Chapter 10: A plotline! A plotline! My kingdom for a plotline!

Disclaimer: I don't own Lord of the Rings, Pirates of the Caribbean, any works of Shakespeare or any songs from Oliver Twist. I do own the Mary-Sue, though. Does anyone want her?

A/N: As the title suggests, this chapter is just a load of insane randomness that doesn't really have anything to do with the rest of the story. Enjoy!

Warning: There is some elf-kissing ahead. But it was completely necessary. It was! It was! We swears on the Preciouss!

I woke up to the sound of a full-fledged argument coming from the kitchen. It was a Tuesday, which meant it was Aragorn and Boromir's turn to make breakfast, and that never turns out well.

"An egg! An egg! My kingdom for an egg!"

"The eggs are right there, you idiot. And it's my kingdom, not yours."

"You think you're so special, just 'cause you're King of Gondor."

"I am special. I'm Isildur's heir, King of all Men, married to an elf, AND I've got thousands of fangirls. Beat that."

I sighed as I wandered into the living room. The fangirl argument never got old.

"Yeah? Well I have MILLIONS of fangirls, and I only last for one film!"

"Oh, please! Glorfindel has more fangirls than you, and he's not even in the films!"

"Only because YOUR girlfriend stole his part! And his horse!"

I rolled my eyes at Erin, who appeared to be plotting something evil with Pippin and Merry.

Suddenly there was a commotion from the kitchen and a man ran out.

He had dark dreadlocks and was wearing a red bandana, a white shirt with billowy sleeves and dark trousers and was holding a large jar.
He ran down the hallway and out the front door yelling, "I've got a jar of dirt, I've got a jar of dirt!" in a sing-song voice.

Erin turned to me, looking confused. "Was that –?"

"I think it was."

There was a scuffle outside, and I heard a cry of, "NO! My jar of dirt!" My best friend Jess came in a couple of seconds later, holding the jar of dirt and grinning. I sighed. "Jess, what are you doing here? And did you have to take the jar?"

"Yes. Yes I did. Holy Tolkien, is that -" Just then, Aragorn and Boromir walked in, still arguing. Legolas, who was glaring at them both, followed them. "That is the last time I help you guys make eggs…" He was saying. I didn't want to know.

All three of them stopped short when they saw the girl who had followed Jess inside.

She was an elf, tall and slender, with waist-length hair that tumbled in thick red waves. Her eyes were deep violet, which perfectly matched the floor-length, intricately embroidered dress she was wearing. She held a bow in one hand, and her voice was enchanting as a spell.

"My name is Tári. I was raised in Rivendell by Lord Elrond as my birth parents mysteriously disappeared, and taught how to fight by Aragorn, until I surpassed him in skill. I was driven from my home as I wield magic more powerful than the One Ring, and Sauron is searching for me. I somehow returned to Rivendell just in time to join the Fellowship, and whilst travelling, killed more orcs than Aragorn, Boromir and Gimli combined, stole most of Legolas' lines and made said elf fall in hopelessly in love with me. However -"

"Jess! I TOLD you not to bring the Mary-Sue!"

"It wasn't my fault! She followed me!"

I groaned. Aragorn and Boromir were still staring open-mouthed at the Sue. At first I thought Legolas was immune, until I realized that he hadn't blinked in several minutes. "We have to snap them out of it."

Hitting Aragorn and Boromir with pillows for a few minutes worked, and they were soon blinking and looking confused, but nothing could bring Legolas out of his Sue-induced trance. Not throwing the Sue out of the window. Not even pouring a jug of water over his head (Which Aragorn seemed to enjoy doing way too much).

"Jess! She's your Sue! What do we do? Hey, that rhymes!"

Jess shrugged apologetically. "I don't know if there's anything we can do. She was created to make him fall in love with her, after all."

I banged my head against the wall. There was only one option left. I grabbed the elf and kissed him. (I warned you! Don't say I didn't warn you!)

That brought him out of his trance all right, but then he seemed to go into a state of shock. I looked round to see Erin, Aragorn, Boromir and Jess grinning at me. I glared at them. "What? It was the only way."

"Suuure it was."

"Shut up, Erin."

"What are you talking about?" This was Legolas, who had returned to normal (although 'normal' is a relative term when you're an elf from middle earth with a Herbal Essences addiction.)

Aragorn started to say something, but I shot him an Evil Death Glare and threw a book at his head. "Ow!"

"Don't be such a wimp. It was only a paperback."

"What happened?" Legolas again.

"Nothing. Nothing happened. Nothing at all."

"She kis-"

"Shut up, Aragorn."

"Robin Hood, was much too good…"

"What now?"

We all went into the hall to see a bunch of scruffy kids dancing and singing, "…You've got to pick a pocket or two, yes you've got to pick a pocket or twooo!" The random Oliver Twist extras ran out the door, still singing.