Chapter 9
Hakkai rose from his chair and skirted the table, coming to stand behind Gojyo. The hanyou started as Hakkai's arms descended onto his neck, crossing over his chest and exerting soft pressure back, toward the brunette's body. The unmistakable scent of Hakkai filled Gojyo's nose, and he relaxed into the embrace, grateful for the comfort. Before he realized what he was doing, he had raised his left hand and rested it on Hakkai's arm.
"That was it, wasn't it? The thing you wouldn't say. You stupid kappa. You are my best friend. I am grateful every day for that connection. I feel it, too. Also to the others, but less so. Can you forgive me for being a fool? Though you mattered to me, I guess I didn't really understand that I really mattered to you as well. I'm through with my stupidity now, I give you my word." Hakkai's tone was even, calm. He meant every word, Gojyo knew.
"Of course I forgive you. And of course, you know that if you ever do it again, I'll fucking kill you myself, right?" These words were barely more than a murmur. Gojyo had closed his eyes and was drinking in the feeling of Hakkai's presence. He wanted to memorize this feeling, the smell and sensation of belonging. "We square, now?" he asked.
"Sure, we're 'square'. But there is still one thing I need to know." Hakkai's voice carried a hint of amusement. Gojyo didn't like it when Hakkai sounded like that. It meant he had something up his sleeve.
"What's that?" Gojyo's tone was slightly more guarded this time. He opened his eyes.
Hakkai's arms tightened on him suddenly, and the redhead knew he was trapped. "Why did you kiss me?" Shit! I forgot about that part! From the tone in the other man's voice, Gojyo was absolutely aware that he couldn't sidestep the question this time. "I really don't know for sure. I wanted to show you that you were bound, at least to me, I guess. You were spouting that 'I don't need anyone' bullshit that Sanzo's always spreading on so fucking thick, and it drove me crazy to hear it coming from you. I wasn't really thinking at all, but I guess some part of me must have figured that kissing you would shock you. Maybe enough to pull you out of your funk. I needed you to know that you were important to me, and I was angry. I wasn't thinking straight, that's all." Gojyo cursed himself for not thinking now as he heard Hakkai giggle behind him.
"Yes, I guess you weren't." Hakkai giggled again, then, "Are you sure that was all?" His tone had changed. There was something vaguely dangerous about this question, but Gojyo couldn't put his finger on it. Hakkai's embrace tightened a little more as Gojyo asked warily,
"What do you mean"
"Don't fuck with me on this, Gojyo." The epithet once again caught Gojyo by surprise. "Those kisses weren't angry, they were gentle. You hesitated before you kissed me again. You were judging my reaction. So I ask you again, was it only a desire to make a point?"
Gojyo quickly assessed the consequences of each response he could give. Hakkai's grip on him had not loosened, and there was steel in his voice. He could lie, but the other man would know, he was certain. That would probably lead to a complete dissolution of trust. Hakkai hated lies. He could tell the truth and risk humiliation and rejection, but Hakkai would still respect him. Shit, why does this have to be so hard? Why couldn't he just leave it alone? Aw, fuck, I'm going to have to tell the truth, aren't I? He was. He knew that though being humiliated would be difficult, at least he could survive it. If he lost Hakkai's respect…
"You sure you want to know?" he asked again. The arms around him jerked back briefly before settling back into their previous position. "Okay! Sheesh, try to give a guy a chance to back out." Gojyo took a deep breath and closed his eyes again before continuing, "The truth is, I'm attracted to you. Physically. I couldn't help myself. You were so close, and I kind of lost my mind there for a minute, okay? There's the headline: 'Ero-Kappa Sucks at Restraint'. I tried to warn you." He tried to keep the plaintive tone out of his voice, and failed utterly.
Hakkai's arms relaxed, allowing Gojyo to take another deep breath. Well, it was out now, and he was about as fucked as he could get. He was glad the other man was behind him. Of course, he was going to have to face him sometime, wasn't he?
Hakkai sounded slightly dazed as he asked, "Really?"
"Yeah, really. What do you have to say to that, Mr. Smart Guy?"
No answer came from the other man, but he didn't move away, either. Gojyo supposed that was a good sign. Or Hakkai was in a state of such shock that he didn't realize that his arms were still hanging around Gojyo's neck. He waited for what he had said to sink in to his companion's mind. Waited for the inevitable rejection to come. He just hoped that Hakkai wouldn't be too harsh about it.
The comforting embrace withdrew, and Gojyo's shoulders slumped a little. He felt bare now, without it. A deep sigh escaped him as Hakkai stepped out from behind him. He wondered what was going to follow this. Would there be strain now? Would Hakkai ever be able to look at him without remembering this conversation? Damn it, this was going to ruin everything.
Gojyo was just about to reach for his cigarettes again when he felt cool fingers beneath his chin. They exerted a small but insistent pressure upward. He allowed himself to be directed by Hakkai until he was gazing directly into the other man's clear green eyes. The expression there stunned Gojyo into silence. That strange little current struck him again, and before he could recover, Hakkai leaned down and pressed his soft lips to Gojyo's own.
Red eyes widened in absolute shock, then closed as Gojyo relaxed into the contact. A small moan escaped him as Hakkai's tongue darted out to brush quickly along his lips, then again more slowly. Gojyo obediently parted his lips to Hakkai's probing, and was subjected to a wave of sensation that flowed throughout his body as the other man's tongue invaded his mouth. Hakkai tasted deliciously like mint and cigarettes. He knew he would remember that forever, even if this never happened again. Every nerve tingling now, Gojyo tentatively reached out to touch that tongue with his own, deepening the kiss as his right hand crept up to cup the back of Hakkai's neck.
Too soon, the contact was broken, the brunette pulling away and opening his eyes to stare into Gojyo's own. He smiled a crooked little smile at the redhead and said, "Breathe."
And the breath that Gojyo hadn't realized he had been holding escaped him in a rush. The confusion that settled on him now must have shown in his eyes, because Hakkai smiled again, and gave a soft chuckle before brushing his lips across Gojyo's once more. Still stunned by this turn of events, he looked into intense green eyes and whispered, "Really?" He was incapable of more.
Another smile, another chuckle, a nod and then, "Really," Hakkai replied as he bent down to capture Gojyo's mouth again.
This kiss was more urgent; Gojyo was intoxicated by the taste of Hakkai's lips and tongue. His left hand stole up to rest against the other man's cheek, his thumb tracing small circles against the cheekbone as he explored the inviting flesh of his friend's mouth. His right hand was slowly tracing a path up Hakkai's left thigh. Gojyo knew he was losing himself in this, and he didn't care. Hakkai alone, the taste and feel and smell of Hakkai, existed for him now.
Without warning, Hakkai swung his left leg up and over Gojyo, then lowered himself to straddle him. The half-breed groaned into his friend's mouth; he was already growing hard, and the pressure exerted by Hakkai's weight provided a maddening friction. He struggled to gain control of his body, then lost it again as Hakkai's hips rocked forward, grinding against his own. He couldn't remember when he had ever been so aroused. Maybe he had never.
Hakkai pulled away to stare deeply into Gojyo's eyes; cool hands pressed lightly to either side of his throat, and a thumb placed under his chin, gently pushed up until Gojyo allowed his head to fall back. Gojyo's throat now exposed, Hakkai pressed feverish lips against it in butterfly-light kisses and delicious nips of teeth that sent tiny jolts of pleasure through the redhead's body. Gojyo reveled in these sensations as long as he could stand it. His breath was coming ragged now, and the desire to run his hands along every part of Hakkai's body was growing to an urgency he would soon be unable to control.
Abruptly, he placed his hands on Hakkai's shoulders, and pushed him gently but firmly away. He raised his head to look directly into the brunette's eyes, and ground out, "Hakkai… you have to stop. If you don't stop, I'll lose control. I've never wanted anyone like I want you right now, and if you don't stop me, I won't be able to."
Hakkai, eyes dilated and lips swollen from kisses, reached up to remove his monocle. Gojyo groaned as Hakkai, turning to place the eye piece on the table, ground against him again. As he returned to face Gojyo again, a small smile played about Hakkai's lips. He leaned down, caught Gojyo's lower lip between his teeth briefly.
"Please, don't stop."