Half Baked
XX
Kim slammed her locker door shut and leaned against the wall, waiting for her boyfriend to join her so they could walk to class together. She did not have to wait long – Ron showed up with Rufus perched on his shoulder, one hand around the strap of his backpack, the other holding an apple. Rufus stared hungrily at the apple while Ron kept it at arm's length, occasionally giving his hairless friend a glance of admonishment if he got too feisty.
"What's up with the apple, Ron?"
"I thought maybe I could give it to Mr. B and see if he goes easy on me for missing the homework yesterday."
"You know that's not going to work. Your best bet would probably be turning it in, like, today?"
"Yeah, 'cept I didn't do it last night. Too busy playing Zombie Mayhem with Felix."
Kim gave Ron a pat on the back. "And now we get to the real problem."
The two of them left the row of lockers and made their way down the hall to their shared math class. Math definitely wasn't Kim's favorite subject, but it wasn't like it gave her a lot of trouble, and having a teacher like Mrs. Stanley helped when half of her other classes were inevitably taught by Mr. Barkin, regardless of whether he was actually supposed to be teaching them. Now that she thought about, it seemed strange that Ron was carrying an apple with him to math. Her heart sunk as she began to understand the implication.
"Wait, is Barkin subbing math today?"
"Yup."
Kim groaned. Although she knew it was probably worse news for Ron than it was for her. But Barkin's monotonous lecturing style was particularly excruciating when it came to rattling off numbers and equations. Just when the unpleasant feeling of Ron's news had passed, it returned as Kim glanced to the side and saw Bonnie Rockwaller passing them.
"Ewww," said Bonnie. "Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable are holding hands. PDA! I think I'm gonna hurl."
"You mean the way you hurled last week after doing too many flips at cheer practice, Bonnie?"
"No fair, K. I was still recovering from getting my wisdom teeth taken out!"
"Suuure."
Bonnie flippantly flipped a hand through her hair, dismissing Kim and Ron as she picked up her speed down the hall. Kim didn't know why she was bothering to try to outdistance them, as they were all going to the same math class. She did, however, get a certain amount of satisfaction knowing that the hair-flip and sped up walk was about as close as Bonnie ever got to admitting she had just been put in her place.
"Hey, KP."
"Yes, Ron?"
"You know, since we're already doing PDA, I was just thinking..."
Kim grinned and gave her boyfriend a kiss on the cheek. Maybe it was her imagination, but he seemed to be getting a little bolder when it came to the romance. When they first started dating, Kim sometimes felt like he was a deer caught in her headlights – which was sort of flattering in its own way, but also a little exasperating sometimes. She was glad to see that he was becoming more comfortable with the whole dating thing; just as long as Mr. Barkin didn't catch the two of them flagrantly violating the school's PDA rules, anyway.
"Hey Mr. Barkin!" said Ron as he entered the classroom. Mr. Barkin looked at him suspiciously from his seat behind the desk at the front of the room. Ron approached the desk and set the apple down as Rufus looked at it longingly. Mr. Barkin, however, looked at it like it was some kind of shiny red bomb.
"What is this, Stoppable?"
"It's an apple! Since you're such a good teacher."
"Stoppable, did you forget to do your late work again?"
Ron looked to Kim for support, but she didn't know what to tell him, shrugging her shoulders haplessly instead. Mr. Barkin had her boyfriend down to a tee.
"Yes sir, but the apple is just an expression of my-"
"SIT DOWN!"
"Yes, sir."
Kim gave Ron a sympathetic pat on the back as the two of them found a couple of empty seats near the front of the classroom. The front was always empty, as no one liked to be too close to Mr. Barkin's outbursts or be singled out for answering questions. Although that happened just as often to people in the back, which meant the middle of any Barkin-taught classroom was usually bustling with people rushing for choice spots when the class started.
"Alright, people," said Barkin. "LISTEN UP! As I am sure you have noticed, Mrs. Stanley is not here today, due to an unfortunate mishap trying to fix the library copy machine with-" Mr. Barkin stopped abruptly as a series of beeps interrupted him. The rest of the class turned to the source of the sound, which, over time, had become very familiar to most of them.
"Um, sorry Mr. Barkin - mind if I take this?"
Mr. Barkin stared at Kim Possible for a moment before finally nodding curtly, unable to hide his irritation. Kim excused herself from the classroom and went out into the hallway with a sheepish grin. Once outside, she let Wade through. "What's the sitch?" she asked.
"We have a little problem," said Wade. "You and Ron are going to have to skip a few classes."
"I don't think Ron's gonna like that. He's already in hot water with Mr. Barkin today."
"Doesn't that mean he'd love skipping?"
"Hmm. Good point. So what's going on, something new with Dementor?"
"Nope. Still no news on helmet head. This is something else. Hold on, I'm playing a video that just went out on television a few minutes ago."
Kim waited until Wade's face was replaced by a video feed, which looked like it was being recorded by someone with a hand-held video camera in their basement. She rolled her eyes in exasperation as she saw the villain she and Ron would be dealing with this time. Definitely not a supervillain – just a regular one. The man ranted into the camera, occasionally stopping to make sure his fake mustache wasn't about to fall off.
How did Frugal Lucre get out of prison already? Sometimes Kim had to wonder if there was even any point in catching them. She sighed and opened the classroom door as the video continued to play, giving Mr. Barkin an apologetic glance as she interrupted his ongoing lesson.
"Hey Ron - we gotta go."
"You two should just leave when you get those calls," said Mr. Barkin. "You have to leave class every time your little tech friend calls the two of you, anyway."
"You're right," said Kim, flashing him a conciliatory smile. "Sorry."
"Sorry Mr. B!" said Ron as he grabbed his backpack and left his desk. "Enjoy that apple!"
"You still need to do your homework, Stoppable. Not that you'll get a grade on it when it's two days late."
"Why do I have to do it, then?"
"Because I SAID SO!"
Ron grumbled and left the classroom as Kim held the door open for him.
"Hey Possible," said their teacher before she went back into the hallway.
"Yes, Mr. Barkin?"
"Good luck."
Kim shut the door, heading for the school's main entrance with Ron. She knew Wade probably had a ride headed their way already.
Although skipping class always riled Mr. Barkin up, Kim had a sort of agreement with him about doing it for mission-related reasons. He seemed sympathetic when it came to her missions – based on what Ron had told her about certain comments Mr. Barkin had told him, maybe the man had done some similar things in his own past. Whatever the reason for the school's lenience, she was just glad that all the absences they racked up on their missions didn't make her repeat any grades.
XX
Something awful wafted through the air. Drakken had to keep himself from retching as the smell forced itself up his nostrils. He wasn't even anywhere near the kitchen, but judging by the racket coming from that direction, the kitchen was exactly where the smell had originated. Steeling up his nerves and breathing as lightly as he could, he approached the room to see what was going on. His mother and Dementor, along with several henchmen, were gathered inside as they cooked something.
"Please tell me that isn't breakfast," said Drakken.
"Finally, you are up!" cried Dementor, glancing back at the new arrival. "Yes, ve are making de breakfast. You can help!"
The man motioned for Drakken to join them, although they were all crowded around the kitchen counter top with no room for another person. Still standing in the hallway, he glanced through the living room entrance on the right and saw Shego sitting on the couch. It looked like she was wearing ear buds to listen to music and drown out the clamor coming from behind her. He turned reluctantly back to look into the kitchen. Dementor wore a chef's apron which read 'kiss the cook', as well as several oval lipstick marks on his cheeks, which Drakken could only assume had come from his mother's mouth. He desperately wished there was some other explanation for the sight, but no – neck-smacking was the obvious answer. The entire scene was making him queasy.
"You know what, Dementor? I think I'll just hang out in the living room with Shego for a-"
"NEIN! You vill come in and learn my family's strudel recipe! It is de FAMILY BONDING!"
"Yes, Drewbie, listen to your father!"
Drakken groaned. He knew they'd bother him incessantly if he did anything else, and he did want something to eat. Maybe the strudel didn't taste as bad as it smelled. He moved into the kitchen apprehensively, one step at a time, as the crowd gathered around the counter top parted to make room for him. He recognized the three henchmen around his mother and stepfather: his own henchman, Bob, was once again hanging out with two of Dementor's henchmen, Myron and Ted. He could have sworn he had told Bob to stop fraternizing with the enemy just the other day!
"And then, once we haf prepared ze apple and spice filling along with ze dough, we simply combine the two together, as if you vere surrounding a volatile power core with protective metal shielding! OBSERVE!"
"That's an interesting analogy, sweetie," said Claudia.
"Ah, yes. It is from ze radio business. Drakken vill understand."
Drakken did observe the process. He couldn't figure out where the bad smell was coming from; they didn't even seem to be cooking anything yet, and all he could see on the counter was dough and some kind of spiced apple filling. He leaned in a little closer to the henchmen and took a sniff, wondering if they were slacking in their personal hygiene, but it wasn't them. It was definitely coming from the strudel. Bob gave his boss a nervous look after being sniffed, but turned back to the cooking demonstration instead of saying anything.
"Don't you have work?" he asked his stepfather.
"Yes, a little later. But right now it is time for de strudel making. Now, as I vas saying - once de combining is finished, ve simply pop it into de oven like so, and vait about thirty or forty-five minutes until cooking has been completed. Den, ve enjoy our meal."
"That's not quite how Olga makes the strudel," said Myron. "I thought you said this was a family recipe, boss?"
"It IS a family recipe, Myron. Mine sister chose to betray ze family by starting a commercial strudel-works und choosing a bland, uninteresting recipe zat is an embarrassment to ze Demens name!"
"I don't think that's a nice thing to say about my wife," complained Myron.
"Do not question me, Myron! Does your wife employ you anymore?"
Myron scratched his goatee as he considered the question.
"Uh – no?"
"Zat is correct. Und who do you work for now?"
"Oooh, I get it. You!"
"CORRECT. So NO MORE of de questioning, PLEASE!"
Myron retreated back to his position between Bob and Ted as Dementor finished brushing melted butter on the unbaked strudel and picked up the tray with a pair of pastel pink oven mittens, getting ready to slip it into the oven. Drakken didn't recognize the oven mitts. Probably something his mother had bought recently. He was about to extricate himself from the uncomfortable kitchen situation when his cousin bounded through the door out of nowhere, almost knocking him over.
"Hey, what's that smell?" asked Motor Ed. "It totally woke me up, seriously!"
"You und Drakken," chided Dementor, "you are both quite de late sleepers, no?"
"Whatever, dude. You got food down here?"
"I am making strudel. You already missed ze demonstration. But do not worry – with mine strudel, there is always room for de seconds! Next time, de whole family can give it a try!"
"Awesome, dude! It's, like, bonding!"
"Yes! Exactly! Dat is EXACTLY what I was intending!"
Drakken got the feeling that it was high time to escape. Not only did he want to keep the family bonding to a minimum, but he was just thinking about how Frugal Lucre was doing on the hypnosis supervirus. He and Motor Ed had visited the irritating man the other day, and seeing as it was now Friday morning, Drakken felt like the man had been given more than enough time to hammer something out. He knew it was probably best to give Frugal a little time to concentrate, but he couldn't resist making a call and seeing what kind of progress he had made.
"Vere are you going?" asked Dementor as Drakken edged out of the room.
"You said it would be ready in about forty five minutes, correct?"
"Yes. I did say that."
"Be back in a while!"
Drakken made a break for it before anyone could object. He reached the elevator to go down to the lair, where hopefully he might get a little more privacy in order to call Frugal and talk about the plan some more. Just before the elevator doors closed, Shego appeared from down the hall and leaped through the narrowing crack into the elevator with him, almost getting pinned between the doors in the process.
"Hey Doctor D!" she said, getting up off the floor. "Going down?"
"Yes. Why the hurry?"
Shego took off her ear buds and tucked them into her pocket. "I noticed you walking down the hall behind me and figured it'd be a good idea to make a break for it before those strudels were ready. Is it just me, or did they smell totally awful?"
"Thank you!" cried Drakken. "I thought I was losing my mind!"
The elevator reached the command center, and Drakken leaped out to the nearest terminal before the doors had even finished opening, unable to contain his excitement. If Frugal Lucre was a fast worker, perhaps the work was already done, and he could move onto phase two of Operation Britina Summer Bikini Fun Time Supervirus! Or whatever his plan was called. Drakken sometimes had trouble remembering the name, but it wasn't about the details, anyway. It was the overall theme of his scheme that the name was supposed to capture.
"Hello?" he asked as the ringing stopped. He tried to bring up a viewing screen but realized - with just a hint of disappointment - that he was calling Frugal Lucre's home phone number. Now that Drakken thought about it, it was unlikely the half-rate supervillain even had the capability for video conferencing in his basement lair.
"Yes, hello? Who is this?"
"This is Doctor Drakken. May I speak to Frugal Lucre?"
There was no response, but Drakken could hear the vague sound of Lucre's mother calling for her son. He was probably working in the basement at that very moment. Her voice returned before long.
"Um, he's a bit busy right now. Can I take a message?"
"Nnngh. Just tell him to call me back when-"
There was a clicking sound as the other end of the line seemed to cut off. Drakken hoped Lucre's mother hadn't hung up on him, as that would have been very rude. He stood up with a sigh and leaned against the terminal, a little crushed that he hadn't been able to get an update on the status of his plan yet. Shego gave him an amused look.
"Can't wait until you can show up Dementor, huh?"
"That's not it at all, Shego."
Judging by his right hand woman's skeptical look, she wasn't convinced. Drakken had to admit he wasn't even doing a good job of convincing himself. He longed for the days when Dementor was still an enemy. Not that he wasn't still an enemy, Drakken reminded himself quickly. He just longed for the days when taking over the world had been a simple pleasure. Just something he pursued as a carefree but time-consuming hobby, for the sake of ultimate power and complete domination over all other human beings.
But then again, maybe it had never been quite that simple.
XX
"Honey, there's a call for you!"
Francis Lurman looked up from his desktop computer at the sound of his mother's voice. He was a little annoyed at being interrupted just when his plan was finally underway, but at least most of his work was already done. All he had to do now was watch his online account fill with 'donations' from terrified world citizens.
"Who is it, Ma?"
"I think it's that blue-skinned man you were talking to the other day."
"Oh. Drakken. Tell him to leave a message, I'm busy!"
Francis had no interest in talking to Drakken, especially since he had gone ahead and stolen Drakken's plan from him after making the hypnosis virus overnight. It was a good plan, and since Drakken had a lot of the concepts behind the way the hypnosis worked ready already, all Lucre needed to do was craft a delivery mechanism. Drakken was foolish to give away his idea so easily, thought Francis. And if the man couldn't do it himself with all his money and resources, then he would reap the rewards instead – with money to spare!
He returned his attention to the desktop computer where his online cash account was opened up in a window. Although Francis had released his supervillain message over the airwaves about half an hour ago, the cash did not seem to be coming in very fast. Threatening the world with a hypnotizing superviruses unless they paid him protection money seemed like a foolproof scheme – he had even upped his demand to two bucks a person instead of just one, since Kim Possible and her sidekick had made noises about a dollar per person being too low last time. And yet people didn't seem to be paying up. He could understand them wanting to save money in this economy, but at the cost of being hypnotized? What were they thinking? Making two dollars back was easier than trying to break free from the mental stranglehold of a tyrannical hypno-master who controlled your every impulse.
Francis was about to shout up to his mother and make sure she wasn't still talking to Drakken when the power in the basement went out. "Aagh!" he yelled, throwing his hands up into the air as his computer screen went black. What a time to lose power! At least his supervirus was already complete and ready to go if people didn't pay up. As soon as his power came back on, he'd be back in action.
Just before he went upstairs to look for the circuit breakers, he heard his mother talking to some people at the door. Francis hesitated, feeling suspicious.
"Hey boss," said one of several burly men clanging at a pipe in the corner of the basement, "we can't see much anymore. Mind if we take a break?"
The men all nodded in agreement. Francis stared at them incredulously; he had almost forgotten they were there. They had only been working an hour, and yet they were already so lazy that they needed a break. And at the price they charged, too. He felt indignant, but as he paid closer attention to the voices upstairs, he realized he was in a bit of trouble: One male, one female. Both belonging to his teen foes.
It was about time his maintenance men were put to action.
"Alright," he said. "Have a little break, but stay down here."
"Why?"
Before Francis could answer, Kim Possible and Ron Stoppable appeared at the foot of the basement stairway. Although he had taken off his fake mustache and couldn't find it on the table anymore, Francis felt himself make his mental transformation in an instant. No longer was he Francis Lurman; now, he was Frugal Lucre. A baddie on a budget. A dastardly devil on a discount. A big, big supervillain at a low, low cost. Frugal grabbed a colorful squirt gun from beside his desktop computer and aimed it at his teen foes before they could advance any further. He had been expecting them, although he didn't know why his mother had let them in.
"Francis, your friends are here to see you!"
"Ma, these are the two that got me arrested last time! Why'd you let them in?"
"Oh, I'm sorry, honey! I guess I didn't recognize them. They seemed nice!"
Frugal slapped a hand to his face before returning it quickly to the trigger of his squirt gun. The burly maintenance men standing in the dim basement stared at the scene in confusion. Kim and her goofy sidekick looked a little confused as well. Frugal was glad; the element of surprise was most definitely on his side.
"I've been expecting you, Kim Possible! You'll never defeat me!"
"Come on, Frugal," said Kim, "Two dollars per person? You really need to aim higher. And you're using a squirt gun again? What's it filled with this time?"
"The oil from the outside of popcorn bags!" said Lucre with a wild cackle. "Have you ever tried to wash that stuff off your fingers? It takes minutes, and you still feel like there's a residue left over!"
"Oh, that's diabolical," said Ron. He gave a low whistle.
Francis was glad to see his evil genius acknowledged.
"Just as soon as mother turns the circuit breakers back on," said Francis, raising his voice to make sure his mother heard him upstairs, "my computer will be back online, and I will send out my hypnosis-inducing supervirus package within seconds! The world will pay for failing to pay!"
"Huh?"
"The two dollars per person. People weren't sending it in."
"How much did you get?" asked Ron.
"About fifty-four dollars," said Francis. "Not that bad, I guess. I could probably get a custom supervillain outfit for that."
"Or a whole bunch of Nacos."
"Really? How much are those?"
"Well, usually it's about five bucks for a combo, but if you print out coupons from the site you can-"
"Ron!"
"Oh, right. Saving the world. Sorry, KP."
Kim nodded and turned threateningly back to Frugal. "Your power isn't coming back on, Lucre. Wade shut it down so you couldn't send out the virus." She smirked and looked at the group of men around Frugal. They had been gathered around some piping in the corner of the basement when she first came down, and they were wearing matching uniforms. "Not bad," she said, "you actually got some henchmen this time?"
One of the men took a step forward.
"Uh, we were-"
"That's right!" interrupted Frugal. "I'm in the big leagues now, Kim! Henchmen, attack!"
Kim wasted it no time in taking the initiative, rushing forward and knocking one of the henchmen backwards with a flying kick. The other henchmen stepped back in shock, apparently unused to fighting such an experienced foe, and Kim did a flip in the direction of the next one, landing lightly and coming at him with a flurry of punches. He tried to fend them off, but he was no match for his teen foe.
Meanwhile, Ron sprinted forward, about to try to take Lucre down, when he got a faceful of popcorn oil instead. He sputtered as Lucre pumped his squirt gun and laughed maniacally. Eyes closed to keep the oil from getting in, Ron tried to wipe the stuff from his face, but it only made his hands oily as well. He spat out a mouthful of the oil, which did have a tasty buttery flavor to it, at least.
"KP!" he said. "I can't see!"
Kim Possible finished dispatching the henchmen in record time, although the last one held up his hands to surrender before she came after him. She stopped in mid-punch as the man quaked in fear. "Why are you attacking us?" he said. "We don't want to fight!"
"What? What kind of henchmen are you?"
"I don't know what you're talking about! That guy just hired us to fix his pipes, then things got all weird!"
Kim gaped at the man as she took a closer look at their uniforms. The basement was dark from the lack of power, save for a dull light coming in from a small basement window, but now that she looked more closely, they did seem to be wearing some kind of maintenance uniforms. She should have known; Lucre was too cheap to buy actual henchmen. "I'm so sorry," she said, helping the men back to their feet. "Are you guys okay?"
"Other than my bones, yeah. Thanks lady."
"Sorry!"
Kim looked back at Ron, who was still stumbling blindly around while trying to get the popcorn oil off of himself. She heard the sound of thumping feet going up the stairs and realized Frugal Lucre was escaping. The maintenance workers may not have been henchmen, but they sure worked well as distractions. "Ron, come on!" she said as she grabbed her boyfriend by the arm. "He's getting away!"
The two of them rushed up the stairs in hot pursuit. Kim caught a glimpse of Frugal Lucre turning a corner just as they reached the top of the basement stairs. She rushed past the kitchen, where she caught a quick glimpse of Frugal's mother removing what looked like Toaster Toasties from the oven. Fortunately she still had Ron by the arm; otherwise there was a good chance he would have stopped and gone into the kitchen at the smell of the food. Frugal burst through the back door of the house and closed it before Kim could reach the door; she pulled on the handle for a few moments before realizing it was locked.
"Open up!" she yelled.
But Frugal obviously wasn't going to open up. She gave the door a solid kick and sent it flying, feeling a little guilty about making a mess which Frugal's mother would most likely clean up. But it had to be done. She and Ron raced out into the yard, but it was empty save for some trees and bushes planted here and there. A tall wooden fence surrounded the yard on all sides; it seemed a bit high for Frugal to leap over, but he had to be past it. She raced across the yard to take a look over the fence and see where he was. Before she reached it, however, she suddenly felt the ground disappear beneath her feet.
"What the-"
Kim's exclamation cut off as she dropped into a deep hole in the yard with a thud, ending up lying on her back. She looked up just in time to see Ron come tumbling down after her, landing square on her chest and knocking the air out of her lungs. A hail of dirt clods rained down on them, knocked loose from the pit's steep earthen walls.
"My bad, KP!"
Ron rolled aside. "That's alright," groaned Kim as she gingerly sat up and dusted the dirt away.
"Man, Lucre dug a hole in the ground? That's a cheap trick, even for him. And I mean literally – all you gotta buy is a shovel!"
Kim looked up at the sunlight coming from the top of the hole. She had to admit, it was pretty deep. Sometimes simple was effective. She jumped up, trying to grab onto the edge of the hole with her hands, but it was a few feet too high. Before she could think about her next move, the sunlight above them was partially blocked as someone leaned over the edge and looked down at them.
"Hah!" said Frugal Lucre. "I was hiding behind a bush the whole time, and you guys ran straight into my Hole in the Ground Trap! Patent pending!"
"How can you patent a hole in the ground?" asked Kim.
"Don't criticize my inventions when they-"
Although Kim saw it coming, she still couldn't help but wince as Lucre stepped a little too close to the edge of the hole. A clod of dirt crumbled away, sending him tumbling down the steep dirt wall with a shrill scream. Since Kim and Ron were already standing up, they managed to plaster themselves back against the other side of the hole as their foe fell, letting him hit the soft earthen floor of the hole with a loud thunk!
"Uuugh," he said, rolling over after lying prone for a moment. "That really hurt."
Ron stuck out his tongue. "Karma, Lucre!"
Frugal Lucre grumbled as he slowly sat up, nursing a crick in his neck and resting against the side of the hole. The three of them fell into an uneasy silence, and Frugal's bluster seemed to deflate as rapidly as an untied balloon. From the look of it, he was beginning to accept that his plan had been foiled once again.
Not that it was much of a plan, thought Kim.
She looked up to the top of the hole, wondering how they could get out. She pulled the grappling gun from her pocket, feeling a little skeptical about how effective it would be; sure enough, when she fired it out of the hole and let the hook fall outside, a few tugs only sent it falling back into the hole with some grass and dirt collected on it. There was no place for it to hook easily. Kim sighed; maybe a hole in the ground was quite a bit more effective than she would have expected.
"You know, it wasn't even my plan," said Lucre. "It was Drakken's plan! You should send him to jail - it was all his idea. Don't blame me for his evildoing!"
"Oh, please," scoffed Kim. "Take some responsibility for your lameness, Lucre. This plan has your name written all over it."
"No way! Drakken came over with his cousin the other day and told me what to do. He threatened me, said I had to get it finished or else I'd be in big trouble!"
"Yeah, like Drakken would ever work with Motor Ed."
"He did that one time, KP."
Kim paused as she remembered the Doomvee. "Oh, right," she said. "Well, still, internet viruses aren't Drakken's thing. And you sent that video out yourself, Lucre. No Drakken involved. Which was pretty stupid, by the way – if you have a video virus that hypnotizes people when they load it, why didn't you just email it out first and get people to send you the two dollars after they were hypnotized? Why broadcast the fact that you had the virus first so we could come stop you?"
"KP, sssh! You're giving him tips! Remember what happened when I did that to the Seniors?"
Kim had to admit her boyfriend had a point.
"Isn't that how it's done?" asked Lucre. "I have to announce my world domination scheme. What's the point in having one if you don't announce it?"
Ron, apparently forgetting his own advice almost immediately, shook his head. "You don't have to announce it, dude. Not to everybody, at least. It is one option, but it's best when nobody knows where you are. If the heroes know where you are, it's better to lead them into a trap deliberately, and then tell them all about your plan after you capture them, just before you destroy them with a laser or something."
"Ron!" said Kim. "What's the deal! You just told me not to give him tips on supervillain protocol!"
"Just trying to be conversational, Kim. We're stuck in a hole, after all."
Kim tried to claw her way up the side of the hole, but the earth gave way too easily. After a moment, all she had accomplished was getting some dirt under her fingernails, which felt disgusting. She looked up at the top of the hole, her irritation rising, when she realized the obvious solution she had been forgetting. "Francis," she said, "call your mom."
"I think she's busy baking."
"Call your mom so she can get us out of this hole, stupid."
"Oh, yeah. No need to be rude. Maaa!"
Kim and Ron winced at Francis' loud screech. It did the trick, though; they only had to wait a few minutes until Lucre's mother appeared at the top of the hole, silhouetted by the sun as she looked down at them. "Sweetie," she said, "why are you playing with your friends in that hole? You're gonna get dirty down there!"
"We got stuck, ma. Can you get us out?"
"Of course!"
Francis' mother disappeared from the top of the hole. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally reappeared with a metal ladder, dumping it into the hole and almost hitting its occupants on their heads. Kim grumbled as she positioned the ladder as well as she could in the limited space that was available and then climbed up. A rope would have been easier. She took Lucre's mother's hand at the top as she helped her out onto the ground. Ron and Lucre followed closely.
"Sorry," said Kim as she grabbed Lucre firmly by the arm, "but we have to take your son to prison."
"Oh, right," said Mrs. Lurman as she peered at her teen guests. "I keep forgetting you're those two teens he got in trouble with the first time. Oh Francis, I wish you could behave yourself more."
"Sorry, ma."
Not wanting to spend any more time in such an awkward family situation, Kim led Frugal towards the back door of his house, which was laying on the ground after having been knocked off its hinges by her powerful kick. She thought about apologizing to Mrs. Lurman, but her mind went back to what he had said in the pit, and his ridiculous attempt to pin the plan on Drakken.
It seemed ridiculous, anyway.
"Hey Mrs. Lurman," she said as Francis' mother followed them into the house, "do you know how Francis came up with his latest plan?"
"Francis doesn't talk to me much about his hobby, dear."
"Well, what I mean is, did he come up with the whole thing himself?"
"I sure didn't!" said Francis. "Tell her about how Drakken and his cousin visited you the other day, ma! About how they gave me the whole scheme and told me to make the virus for them!"
"That's right," said Mrs. Lurman. "The man with the blue skin and the bigger man with the tattoo and the mullet. They came here just the other day, bothering my little boy!"
Kim listened to the tale, keeping a steady grip on Francis in case he tried to make a run for it again. His mother tried to lead them into the kitchen for a few Toaster Toasties before they left, but Kim declined. She didn't believe the story the Lurmans were trying to feed her, seeing as Lucre had just openly told his mom to agree with his claim. And even if he hadn't done that, they could have agreed to pin the blame on someone else beforehand. Kim, Ron, and Francis stepped out of the house and into the street out front, where several police cars had already gathered.
"Thanks, officer," she said as she handed her prisoner into the cop's custody.
"You're welcome, Kim Possible! Thanks for doing our job for us!"
Kim brushed off the praise as the police put Francis into the back seat of a cruiser. One squad car stayed behind as a couple of police officers joined Mrs. Lurman inside to question her about her son's activities. Mrs. Lurman gave Kim and Ron a wave before closing the door, and Ron waved back enthusiastically.
"Another villain down!" said Ron.
"Totally."
"His mom's pretty nice, though. You sure we can't grab some of those Toaster Toasties for the drive back, KP?"
"I think she's a little busy right now."
As they began to walk towards the Sloth, Kim wondered why Francis' mother was so upbeat about everything. Her son seemed to cause her no end of trouble, and apparently she had at least some kind of understanding that her son was a supervillain. Or regular villain. Or slightly irritating man-child, to be really specific. She barely seemed to blink an eye at seeing her son go to jail; Kim wondered if Mrs. Lurman was expecting her son back soon. Maybe she had a lot of money for bail. Supervillains never seemed to stay behind bars for long, after all. Either they escaped or they were let go within months, regardless of how heinous their world domination schemes got. It was a strange world, Kim thought.
Stranger still, however, was Frugal Lucre's attempt to blame Drakken.
Why had he chosen Drakken as a scapegoat? She did remember hearing something from Wade about the two of them sharing a cell together when Drakken was imprisoned after that Li'l Diablo scheme, so she supposed they were familiar with each other. But now that she thought about it, Mrs. Lurman had been surprisingly specific about what Motor Ed looked like. Of course, Lucre could have told her beforehand. But the more she thought about it, the more she smelled something fishy going on.
They hadn't heard anything from Drakken in a while, after all. Maybe it wouldn't hurt to check things out. And if Drakken was involved, it could give her a chance of winning that bet with Ron. She really wanted that shopping spree.
XX
Notes - You know, it wasn't like I planned it this way, but I guess this chapter's title is pretty holiday appropriate. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!