It has been two months since the expedition. During that one month Clarissa had been writing songs in all of her free time, if she wasn't already working with Commander Hange. Commander Hange had been working with Clarissa a lot. Commander Hange has been bringing her to do experiments on the captive titans and just hanging out with Clarissa in any free moment.
Clarissa had a suspicion that Commander Hange is seeing if she should join her squad. At first this was a crazy thought, but the longer Clarissa spent time with Commander Hange the more it felt like her suspicion was correct. A member of Commander Hange's squad did die during the expedition. Because of that Commander Hange only had two other members in her squad.
One day when Clarissa was exploring the base she found a small formal living area that hardly anyone used. Inside of it was a piano. Clarissa sat down on the bench in front of it and she ran her hands along the dark wood. She flipped up the hood covering the keys and she pressed one key.
She started playing slowly to get use to the feel of the keys. It has been nearly six years since she played the piano last. So it took Clarissa a minute to remember how to play. After she got use to the keys she closed her eyes and let her fingers dance along the keys. It has been so long since she felt so much like herself.
When she finished there was clapping behind her. She turned around to see Commander Hange standing in the doorway. Clarissa stood up instantly and saluted. "That was amazing!" Commander Hange said waving off Clarissa's salute.
"Thank you." Clarissa said.
"Where did you learn how to play?" Commander Hange asked furthering into the room.
"I taught myself when I was younger. It was just a way for me to make money." Clarissa said crossing her arms.
"How old were you?" Clarissa raises her eyebrow. "How old were you when you started playing?"
"Around ten," Clarissa said then she dropped her arms to her side. "There must have been a reason for you to come get me." Commander Hange nodded.
"Yes, it is titan day!" Commander Hange said throwing her fist in the air.
"Didn't we just go two days ago?" Clarissa asked.
"Yes…. but I have a set of new experiments to try!" Commander Hange said with a smile.
"Did you even have any sleep since we went last?" Clarissa asked. Commander Hange's mouth opened slightly and she put up a finger.
"No, but titans won't wait to be tested on!" Commander Hange said with a wide smile. Behind her, her right hand Moblit, appeared.
"They can wait two hours. It is lunch in ten minutes. Go sleep for two hours and we will be ready to leave by the time you wake up." Clarissa said. Moblit nodded. Commander Hange followed Clarissa eyes and look at Moblit.
"I think it a good plan. It would take us an hour or two to prepare anyway." Moblit said. Commander Hange sighed.
"Okay, but make sure you have all of the books I asked for." Commander Hange said. Moblit nodded.
"I already have them in a pile in your office." Moblit said. Commander Hange nodded and opened her mouth to speak. "Clarissa, Nifa and I will prepare the horses after lunch."
"Now go sleep, we all have it covered." Clarissa finished. Commander Hange turned to Clarissa and nodded.
"Thank you." Commander Hange said before she walked out of the small living room. Moblit watched her walk away then he walked into the small living area.
"You haven't spent a lot of time with Section Commander Hange and you already know how to help her." Moblit said furthering into the room. Clarissa nodded and crossed her arms.
"It may be because when I was younger I had to take care of my four year old sister. In some ways they are the same. Neither of them enjoy eating or sleeping because they have better things to do." Clarissa said. She couldn't help but smile thinking about Alessandra.
"You have a sister?" He asked. Clarissa paused for a moment. Should she just tell him? She should just open up. It had been a while since she got her memory back.
"Two, I haven't seen them for… six years now. So I have no idea where they are, or if they even are." Clarissa said with a shrug. Moblit's eyes widened and he nodded.
"You lived in Maria?" He asked.
"Shiganshina, yeah." Clarissa said looking past him at the door. "It should be lunch. We should get going." Clarissa said walking past Moblit. He turned and followed her out of the formal living room and down to the mess hall.
Clarissa got her food and sat down with her friends, Eren, Armin, and Mikasa. Clarissa took a sip of water before anyone spoke to her. "You came in with Moblit, I don't see Commander Hange anywhere. Are you doing anything later?" Armin asked.
"Yeah, Commander Hange wanted to go to do more experiments. Moblit and I had to convince her to sleep before we went." Clarissa said taking a bit of the chicken.
"Do you think Commander Hange is going to ask you to join her squad? You have been spending a lot of time with her." Eren said. Clarissa shrugged. She had thought about it. But she wasn't sure.
"Maybe," Clarissa said with a shrug. "She is running low on members. But I haven't even been a soldier for a year." Clarissa took another bite of her chicken. "Did you know that there is a piano in the formal living up on the third floor?"
"No, why? Were you playing it?" Eren asked. Clarissa shrugged half-heartedly.
"Kinda,"
"How do you kind of play a piano?" Mikasa asked. Clarissa looked up surprised.
"Uh..," Clarissa said trying to find an answer. "You don't. You either play it or not." Mikasa nodded.
"Did you play it or not then?" Mikasa asked.
"According to that way of looking at things, I did." Clarissa said and she smiled slightly. Mikasa nodded. Clarissa stares at her food and sighs. There were better things to do than eat. She drops her fork on the plate then she stands up. "Excuse me," Clarissa said bowing her head before she walked out of the mess hall.
She had better things to do than eat. Clarissa thought about those couple of times where she had to make Commander Hange eat, and how she didn't find it important. Clarissa shook off that thought with the fact that Commander Hange hadn't eaten for three days during those times. Clarissa had breakfast, she would be okay if she missed out on lunch.
The second she left the mess hall she knew where she was going to go, to the piano. She walked up the many stairs to get to the formal living room that the piano resided in. Once Clarissa got into the room she closed the door behind her. Clarissa walked up to the piano and placed her hand on the piano and ran her hand along the keys.
Clarissa sat down on the bench in front of the piano and held her hands over the piano ready to press the keys. She sighed and closed her eyes. When she first played this piano it was easy because she forgot how it felt. Clarissa pressed the key and and opened her eyes. Clarissa's fingers started pressing other keys.
She didn't have to think about what she was going to play because she was already playing it. As she played it brought back many memories. Memories of her sisters sitting at the piano with her. Clarissa holding her hand over Alessandra's to help her learn how to play. Alina begging for Clarissa to teach her the songs, and Clarissa giving in and spending hours on hours teaching her.
A tear began to ran how her cheek. She pulled her hands away from the piano and placed them in her lap. It is just a stupid piano! Clarissa thought. A stupid piano that holds so many memories. So many memories of Alessandra, and Alina. Her two sisters that were so full of joy no matter what happened in their life. No matter how much hatred, they always smiled. They smiled until Clarissa made the stupid decision of leaving them and letting them die!
Clarissa's fists hit the keys making a loud horrible sound. Hot tears began flowing down her face. "I'm so stupid!" Clarissa muttered between her tears. She placed her elbows on the keys and rested her head in her hands. Tears rolled down her cheeks and landed on the piano keys. She sobbed quietly. Instead of the quiet hum of the piano, the room was filled with her sobs. Clarissa straightened up and slammed the lid closed over the piano.
"Clare?" A voice asked her. Clarissa knew exactly who it is, Armin. She wanted no one to see her like this. Especially by someone she respected. She silenced her sobs by putting her hand in front of her mouth. "Nifa said that her and Moblit are getting Commander Hange's supplies ready to head out. She asked me to let you know." Armin continued. Clarissa nodded to let him know she heard what he said. She didn't want to speak because her voice would be to shaky.
Why didn't Clarissa want Armin to see her cry? He has seen her cry before. He has been with her at her lowest moments. What was different with this moment? Is it jealousy? It can't be. What is there to be jealous of? They shared the same friends, they held the same rank, they both got to eat the same amount of food, they got the same accommodations. If anything Clarissa had it better for being close to Commander Hange.
The only reason of why Clarissa could think she was jealous of Armin was because he knew how the people he loved died. His parents died sometime before the fall of wall Maria, Clarissa knew this much, and he lived with his grandfather. Clarissa didn't know the details of how he died, but she knew he died after the fall of Maria. So it was probably one of those times when they sent people out to wall Maria, or he simply died from starvation.
"Are you still there?" Clarissa asked once her cries calmed.
"Yes," Armin said behind her. Clarissa nodded and straightened up. She wiped her tears away then she stood up and turned to him. He was standing in the doorway with a softened expression. No specific expression that Clarissa was able to read.
"Thank you," Clarissa said with a soft smile before she left the room. After she left the room she walked straight into a bathroom. She locked the door and looked at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were red and her hair was slightly messed up from the training earlier in the day. To be honest, she was a mess. Clarissa sighed and ran her hands through her hair to try and make it look better than it was. Clarissa braided her black hair into a tight braid and tied off the end with a piece of string from her pocket. Clarissa took a slow deep breath then she walked out of the bathroom.
In the hallway Commander Hange was just passing. When Commander Hange saw Clarissa she stopped and turned to her. "Has it already been two hours?" Clarissa asked wiping away a stray tear that fell down her cheek.
"No, it has only been one. But I did get forty-five minutes of sleep. Thank you for making me sleep. I never would have slept otherwise!" She said with a smile Clarissa nodded.
"No problem," Clarissa said brushing a stray hair out of her face. Commander Hange's smile faded as she looked closer at Clarissa.
"You look like you've been crying. Are you okay?" Commander Hange asked in a calm sincere tone. Very different of what Clarissa is used to. Clarissa's eyes widened and she nodded.
"I will be good in a bit. We have to get going, right?" Clarissa asked. Commander Hange nodded and smiled.
"Yes! We have to head to my office and get my books!" Commander Hange said start to walk down the hallway. Clarissa followed right after her.
"Nifa and Moblit are getting them, from what I heard." Clarissa said. Commander Hange paused and nodded.
"Off to ready the horses then!" Commander Hange said turning on her heel almost hitting Clarissa. Commander Hange started power walking down the hallway towards the stairs. Clarissa nearly had to run to keep up with her. Once they got outside Nifa was already placing Commander Hange's books into the cart. Moblit was nowhere in sight but as soon as Nifa saw Commander Hange she saluted.
"I thought you would still be asleep." Nifa said dropping her salute at Commander Hange's wave of a hand.
"I was, but I was so excited I couldn't sleep for too long!" Commander Hange said with a smile. She looked around the area then her eyes landed on Nifa again. "Where is Moblit?"
"He is off getting the horse for the cart." Nifa said. Commander Hange turned to Clarissa.
"Clarissa, you will ride in the other horse on the way to see the titans. Go get the horse." Commander Hange said. Clarissa saluted then walked over to the stables. On her way to the stables she runs in with Moblit going back to the cart. They said nothing to each other but they gave each other a respectful nod.
Clarissa got to the horse and saddle it up and got onto it. Clarissa rode up to the rest of the group and they began to ride towards Trost. Nifa was driving the cart, Moblit and Hange were in the back talking about Sina knows what. Clarissa was riding beside the cart.
It took an hour to get to Trost. When they got to Trost the titans, or Commander Hange's babies, are near the gate to wall Maria. They had to ride through Trost then they got near the gate. There were tower metal scaffolding covered in green fabric.
Clarissa got off of her horse and one of the Garrison soldiers came and got the horse and tied it to a pole. Commander Hange turned to Clarissa. "Clarissa, I need you to go buy me a notebook! I forgot mine." Commander Hange said holding out money to Clarissa. Clarissa took the money and saluted.
"I will return soon." Clarissa said before she turned away. As Clarissa walked down the street she got a lot of weird looks. It was normal for Garrison soldiers and Military Police to walk the street but a scout hardly did. Especially not one that was fully geared up. Clarissa had her ODM gear, that were fully stocked with blades.
As Clarissa walked someone pulled on her jacket. Clarissa looked over surprised to see a young girl. She could be no older that five, she had long reddish brown hair and blue eyes. "Oh my! I am so sorry about her!" The girls' mother says walking towards the young girl.
"No it's alright." Clarissa said with a smile. The mother stopped walking and watched confused. Clarissa crouched down to be at eye level with the girl.
"Did you go outside the walls?!" The little girl asked with a wide smile.
"Yes," Clarissa said matching the girls' smile.
"Is it scary?" The girl asked. Clarissa shrugged
"It can be, you have to really brave." Clarissa said. The girl nodded. The girls' mother in the back was smiling.
"What are those?" The girls asked pointing at the container that holds the blades.
"Those are very dangerous you can't touch them." Clarissa said grabbing onto the girls' hand making sure she can't touch them. "They are my blades that I use to kill titans. So they have to be really sharp." The girl smiled
"How many titans have you killed?" The girl asked. Clarissa paused a moment to think.
"Two," Clarissa said smiling.
"Clarissa, Section Commander Hange is getting antsy without the notebook." Moblit called down the street. Clarissa looked over and stood up.
"Sorry, I got distracted." Clarissa said with the same smile. Moblit nodded and turned around.
"I am so sorry that she distracted you. I hope you don't get in trouble." The mother said grabbing onto the little girls' hand. Clarissa looked over at the woman and shook her head.
"Don't be sorry, Commander Hange is kind. She wouldn't get mad at me for talking to a beautiful young lady." Clarissa said smiling down at the girl. "But like he said, I have a job to get back to."
"Thank you for talking with my daughter." The woman thanked. Clarissa nodded.
"That you for your support. Honestly, it helps a lot, there aren't enough people that support me and my comrades." Clarissa said with a smile. The womans' smile widened and she nodded.
"You have work to get to. I don't want to hold you back!" The woman said waving off Clarissa. Clarissa nodded and walked away. If she didn't walk away at that moment she would of never stopped talking to the little girl. The little girl is in her curiosity phase, Clarissa just feels sorry for the mother that has to deal with it twenty-four-seven.
Clarissa walked into a store and bought the notebook for her Commander and then she began walking back to where the titans were. On her way Commander Hange begins to run up to her. Right in front of the people she was talking to early. Clarissa handed the notebook to Commander Hange then she saluted.
"What took you so long?" Commander Hange asked flipping through the notebook.
"I was speaking with a girl, Ma'am." Clarissa said dropping her salute. Commander Hange looked up and smiled then she nodded.
"Alright! We have work to do!" Commander Hange said turning away. As Clarissa followed Commander Hange she winked to the young girl that she spoke with earlier. The girl responded with a wide smile.