover for me, ripping the child off his leg and coming over to me, saying, "Please, Mrs. Angie, he's always like that! His mommy never washed his mouth out with soap when he was young, so he turned out this way! He'd cuss out anybody or anyth-"
"Antonio, I don't believe I was speaking to you. I know he's your boyfriend, but he can talk for himself, though I understand why you're defending him. Now, Lovino, was it? Please tell me what you just said to my little Annabelle."
I felt my face turn red and I actually found myself trying to remember what I had said. "Uhm, something like, "Listen you witch, change me and my brother back right fucking now or I'll kill you…" I mumbled, not looking at her.
Just to ham it up a bit, Annabelle ran to her mom, sniffling, saying, "He's a meanie! That's why I put him in timeout in the first place! He said naughty things to me, mommy!"
She reached down and picked the small girl up in her arms. "I know, baby, I know. But you know what I told you about timeout. If anyone is ever mean to you, tell a grownup and they'll take care of it for you. Did you do something to this boy and his brother, Annie?"
She shook her head and said, "Uh uh! Meanie Lovi is just making stuff up!"
The mom and Feli shared a look, and then she said, "I know you're lying, dear. Now, Mommy needs to go to work now, but I want you to switch these two boys back. If they aren't back to normal by the time I get home, Lovino will go unpunished. However, if you do switch them back, Mommy will take you to Chuck E. Cheese's tomorrow, okay? And also, I'll let you send Lovino to timeout, but you have to do it like a normal person, okay? No more body switching. Does that sound good?"
Annabelle nodded, excited about the stupid Chuck E. Cheese thing. "Yeah, yeah! I wanna play games and put that meanie Lovi in timeout!"
"Good girl! Switch them back and you'll get to do both. Well, Toni, I have to go now, so take care of everything! Bye bye, Ludwig, honey, oh and you too Feliciano! And yes, even goodbye to you, Lovino! Please try not to cuss in front of five-year-old! Bye, everyone!"
Then she disappeared out the front door.
"Ve~, she was nice!" Feli said, going over with Annabelle to play with the freaky-looking dolls.
"Yeah, she was fucking great," I muttered sarcastically. "Now change us back, you potato bitch."
Ludwig went over to them and sat down, picking up a doll and investigating it thoroughly. After a moment, he said, "Annabelle, these dolls look a lot like us."
The little girl nodded and explained. "Yeah, I made us all! There's Toni, and Feli, and Meanie Lovi, and you, cousin Ludwig! Oh, and I made myself too! I'm pretty, huh, Feli?"
Feli nodded and smiled, playing with his own little look-alike. Then something hit me. Annabelle had never seen Feli as himself before this exact moment. How could she make a doll of him if she had never seen him before now? How had she even known I had a twin brother and what he looked like? Just as I was about to confront her, the damn potato bastard spoke up.
"Annabelle, you've never seen me before. I haven't been to Aunt Angie's since you were born. How did you make this doll look so similar to myself?"
She smiled and said, "There's a picture of you up on the wall in the hallway!"
He remained silent, but seemed a little concerned. It was my turn.
"Okay, so then how the hell did you know what Feli looked like? There's no pictures of him up in the hallway, or there better fucking not be."
Her face squidged at that. "Well, I saw you all in my dream one night too! So I knew someday I would meet you all. Then I made dollies of you guys, because I like dollies and toys are fun to play with! I like having lots and lots of toys."
Even though this answer just confused the shit out of me, I didn't get a chance to say anything else, because Antonio asked, "So, Annabelle, are you going to change them back? I think Feli and Lovi would really love to be back as themselves now!"
"Hmm, well… okay, I'll change them back so I can go to Chuck E. Cheese! Mkay, what you got to do is…" Her face lit up as she thought of an idea. "Since I found out today that two princes can be together, not just princes with princesses, did you know that? Anyway, since I found that out, you two got to… put on a play using my dress- up clothes! You get to make it up, but Feli is the prince and Meanie Lovi is the princess! Cousin Ludwig can be the pony and Toni is… the other pony!"
I stared at her in horror. "F-fuck no!" I said unintentionally, absolutely mortified. "Why the hell am I the princess?"
"Because you're pretty like a girl! And! And you two got to kiss in the end!" Annabelle declared, giggling insanely.
We're fucking BROTHERS! That's DISGUSTING!"
"Do it or I'll never change you back~" she teased. "My dress-up stuff is over there!"
Antonio and Ludwig, both stifling smiles, went over to the box and dug up clothes that resembled horses in a very unnoticeable way. Unfortunately, I wasn't so lucky. There was a perfect little princess dress and crown sitting right on top, practically with my name on them. Son of a bitch. I took them and, reluctantly, began putting them on over my clothes, hating my life and the lives of everyone around me who was about to witness this.
"Wait!" Annabelle sang. "You guys have to go change! You can't wear your clothes underneath or it'll look funny!"
My mouth flew open as I looked to the short dress that would just barely fit a twelve-year-old girl and back at the fucked up child in front of me. "This dress is fucking way too short to fit me!"
"If you don't do it, you'll never get to be yourself again!"
Eye twitching, hands balling into fists, I went into the bathroom before I could beat the crap out of that overly innocent face. I swallowed, looking at the dress, then started to take off my clothes, getting angrier every second. By the time I actually got the dress on, I was so freaking mad that I almost didn't care if I ever got my own body back. I felt like I couldn't breathe, but when I looked in the mirror and saw Feli's grimacing face staring at me, I decided if I didn't do this now, it would be too late. I slammed out of the bathroom and found Annabelle had put up an impressive set.
She was definitely a fucking weird five-year-old.
By the time I had come out, everyone else had already changed somehow, probably in front of each other with all their gayness, yet they didn't even look half as queer as me, since I was the one in the dress that almost didn't cover up my underwear. Antonio and Ludwig noticed me at the same time, both turning bright red, one with suppressed laughter, the other probably enjoying seeing his boyfriend's body with a dress on. I, however, was anything but amused.
"Shut the fuck up, all of you."
"Ve~, I think you look good, fratello!"
"Shut the fuck up, Feli."
He at least did what I said and Annabelle took her seat, waiting for the show to begin, calling out cheers and clapping for us all. I started in the stereotypical tower, being the damsel in distress, as was usual for the sexist stories of all the princesses. At least it covered up the dress.
When Feli came riding in on Antonio, I almost died. Just seeing him make MY BODY ride Antonio like a horse… it both turned me on and made me hate my life. Then I realized that meant I would have to ride on Ludwig's back and I felt vomit rise up in my throat.
"Ve~, whoa, Sprinkles! I think there's someone up in that tower!"
Antonio responded with a, "Neigh!"
"Look! The light's on! There must be someone trapped all the way up there! Let's save them, okay?"
"Neigh!"
"Ve~, who's trapped up in that tower?"
Apparently, that was my cue. "Uh… me. Princess… Whogivesafuck."
He looked taken aback by the name for a second, but continued on with his completely fake acting. "Oh, ve~, I've come to save you, my pretty princess! I am PrincePasta~!"
"Save me from fucking what? It's not like there's a dragon or anything like that. I could just easily walk down the stairs and get the hell out of here! In fact, I think I will." I walked out from behind the cardboard tower thing and went over to "Prince Pasta."
"Now what?" I asked him.
"Uh… I have saved the princess, ve~! Now we get married!"
He got off of "Sprinkles" and got down on one knee. "Beautiful Princess Whogivesapottyword, will you please be my wife? I promise I'll make you lots of yummy pasta for the rest of your life and we'll have pretty babies together and-"
"Okay, okay! Yes, I'll be your fucking wife if you stop talking, damn it!"
"Ve~, okay! Princess, will you kiss me?"
I narrowed my eyes at him and said, "I'd rather kiss your horse, but the script says we have to, so… fine, yes. But the second we actually touch lips, I will fucking destroy you."
"Neigh~" Antonio said, responding to my first few words.
Then my own brother, my own stupid, dumbass brother pulled me in and kissed me. Apparently he wasn't very good at fake kissing, because instead of heeding my warning, his lips brushed against mine just a miniscule amount, and I responded by punching him right in the jaw, only to blink and find myself the one feeling the pain.
"Son of a bitch!" I yelled, rubbing the face I had just punched, which had ended up being my own.
"Now we ride off into the sunset, ve~!" Feli told me and almost hopped back on Antonio, before I shoved him away and said, "Hey, Potato Bastard, come give Princess Whogivesafuck a ride!"
Then we both mounted our "horses", which seemed to be getting sick pleasure out of all this, and rode away, out of the room. Thus ended my first and last play ever. At least I wasn't in a dress anymore. The second I it was over, I got off of Antonio and ran to the bathroom, changing my clothes hurriedly and coming back out to find that everyone else had changed too.
"How was that, you fucking brat?" I snarled at Annabelle.
"It was funny! And you should stop being Meanie Lovi now, I changed you back like you wanted!"
I grumbled my response, actually really grateful but never wanting to let her know.
"That was an amazing performance, my little Lovi," Antonio said, putting his arms around me. "I especially liked the ending!"
I pushed him away and "hmphed".
He just laughed at me, like always.
The rest of the time flew by, and before we knew it, our time was up with the little witch girl. We all said goodbye, except me, and left, before anybody could put me in timeout. I drove us all back to the house and we collapsed, exhausted from taking care of a child. None of us would be good parents.
"That was so fucked up!" I groaned, stretching, feeling glad that it was my own body that I was wearing, not the slightly more effeminate body of Feli's. I felt stronger and more secure like this, and a hell of a lot less terrified.
"That was so fun~! Feli stated, cuddling up to the potato bastard, who had been completely silent this whole time.
"SÍ! It was very fun! I enjoyed being a horse more than I thought I would!" Antonio said, agreeing with my brother.
"You people have a weird definition of fun…" I growled, making Antonio laugh.
Suddenly, I heard Feli squeak and looked over to see what he was being annoying about this time. Ludwig was up on his feet, just standing there, looking blankly over at me. Suddenly, his eyes seemed to focus on Antonio and he stomped over, grabbing the Spaniard by the neck and yanking him off the couch. I watched in complete horror, unable to move from the shock.
"You were supposed to meet at ten, you no good piece of shit!" he yelled, punching him.
Antonio struggled to breathe, writhing in pain and gasping, tears running down his face. "I t-tried! You were here!" he barely breathed.
"Well now you're going to get what I was going to give you last night and more!" Ludwig muttered, his voice going low and pervy.
Then my brain decided to kick into action. "GET THE FUCK OFF OF HIM!" I stood up and punched him in the face, as hard as I could muster.
It had absolutely no effect on the rampaging German man.
He turned to look at me, disgust written all over his face. Then he pulled out a gun and before I could even register that I should move, he pulled the trigger.