I could feel myself slowly waking up, I could tell the doctors noticed too because they immediately injected morphling into me causing me to black back out. This continues for what feels like forever. I finally manage to get my eyes open without morphling being injected into my body. I look up to see my doctor in the room. I was almost surprised that Haymitch or my mother wasn't in here.
"What's going on?" I whisper slightly. My voice almost inaudible. The doctor turns to me
"Finnick and Annie are getting married. So everyone's at the wedding." I smile slightly for the first time since I didn't know how long. "Peeta baked their cake." I was confused as to why she was telling me this. Her words triggered a memory though. Suddenly I'm remembering when I was twelve. Starving. And looking for something to eat. I was sitting behind the bakery after the baker's wife had tried chasing me away. Peeta came out with burnt bread and tossed it to me.
I remembered the black eye he had when he came out, and I remember being sure he had burnt the bread on purpose to give it to me.
"I remember the bread." I whisper. She gives me a confused look. Then suddenly I'm remembering the day after. Outside of school, I was looking at his black eye and when his eyes met mine I looked down. That's when I say the first dandelion of the spring. The dandelion that gave me hope. There was nothing shiny about this memory at all. Snow hadn't known about this memory. He couldn't have tampered with it.
"He saved me," is all I say.
"Katniss, tell me what you just remembered." I look up at her; I had almost forgot that she was there.
"I was starving. Peeta burnt bread purposely and threw it to me. He gave me hope. He saved me and my family from starving." I stare at the glass almost like I was watching the memory from the other side of it. My voice sounded drained as I spoke. I look over at her to see shock on her face. Suddenly I wonder if Snow had messed with this memory. But it wasn't shiny. "Real or not real?" I ask her my eyes on her face.
"Real." She says before continuing "Snow didn't know of that memory, so he couldn't change it. That's it." Suddenly she looked hopeful. I hoped that meant that maybe there was hope for me after all.
"Can I see him?" I whisper. First she looks at me confused then worry crosses her face.
"Who?" I knew she knew who I meant.
"Peeta. Can I see him?" I ask a little louder.
"I'll go get Haymitch," I shake my head.
"I didn't ask to see Haymitch." I look at her frustrated.
"I'm going to have him get Peeta." She arches an eyebrow at me before leaving the room. I stare at the clock watching the seconds tick by slower then I would've thought possible. It takes about fifteen minutes of staring at the clock before the door opens. I sit up my eyes meeting Peeta's.
"You wanted to see me?" He says cautiously. I nod. I wanted to tell him I remembered about the bread, but I didn't know how to start. I could feel the awkwardness between us at the moment.
"You never wanted me dead. Did you?" I whisper but I could tell he heard by his sigh.
"Katniss, I could never want that." I keep my eyes on him cautiously. I was afraid anything he might say may cause the venom to cloud over my brain and cause me to lose it again.
"Then why is that what memories tell me?" He looks down with a frown. It almost looked like he was going to cry. Which I was close to doing as well.
"Those memories aren't real Katniss." Jis voice comes out quietly. "God, I hate Snow for doing this to you." He says louder. He was mad. I could tell. I slink back against my bed, a habit I had gotten into anytime someone was mad. I knew he wasn't going to hit me, but it was a reflex. "He took you from me." He whispers, and when he looks up his eyes are almost watery. I could feel the tears gathering in my eyes as well.
What did that mean? He took me from him. So, Peeta knew about the hijacking as well. The pain in his eyes when he looks at me tells me he does love me. It didn't make sense with my memories though. We stare at each other silently for a minute before he turns to leave.
"Wait." He stop his hand on the handle, and turns his head slightly in my direction. "I remember about the bread Peeta." I whisper looking down at my hands. I fiddle with my hands waiting for a reply.
"What about it?" He replies after a minute.
"You burnt it on purpose, and got hit just to give it to me. You gave me hope. You were my dandelion in the spring. At least that's what I think I use to call you." My voice trails off at the end. He turns to me, and he looks hurt.
"Yeah, you use to," I could hear the hurt in his voice.
"You must've loved me a lot," is all I say.
"I still do Katniss. Don't you see that?" He says looking at me seriously.
"Did I love you?" He looks down as I speak these words.
"I don't know." I frown at his words. "Johanna said you did" I look at him confused before another memory hits me. I remember being dragged bleeding and beaten out of the torture room in the capitol. I remember telling Johanna to tell Peeta that I love him, and to tell Prim I'm so sorry for leaving her.
"I did." I whisper. He raises his head meeting my eyes with his.
"What?" He whispers just as quietly.
"I did love you." I whisper almost inaudibly. "I remember telling Johanna to tell you that" I say a little louder. His expression was hard to read it looked torn. I was guessing that maybe he was torn between being happy that I had loved him, and being broken about the past tense of the words.
"Did," is all he says.
"I'm sorry, Peeta." With that he turns and leaves the room. Once the door clicks shut I break down into tears. I put my hands over my face as I cry. What has happened to me? I've hurt him physically and now this. I couldn't even tell real from fake anymore. I roll over onto my side curling into a tight ball as the tears fall down my face. The position causing flashbacks of being whipped and kicked. Causing the tears flow more freely.
I was a mess. I hated it. I hated what had happened. I hated being hijacked. I hated myself, because I wasn't the real Katniss. It was too much to take anymore. I slowly cry myself to sleep wishing this was all a dream. But of course it wasn't. Even dreams aren't this bad - this painful