Chapter 9: Beware of the Cow
Lee checked in with the security detail in front of Amanda's house. So far, everything was quiet.
"Only trick-or-treaters going up to the place," one of the men said with a grin. "Nice costume, Scarecrow."
"Thank you," Lee said graciously, adjusting his eye patch. He supposed that it was fortunate that he still had the pirate outfit he'd borrowed so that he could talk to Amanda at that fast food place, but at the moment, Lee wasn't feeling too fortunate. Once this got around the bullpen at the Agency, people would be making pirate jokes for weeks.
He left the van with the security team in it and walked up to Amanda's front door. He wasn't too worried about anyone seeing him there. Dotty and the boys had probably already left to go trick-or-treating, and anyone else who spotted him would just assume that he was on his way to a Halloween party.
Lee rang the bell twice and knocked, but there was no answer. Something was wrong. Amanda knew that he was coming. At the very least, she should have been waiting by the door for trick-or-treaters. Lee circled around the back.
On the way, he passed the two cow stakes that Dotty had put near her flowers. Lee shook his head. "Beware of the Cow." What the heck was that supposed to mean, anyway?
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"I really should answer that," Amanda said to the cowboy as the doorbell rang for the second time. "Someone will wonder if I don't."
"We don't want anyone coming to investigate. Put some candy back in the bowl and take it to the children," the cowboy said to the scarecrow. "I will deal with the woman."
The scarecrow began gathering up the candy, although Amanda could tell that he wasn't too happy about it.
"Now, what did you do with it?" the cowboy hissed in Amanda's ear. "You can tell me on your own or I can make you tell me."
He squeezed her arm tighter, and Amanda gasped in pain.
"I . . . I put it in the kitchen," she said.
"In the kitchen?"
"That's right. The kitchen," Amanda said. "I didn't think anyone would be likely to look there."
"Show me."
While the man in the scarecrow costume went to the front door, Amanda led the cowboy into the kitchen.
"It's just the two of us alone," she thought. She knew it might be her only opportunity for escape.
"Where did you put it?" the cowboy demanded, keeping his iron grip on her arm.
"It's in there," Amanda said, pointing to the cabinets under the stove.
The cowboy pulled her over to the stove. Keeping his hand on her arm, he bent down to look in the cabinets.
As soon as he bent over, Amanda grabbed the meat tenderizer on the kitchen counter and whacked him on the head with it. It was a good blow, but not enough to knock him out. He did loosen his grip on her, and she tried to make a break for it. She only got about three steps before he grabbed hold of her again.
"You'll pay for that," he hissed.
The scarecrow returned from the front door, still holding the candy bowl. He said, "There was no one at the door when I opened it."
"They probably got tired of waiting," the cowboy said. "If someone comes to the door again, you can tend to them. Until then, help me to make the woman tell us what she did with the item Richardson gave to her."
Suddenly he grabbed Amanda's hair and yanked hard, pulling her head painfully back. Amanda cried out.
"Freeze!" a familiar voice said. "Let her go!"
The cowboy let go of her hair, and Amanda lifted her head to see a pirate pointing a gun at her captors. She smiled, recognizing both the costume and the man wearing it. The man in the scarecrow costume froze, but the cowboy pulled Amanda closer, holding her in front of him like a shield.
"I said, let her go!" Lee repeated, his voice hard.
"You won't want to risk shooting the lady," the cowboy said, edging backwards toward the dining room. He pulled Amanda along with him, and she knew that he was planning to drag her toward the front door.
"I could shoot your friend instead," Lee said, pointing his gun at the man in the scarecrow costume.
The cowboy took another step backward. "Shooting him won't do any good. I still have the lady."
"If you do anything to her—"
Lee was cut off as the man in the scarecrow costume suddenly lobbed the bowl of candy at his head. He ducked, and the scarecrow dodged to the side, ducking behind the kitchen island. Lee rushed into the kitchen after him. The cowboy shoved Amanda at Lee and ran through the dining room, heading for the front door. Lee caught Amanda with his free hand. The scarecrow jumped up and ran out the kitchen door and into the backyard.
"Stay here!" Lee ordered, releasing Amanda and running after the cowboy.
Amanda turned to look at the back door. The man in the scarecrow costume was gone. He could have jumped over the back fence, but Amanda's instincts told her that he would probably try to meet up with his partner at the front of the house. If he did that, Lee would be facing the two of them alone. She hurried to the front door.
Lee was standing just inside the door. The cowboy was on the path leading to the front gate. Lee about to fire at him when a group of trick-or-treaters came up to the gate and blocked the cowboy's escape path.
"Lee, be careful! The children!" Amanda cried.
Lee cursed and holstered his gun, running after the cowboy as he took off across Amanda's lawn.
"Look, a cowboy!" one of the trick-or-treaters said. "Why's that pirate chasing him?"
"And there's a scarecrow!" said another.
"What are they doing?" someone else asked.
The group of children stood on the front walk, staring in fascination as the pirate tackled the cowboy on the lawn. The two of them rolled around on the grass. The scarecrow drew a gun from inside his coat, but with Lee and the cowboy rolling around on the ground, there was no way he could shoot Lee without risking his partner's life.
People on the sidewalk stopped to stare at Amanda's yard, and Amanda saw some men in suits get out of a nearby van and come running. At first, she was afraid that it was more KGB agents, but then she realized that she recognized a couple of them from the Agency. They pushed through the group of trick-or-treaters and headed for the cowboy-pirate-scarecrow fight on the lawn. Amanda was worried that they would begin shooting at each other.
"Children! Come over here!" Amanda called, trying to get the trick-or-treaters away from the fighting, but no one paid any attention to her.
She ducked inside and grabbed the candy bowl, hurriedly scooping candy into it. Her thought had been to distract the children with the candy, but then she had a better idea.
When she came back out, one of the suit-wearing agents was trying unsuccessfully to shoo the trick-or-treaters out of the yard. The scarecrow tried to pull the pirate off of the cowboy, but another agent grabbed him and delivered a good blow to his jaw. The third agent tried pull the cowboy off of Lee, but the two of them rolled over again and knocked him off his feet. The children were enjoying the show and started cheering for their favorite combatants.
Amanda grabbed the garden hose and turned the water on full blast. The man in the scarecrow costume had tried to go for his gun again, but Amanda aimed the water directly at his head, blinding him momentarily. It gave the agent fighting him the chance to disarm him. Another agent circled around to grab him from behind.
Meanwhile, Lee seemed to be gaining the upper hand in his own fight. Lee pulled the cowboy to his feet and punched the side of his face. The cowboy stumbled backward, tripped over the "Beware of the Cow" sign, and fell into a nearby bush.
Suddenly, a pair of bright red eyes appeared in the bush, and there was a loud, unearthly, "MooooOOOooo!"
The children screamed. The scarecrow screamed. The two agents who didn't already have their hands full drew their guns and pointed them at the bush, ready to shoot whatever was making the ungodly noise.
Desperately, the cowboy tried to yank himself free from the bush, setting off another blood-curdling "MoooOOOooo!" Finally managing to pull himself out of the bush, he tried to make a break for it. Lee caught him just as he tripped over the "Please don't pick the flowers" sign. One more hit, and the pirate knocked the cowboy flat.
The glowing red eyes vanished from the bush, and the moos stopped. With puzzled glances at each other, the agents holstered their guns and started picking up the cowboy and scarecrow, leading them back to the van. The trick-or-treaters and other bystanders were still watching the scene. The kids were loving it, but the adults looked worried and confused.
"Um, I . . . um . . ." Amanda struggled to think of what to say to her neighbors and the children.
Lee laughed and waved at everyone. "Show's over, folks! Hope you enjoyed our little Halloween performance!"
The adults on the street laughed, although it was kind of confused laughter. The children kept saying that the whole thing was "cool" and "awesome" and they wanted to see it again. Amanda tried to distract them all by offering candy.
When everyone was gone, Lee ushered Amanda back into the house.
"Are you okay?" he asked.
"I'm fine," she said.
"Good," Lee said. "Richardson slipped something into your cart when you were at the store. Did you notice anything strange among your groceries? Anything you didn't intend to buy?"
Amanda nodded. "I think I know what they wanted. I didn't find it until I went to fill the candy bowl. Wait just a minute. I'll get it."
The doorbell rang again.
Amanda handed the candy bowl to Lee. "Here. Take care of the trick-or-treaters, okay? I'll be right back."
"Take care of—?" Lee muttered. Someone started knocking on the door.
With a sigh, Lee opened the door to a group of kids who hollered, "Trick-or-treat!"
"Nice costumes," he said awkwardly, dropping a piece of candy into each of their bags.
A little girl dressed as a fairy princess giggled shyly at him. Lee gave her a wink and was rewarded with another cute giggle.
"That fight with the cowboy and the scarecrow was awesome!" said one of the bigger boys. He was wearing a trench coat and an old fedora, reminding Lee a bit of Humphrey Bogart.
"Thank you," Lee said. "What's your costume?"
"I'm a spy!" the boy said proudly.
"Really?"
"Yeah, you could probably tell easier if mom had let me wear the sunglasses, too."
"Probably, but mothers can be funny about things like that," Lee said, imagining the boy bumping into anything and everything while wearing his sunglasses at night. "Of course, not being recognized as a spy is pretty important to spy work," he added.
"I guess so," the boy said thoughtfully. "Happy Halloween!"
"Happy Halloween to you, too!" Lee said, waving goodbye as the boy trotted off after his friends. He turned to find Amanda standing directly behind him.
"Mothers can be funny about what?"
"Never mind," Lee said, shutting the door and locking it. He set the candy bowl next to the door. "Did you find what Richardson gave you?"
"I've got it here," Amanda said, handing him the bag of candy.
"Chocolate Chewies?" Lee asked with a raised eyebrow.
"Look inside."
Among the few pieces of candy left in the bag, Lee found a note and some computer disks held together with a rubber band.
"Excellent!" Lee said. "Amanda, this is great!"
"Are those the disks with the codes on them?"
"It looks like it. Crypto is going to be very glad to see these!" Lee tapped the disks. "There's also a note with an address. I think it may be the location of the Russian safe house. If Richardson is still alive, they may be holding him there."
"You think it might still be possible to rescue him?"
"I hope so. I've got to get these disks to the Agency immediately and assemble a team to go after Richardson."
"Good luck storming the ship," Amanda said, pointing to his costume.
Lee glanced down. "Yeah, right. Thanks, Amanda!"
With that, he disappeared into the night.
Author's Note: MooooOOOooo!
"I'm already tired of that joke, but I can't stop saying it." - Doofenshmirtz from Phineas and Ferb