Wow. I know! This is the most insanely fastest update i've ever done. Like EVER! I just got really inspired and just went with it. I hope you like it. I know at the ending you guys will all be like What the Hell? But, i think it's good to keep you on your toes. Haha. I'm keeping myself on my toes as well. SO, read up. and enjoy!!

Disclaimer: I do not own Life With Derek

February 21, 2010: Bathroom at Pepino's

Should've known Derek wouldn't take us anywhere nice.

I mean, he makes millions and millions of dollars and he takes us to Pepino's?

Really? Pizza?

Anyways, let me rewind to before we left.

So, the Trips are strapped into their seats and Sam and I were leaning against the hood of Sam's SUV waiting for Derek and Trisha. They stroll out and you can tell they've been arguing. I mean, Derek's face is all red, Trisha lips are all pursed. And, they're trying way too hard to be all perfect couple-y.

I mean, at first he had grabbed her hand, but she shook it off. Then, she tried putting her arms around his waist and leaning in to him, but Derek just wiggles out of it uncomfortably.

Sam looks at me out of the corner of my eye, lips quivering, and it takes all the strength in my body to keep from laughing out loud. I reach over and slap his arm, and he cracks.

I whisper furiously, while trying not to laugh – which is actually very hard to do. "If you don't stop!"

Sam does his best to straighten up and by the time he does Trisha and Derek have reached the car and they've settled for Derek's hand casually slung over Trisha's arm.

I smile politely. "Trisha,"

"Casey." She shoots back, creating this awkward silence where we are all just stand there staring at each other.

Sam whispers – so low I'm the only one who heard him – "Awkward turtle!"

I slap him in his chest with the back of my hand, and he feigns pain.

Derek and Trisha continue to stare at us in confusion and I can just feel the laughter bubbling up my throat.

Sam – holding back a laugh, you can totally tell – goes, "Uh, hm, there's not enough r-room in my car for all of… us."

Derek nods his head. "Yeah, man. No problem. You guys can just follow us."

Trisha shrugs off Derek's arm and spins – very supermodel like – and heads straight for Derek's sports car.

We all watch Trisha go with amused faces – well, Sam and I had amused faces on. Derek just looked like he wanted to die.

Sam punches Derek in the arm. "Trouble in paradise, eh?"

"Man," Derek sighs. "I am skating on thin ice."

"How thin?" Sam raises his eyebrows.

"Paper."

And then one of the babies start crying so I turn to go see what the problem is – luckily I can still hear them. I take out the diaper bag and start searching for the diapers and powder and stuff. Because it smells in here. SOMEONE pooped their pants.

"Dude, man." I hear Sam say. "She looks pissed."

"She is." I hear some ruffling and then, "She thinks there's somethin' goin' on with me and Case."

"Seriously?" I look up and watch them through the windshield. Derek's rubbing his hands furiously through his hair. "Why?"

"I have no clue. Apparently I'm not allowed to kiss other woman on the cheek anymore?" Sam gives him a confused look and Derek goes, "Exactly! It's like she's turned into this insane jealous –"

Sam shrugs and suggests, "Bitch?"

Derek gives him a shove. "Look, man. I told you to stop calling her-"

"Derek!" Their heads turns to the crazy woman screeching from across the parking lot. Okay, I thought my 'Der-ek!' was intimidating and scary, but oh no. She's got me on this one. The way she just spats out his name as if it's on fire. Whoo! "What? You think the car door's just gonna open all by itself!! Open the damn door!"

Derek gives Sam a frustrated look. Sam turns to get into the car. "If the slipper fits…"

Derek shoots him a dirty look.

**

"So," I look up from feeding Nate a can of smushed up pees, Trisha's trying to make conversation – which is a little hard with me, Derek, and Sam occupied with feeding the Trips. "Excited?"

I know she's not talking to me so I look back down at what I'm doing. Unfortunately, no one answers. And being ignored is not one of Trisha's favorite things.

"Derek!" She slams her cup down on the table.

His head jerks up as well as Sam's and about half of the entire restaurant. "Yeah, babe." His face looks worried. This guy is totally whipped.

"Do you not hear me talking to you?" She screeches. "I said, are you excited."

"Yes, definitely." Then he looks around from Sam to Trisha and then to me and adds, "What exactly am I excited about?"

Trisha spats really evilly. "Making the playoffs!"

Oh my gosh! If this girl knew how much I wanted to laugh in her face right now. I mean, seriously. She is so dumb.

"Oh, yeah. Definitely, babe. Stoked." His eyes are flicking back and forth between our faces, while Brook's arm is clearly demanding for more food.

Her face loses it's evilness as he beckons to her every whim. It's pathetic.

"So, Casey," Trisha coughs. "What do you do in all your free time?"

I scrunch my eyebrows together. "What free time?"

"Well, you're not in college. And, you don't have a job." She giggles a little. I give her a look like, 'continue' only so that I don't punch her in the face for bringing up the obvious. "I mean, how do you even pay for rent?"

Sam and Derek's head quickly pop up. Derek starts giving me this look, but I have no idea what he's trying to convey. I quickly look at Sam and he just shrugs. "Well, um, Derek… pays… my rent."

Trisha's head whips up from her pizza – that she had wiped all the cheese and sauce off of. So it was basically just bread. Which if she thinks about it, is carbs, so what is she really doing? Nothing. – and she goes in this really tight voice. "Ex-cuse me?" Then she whips her head to Derek. "You pay for her rent!" When nothing but squeaks leave his mouth she whips her ponytail back at me. "He's paying for your rent!"

And I kid you not, I almost peed my pants. I mean, what the hell? Trish the Bitch is really scary, but when did she turn into Wicked Witch of the West… or was it East?

"I-I-I- I mean, h-he… Derek's… I mean, I sp-spe-spend more time with the Trips so, naturally, I don't have t-time for a job. So, Derek-Derek… he takes care of my rent." I stutter out.

"And the pampers, and the milk, and all the other shit babies need."

We are all frozen. I swear I looked over at Derek and Sam and their eyes are as wide as mine.

"Y-yes."

What is wrong with me? Why am I letting her get to me?

Anyways, she just continues to stare at me with this really I-can't-seriously-believe-you're-selling-me-this-bullshit look. Let me just tell you. It's really intimidating. Extremely.

Then she goes, "I hope," She stands up and me and Sam – who are on the opposite side of the booth – lean as far back as we can, cowering in fear. "I hope that you aren't planning on mooching off my husband for forever."

"No, of course not." I stammer out. "Just until I put the Trips in daycare and can get a stable job."

She laughs this really freaky laugh. "And how long's that gonna be? A year? Two?"

I look at Derek. Is he seriously going to sit back and let her talk to me like this? Oh, hell no!

Sam gives and effort and goes, "Listen, Trisha. Casey doesn't answer to-"

"Was I talking to you, asshole?" She doesn't even turn to look at him.

And that makes it even scarier.

"Look, Trisha, I just don't feel comfortable putting the Trips in daycare until they are at least 6 or 7 months old." My voice starts to raise a bit. This bitch is making me really mad.

"Oh, come on, Casey," She laughs this really loud sarcastic laugh. And, we now have all the attention of everyone in the room. "We all know what your secret plan is, hon! There's no reason to pretend anymore! We all know that you're trying to mooch off Derek until the day you freakin' die. Using that same lame punk-ass, 'Der-ek, I'm taking care of all three of your kids, our Trips – or whatever the hell you call them. I don't have time for a freakin' job. Take care of meee!' excuse! Wake the hell up!"

My jaw pops open. What. The. Hell.

Excuse? It's no excuse! It's a reason. It's true!

But, apparently, Trisha is not done because she's still going. "Trust me on this one, Casey. Nobody cares about you. If it wasn't for your three dumb, time consuming-"

But, she was interrupted by a loud booming, "TRISHA!" Derek had slammed his fist down on the table and was now suddenly standing and pointing towards the door, yelling really loudly. "OUT. SIDE."

Trisha takes one look at him and then goes in a pitiful pout like a little girl, "Hmph!" And stomps out of the restaurant with Derek close behind her. Apparently, Brook is going along for the ride. I fear for her life.

I look at Sam and he looks back at me. And then we both let out these huge breaths we had not realized we were holding.

Sam mouths. "What the hell was that?"

I mouth back, shaking my head. "I have no idea."

I don't know why we're mouthing. I think we're just scared talking will cut a whole through all the tension that's surrounding us in this room, and that it will pour out and choke us with its evil-choking powers.

We watch them outside. They didn't go far, they're standing right in front of the glass door, so everyone can see them. They are screaming their heads off at each other. Well, mostly it's just Derek, but then it was Trisha. But, Trisha's part was more shoving and punching then actually arguing. Suddenly – or maybe not suddenly. We can't hear anything, so... – Derek points to his car, making sure to unlock it with his keys, and starts yelling. We can tell by how red his face is getting. Trisha stomps over to the car, gets in, and slams the door.

This whole scene took five minutes.

Derek walks back in, carrying a frightened looking Brooklyn, and hands her over to me. And Brook goes willingly.

"Sorry, guys," He looks really embarrassed actually. Which is a first for Derek, seeing as how he doesn't have a conscience, so he never actually feels guilty. "She's still really mad about… before. I don't know. I'll see you tomorrow, Case."

And then, he walks out shaking his head.

More later. I have to go before Sam breaks down the girl's bathroom door.

**

February 22, 2010: Bathroom in Derek's Apartment

Oh my gosh! So much has happened to me today it's like insane. Like in one 24 hour period all that crap happened to me. Well, maybe it was more like 20 hours, but still. You get the point.

Okay so,

We took a quick detour yesterday, on our way home, to stop at Emily's apartment – she lives with Ralph. We don't exactly understand what's going on there, and they swear nothing's happening. But, we're not dumb. –

"Ahh! Hi!!" Emily squeals as soon as she opens the door. Something tells me she's more excited about the babies than seeing me. "A-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo! A-bo-bo-bo-bo-bo!"

Sam is giving her this –you-were-dropped-on-your-head-as-baby-weren't-you look and I'm pretty positive mine looks very similar.

Anyways we set the Trips on the floor and they start playing with each other so I figure we've got at least 5 minutes.

"Okay, Em," Sam starts sitting on the couch. "I've got a mission for you."

Emily looks up really excitedly and smiles. "Do your worst."

Which makes me think. What the hell do these two do in their spare time? Mission? This isn't a mission. And, why does she look so excited? It's not that exciting, hon. It's just Derek, for crying out loud. And how many missions has Sam put Emily on? Look at me, calling them missions. Oh, dear.

"Mission name," And Emily and I sit there waiting for it. "Dump-Trisha-and-get-Casey-and-Derek-back-together-so-we-can-all-live-happily-ever-after-like-it's-supposed-to."

We all stare at him like, 'are you serious?'

He adds, "And for short, C&D."

Emily smiles this very evil scientist kind of smile. "Excellent."

She leaves the room for a second and I go to Sam, "Sam I don't exactly feel comfortable breaking Trisha and Derek up."

He gives me this look.

"Okay, I really don't care about Trisha. But, I don't know if I'm into deceiving him into being with me."

"Casey," Sam rubs my back soothingly.

I sigh. "Yeah."

"Shut up."

Emily comes back into the room carrying this thick notebook. She drops it on the coffee table between us. Our mouths open really wide. Because there is this huge-ass notebook full of facts about Derek and me! And, I'm just totally flabbergasted by all of this.

"How long have you been gathering information about Derek and Me?"

She gives me this irritated look. "For a very, long time." Then she flips through some of the pages. "There's gotta be something in here we can use."

Sam comes over to sit next to Emily and points to a page. "What about this?"

"Ah, yes. Perfect." She smiles at Sam and he returns it. "See, Casey, there's a pattern. Derek could not stand it when someone other than him held your attention. So, naturally, step one is: Make Him Want, His Old Debutante."

I give her a weird look. "I'm not a deb-"

"It has to rhyme, okay!" And then she slams the book shut. "Okay, I know this guy. He's really cute. He's going to be your blind date at The Tavern, tomorrow at 7. And, he won't know about the mission so don't say anything. Just be real. Well, as real as you can be."

She gets up and starts talking on her phone.

"Emily!" I screech. But, she's already gone.

Sam looks at me with an amused grin. "Look-"

"No, Sam," How did I lose control of this situation. "I don't have time to date."

"No, no. It'll be perfect. Tomorrow you'll drop the kids off at Derek's. And, mention that you have a date. It'll be awesome. He'll get so freakin' jealous." Sam's rubbing his hands together and gets this look in his eyes I'm sure kids who burn ants with magnifying glass.

"Sam, no. That's conniving and deceiving and…" I pause for a second and think. "And, it just might work."

So that's how I'm here today.

I knock on the door and Derek opens the door to see me standing there holding two car seats holding Nate and Brook and the over the shoulder strappy thingy holding Sammy and two huge diaper bags.

"Um," He opens the door wider to let me through. "Hi."

I set down the car seats and hand Brook to Derek, which he accepts with no fuss.

"Look, Derek, I really need you to watch them for me. They've been sleep for a little while, so, it won't be much trouble. I know you were over earlier, but, I, uh…" I pause and point toward my outfit. "I have a date."

He freezes. You can tell. His whole body freezes and he sucks in his cheeks and looks me up and down.

I'm wearing a dress. Something I haven't worn in what almost a year! And, I look good in it. I know, because I tried on like a million before I settled on this one. It's short and black and hugs in all the right places.

"You have a d-date?" I nod. He adds while putting down Brook, "What? You can't… you can't date!"

And that's when I knew that I was going on this date whether I really wanted to or not. Who does he think he is?

"Yeah, I can." I walk over toward his kitchen to grab something to drink and he follows me.

"Case, what are you doing? You don't have time for a," When I shoot him a look he changes his approach. "You just had triplets, Case. I mean, are you sure you feel up to it? I mean, I'm sure your body is still in a lot of pain."

"Derek, please. I was under anesthesia." Never thought I would use that against him, but whatever.

"Uh, Case, come on." He's following me to the fridge now. And, you know, I was wondering when Trisha was going to walk in the room, but I needn't wonder any longer.

"Hello, Casey." Our heads whip to the intruder and I smile.

"Hi, Trisha." I pour the cup of water. "Don't worry; I'm on my way out. Just dropping off the Trips."

Her eyebrows scrunch up. She's never spent more than twenty minutes with the Trips and they've never been over his apartment before. "Um, why?"

"Oh, I have a date." I smile.

She gets this really excited look on her face. "Really! Oh, that's wonderful." And, then her gaze turns to Derek's face – which is anything, but happy – and she instantly assumes why he's so pissed.

"Derek?" Her eyes slink into these tiny slits. "Isn't that wonderful? Casey's finally getting back out there. It's great. Isn't it?"

Derek takes one look at her and goes. "Of course, it is." And then he leaves in an abrupt halt.

And then we hear crashing and slamming and I turn to Trisha. She folds her arms against her chest and purses her lips.

"What are you trying to do?"

I throw an innocent look back at her. "I have no idea what you're-"

"Save it, Casey." She steps closer to me, and it's really scary to be that close to Satan. "I already know what you're trying to do. I wrote the book on this. And, it's not gonna work."

"Oh, yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I think you're wrong." Where am I getting all this confidence from? I have no idea.

"Yeah? Just watch." She straightens up, fixes her hair, and un-buttons her first three buttons of her shirt. "Derry!"

"Yeah," He slowly walks out of the room and right up to her.

"Derry," She turns to him and places her hands on his chest. "I'm in the mood for… you know…"

And then, they're making out right in front of me! With tongue and everything! Like I'm not even here. She's good. A little too good. Makes me wonder why she wants it so bad.

Well, Trisha. Two can play that game.

"Derek," I start in the same whiny way she did. He pulls away and looks at me. "Brook is crying. And you know how she only stops for you. Could you get that?"

"Yeah, course." He untangles himself from Trisha and heads to the other room.

Trisha gives me a dirty look. "Bitch."

"Skank."

We head out to follow Derek and when we get there he's changing Nate's diaper.

"Case, that wasn't Brook. It was Nate."

Well, at least someone was crying. 'Cause I totally made that up.

I walk over to him and place a hand on his arm. "You're so good at this."

He looks at me strangely and then his face smoothes over. "Yeah? You think so."

"I know so." I look over at Trisha sweetly and then back. And, cup his face with my hand. "I'm so glad you're their father."

He looks at me with this look I've never seen him give me before ever in his life. And this may be a game, but I'm so lost in his eyes right now.

And then… AND THEN!!!!

We hear,

"Um, well, um, Derek, I'm… well, you know… I'm just gonna come right out and say it! Because I might get to scared later and... Well,"

Derek gives her an annoyed look. "Then say it!"

"Okay," She looks around the room and then goes, "I'm pregnant!"

OH. MY. GOD.

I drop my hand from his cheek. And we both just sit there – I kid you not – for 10 minutes just staring at her. Is she serious right now? Seriously? They weren't being careful, at all! Had he learned nothing!

And then, I'm angry. Because this is supposed to be something me and Derek share. Not Trisha and Derek. And it's only been FOUR months. Oh. My. God.

And then, I punch Derek really hard in the upper arm. Well, it must've been really hard 'cause he said ow. And storm into his bathroom.

Which is where I am now.

Sitting here. In complete disbelief.

COMPLETE.

Don't kill me.

But, you can Review.

Laura :D