Disclaimer: *maniacal laughter*

… Not mine.

Yet.

Listening to: Interpol – 'Hands Away' and Nick Cave and the Bad Seeds – 'Sweetheart, Come'.

Chapter Ten

He was too old for this.

Oh, he'd looked too old for the job for at least three centuries now – that didn't bother him. He'd let the façade of his age conceal the vigour within, and it had fooled them all, even Aizen, in the end. But now, with too many poor decisions behind him, a war to face once more, dissent within the ranks and an old injury, he finally felt his years, centuries upon centuries.

The fight with Sousuke had been the beginning of the end, in a way. He'd won, of course, and delivered them all from disaster. No one else could have done so – even Kurosaki with his freakish power would have taken a good decade to reach the level required to defeat someone like Sousuke Aizen. It had not been without cost, though.

The wound stubbornly refused to fully heal. He was still mostly mobile, his arm still able to move fairly freely, but he saw through Retsu's placid calm to the concern in her eyes. He'd always fought back fiercely from such injuries, but now…

I am too old for this.

Today had been another one of those days when it had been brought home to him. Another battle, another meeting, only this one was different.

The Vizard had returned.

They had refused to be placed under Gotei Thirteen command, which hadn't surprised him in the least. He had so many regrets now, so many that sprang from those five defiant figures (and there had once been eight), and his treatment of them in the last war was just one more. He tried to tell himself that, in a life as long as his had been, it was only natural to have things that he might wish had been different, things he could have done differently…

Telling himself that didn't make it any easier to face the accusations in Shinji's eyes, or the disdain Yoruichi had greeted him with when he had tried speaking to her after the meeting, querying why not only the Vizard, but also the Ryoka, had placed themselves in the hands of House Shihoun and not the Gotei Thirteen.

She raised an eyebrow, a hint of contempt in her gold eyes.

"You're seriously asking me this?"

He frowned.

"You said you had no idea that they would turn to you as an advocate. Do you deny that statement now?"

She snorted. "Not at all. But it's what I'd do in their position, and the reasoning is fairly obvious."

His silence was a clear invitation to an explanation.

She sighed. "The Vizard's reasoning is clear – you dicked them over in the last war and they'd hardly expect better now. Frankly, I don't even know why they came back. As for the rest…" She began to tick them off on her fingers. "The Quincy hate Shinigami but, as Ryuuken so bluntly put to me, they don't trust you enough to save the world, so they can't stay away, but they also don't trust you to command them. And the kids… Well, think about it. The first time they showed up, you had us all trying to kill them. You forbid Orihime's rescue, then used them all ruthlessly in battle. They were barely more than children then. They're older and wiser now. And Isshin's been there, done that." Her eyes were accusing now, so like Shinji's.

"I had no choice." The words he'd clung to for so long slipped from his lips before he could stop them. She looked at him pityingly.

"I know we're not the only one's applying pressure. I know you have to put up with crap from almost every quarter, and I'm sorry for it. But there's always a choice."

She paused, and looked almost thoughtful.

"Y'know, if I think back far enough, I can almost remember what it was like to have a Captain Commander who'd do what was right, and fuck the consequences."

Her vulgarity did not shock him as much as the truth in her statement, as she turned on her heel and walked out.

He had been that man once, this he knew. It seemed so long ago, though, caught up in the memory of ages. So many things seemed far away now. He'd once had students that he'd loved almost as children – Shunsui, Retsu, Jyuushiro and… Shinji. Shinji, he knew, was lost to him forever, and Retsu's regard for him was duty and little more. She had no cause to love some of the proclamations he'd made over the last two centuries – so many of the Vizard had been part of the old crowd, part of her circle of friends. His use of the Eleventh Division as almost cannon-fodder (well, they did end up in the firing line anyway, by dint of their personalities) did not sit well with her, but there was little he could do about it. There was little he could do about anything, he'd begun to realise.

As for Jyuushiro and Shunsui… he just didn't know anymore. They were willing to oppose him, this he knew from the Rukia Kuchiki affair, but Jyuushiro at least would still support him on occasion.

But they had all drifted apart after the Vizard ruling. True, that had been the only option he could take based on the evidence, but now, knowing what he knew, he wished he had searched more closely, trusted Sousuke less. He'd made a grave error that night and, while he wasn't the only one to do so, it had been his error that had the most serious repercussions. Some days he wondered if that had been a part of Sousuke's plan, to sow such far-reaching distrust that even his death would not eradicate all of the divisions he had wrought.

Knowing Sousuke, it was more than probable.

With a frown, he stared down at his desk. This was all beside the main point – he was no longer the leader he should be. His captains looked to him only as a matter of form, there was no longer any bond of loyalty or protection. He was a general that no one would follow into battle. Perhaps that was taking the extreme view of things, they still all followed his orders. However, he suspected that, should his actual orders and their idea of what his orders ought to be suffer any discrepancies, things would be very different.

I must regain their loyalty, but how? How can you mend something so very broken?

Sighing, he leant back in his chair, trying and failing to remember better days.

Once more, the thought came unbidden –

I am too old for this.

xXx

Just a quick interlude with His Captain-Commanderiness. I feel sorry for the guy. I've painted him as a bit of an asshat in these fics, but the sad reality of it is, his past decisions and current pressures (as I see them) make these events all too likely. At the same time, though, I can also see how he'd feel trapped by all of his responsibilities.

Thus, this little snippet, by way of explanation. Hope you likey.