A/N: Well, this is it! The last chapter of this crack utopia xD I hope you enjoyed it, and thanks so much for your wonderful support. If you're ever bored, feel free to check out the rest of my stories :) Have a great day/ night!

Thwack in the Middle of Craziness:

Friday Night…

Group Chat: Period in ze Holes

Gilbert: Yo! How are you guys faring?

Francis: Not good, mon ami. Michelle won't stop eating.

Francis: She also makes me rub her back for hours on end.

Francis: My gorgeous hands actually have calluses on them :O

Gilbert: Ah man, I'm sorry to hear that.

Francis: What about you and Liza?

Gilbert: Eh, I've worked all week.

Gilbert: We haven't had the chance to meet up.

Francis: C'est bon, non?

Antonio: Hi! I just ate a tomato :D

*Antonio sends a screenshot of a grumpy-looking Lovino. Said tsundere toddler is wearing a tomato print bib. He also looks ready to bite off the picture taker's head.*

Gilbert: Oi! Toni! Stop acting like a proud Dad! It's creeping me out.

Francis: Amen, frere.

Antonio: Hmmmph! I'm just trying to lighten up the mood -.-

Antonio: Bella made me rub her feet.

Antonio: Roma laughed and called me a little bitch.

Antonio: Overall, it's been a muy shitty day for me.

Francis: Mon dieu…you poor thing.

Gilbert: I'm so proud :')

Antonio: Of what?

Francis: Oui, do carry on…

Gilbert: I taught Romano that word :D

Antonio: WHAT THE HELL GILBERT?!

Antonio: HE'S FIVE YEARS OLD!

Antonio: WHY MUST YOU CORRUPT HIS INNOCENCE?!

*Antonio sends a gif of a swinging Halberd*

Gilbert: Relax, relax. I'm just kidding, you dork ;)

Gilbert: I have no idea where he learned that word from.

Antonio: Oh~! I'm sorry :D

Gilbert: I swear, this guy has the attention span of a flea.

Francis: *Rolls eyes*

Antonio: Good news! Roma's actually cuddling with me right now!

Antonio: He's really sleepy from all the pasta he ate!

Gilbert: For the love of fuck…

Antonio: He's sitting on my lap.

Antonio: Gilbert, this is for you. "Say hi to the pasty bastard."

Francis: What about moi :(?

Antonio: "I hope you choke on a baguette and die."

Antonio: Isn't he just the cutest little thing ever?

Gilbert: Oh ja, real adorable.

Francis: Do you even teach that boy manners?!

Gilbert: Oh shit! Liza just texted me!

Antonio: :O

Francis: Do you want us to cover for you?

Gilbert: Nah, I'm good.

Gilbert: If I avoid her for any longer she's going to get the wrong idea.

Antonio: Please don't die!

Gilbert: Thanks for the support guys.

Gilbert: I don't know what I'd do without your utter uselessness.

Antonio and Francis: Hey!

…

Liza: Hello handsome ;)

Liza: You free tonight?

Gilbert: I don't know…

Gilbert: Working a full-day shift is exhausting…

Liza: Why don't you come over then?

Liza: I'll give you an amazing rub!

Gilbert: What kind of rub?

Liza: Whichever one you like best ;)

Liza: So how about it?

Gilbert: Hmmm…

Liza: I'm so very lonely.

Liza: Won't you warm up my scantily dressed body?

Gilbert: Ahem, well. I suppose that I could come over…

Gilbert: I can always drink a cup of coffee!

Liza: Great :D

Liza: See you then!

…

Antonio's POV:

All it took was one scream for me to grab Roma and make a run for it.

"ANTONIOOOOOOOOOOOOO?!" Bella screeched.

"Mierda!" I cursed when Roma pinched my arm. His little head was folded under my armpit, heh. But it was for the best. I needed to find us some good cover until Bella's anger died down. I don't even know why she gets mad at me anymore. Just by living I already piss off that chica.

"Where are you taking me, bastard?! Let go, damn it!" Roma snapped, looking way angrier than any kid his age should. Sometimes I wonder if a grumpy old man had possessed his body. Agh! I needed to focus! It was up to me to protect us both!

I clamped a hand over his still moving lips. "Shh," I warned. "Do you want us both to die?"

Roma's eyes widened as he silently shook his head. I beamed like a proud Papi, only to snap back into focus when Bella's footsteps pounded against the upstairs suitcase.

With a yelp, I dove under the bed, rolling over so that I didn't flatten Roma. I then wrapped an arm around his shoulder, just so he wouldn't be scared. The little guy had always been too stubborn to admit that he was afraid of the dark. Thankfully, there was a bed skirt present to hide us from sight.

"Antonio!" Bella screeched again. "How come my truffles are gone?!"

I turned to look at Roma, who had suspiciously become very silent. "Did you eat her chocolate?" I asked, despite already knowing the answer.

Bella had hidden her truffles on top of the fridge, as Roma and I also have sweet tooths. But, since Bella would become homicidal if I even so much as touched her sweets, I stayed clear of them. Roma, on the other hand, didn't seem to care about stealing other people's food. He just ate and ate, and when he wasn't eating, he was complaining about not having enough food to eat.

You know, come to think of it, this would explain why I had found him sitting on top of the kitchen counter earlier this evening. Ay, that little sneak! Didn't he realize that he was asking for a death wish?! Oh. Oh no! I was the older one. Roma could very easily place the blame on me and get away with his crime! NO! I wouldn't let him! I've already suffered enough!

"N-No!" Roma spluttered, blushing a bright red.

"Oh, yeah?" I challenged, glaring at him. "Let me smell your breath then."

Roma shook his head. "No way!"

I grabbed his face anyway, prying open his jaw. I sniffed his breath and fumed. "I knew it!"

Roma elbowed me in the chest. "Stupid bastard!" he cursed. "I told you that I didn't eat the damn chocolate!"

Dios mio, was this kid ever stubborn. We both knew that he was lying, so why even bother?

My retort fell short on my tongue when Bella entered the room. I could see her feet move as she stalked the area, sniffing the air like the fangirl bloodhound that she was.

"I smell your cologne," she mused. "Care to confess before I drag your sorry ass out of hiding?"

"I'm not taking the fall for you again," I whispered to Roma. "You still haven't learned your lesson from last time."

"Eh?" Roma scoffed, rolling his eyes. "See if I care. I can still get you into trouble."

"How so?" I smirked.

This was the last time that I would ever underestimate him. Or so I swore every time that he one-ups me. Unfortunately, this tended to happen a lot.

Roma rolled out of my grip, only to headbutt me in the throat. I gasped, choking for air. Roma then ninja rolled to the other side of the bed, placing himself far out of reach of Bella's grabbing range.

"Aha! There you are!" Bella cried out in triumph.

My eyes widened when I felt something grab my foot. I gave a smug Roma one last look of betrayal before Bella dragged me out from underneath the bed.

Roma grinned devilishly. "Hasta la pasta, sucker!" he snickered.

…

Everything seemed to be A-OK in Awesome Land. Because of Liza's texts, my old fuckboy senses were tingling. I impatiently bounced on the balls of my feet in the elevator, replaying her messages over and over again in my head. Call me crazy, but it appeared as if she had been alluding to sex.

Although, I still had to keep my guard up. I had been avoiding her all week because of last weekend's string of catastrophes. All I could do was pray to God that her period was over. I had gone so far out of my way to find excuses not to come over to her apartment. I had even taken a few extra shifts at work, but more than that, they were morning shifts! I never woke up earlier than ten, and that's on a good day!

Oh well, Liza's had a full seven days of bleeding. Hell should have warmed over and dried by now. Did I just make you cringe? Good! I did too! Anyways, let's just hope that my luck scores…in the bed that is. Kesesese!

I knocked on Liza's door, revving myself up with a pep talk. "She ain't got nothing on you, Gilly boy!" I muttered under my breath. "You're a lean, mean, albino machine!"

I faltered when Liza opened her door, a wry smile plastered on her face. She was wearing a simple black spaghetti top that was short enough to expose a decent amount of midriff and a matching pair of booty shorts.

I gulped, drinking in her appearance in pure awe. Her long hair cascaded down to her waist, the curls bouncing playfully as she pulled me into a hug. "I missed you," she purred, her green eyes twinkling with the infamous 'kiss me' gaze.

"That makes two of us," I murmured into her neck.

Liza grabbed the collar of my shirt, pulling me down so that our noses rubbed against each other. "Want to make up for all the time that we lost?" she asked, batting her lashes in a way where I couldn't have possibly said no to her question.

I briefly looked down at Liza's stomach, following Antonio's advice for once. Her stomach didn't appear to be bloated. Now for my next test…

I spun Liza around so that her back was pressed up against my stomach. I didn't spot – or feel – any pad markings on her butt. Aha! Now I was finally getting somewhere!

I tucked my chin over Liza's shoulder, smirking when she giggled. "Mhhhm. That sounds like an awesome idea."

"I'm glad that we're on the same page." Liza tilted back her head to meet my lips. She opened her mouth and our tongues slipped in together. The next few moments went by in a blur. All I saw was a flash of hair; Liza turned around, leaping into my arms as she hugged my waist with her ankles.

I staggered backwards, fumbling to pull the door shut behind us. This proved to be difficult as I was also making out with her and supporting her weight at the same time. Liza laughed into my face as I finally slammed the door shut, staggering forward.

We didn't make it very far before I pushed her up against the kitchen counter, my hands trailing down to support her small waist. "I thought that you were on your period?" I asked, just to be safe.

Liza teasingly nipped at a soft spot on my neck. "Not as of yesterday!" she hummed. "Feel free to ravage me."

I jolted a little when Liza nibbled on my earlobe. Gott, this biting fetish of hers was so weird. Regardless, this comment gave me the final push to do what I've been waiting all week for. I squeezed her thighs, spreading them open.

"Thank God!" I joked. "I was beginning to think that this living hell would never end!"

Liza tensed, pulling away to look me directly in the eyes. "Excuse me?"

I fumbled for words, unable to recover from my sheer stupidity. And so, I only proceeded to make things worse by talking further.

"You know what I mean," I smiled nervously. "A woman on her period isn't the most pleasant person to be around."

Anxious 'kesesese' laughter.

Liza spoke slowly, drawling out her words for angry, dramatic effect.

"You…sexist…asshole…" she growled, reaching for the pan that was still miraculously on top of the fridge, where I had last placed it.

I opened my mouth in dread, hearing the familiar whistle of air as Liza swung down her pan in a deadly arc.

CLANG!

I crumpled against the fridge, slowly sliding down to a slumped position on the floor. My vision blackened from the pain searing at the back of my head.

I could hear Liza's muffled Hungarian swearing as I drifted in and out of consciousness. Yup. That's my girl all right. Period or not, Liza was still a crazy bitch. Although, I have no right to complain.

After all, I was the equally crazy bastard dating her.

-The End