Disclaimer: Don't own.
6 months later…
Iruka dashed from the back of the apartment to the front, dodging the older man.
"Iruka," Kakashi growled and slid on the hardwood floor as he made a sharp 180 turn and went after the younger man.
Iruka ran into the bedroom and mentally cursed when he found himself trapped. The thought about his apartment not having enough room to run away from the older man. He turned and found Kakashi grinning at him. But he stood his ground.
"Iruka," he said, and slowly stalked to his husband, "Give me my book back."
Iruka glared. Determined not to move.
"Iruka," he stopped a good five feet from the younger man, his grin still on his face, "Give it back."
"No. You said you were going to help me clean, and all you've been doing is reading -," he whipped out the purple book, "This!"
Kakashi pouted, "But I'm almost done with the chapter."
Iruka glared, trying not to give in to the older man's pout, "I know you won't stop at that chapter, you're going to keep reading until you finish the damn thing," he waved around the book as he spoke. He frowned and moved the book to his left, and the mismatched eyes followed it. Same when it went to the right. Up. Down. Iruka sighed, slumping a bit, "You're not even listening to me are you."
"I am. Just don't want you to throw it or something," the mismatched eyes looked at the younger man, "Am I going to have to use my fail proof technique on you to get it back?"
Iruka suspiciously eyed the older man, "What…?"
Kakashi grinned and slowly moved closer, "Give me the book, Iruka."
The intense mismatched eyes made Iruka step back a bit, and made him swallow. He remembered he was trapped; he hardly had time to react when Kakashi lunged at him, and on instinct he moved to the bed his intention of climbing over it, but he felt a strong body grab him, making him fall on the it with a "umph". Strong yet gentle hands rolled him over and Kakashi effectively held him down by straddling his hips. He managed to keep his hands and the damn book under him and he did what he could; glare.
"Now Ruru, if you give me back my book, I won't have to resort my technique, hm?"
Iruka tried moving out from under Kakashi, but the older man only pressed down harder.
"So, are you going to cooperate?"
Iruka glared, "If I give you the damn book, you won't help me clean."
"Same if you don't give it back."
Iruka gave him a disbelieving look, "Then I lose either way!"
"Ah, if you give it back, I'll help clean when I finish the chapter I'm on."
"I know you damn well won't! You'll get so engrossed with it that you'll end up finishing the damn thing, and read it again!"
Kakashi tilted his head and nodded, "I suppose you're right," Iruka began to struggled, "But," Iruka stopped to listen to him, "I promise to help if you let me finish the current chapter I'm on."
Iruka frowned, "I'll give it back if you help first, then you can finish it."
Kakashi furrowed a brow in response, he really wanted to know what happened where he left off…and it was getting to the good part. He sighed, "I suppose I won't be able to get it back with negotiation," he placed his hands just under Iruka's ribs.
Iruka's eyes widened.
"One last chance," Kakashi's grin grew.
"You wouldn't -," his breath hitched when the fingers curled.
"Oh?" He leered at the younger man, "So, give me back my book?"
Iruka glared.
The fingers moved.
Iruka struggled, "No! G-get off of me – ahahaha – d-damnit Ka – ahah d-don't!"
Kakashi laughed as the younger man struggled, his tan hands coming from underneath him, trying to push off his tickling hands.
"S-stop! Ahahahahah Ka-kakashi!" Iruka tried squirming out from under the older man again, but he was reduced to laughs and trying to push off the hands, "S-sto ahahah g-get o-off of hahahaha!"
"Give me back my book?" he couldn't help the laughter than escaped him, he couldn't help that the younger man's laughter was so contagious.
"S-stop! Ahahahah s-s-stop! Ka-kaka aahahaha!"
Kakashi snorted, "Book?"
"Fine!" Iruka gasped out, "F-fine! T-take your d-damn book." The tickled ceased, leaving him panting for air, and a hand moved under him to retrieve the damn purple book. Kakashi smiled down at him and gave him a peck on the cheek before climbing off the bed.
Iruka huffed out a breath, That man…he chuckled and got off the bed and resumed his cleaning.
To Iruka's surprise, Kakashi actually did help him clean after he finished his chapter. They cleaned out the hallway closet, and threw away things that they just didn't need anymore, making room for their wedding presents that that ended up in their bedroom closet.
Afterwards Iruka made dinner as Kakashi lounged in the living room, reading the next chapter of his new Icha Icha. They ate, and Kakashi asked Iruka about his students and the upcoming exams. Iruka told him that he had high hoped for the pre-genin, that they were doing rather well, and expected a lot of them to graduate.
Iruka took their empty plates to the sink and washed them. And before he had a chance to put the kettle on the stove for tea he felt hands on his hips turn and maneuver him to the counter. Kakashi lifted him and sat him on it. He looked into the serious mismatched eyes and suddenly he felt concerned.
"Kakashi, what's wrong?"
Kakashi let out a slow sigh and let his hands move to the younger man's thighs, "Iruka, I've been thinking about something, and I want to talk to you…but…you have to let me finish before you say anything, ok?"
Iruka nodded, and watched as Kakashi took in a deep breath and the mismatch eyes drop their gaze. He waited patiently, and looked at the pale face as the older man thought of his words, looking off to one side before his gaze fixed on him again.
"I've been thinking," he started, hesitating for a moment, "I've been thinking if…," he hesitated, "if it would be a good idea…for me to retire," he hesitated, and rubbed Iruka's upper thigh, "Because…I know, we've been talking about adoption and…when it would be a good time to through with it," he chewed on the inside of his lip, and let out a breath, "I want to settle down with you, Iruka. I want to have a family with you. I want to be here for our child. For our family," he looked up into the chocolate eyes, "And I can't promise that, I can't secure our future…if I continue taking missions like I am now," he dropped his gaze, "But I'm torn, Iruka, I'm torn between my duty to Konoha and…" he looked into the chocolate eyes again, and gave him a small smile, "And you. I want to be here for you, for our family. I want to grow old with you. But…I can't promise that…I can't secure that for us…" he trailed off with a sigh, "I'm getting old. For a shinobi, I'm getting old. As generations pass, they get stronger, more skilled, I get weaker. Take Naruto for example, he has four times the chakra than me, maybe even more now, and is learning how to control it more everyday," he let out a deep breath, "I know there are people in this village that are shinobi and have a family and manage just fine…but not everyone out there is Sharingan Kakashi, not everyone out there has the enemy nins that I do. And even with all of these jutsus I have knowledge of…it won't insure my safety home," he hesitated, "I don't know what to do, Iruka. I don't want to disappoint the village, and I don't want the village to think that I've lost respect for it. But…I…," he sighed, feeling his shoulders slump, "I don't know what to do, Iruka."
Iruka looked at the pale face as Kakashi went into deep thought. He cupped the older man's jaw and lifted the mismatched gaze to his, "Kakashi, this shouldn't be what others may think of you. This should be about what you want," he stroked under the pale blue eye with his thumb, "Kakashi, listen to your heart. What is it that you want? What is it telling you?"
Kakashi lowered his gaze, My heart?
Kakashi knew he was getting old, for a shinobi, he was getting old. He had made it over the hill, over thirty, as were the life expectancy of a shinobi, or rather a jounin, would be at least twenty five. If you live longer than that, you are considered either very lucky or living on borrowed time. Kakashi didn't know into what category he fell into. He has gone through so many mission, how many?...he couldn't remember. The things he had seen, during and after ANBU, even. Even during his childhood.
And that's when Kakashi's heart ached.
Did he want to put a child through what he went through? To experience a father's death at such a young age? No child deserved that much pain. But that didn't mean he didn't want to have a family with Iruka. He knew how much the younger man loved children, despite how much he might complain his students behaving like brats. And it was something that, not only he needed, but what they both needed. They have both been through their own share of pain. They have both become orphans. They both knew how it felt to be alone. But this was more than just the need to be with someone. No. This was much deeper, this was a bond they shared though love, compassion, understanding, trust and communication, even if he wasn't so good with words, but not everything had to be verbal.
And he was torn.
Was it a question as to what was more important? This man, his loving husband, or their village? Was it a matter of skill? If he was strong enough, could he continue to go on missions and come home safe? Could he make such a promise? Even though, their future wouldn't be secure, would it. It was because they lived lives of shinobi, but that didn't mean they couldn't be happy. That didn't mean they couldn't have a family.
"Listen to your heart…"
Kakashi closed his eyes and leaned into the touch, "My heart is tired, Iruka," he said softly, "I'm so tired," he rested his forehead on the younger man's shoulder. He felt arms hold him in a protective embrace, and suddenly he didn't feel that tinge of shame that was creeping into him. There was a point where a shinobi would either go insane with what they saw, or become tired.
Kakashi was tired.
AN: I know that this chapter might react differently with different people. Some might understand the idea of Kakashi wanting, more like, needing to retire. While others might think that Kakashi is too 'young' and too good of a shinobi to do that. Then again, the reason as to why Kakashi is such a great shinobi has been taken into consideration in his reasoning. I guess that i'm trying to explain is that, try not to think that he's gone 'soft', because personally I like to think he's gone 'human'. And just how much can one person handle?
The next chapter will explain more, and include more GenxRai.