Heh... I'm not quite sure what else to say. I know that it has been like forever since I updated. My life has been so hectic. As some of you know I am in my junior year and that means that there is so much work to be done between the SAT's, ACTs, SAT subject tests and college visits, and then there is soccer, sports, friends, and family. I have written this chapter little by little with whatever time I could get this past month. In addition to my issues I was messing around with one of my friends and it reulted in my broken glasses and so I can't look at my computer for long periods of time without getting a migraine. lol. BUT SOMEHOWI mangaged to get out this chapter and begin the next. Thank you all for sticking around through my insanity.
Converses rolled down: Where ya been amiga?
Jess and Chloe : You guys have been awesome the way that you have been reviewing my stuff. Thanks, it means a lot
Summer Breeze 171: Thanks for the review. I like that people see that I am trying to stay true to the characters eventhough the situations may be different.
arly forever. My life has been unbelievebly hectic lately. With Junior year and all comes college pressures which means that you have to get amazing grades, and then there are the SATs, and the ACT's and the SAT Chapter 9: "Easy go"
Marissa POV: Before
I remember after being taken away from my mother sitting in these never ending therapy sessions, and there was one question that never ceased to make me physically ill. What are you depressed about?
Alright, my problem with that question is are people ever really depressed about any one thing? I mean, sure you can be upset about it, or angry, or even frustrated, but I am depressed because of my life. I am depressed because I have been using since I was nine, I am depressed because I never knew my father, I am depressed because of what my mothers good for nothing boyfriends did to me, I am depressed because I have no idea what happened to my brothers and my sisters, and among everything I am depressed because I am a junkie with no home, no family, and no hope.
We have been on this bus for god knows how long. We just passed the welcome to California sign. Nobody had spoken since we left the diner. I still can't believe that Ryan did that for me… not that I didn't appreciate it or anything, I just rather would have died.
To me death is not something to fear, or even over contemplate. It has always been welcome, a soothing thought. I think that only in death will I be able to escape from everything that haunts me in life.
I remember once I tried to end it. I took a razor to my arm and fell asleep bleeding. The next thing that I knew I awoke surrounded by doctors and had twenty seven stitches in my arms. God I am such a failure. I even screwed up trying to knock myself off.
I looked around, the bus had stopped, Ryan, Seth, and Summer were standing, I must have lost track of time.
As we left the bus the sun set peacefully against the ocean creating the most gorgeous shades of red, orange, and pink that I had ever seen. For a spilt second California seemed like it would be alright. It's one of those things though that I guess only time can tell.
"So…" Summer said rocking from foot to foot as the bus pulled away.
"Let's go." Ryan said tossing his sack over his shoulder and glancing at me before he headed towards the pier.
I followed behind him silently. I have no idea what I'm doing here, I have no idea if these people are even going to stick around!
That night we camped out under a life guard tower, everyone else was tired from the trip, even Summer was asleep, but me on the other hand couldn't get a wink of shut eye if I tried. I pulled Summers compact from my pocket and did a line…
I don't know how I ended up wandering along the beach, that happens sometimes when I use, blackouts… I just usually end up in some randoms bed… I guess I was too wasted to even realize it was raining.
I tilted my head back and looked to the sky as the water droplets began to coat my face. As I sunk to my knees I looked out to the ocean. I had never seen the ocean before. I never imagined that it could be so… big, endless. I watched in awe as the waves tormented the shoreline. The water so black it looked as if it could swallow you whole, you could just get lost in it… and I wanted to.
Suddenly I became aware of the cold, and looking around I no longer had any idea where I was. I noticed a light though on the boardwalk, and a sign above it that said "The Bait Shop". I wrapped my arms around myself as I made my way towards the light and pulled open the heavy door and slipped inside.
I guessed it was a club… there was a big bar and a stage. The entire place was empty save a girl that was humming and mopping the floor. I stayed cowered in the shadows as I headed down the long staircase. She stopped as though she felt my presence. I blinked only to open my eyes and find her now only about two feet away from me.
"Who are you?" The girl asked toughly
"I'm sorry, I saw the light, and it's raining outside." For some reason my voice sounded small and childish. I was surprised at myself
The girl stepped back and walked behind the bar tossing me a towel.
"You new around here?" She asked
I shrugged.
"Not much of a talker." She said hopping up on the bar stool. "That's cool."
"I can talk." I said unsure of how to take this girls confidence. "I'm actually kinda lost."
"What, like you don't know where you live?" The girl asked me looking amused
"No!" I snapped not liking the fact that she was mocking me. "I don't really have one of those right now, I am looking for a lifeguards stand thingy…" I said
"Why?" She asked raising an eyebrow
"Cause that's where I left my friends." I said becoming annoyed with her questions.
"Why are your friends at a life guard tower?" The blonde asked me tossing her towel to the side.
"I don't need this right now!" I said as I began to head for the door.
"Wait!" The girl called out behind me, much to my surprise. "I know the beach pretty well, just let me grab my jacket." She said heading to what I guess was a back room. "I'm Alex." She said when she returned.
"Marissa." I quickly responded heading out again.
I lost track of time as I wandered down the beach beside the girl until I saw three huddled forms under a tower.
"California will be better my ass!" Summer was yelling as she kicked Seth in the shin. Ryan just stood back with his arms crossed pretending to be unfazed by the rain and the wind although his shirt clung to him and he shivered. Then Summer swings towards me "And where the hell were you?"
"I went on a walk." I said moving my feet back and forth in the wet sand.
"You just went on a walk!" Summer said in disbelief. "And who is that?" She asked pointing at Alex whom I forgot was standing behind me.
"This is Alex, I got lost and she helped me find you guys." Marissa explained.
"Wait Alex?" Seth said still clutching her injured shin.
"SETH?" Alex asked in disbelief.
"You know this girl?" Summer asked. No doubt with a twinge of jealousy
"Yeah I do," Seth said not looking at anyone but Alex, "she's my cousin."
"God I haven't seen you in years!" Alex said wrapping her jacket around herself. "What were we like thirteen?"
"Yeah, at my parents funeral."
That was the first time that I ever heard Seth speak of his family. It always seemed to be a kind of sore subject.
"Why aren't you with Caleb?" Alex asked
I had no idea who Caleb was…
"He turned me into the state after a couple of months." Seth explained seemingly shocked that Alex didn't know this all.
"Wa-wa- wait." Alex said still in shock. "Caleb told us all that you were at boarding school in England somewhere."
"That sounds like our grandfather." Seth said
Alex looked at the four of us who without a doubt must have looked utterly helpless.
"You guys can come back to my place with me." Alex said gesturing for us to follow.
"I haven't seen Aunt Kirsten and Uncle Sandy in so long." Seth said as we followed Alex off of the beach.
So in the next chapter we see Kirsten and Sandy, we meet Luke, is he any different? And we get new poits of view and there will be an appearance by Jimmy soon!
Please review and let me know what you think!
xoxo Jules!
sn: gutterflower528