The Anti-Fairy wand glowed red and waved towards a gate, leading to the back-yard.
"Yes, an armor piece! This is my chance to redeem myself." Timmy said.
He waived the wand over his head and turned himself into a black and pink butterfly. He fluttered over to a bench, letting the wand lead him around, it glowed duller in the direction of the north. Timmy was about to fly over when his vision was blocked. At first he thought it was an eclipse until he saw a crease of light beneath him. He then realized it was a pair of thick black jeans covering up a massive rump. Said rump belonged to a very tall orange haired girl, in a green shirt.
"Well it's time to do my chores!" She said sweetly.
She skipped over to two boys around Timmy`s age, one short and skinny, the other tall and fat.
"You, mow the lawn." She said to the short kid, bonking his nose.
"And you trim my hedges." She said to the fat kid, pulling his ear.
"Um…these are your chores, you do them." One of the kids said.
"Yeah."
"Oh, well it just so happens that I have a photos of you guys sneaking into an R-rated movie."
She held up a picture of two kids in a trench coat buying a ticket to a theater.
"Aw man!" The kids said unison.
The fat kid grabbed the lawn mower and the skinny kid grabbed the shears as they began to work on the lawn. Vicky laughed evilly as she skipped over to a pitcher of lemonade.
"Ah, chores are such hard work." She said, chugging a glass of lemonade.
Timmy let the wand go and it flew in the direction of the north, imbedding itself in a random patch of dirt. He flew over to the dirt, careful not to let anyone see him. He landed and picked up the wand from the dirt.
"Now all I need is a distraction." He said.
Timmy waved his wand and a black cat passed Vicky`s path. As she stared at it in confusion, an Anti-Fairy appeared behind her, his eyes darting back and forth like an addict. He waived his wand and something in Vicky`s house broke.
"TOOTIE!" Vicky yelled as she stormed into the house.
Timmy smirked and turned himself back to normal. The two kids stopped working and walked over to him.
"What are you doing here?" The fat kid asked.
Timmy raised his wand and turned the kids into blue statues. He used the skinny kid`s solid head to dig where the wand landed. After a few minutes he dug up a black and crimson chest plate with a black cape fluttering from the back.
"Finally, this will get papa to acknowledge me!" Timmy said.
The armor glowed blue and flew into Vicky`s house.
"What the…Missy! Is this you?"
"Maybe." The innocent voice of Missy said, though she didn't appear.
"Why, I thought you wanted me to find that armor?"
"No I didn't. There is another treasure here."
Timmy growled and snuck into the house. He turned himself invisible so no one could see him. He searched the living room and kitchen, he found nothing but some battle axes. He searched the bathroom, puked, and left. Finally Timmy decided to go upstairs, he searched the upstairs bath room, still found nothing until he came across two doors. He opened the door in the middle of the hall and entered a bedroom covered in medieval weapons, stuffed animals with iron V`s and camera eyes, and posters of a young and attractive teen star. The posters said Chip Skylark in bright yellow cursive, for some reason Chip`s face gave off an odd aura.
Timmy checked the closet and only found more weapons and an old man over a boiling cauldron. He checked the pillows and underneath the bed, again only more weapons and a person being tortured. He checked the dresser last, the only thing of value he found was a purple book with white letters that read "Vicky`s Diary" in cursive. It had a small gold lock that Timmy ripped off. He flipped through the pages not caring about what they had to say. His heart stopped when the door flew open, he shoved the diary back into the drawer and darted under the bed. Vicky walked over to her drawer and took out her diary.
"Goddamn it Tootie!" She said. "Fucking little brat constantly messing with my stuff. I`ll deal with her later."
An annoyed Timmy was mulling over whether he should cripple her with one her own swords when he saw the pair of black jeans drop around her ankles. Vicky stepped out of her jeans and tossed them across the room. The bed sank a little as Vicky layed down on it. Timmy crawled out from the end to avoid getting impaled or crushed. When he looked up his invisible eyes grew to the size of saucers. Vicky was rubbing herself downstairs, sticking her right fingers into her slit furiously as she fondled her breasts with her left hand.
Timmy clamped his hands over his mouth to keep himself from making a noise as Vicky`s right leg almost kicked him. Her body was getting very sweaty, her eyes were rolling into the back of her head, she licked her lips and muttered someone`s same every now and then.
Timmy`s ears perked up as Vicky dug her fingers deeper into her womanhood, she used her thumb to play with her clitoris, causing her to moan and grunt louder. A wave of new sweat broke out from her body as she shuttered and twitched very violently. Timmy squatted a bit as he felt something grow in between his legs. He was tempted to join her or touch himself if his mission wasn't poking the back of his brain. After a few minutes Vicky let out a loud cry that sounded like a leopard being strangled. She pulled out her fingers which were covered in a white sticky substance, she rubbed the substance onto a Chip Skylark poster then licked it off, pressing her breasts against the wall.
"Oh FUCK!" She yelled. "I can`t wait to turn eighteen so I can fuck your brains out, you sexy shiny mouthed son of a bitch. Fuck…why won`t Tootie hurry up and turn eighteen?"
She picked up her jeans and made her way toward the door, she stopped when she stepped in something warm and wet. She looked down and jumped when she saw a small patch of blood.
"Ah fuck! It's that time already? Shit!"
She stormed off angrily, her hips bouncing in anger. Timmy unclasped his hands and let out a startled grunt. His nose was bleeding again and the organ between his legs was staring to go down. Timmy felt embarrassed and frustrated, why did this happen every time he was alone with a girl…that had no idea he was there. Timmy cleaned up the blood and left Vicky`s room, he stopped to take some deep breaths and regain his thoughts. He remembered there was still one door left at the end of the hall, he reluctantly entered the room.
"Please no naked women, please no naked women!" He said to himself.
Luckily for him no one was currently in the room, he looked around in surprise. The room had drawings ranging from crude to descent and little dolls of a kid in a pink hat and shirt. The kid had long brown hair and blue eyes, and strangely enough giant beaver like bucked teeth. He picked up a drawing on an art table, startled he threw it down. The drawing was a striking resemblance to himself, except for the color change. He stumbled back until her tripped over something. It was the chest-plate to the armor.
"Finally!" Timmy yelled.
He picked up the chest plate, several volts of blue electricity surrounded him and uncloaked him. The chest plate seemed like it was talking to him, he was so lost in the armor`s beauty that he hadn't noticed someone else had walked in, it wasn't until a loud thud and a girlish squeal stabbed his ears that he turned around. Timmy angrily turned to see to see a girl dressed in black and white with a plaid checkered skirt staring at him. She had bright purple eyes filled with tears and black hair tied into a pony-tail. Her brace filled mouth was quivering and her knees were knocking. She had her hands clasped together with sweat pouring from her knuckles her face had a mix of happiness and grief.
"T-T-Timmy?" She asked.
"How do you know me?" He asked angrily.
What followed was a loud girlish squeal that caused Timmy to drop the chest plate and cover his ears. Tootie tackled him squeezing him with a death-filled bear hug. Timmy hacked and squirmed in her arms as Tootie cried into his chest.
"Oh my god, where have you been, I`ve been worried sick about you?" Tootie cried.
"Let…go…of…me…can`t…breath!" Timmy croaked.
Tootie let go as Timmy`s face was turning blue, the oxygen entered his lungs at the pace of a formula one car as he hunched over and grabbed his chest. Tootie grabbed his face and started kissing him furiously, Timmy shoved her off and tried to rub the lipstick off his face.
"Who are you?" Timmy demanded.
"What, y-you don't remember me?" Tootie asked, "It's me, Tootie, I`ve loved you since the third grade, I've decorated my room with you, and I want to know what happened to you. Why are you wearing black, and…good god why are you so pale? And what happened to your eyes?"
"I`ve always worn black." Timmy said indignantly. "And my eyes have always been like this. Also we`ve never met you filthy human swine."
"B-But, my sister was your baby-sitter, surely you remember all the horrible things she`s done to you."
"Wait that orange haired girl?" Timmy asked.
"Yes…wait when did you meet her?"
"I…um…uh…she can`t wait for you to turn eighteen, run on that day."
"Oh, probably wants to throw me out." Tootie said. "Look I don't care about any of that, I`M SO GLAD YOU`RE HERE!"
She tackled Timmy again, squeezing the life out of him.
"I`ve missed you so much, now we can finally play, and get married, and get play married!"
"I`m not doing any of that stupid shit!" Timmy said. "Let go of me before I frag you!"
Before Tootie could respond, Cosmo and Wanda poofed in, they were smiling until they saw Timmy. Wanda poofed Tootie behind them as she and Cosmo changed into samurai armor.
"Cosmo, Wanda, what are you two doing?" Tootie demanded.
"That's Anti-Cosmo`s step-son!" Wanda yelled. "You need to get out of here sweetie, this is going to get ugly."
"Yeah!" Cosmo said. "Okay punk, I don't know how you got here, but you`re going down! Get him Wanda."
Timmy smirked and whipped out his wand, before they could brawl Tootie stood between Timmy and her fairies.
"Stop, this is Timmy, see the drawings."
Cosmo and Wanda looked at the drawings and dolls, then at Timmy, then the drawings, then Timmy again.
"Oh my god she`s right." Wanda said in disbelief.
"No, this guy has black hair, the boy in the drawings has brown hair. "Timmy" also has pink clothes, once again this guy is wearing black. Geez Wanda, just because they have buck teeth and blue eyes doesn't make them the same person."
"Or Anti-Cosmo changed his clothes and dyed his hair." Wanda said annoyed.
"Oh…right." Cosmo said.
"My hair is as natural as an apple bitch!" Timmy said. "In fact it's as natural as your giant ass."
"What!" Wanda roared.
She fired a streak of lighting at Timmy, he deflected it and returned fire. Wanda took the hit and poofed up a frying pan over Timmy`s head, he broke it and threw the pieces at Cosmo. Cosmo yelped as he was impaled into the wall.
"Oh this is so unmanly." Cosmo said.
"You fairy swine are so amusing, it's too bad I have to kill my parent's inferior clones." Timmy said.
He raised his wand again to strike Wanda, Wanda raised her wand to fight back. Tootie stepped between them, tears pouring from her angry eyes.
"STOP IT!" She yelled. "Cosmo, Wanda, this is Timmy Turner! I`ve known him since I was eight years old, we go to school together, and…and…he`s precious too me!"
Timmy lowered his wand, letting her words sink in. He scratched at his scalp and looked at his reflection in the foot length mirror she had. He searched through his scalp down to its roots. Much to his surprise, his follicles were a light shade of brown. Was Wanda and Tootie right? Did Anti-Cosmo kidnap him?
"Look, I don`t want to fight any more." Timmy said. I`ll just take this armor piece and leave."
KA-BOOM!
A loud explosion rocked the room, three kids in camouflage stood before Timmy, looking very unintimidating. One was an orange haired boy with glasses who was shaking very nervously. The second child was a girl with black hair in a pony-tail, she had blue eyes though one was covered by a skull cap. She looked very bored. The third child, Timmy recognized. It was Remy, dressed in a commander uniform with a large golden Napoleon hat.
"Ah, we meet again Timothy." Remy said. "You aren't going anywhere with that armor piece, in fact the only place you`re going is Abracatraz."
"I`m not in the mood to laugh so quit with the jokes." Timmy said.
"We`re not a joke!" Dwight yelled. "We`re A.A.F.A!"
Timmy blinked his eyes trying to comprehend the stupidity, "Pardon?"
"Anti. Anti. Fairy. Army." Remy said, "And that's the last thing you are ever going to hear. Get him Juandissimo!"
Juandissimo appeared, flexing and shredding his shirt.
"Yes master Remy, I Juandissimo Magnifico will…WANDA!"
Juandissimo poofed over to Wanda and began kissing her hand.
"Wanda, my love! I have waited so long to see you my darling. Ever since you married that burro Cosmo I have waited for the day you would leave his estupido culo for a real man. A sexy man such as myself."
Cosmo tackled Juandissimo, "Back off punk!"
The two started biting and punching one another as Remy face-palmed.
"God Damnit I worked so hard on this plan. Dwight help me neutralize this loser." Remy said.
"Alright!" Dwight took out a Taser.
"You aren't doing anything to my Timmy!" Tootie yelled.
Tootie tackled Dwight trying to steal the Taser from him. Remy grunted then yelped as Timmy put him in a choke hold.
"You morons aren't stopping me from taking this piece back to my Papa!"
Tootie successfully stole the Taser from Dwight and electrocuted him with it, she then electrocuted Remy and chased them with the Taser as Timmy picked up the armor piece. Molly sighed among all the chaos, she took out a tube of white lipstick. She rubbed it on her lips and walked over to Timmy as he was preparing to anti-poof out. She grabbed Timmy`s collar and planted a kiss on his lips, Timmy passed out and dropped the armor piece.
"Hey rich bitch, ginger, I got the armor piece, and knocked Timmy out, now let's…"
"THAT…WAS…SUPPOSED…TO…BE…MY…KISS!" Tootie yelled.
Tootie snapped the Taser in half, scaring everyone except Molly. She slowly stomped towards Molly who just rolled her eyes and threw a smoke bomb at her. The bomb went off and the A.A.F.A poofed out. Tootie coughed and wished the smoke out. She looked around the room, Timmy and the armor piece were gone.
"NO!" She cried. "I…I…was so close, I had him in my arms, its…it's not fair!"
Tootie jumped onto her bed and cried into her pillow, wishing it had Timmy`s face on it so she could kiss him. Vicky blasted her sister`s door open, she was seething and dressed in only a green bath robe.
"Damn it Tootie, what was all that noise?" Vicky demanded.
Tootie didn't answer she just continued to cry. Vick rolled her eyes and sat on her sister's bed, rubbing her sister's shoulders.
"Whats wrong?" She said unenthused.
"He was here, I held him, I kissed him." Tootie said.
"Sure you did." Vick said, pulling her sister onto her lap. "Sure you did twerpette."