Disclaimer: I don't own anything to do with General Hospital.
To Choose Life
Chapter 10
Crying on my mother's shoulder had been the most cathartic thing I had ever done. I wiped my face to clear away the remnants of tears. My mother stroked my hair. "You're going to be okay sweetheart. I know you are. This baby will change you. Just wait and see."
"What if I don't love it?"
A smile grew across my mother's face. "I find that hard to believe. I see you shield your hand across your stomach. You already want to protect this baby. You wait and see. You are going to fall madly in love with it, when you hold it for the first time. I'll be right there by your side. Even if you don't love it, I do. It's my grandchild and I will always love it."
I laughed as more tears spilled from my eyes. I wasn't aware one could produce that much moisture. I was surprised I wasn't dehydrated. "I'm so tired of being emotional," I moaned.
My mother laughed. "Want to hear a story?"
I nodded. "When I was pregnant with you," she started. "I remember this one time when your father had left a sock out. I was so mad at him for leaving a sock on the floor that I was yelling at him. I was really angry about this sock. Anyway, all of a sudden I burst into tears. Your father was terrified. He asked me why I was crying and I was crying because there was a hole in it. I felt sorry for the sock," my mother said, as we both burst into a fit of laughter.
"Yeah, Dillon gets the brunt of my anger."
"And he should. If you have to suffer while you're pregnant, then so should he," she said with a smirk.
My mother told me stories from her pregnancies with all three of us. It finally put me at ease. My father arrived home and I excused myself to shower. I felt the need to wash everything way and come out feeling fresh and clean. I could at least wash my hands of the contemplation of abortion, even if my lies to Dillon stayed fresh in my mind.
The hot water enveloped my aching body. The added weight was already beginning to bother the rest of me. My feet were sore sometimes, my back hurt sometimes and I was always tired. It felt good to allow the hot water to take it all away and let me escape, if only for a few minutes.
As I climbed out and dried off, I stared momentarily at my growing stomach in the mirror. It wasn't large, but it was apparent. I rubbed my hand across the bulge and smiled. "I'm going to do my best for you baby. I promise. I will try to do everything I can to make your life better than mine was."
I dressed quickly in a skirt and t – shirt. I would wear pants, but none of them fit me. I went back downstairs. My mother and father were deep in conversation. I tried to tiptoe past. "Going somewhere Lulu?" my father called.
"I was going to go to Kelly's for an hour."
"Good, bring me back a piece of pie. Laura is there anything you would like?" my father asked.
"I'll have pie. What kind?"
"How about apple?" my father suggested and my mother nodded in response. I smiled at my parents and then left.
XXXXX
I entered Kelly's and approached the counter. Georgie smiled at me. "Hey Lulu, what's going on?"
"I'm beginning to feel overwhelmed. Can I get a glass of milk and a BLT?"
"Of course. Do you want to talk?" she asked softly.
"I don't want you to get in trouble."
"I was just about to take my break," she offered.
"That would be nice," I said with a smile.
"I'll be over as soon as I put your order in."
Georgie finally sat down at my table and handed me my milk. "What's going on? Is your mother okay?"
"My mother's fine. I am so happy that everything is finally working out the way I dreamed and yet I'm scared all of the time. I finally told my mother about almost having the abortion. You know what she told me?"
"What?"
"That she did want me."
"Of course she did. Your mother adores you. Don't you remember?"
"I remember, but I always thought that I was a mistake."
"What else happened?"
"My mother saw Spencer for the first time."
Georgie smiled. "He's a cute kid."
"I know. My mother just loved him."
"Georgie, why do you talk to this whore?" Maxie's shrill voice said behind me.
"Maxie don't be so rude…" Georgie started.
"How can you defend her? She is pregnant with Dillon's child. She broke yours and Dillon's marriage up."
"Technically she didn't…" Georgie said. "We were actually getting a divorce before anything happened. Besides, Lulu shouldn't have to pay for it for the rest of her life."
"It's okay Georgie. You don't have to defend me. I know what I've done. I feel guilty for what I've done. Unlike some people," I said, as I turned in Maxie's direction. She glared at me.
"You know Lulu, you're not as great as you think you are…" Maxie spat venomously.
"When have I ever said I was great?" I asked, dumbfounded at her idiocy.
"Maxie leave Lulu alone…" Georgie growled.
"Don't worry Georgie, Maxie throwing insults at me doesn't hurt that much. I actually find it humourous," I said, as Mike brought over my BLT. "Thank you," I said to him.
"If you weren't pregnant Lulu, I would kick your ass," she stated bitterly.
"Why cause you're not pregnant? How long are you going to pretend?" I asked viciously.
"I am not pretending…" Maxie retorted.
"I'll believe you when you're in labour."
"Lulu, you're not the only one pregnant here, okay?" Maxie said angrily.
"Have you run out of insults?"
"Hardly, at least I didn't have to lie to get my guy," she said bitterly.
"No, you only had to provide him with drugs…"
"Lucky chose to be with me. Dillon had to be lied to…"
"You know what Maxie, shut up…" Dillon's angry voice said from behind her.
"How can you defend her in front of Georgie?" Maxie spat, as she turned to him.
"How can I not, when you're being such a bitch?"
"Enough," Georgie exclaimed. "Maxie if you don't have anything nice to say to Lulu or Dillon, then don't talk to them. Go away."
Both Dillon and I exchanged concerned glances. "Really guys Maxie doesn't bother me that much," I insisted.
"You have enough to deal with, without Maxie adding to it," Dillon said.
"He's right Lulu. Stress isn't good for the baby," Georgie agreed.
"I don't think I can control that," I said with a smile.
Dillon pulled up a chair. "You need to have fun," he insisted. "I have a movie that I know you will both truly enjoy."
"I'm working," Georgie said gently.
"When you get off work. The both of you must come see it."
"I don't know Dillon…" I started.
"Lulu, I will drag you to the movies," he said threateningly.
"He's right Lulu, you could use some fun," Georgie agreed.
I sighed. "I guess I could use the distraction. However, first I need to deliver two pieces of pie to my parents."
"I'll take you over when you're finished eating," Dillon said.
"I have to get back to work. I'll talk to you later Lulu," Georgie said. I turned away before she kissed Dillon. I still couldn't stomach it.
I finished my sandwich, ordered my pies and then paid. Dillon followed me out. "What happened with Maxie?" he asked, as we reached his car.
"She can't have Lucky, so she takes it out on me. I hurt Georgie, so she yells at me. I'm just not in her good graces. It's really okay, she doesn't bother me."
Dillon talked my ear off about this movie, while he drove. It was nice to listen to him talk. It felt like old times.
We arrived at Grandma Lesley's and Dillon followed me inside. My parents were still in the same place they were when I left.
"Hello Young Spielberg, what brings you by?" my father asked, as I handed my parents they're respective pies.
"Dillon is going to distract me for the evening, so that you two can be alone," I explained.
"Okay, but don't knock my daughter up. Oh wait, you already did…" my father said, before my mother slugged him in the stomach.
"Luke," she said sternly.
"Come on Dillon," I said as I rolled my eyes and turned to leave. "Have a nice night."
"You too," my mother called out after us.
Dillon and I climbed back into the car. "What time does Georgie get off of work?" I asked.
"9:00."
He started to drive and I contemplated what to say, when I suddenly saw an A&P. "Stop the car, Dillon," I exclaimed.
"What? Stop for what?" he said, as he slammed on the brakes.
"I need ice cream…" I said, pointing at the grocery store. Dillon was busy waving at the people honking at him for slamming on his brakes.
He pulled into the parking lot. "Can you maybe be more specific when I'm driving?" he asked, as he parked the car.
"It's not like you know those people."
He followed me inside. "We need a cart," I said.
"I thought you wanted ice cream."
"Dillon, I'm hungry. Besides, I can't watch a movie without popcorn."
"Of course not," he said with a laugh, as he grabbed the cart and followed after me.
I started tossing things in the cart, as Dillon followed along. Finally we reached the check out. "What, have you been starved your entire life?" he asked, looking at the overflowing cart.
"Dillon, your child is hungry," I insisted, as I placed my hand against my stomach.
"You guys are expecting?" the woman behind us said. "Congratulations." I smiled at her and watched her eyes travel to my naked ring finger.
"So how are you paying for this?" Dillon asked.
"With this," I said, handing the clerk my credit card.
"Where did you get a credit card?"
"Your grandfather…"
"My grandfather gave you a credit card?"
"Dillon, I am carrying the precious Quartermaine heir," I said, in the tone his grandfather would have said it in. He smiled. "You don't want the heir to go hungry do you?"
"Hungry for Brownie ice cream?" he asked.
"Brownie explosion, Dillon."
"So you have a credit card from my grandfather and you haven't taken advantage of it?"
"Dillon, when have I ever taken advantage of anything?" I asked him in a mock serious tone. Instead we both burst out laughing.
I signed my name on the receipt for the sales clerk and then thanked her. The bag boy helped Dillon carry out our groceries, since I was pregnant and didn't want to do any heavy lifting. Or at least, that was my excuse.
Once the car was packed. I climbed into the front seat with my ice cream and plastic spoon. Dillon climbed into the driver's seat and looked over at me. "You sure that ice cream isn't too heavy for you?"
I laughed, as I lifted the spoon to my mouth. "Oh my God, this is so good. Taste it," I said as I placed the spoon in front of his face until he accepted it into his mouth.
"It is good," he admitted.
I smiled as he drove to the mansion. I took one bag, while Dillon struggled with the rest. We entered the mansion. "Hello young Lady, how are you feeling?" Edward asked, as we came inside.
"I'm good," I said, as I held the door for Dillon.
"Are you moving back in?" Edward asked, as Dillon brought in the bags.
"This is Lulu's snack," Dillon insisted. "She's come over to watch a movie with Georgie and I."
"Where is Georgie?"
"She works until 9:00."
"So how is your mother?" Edward asked me.
"She's good. She is recovering nicely," I said as I sat down. Alice helped Dillon with all of the bags.
"I'm off to the club for the evening," Edward exclaimed. We watched him leave and then Dillon sat down beside me on the couch.
"You want to go upstairs?" he asked gently. I nodded and followed him up the steps.
We went into his room. "We probably have time to watch a movie before I pick up Georgie."
"Want a pickle?" I asked, as I pulled one from a jar.
"Pickles after chocolate brownie ice cream? Appetizing…"
"Try delicious," I said with a laugh, as I bit into the sour pickle.
He picked a movie and slid it into the VCR. I had always asked him why he preferred VHS to DVD. He insisted it was more authentic. He flipped it on and tossed himself onto the bed beside me. For some reason sitting beside him in his bed didn't bother either one of us. I momentarily wondered if Georgie would feel the same way.
I felt movement and my hand instantly went to my stomach. "What's wrong?"
"I think the baby is moving," I admitted. "I didn't expect to feel it this early."
"Are you okay?" he asked panic stricken.
"Everything is fine Dillon. It means I'm developing normally."
I watched him breathe a sigh of relief and the colour return to his face. "I think she is just thanking me for the ice cream," I said with a smile.
"You think we're having a girl?"
"Call it woman's intuition, right baby?" I asked my stomach, illiciting a large smile from Dillon.
"You are so into this," he said, as his hand slid against the bulge of my stomach.
"Well don't tell anyone. I don't want people to think I'm soft."
He laughed. "Your mother already loves you," Dillon taunted my stomach.
I slapped his arm and he pulled my arm away and ended up maneuvering himself above me. His mouth was only inches from mine and every ounce of strength I had was keeping me from pressing my lips to his. He suddenly became aware of our position and pulled away.
"So what is this movie about?" I asked to break the tension.
Dillon gave me the synopsis but I couldn't listen. I was too distracted by memories of his mouth pressed against mine, the weight of his body on top of me, the feeling of being a part of him. I felt the tears coming before I could do anything to stop them.
"What's wrong Lulu?" he asked gently, as he pressed pause on the remote.
"I'm fine, I'm just emotional," I lied.
"Are you sure?" he asked softly.
I nodded. "Everything just gets to me."
I waited for him to drop the subject, but instead he placed his hand under my chin and moved my face so I would meet his gaze. "Talk to me."
"My mother wanted me," I revealed.
"Of course she did. Your mother loves you."
"I guess I'd forgotten that over the years. I keep hearing my father's words reiterate over and over in my mind. Promise me, if something happens to me, that you will never make our child feel less than they are. Promise me, that you will make them feel wanted."
"I promise Lulu, but nothing is going to happen to you."
"You don't understand Dillon. You don't understand how much it hurts to hear your father say he never wanted you."
"Luke said that?"
"When Grandma Lesley brought me here. He told her that I was my mother's project and that he never wanted me." As I admitted this to him, I felt myself fall apart and sob uncontrollably.
"I'm sorry Lulu. I am so sorry that you heard that from your father. However, I know he cares about you in his own little way. Parenting is not his strong suit, but he loves you. When you were sick in February, he would have moved heaven and hell to make sure that you were okay. You are his little girl and that isn't something he can look past. Though I promise you, I will never let our child feel that way, okay?"
I nodded and let him embrace me, taking comfort against his solid body. Dillon was the only person that made me feel this safe, besides my mother. I only wished I hadn't used lies to break him and Georgie up, because I still hold onto the fact that we could have been something great. Now I have to settle for being the mother of his child and nothing more than his friend.