Me: Mwahahahhah!!!!

Gaara: What's wrong with you?

Me: I have Mountain Dew and chocolate!

Gaara: Shit we're all dead now!

Me: Yup! Now say the disclaimer!

Gaara: Akuma owns nothing…

Naruto and Tsunade stared at each other with great concentration, and then Naruto blinked. "Ha I won!" Tsunade shouted.

"I hate staring contests…" Naruto mumbled.

"Oh well, I'm assigning you a mission today, free ramen day."

"Why today?"

"…cause it's fun to mess with you. But this mission is of utmost importance…our alliance with Sand relies on this single mission…"

"Now I see why you're sending me…I am the best!"

"Actually, everyone else had something to do."

"…what's the mission…" Naruto sighed.

"You must deliver this package!" Tsunade shouted holding up a small package.

"What's in it?"

"…if I reveal what's in it…a spy may hear and will take it…"

"…okay…"

"Deliver it straight to the Kazekage's mansion and give it directly to Gaara, no one else. Now go as soon as possible."

"Fine…" Naruto took the package. Normally he would've been extremely happy with a mission as important as this, but not today. It was free ramen day for crying out loud! But he had no choice…might as well get a pick me up.

Naruto went to the convenience store and asked for Code Red, "Sorry." The manager said, "There's been a severe Code Red drought throughout all the shinobi nations." Nothing was going well for Naruto today.

He began the mission. He set out for Sand. A few feet away from Konoha, Naruto was ambushed by…Konoha ANBU! "WTF!! Why are you guys attacking me?!" Naruto shouted.

"We know what's in the package. And we want it."

"…what's in it?"

"We aren't telling you. You'll take it instead!"

"…this makes no sense…isn't ANBU supposed to be helpful and protect the village?"

"Yes…but I don't see your point…"

"Hell, I don't even know what I'm saying…" Naruto said.

"Pudding!"

"Pie."

"Apple…"

"Well, I'll just be on my way…" Naruto said walking away.

"Okay, bye!!" The ANBU squad leader said waving good-bye. What a nice kid…what are we doing here?" He asked the other members of the squad.

"Uh…we were…uh…ooh butterfly!!" One of them said.

"Sigh…you get distracted so easi-I want ice cream…" Another said.

"Yeah, me too. C'mon, let's go get some." The leader said. And the three ANBU members went into the village for ice cream leaving the west boarder of the country of fire unprotected and completely vulnerable to attack.

And now back to Naruto. He walked through the forest completely bored out of his mind. So he started singing (very badly)

Happened one day in the studio
Dancing around in a do-si-do
The purple monstrosity was waving his arms
We were falling victim to his evil charms
He brushed against a candle and he started to smoke
And now we're all laughing at the dinosaur joke

Oh boy, Barney's on fire!
It's what we've always desired
We'll watch the flames get higher
Just don't try to put him out

Purple fur was flying ashes everywhere
And all of the kids just continued to stare
The guy inside the suit, he started to yell
We probably should've helped him but what the hell
He threw himself violently against the wall
He fell to his knees and he tried to crawl away

Oh Boy, Barney's on fire!
This is our secret desire
We'll help the flames burn bright-

Naruto was cut off (thank goodness, I think my ears were bleeding). "Stop singing that song!" A shinobi wearing a purple and green outfit shouted.

"Uh, who are you?" Naruto asked.

Four more shinobi came out, "We are the…Barney Fans!!"

"Barney fans!!? I thought they were wiped out!!"

"They were, but we are the survivors! Now we will punish you for making fun of our beloved Barney!" A man in a Barney suit came out of nowhere and started singing.

I love you

You love me

"Ahhh make it stop!!" Naruto shouted. (I'm with him; I'd rather hear him sing than have this)

We're a happy family

With a great bug hug

Naruto felt his strength being drained away. He was on the verge of death.

And a kiss from me to you

Won't you say you- Ahahhahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The man in the suit started yelling and fell to the ground. Naruto grinned evilly he had just lit Barney on fire. Naruto started singing again.

Oh boy, Barney's on fire!
This is what we've always desired
Wont you help us fan the flames higher
And you better not try to put him out

The Barney fans began ti freak out, but none of them were smart enough to put out the fire. I guess being a Barney fan does that to you…Naruto left the Barney fans grieving over their sad loss.

Naruto continued down the path. He started getting even more bored.

Bored…

Still bored…

More bored…

Boreder…

"Ahhh!!!! Why is this so boring!!?!!!" Naruto yelled finally loosing it. With no ramen and no Mountain Dew or any other source of sugar he was bound to loose it. It's a surprise that he hadn't lost it earlier. Soon he started halucinating.

Italicized words are what Naruto sees. He continued to walk down the path and he shouted, "Oh my god!! A fairy!!"

A little green fairy magically appeared in front of Naruto, "Hello, I'm the magical magic Mountain Dew fairy of magic! I'm here to guide you through the evil magic forest to find the magic supply of the magical Mountain Dew!"

"The legendary magical Mountain Dew that never runs out and tastes sweeter than regular Mountain Dew?!"

"Uh no…all Mountain Dew is magical silly! Now follow me!" The fairy flew into the forest and Naruto obidiently followed. The path was completely smooth and undangerous.

What really was happening was Naruto ran straight through the forest with his eyes closed. He always missed getting hit by an inch. He ran by a cliff and rocks started falling from the edge, all missing him.

"Come on Naruto hurry!! We're almost there! We just need to magically run down this magical path and we'll magically be at the magically magical land of magical Mountain Dew!!" The fairy continued to fly ahead and Naruto tripped over arock. He got up and picked up the rock.

Naruto held diamond bigger than his hand. "Stupid rock!!" And threw it. He continued down the path into the desert.

"We're hear!" The fairy said happily.

"Where's the Mountain Dew?" Naruto asked for all he saw was a barren waste land.

"Oh, don't worry we just need to magically open the magical door to the magi-"

"Okay I get the magical thing. Now how do we open it?"

"Simple." The fairy's eyes turned red and in a demonic voice, it said, "Give us your soul!"

Naruto blinked a few times. "Hahaha!! You almost had me going!!" Naruto patted the fairy's head. But he did it too hard because the fairy fell to the ground.

The fairy got up andin a very deep and masculine voice it said, "All right that's it!! I've had it with this stupid fairy thing!! Deactivate the damned genjutsu!!"

Another voice said, "Awww, but boss you're so cute as a fairy!"

"Deactivate it before I slaughter you!!!" The genjutsu was quickly deactivated. Naruto rubbed his eyes and he saw random un-named shinobis 1, 2, and 3.

"What'd you do with the fairy?" He asked.

"…how dense are you!?!!" Shinobi 1 shouted angrily. "It was all just a stpid ploy to kill you and get your package!!"

"What!!? What's in this stupid thing anyway?!" Naruto shouted.

"Don't play dumb." Shinobi 2 said.

"Yeah we-" Shinobi 3 three was cut off because he isn't special enough to say a complete sentence.

"Hey, you guys got me right in front of Sand. Thanks!" Naruto said walking away.

"Hey! Don't walk away on us!!" Shinobi 1 shouted. They chased after Naruto who ran into the village.

"Help! There're three crazy fairy shinobi chasing me!!" Naruto shouted to the ANBU gaurds. The ANBU gaurds stopped the shinobi and Naruto ran to into the village.

"Why are you chasing him?" The ANBU asked shinobi 1.

"Do you know what's in that package?"

"No…what?"

Naruto walked around the village feeling completely safe until. "Give me that package!!" An ANBU guard shouted. Naruto ran for his life.

He ran into the Kazekage mansion and into Gaara's office. He put the package on Gaara's desk. Konkura and Temari were in the office along with Gaara. "Oh my god…it's here!!" Konkuro shouted happily.

"It's mine!!" Temari shouted reaching for the package.

Gaara put a sand shield around the package and glared at his older siblings. Konkuro and Temari slowly backed away. Gaara smiled a chibi panda smile and opened the package. And inside it was…three bottles of Code Red!! Each of the Sand siblings took a bottle and cheered.

"What!!??!!" Naruto shouted, "I risked my life to deliver Code red??!!!"

"Yup!" Tsunade said coming into the room.

"Wait a minute…you were going to come?! Why couldn't you bring the package?!"

"Me? Do you know how dangeroous it is to carry Code Red around during a Code Red drought? I'm not crazy." Naruto yelled and Tsunade yelled back. And the Sand siblings contently drank their Code Red and whatched.

Me: Sorry about not updating for a while.

Gaara: …I have no comment for this…

Me: Okay…fairy!!

Gaara: Sigh…please review…