HYOTEI: Sakaki Tarou (coach)

Method Used: Extended Student-Coach Relationships

User of 'How To' Guide: Hiyoshi Wakashi

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Sakaki Tarou was a man of his word. So, when he said he would introduce his fiancée to his team, he really intended to do it. How willingly he did it was another question altogether. After all, the impression his rather eccentric team left his fiancée with might have certain repercussions he did not particularly want to think about.

Hiyoshi Yui adjusted her handbag, smiling up at him expectantly. "Well, where are they?"

"Changing," answered the man tersely. The changing room was separate from the clubroom due to the annoying tendency of fangirls infiltrating the clubroom and leaving various spyware devices for better surveillance of their idols. So far, it seemed that none of them were smart enough to notice that his team entered the clubroom after changing… though of course he liked to tell himself that girls really weren't perverted enough to spy on them when their pants were down, literally.

"Oh… so this is their clubroom, is it? It's… magnificent," Yui commented, admiring the overwhelming display of wealth wholly comprised of twenty-carat gold and royal purple velvet furniture that was the Hyotei Regulars' Clubroom.

Sakaki kept a straight face as he replied, "Hyotei takes good care of their richest sponsors' children."

His fiancée giggled at that, and he smiled back at her, albeit a little forcedly. He was having difficulty suppressing the ominous sense of foreboding that was growing with every passing second. The tennis courts and clubroom were oddly unpopulated, and Sakaki did not like that. "They're late," he muttered, hoping his unease didn't show.

Suddenly, the door to the changing rooms opened, the heavy drapes it was hidden behind parting as Atobe sauntered in. The normally unresponsive coach's jaw nearly dislocated at the sight of his captain, and with good reason – Atobe was wearing a cropped jacket and tight dark jeans… but not wearing a shirt.

The gorgeous teen struck a model-worthy pose in front of the couple, lips curling in a smirk. "Like what you see, Coach?"

Yui let out a something that could only be described as a squeak, her eyes wide as she stared at Atobe. Whether she was staring in shock or in admiration, Sakaki did not know, nor did he really want to find out.

The rustle of the curtains drew everyone's attention to the door again. This time, Gakuto appeared, clad in very short shorts and a sleeveless, clingy tank top, further raising the already high temperature of the room by several degrees. He came over 

to the shell-shocked coach and grabbed his tie, yanking Sakaki down so that their faces were barely two inches apart. "Yo, coach," he murmured seductively. "You know, I still prefer my own room…"

Sakaki wanted to die, right there and then. What the name of the Bloody Mary holy fucking mother of Christ was going on with his team?!

"Now now, Gakuto, play nicely," purred his vice captain, pulling the redhead off Sakaki into his own hold. "None of us want a damaged toy, do we? Pleased to make your acquaintance, ma'am. The name's Oshitari Yuushi." This last was, of course, directed at Yui – with a deep bow for an added dramatic touch, since this was Yuushi.

If even the tensai was a part of this, then Sakaki might as well give everything up for lost right now. The blunette was dressed to kill in a half-unbuttoned, long-sleeved white shirt and sleek black pants – a man back from a formal party, half-undressed before bed.

Yui looked as though she might faint any moment; the coach decided that keeping his promises could go to hell – all he wanted was to get them both out of here as soon as possible and hopefully save their engagement. They might even move to America to get married. Yes, that was a very good idea; why hadn't he thought of that before?!

He had yet to act on this plan when someone else arrived on the scene. "Has anyone seen Shishido-san?" inquired Choutarou, blinking innocently at the coach as though the room they were in did not bear close resemblance to a high-class strip bar. "Oh, hi coach!"

Choutarou, at least, didn't appear as outrageous as the others. Cargo pants and a relatively simple T-shirt made up his attire, and Sakaki let out a sigh of relief – only to realize that the back of the seemingly innocent shirt was printed with huge block letters that proclaimed 'HYOTEI: BECAUSE OUR COACH PWNS US ALL – ON AND OFF THE TENNIS COURTS' in a shade of red so bright it could probably glow in the dark. Sakaki's face obligingly turned a complementary shade of green at the revelation.

"I'm right here," answered Shishido, strolling over towards Sakaki and Choutarou. "Nice to see you missed me… did you, coach?" He punctuated his demand with a tight slap to the rear of the team's unfortunate coach.

"Shishido-san…" Choutarou practically pouted. "Of course I missed you…"

Around this point, both Sakaki and Yui cracked. The slap had been the last straw; their reeling minds crossed over the border between sanity and insanity. The coach crumpled to the floor in a dead faint; Yui took one last look at the chaotic scene before grabbing her handbag and fleeing for her life, frantically shouting for the police as she went.

Hiyoshi Wakashi watched, satisfied, as his cousin disappeared down the path towards the main school gate. He had never approved of cousin Yui's engagement 

to his coach of all people. "Gekokujyou," he muttered. "Don't ever try to take a Hiyoshi again."

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OMAKE

"Hell, I can't believe we did all that for Hiyoshi… I feel like scrubbing myself until my skin peels off; it's that bad…"

"Come off it, at least you didn't have to slap his butt!! I need disinfectant!!"

"Gakuto, may I just say that you look great in shorts like that."

"… thanks… you looked great too…"

"… why am I listening to this sappy conversation? Hiyoshi!! Disinfectant!!"

"I can't find it."

"YOU SAID YOU'D BROUGHT DISINFECTANT!!"

"... I thought I had…"

"… Fuck."

"C'EST INSUPPORTABLE!! ORE-SAMA WILL NOT STAND FOR THIS!! KABAJI!!"

"Usu."

"By the way, Oshitari-sempai, thanks for the tip."

"ORDER TEN THOUSAND U.S. DOLLARS WORTH OF THE BEST HOSPITAL DISINFECTANT IN THE MARKET!! TELL THEM TO SEND IT BY HELICOPTER!!"

"No problem. I got it from Fuji myself."

"Usu."

"IF IT ISN'T HERE IN TEN MINUTES FLAT, ORE-SAMA SHALL CLOSE DOWN THEIR COMPANY!! MAKE SURE THEY KNOW THAT!!"

"You know, you could always just swear in plain Japanese like the rest of us… you were swearing in French, weren't you?"

"… MERDE!!"

"Yeah, thought so."

"I recommend the insult 'motherfucker'. It's very useful; just remember that it's generally not so impactful on girls."

"What would it be then, Shishido-san? 'Fatherfucker'?"

"Hmm, maybe…"

"… KABAJI!! ORE-SAMA'S DISINFECTANT!!"

"… Gekokujyou…"

OWARI

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THIS CHAPTER WAS WRITTEN BY MESMERIZEDBYCERULEANEYES

A/N: I'm majorly overdue in this update, and guess what? Both Kid and I are going on hiatus from now till the 10th of October earliest. So no updates. –ducks rotten tomatoes and eggs- I'm really sorry, but final-year exams are in less than four weeks' time, and studying doesn't get priority, our grades will be far, far down the drain… which is not something either of us would like, thank you very much. Straight A1s are so much more preferable. Until then, none of my fics, including this one, will be updated… and I don't think Kid's will, either.

As for the story itself… well, just imagining the lot of them in those outfits (credits to Shu-chan) nearly gave me a nosebleed… Sakaki would have really suffered… XD Oh, Choutarou's T-shirt's message was inspired by the ficcy 'Shirts, among other things', but I've kinda forgotten the author :-X anyways, credits to whoever she is!

If anyone's going to ask, I myself have no idea how Sakaki could have not realized that Yui's Hiyoshi's cousin. O.o