A/N: Got up this morning and Maxine insisted on being first. I never argue with a loaded handgun. Also, a very big thank you to everyone who's read, reviewed, and even lurked. I'm glad you like this series! I don't know where in the hell half this stuff is coming from.
Sam's got really big hands, but a firm grip. I can really appreciate that. I'm a Taurus PT92, and I've been with Sam for some time now. I was the only gun he brought with him when he left home. That was a sad time. A lot of yelling and screaming at first, from his father.
He was scared. The father, I mean. I could sense it, but Sam couldn't, and I still wonder why. He stuck his chin out, packed his bags, and stormed out of the house.
Just like that.
His brother was scared, too, but he gave Sam money and a ride to the bus station. That surprised me. I thought Dean would rant and rave, but he didn't. He had this hurt look in his eyes, even though he was cracking jokes the whole time.
Sam didn't see that either.
Dean's not so bad. He's handled me a couple of times. Fired me, I mean.
Nobody else knows this, and I didn't mention it, but after Jessica died Sam thought about using me.
On himself.
Humans think funny things sometimes. It's that flesh part, you know? You got all those chemicals and electricity inside you, and when you're under stress you think funny things. I don't mean funny-haha, I mean funny-peculiar. And sometimes the things you think about will mess you up permanently if you act on it for that one brief, stupid moment.
Sam thought about it. Thought about joining Jessica. Dean was out getting food, a couple of days before the funeral, and Sam sat on the bed with me in his hand. He looked at me, and he thought about putting me in his mouth and pulling the trigger. I could feel it in his skin, all that sadness and grief. He dreamed about her dying, but he didn't mention it. Why would he. It was just a dream, right?
No way in hell I was gonna let him kill himself. I jammed myself. It hurt like hell, and I was sore for days afterwards, but I would not have fired, no matter how many times he pulled the trigger.
Sam sat there, and bless his heart, the moment passed. He got angry then, mad about Jess being taken from him. The moment passed, and after the funeral we went back on the road with Dean.
I like it out here. As long as I'm with Sam, it's all right.
It's hard sometimes, y'know? Sometimes I can't hear myself think. Frances talks all the time. He complains, really, about everything. Sam's big brother Dean, mostly. I just don't see why everyone can't just get along.
Frances is an idiot anyway. I know he sees the way the others look at him. I know how it could be if he would just shut the hell up.
Or if he wasn't around anymore.
One time Sam slipped me into the trunk by myself. It was quiet at first, but then they started talking to me.
I was shocked.
Angelina was first. She's a glamour girl. I always feel plain next to her. Haven't had much to say to Clint. I think he's Dean's favorite gun, but I never would tell Angelina that.
I like to talk sometimes. I mean, it's loud enough when we're working. When I'm not working I would love to have a little peace and quiet.
Sam put me back in the duffel after that, and Frances gave me the silent treatment.
I don't care.
I like Angelina. Jerry's not so bad. That Tony and Dom? Tony's like, "Hey, baby, wanna pull my trigger?" Dom just rolled his eyes. When he said 'Hi' to me he was so quiet I could barely hear him.
Dom's shy. I like him. A lot.
A/N: There's another short chapter right after this one.