Chapter 10: Revelations

I didn't talk to Freddie much about his dad after we left the cemetery because I figured that he wouldn't want to talk about it. But, he did tell me that the reason his mom is so overprotective is that his dad died. He said that at first she was just making sure that he did everything as safe as possible. But soon she started with the too-healthy eating and all of the other weird things she does because she wanted to make sure that Freddie was always one-hundred percent safe and healthy all the time because she knew how much it would hurt if she lost another person that she loved that much.

We went to school the next day. I couldn't think straight the whole day. I couldn't stop thinking about my life back at home. It was like the memories were coming back to haunt me.

And apparently, people could notice that I felt this way. After a slow day of school ended that day, I walked home with Freddie, and Carly got to walk with us today.

"Sam?" Carly asked quietly to me as we walked. She was walking in the middle of Freddie and me.

"Uh-huh?" I answered, not even looking at her as I was staring blankly in front of me.

"Are you okay?" she asked.

I turned to Carly, and she had a worried look on her face. I shrugged. "I'm just tired," I lied. "I mean… yesterday was a big day."

Carly turned to Freddie and gave him a sympathetic look. "I know," she said sadly. "I'm so sorry, Freddie."

"Thanks," Freddie said with a small smile. Since I started living with him, I figured out that the smile he was wearing right now was a fake smile. He only used that smile when he wasn't okay, but he wanted other people to think he was.

"No problem," Carly said, a smile growing back on her face. She looked forward, and I did the same. I could see Bushwell Plaza in the distance. "So guys," Carly said with a grin after a short silence. "How's life at home?"

I shrugged, stuffing my hands into my jacket pockets. "Fine."

Freddie nodded in agreement, looking at Carly. "Yeah, it's good."

"I'm so confused," Carly chuckled while shaking her head. "You guys living together is like… I don't know, a bacon and jelly sandwich. It just doesn't work."

We reached Bushwell Plaza. While opening the door, I turned my head to Carly and said, "Well, think of it this way. A bacon and jelly sandwich doesn't seem right, but they actually taste pretty good together."

Carly laughed, walking in. "You've had a bacon and jelly sandwich?"

Freddie walked into the lobby after holding the door for Carly and me. "You're surprised?" he cut in.

I just smirked and shrugged. We all went into the elevator, and I pressed the button. I remembered how Melanie and I used to always fight over who got to push the button in the elevator. I missed that.

When we got to our floor, we stopped in front of Carly's apartment. She looked at me, a worried expression on her face. "You're sure you're okay?"

"I'm fine," I groaned.

"You really weren't acting like yourself today!" Carly said. Her eyebrows rose.

"Really?" I said. I shrugged. "I wasn't feeling like myself either. But I'm okay. I swear, Carls."

Carly hesitated, but then she sighed and nodded. "Okay." She leaned in to give me a quick, friendly hug.

I went across the hall and opened the door to Freddie and my apartment. I turned around and saw Carly say quietly to Freddie, "Look out for her, okay?"

Freddie nodded. Softly, he said, "Of course."

That night, I was lying in my cot on my back just staring at the ceiling. The light was off, and it was nighttime. It was the time Freddie and I usually fall asleep, and I was wearing pajamas, but I wasn't tired. I couldn't stop thinking about my mom and her boyfriends, and what happened to me every day. My eyes were adjusted to the dark because they were open for so long.

I turned to my right to see Freddie's bed a few feet away. I looked at Freddie, and he was staring at me. He wasn't smiling, but he wasn't really frowning either. He seemed deep in thought.

"What?" I asked.

Freddie took a deep breath. "I'm just thinking."

I sat up a bit, being full in energy. "About?"

"Stuff."

"Like?" I asked.

"You."

I lowered my eyebrows. "What about me?"

He finally came out and said it. He sounded sort of… firm. He almost seemed angry, but he wasn't. It was just like he needed to get a point out. "Your life, Sam. You always seem like you're hiding something. I live with you. And this might be the first time since Melanie moved out that you actually live with someone who cares. I do care, so don't think you can hide things from me. If there's something you need to say about your life at home, just say it."

I looked straight in front of me. I swallowed hard. "Every day," I said softly, but loud enough for him to hear. My voice cracked a bit, as I already felt tears form in my eyes. I've never been an emotional person until I moved in with Freddie. "Every day, I would come home and just hope to God that my mom didn't have a lot to drink. I mean, she always had something to drink, like enough to get her drunk, but if she drank enough, she would… she'd hurt me." I heard Freddie move in his bed, but I didn't move my eyes an inch. I just stared at my knees, which were now sticking up in front of my face. "You always thought I was just so tough and strong, but Fredward, if I wasn't tough then I wouldn't be here right now. I needed to be. If I lived in a home like Carly's or yours, I wouldn't even know how tough I could be. I would probably be like Carly. And the guys she brought home…" Memories poured into my brain. "If she was mad enough, she would let them do whatever they want."

I suddenly saw Freddie get out of his bed and run over to my cot. I felt his warm hand on my arm pull me out of the cot and into a hug.

"What's the worst thing that they did to you?" he whispered while holding me.

"Nothing that bad, really…" I assured him, feeling my chin touching his shoulder. Tears fell out of my eyes. "But like… they really creeped me out... they touched me and stuff... but they never got worse than that. But it was horrible, Fredward, why do you think I spent so much of my time at Carly's?"

"I'm so sorry," he said softly, pulling away, "for even bringing it up."

"No," I said quickly. I wiped the tears from my eyes. "I'm actually glad you did. I never told anyone about that before. Not even Carly. It was really good to get that out in the open."

Freddie gave me a small smile. He sat on the edge of his bed and patted the spot next to him, as if inviting me to sit there.

I sat down on his bed next to him. He looked at me. "Why didn't you ever tell anyone?"

"I didn't want to have to go into foster care," I said without hesitation because the answer was clear to me. "That's what would've happened."

Freddie sighed. He shifted his body so that now he was lying on his bed the right way, with his head on the pillow. His eyes were still open, though. "Is there anything else you need to tell me?" he asked in a caring way.

I looked at him, and I sat up next to him on his bed, my head touching his pillow. I shrugged. "Not really."

"Sam, is this why you were acting all weird today?" Freddie asked, sitting up next to me on his bed.

I just nodded. I shook my head slowly and sadly. "It was like a regular… daily thing. I didn't even think about it. Like, on the few days that I actually came home instead of going to Carly's, I always had to think of plans to avoid my mom and whatever guy was with her. It was normal."

Freddie looked into my eyes. "Sam… you can tell me anything if you ever want to. You know that, right?"

I nodded. "Now I know."

I don't remember much about what happened after that. I remember closing my eyes, and the last thought I had was: Maybe Amanda is right.

I dreamt about one person, and one person only: Freddie Benson.