**I ONLY OWN MY OWN CHARACTERS**

CHAPTER TEN

VOICES FROM THE HEART

The more below the three of us got, the louder the noise became. The haze in the air was thick with cigarette smoke as we got to the crowded scene. Music echoed in my ears, the people around me were carrying on, having a good time. Some were happily engaging in beer, others dancing, looking so carefree. Jack had been right, this was a real party. Not some stuffy affair.

Anyone would assume that First Class or even Second was livelier; not so much. These people didn't have to think about frivolous things like parties, latest gossip, or business and politics. The only thing to them was how to survive or make the best of what they had. It became more apparent to me as I witnessed a young boy whisper something into a girl's ear, making her smile.

Rose grabbed my hand, and motioned for me to sit down at a tiny table. I shifted my dress to make myself more comfortable and watched as Jack brought us a round of beers. I suddenly felt myself blush and looked up and him with a look of hesitance.

"What's the matter?" He asked rather humorously while taking a puff of his cigarette.

"I can't drink this!" I pointed to the tall glass of dark liquid. "I have never done this before." Jack looked at me for a moment before taking his cigarette out of his mouth. Rose had just taken a sip herself, and from the looks of her, she didn't mind the taste.

"You have to try something once. Go on." He insisted. I heaved a sigh and picked the glass up ever so carefully. I put it to my lip.

"Just imagine Officer Murdoch wanting you to try it." Rose laughed. I shot her a sharp look. "I don't think he would ever ask me to do such a thing." I tried to laugh it off. "This is different!"

After another moment, I gave in and took a sip. The taste was actually pretty decent and it felt really good going down my throat. I licked my lips and then took another sip, this time longer.

"Better than champagne!" Jack reached over and patted my shoulder. I chuckled in my glass as I continued to drink. This was some really good beer, even if it was my first. As I managed to finish, I could feel my stomach churn in a way. After a short while, I turned my head and belched. Thankfully with the music blaring in the background, no one heard it.

"So ladylike!" Rose yelled in my ear. I rolled my eyes and put my glass down. "So much for my education from the finest finishing school in New England!" I giggled back. She slapped my arm as she laughed even harder. "Is this Irish beer?" I managed to ask after my hysterical laughing fit. Jack nodded. "We drink only the best down here."

"Hello Jack!" I watched as the same little girl Eve and I met earlier in the day walk over to Jack and give him a tight hug around his neck. "Cora! Not so tight!" Jack laughed. "What are you doing down here?" She put her mouth up to his ear to whisper. He nodded with every word.

"I would love to dance with you!" Jack took her hand and stood up to go follow her out to the dance floor. I smiled as I watched Jack help her turn. It was adorable. I felt a tap on my arm and I looked up at Rose who was smiling ear to ear. "What?" I asked. She nodded in my direction, her smile not leaving her face. I hesitated to turn around but was once again insisted.

It was Officer Murdoch and Officer Lightholler. Both looked more relaxed than at the First-Class dinner; Will's tie was slightly undone at the collar and Officer Lightholler began to light a cigarette. I felt the urge to run out of fear of Will seeing me down here. I was more afraid of being judged than being caught at a third-class party. I was also curious as to why they were down here.

Will looked over my way and his eyes locked with mine. My mouth had already gone dry as I remembered my behavior at dinner. There was no way he would ever see me the same again. He walked over to me and bent down. "What in God's name are you doing down here?" He asked in a way incredulously; his smile was humorous. "I am at a real party!" I shouted back, motioning over to Rose. "We had to escape our personal prisons for a while!"

"You must have partaken in some of the fine grog down here." I suddenly felt heat rise into my cheeks. My breath must have smelled awful. He laughed as he noticed my inner panic. "Not to worry, your secret is safe with me." He turned his head over towards Officer Lightholler. "Hey Lights, bring me and the lady a pint!" I didn't know whether to accept or not. I no longer knew what to think as I continued to look into his eyes.

He grabbed a stool and sat in front of me; his eyes never leaving mine. "What you said tonight took a lot of courage." I felt his breath on my ear; this started to heat my insides up. "I spoke from my heart." I said into his ear. Officer Lightholler came back with two icy glasses filled to the top with dark, Irish beer. "Thank you!" I looked up at the Second Officer and smiled. He in turn nodded and took a place beside Will.

"It is too loud down here!" Officer Lightholler grimaced. His cigarette hanging off his lip. "Sylvia is going to be pissed if she knew I was down here!" Will looked over at him. "Not as angry as Ada." I took a long sip of my beer. "Are you even going to marry her?" I asked, rather boldly. It was at that moment I knew that I was starting to cross some boundaries, thanks in part to the champagne at dinner and now the beer.

"Let's move this somewhere more private." He said softly in my ear. "Lights, I am going to show Miss. Stewart the promenade, care to join?" Lights shook his head. "No, I will be heading to bed early. You go on."

I looked over at Rose who was clapping along to Jack and Cora's little dance. "I am going with Will, will you be alright down here?" I yelled. Rose looked over at me and winked. "Be careful!" She laughed. I smiled almost wickedly and grabbed my shawl. "Don't forget your beer!" Will handed me my glass. I followed him up the ladderwell, away from the haze of smoke and boisterous laughter to somewhere unknown with the man I was helplessly and madly in love with.

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The promenade was away from the common areas of where the passengers usually gathered. It not very secluded, but more private than what I had been used to when being outside. I could hear some of the music that was being played by the ship's band, from the first-class dining room. The party must have been still going on. The wind had calmed down some, enough to where I didn't have to wrap myself with my shawl. Will and I were sitting on the edge of the promenade steps, going back and forth between looking at the stars and talking about our different backgrounds.

"Scotland seems so beautiful." I loved how he would use his hands to help describe every detail of his upbringing. He had put his heart into every word and would even describe the very smell and taste of some of the popular meals he talked about growing up. "I would never eat sheep." I laughed.

"It isn't all that bad lass." He laughed back. "If it is cooked right, you would love it." I shook my head and looked away. "I prefer beef and chicken thank you." I looked back at him and smiled. The more we talked, the more natural it felt to be near him. Gone was the feeling like my heart was going to fly out of my chest or the butterflies.

I knew that the conversation from before had to be continued. I started to get my bearings back thanks in part to the fresh air but I still wanted an answer. I looked at him from the side intensely, as if I was trying to memorize every freckle that covered his cheeks. "So about my question from the party, I didn't mean to be so bold." In a way I did mean it, but still the mystery was alluring.

He looked back at me, his face soft. "I have been meaning to talk to you about that." He cleared his throat. "Have you ever met someone and in a brief moment they captivate you?" I swallowed and continued to look into his eyes. My God they were so beautiful, even the small wrinkles at the corners. "Yes." I immediately regretted being so honest. "I mean…well..I have."

"When I met Ada many years ago, I was younger and at the time I didn't really know what I wanted." I listened on. "As our families got to know one another and as I got older, the pressure for me to propose and marry became heavy. My parents, especially my father wanted the family name to be carried on, I felt like I had that obligation to do just that." He sighed. "I am not in love with her anymore, haven't been in months. I don't know how to tell her, I mean if she wasn't on board with me, things would be much easier."

"Why did she insist on coming with you?" I tucked my hands into my lap. He took a sip of his beer. "She begged, and a part of me thinks that she wants to marry at a courthouse once we dock in New York." He once again shifted his gaze at me. "We are in pretty much the same predicament."

I nodded solemnly, he was right, but he had the power to do what he wanted. I, however, did not. "I am thinking about running away and starting a new life. As crazy as that sounds." I got up from the edge of the promenade and walked over to the railing. "I want to be with a man who loves me and I love back." I looked up at the bright moon. "Fall in love, courtship, then marriage. Honeymoon all over the world, not feel like I was being sold to the highest bidder." I felt myself on the inside start to crumble. "I don't want to have my first experiences with a man who doesn't love me." I tried to hide my hands so that he couldn't see me wipe my tears.

"I could go to California, possibly. Or travel south to Florida, become a nurse." I continued on. "Have no burdens on me at all. Just the feeling of sand in my toes and the sun on my face." I smiled. "My own paradise." I suddenly felt a hand on my shoulder. I instinctively turned around to find it was him. He must have seen my tears because he took his thumb and wiped them. With his other hand, he caressed my cheek, causing me to lightly gasp. "You captivate me Angela." He whispered. Hearing him say my name was like the sweetest song. "And you captivate me." I whispered. He cupped my face, his blue eyes piercing mine. Before I could think, he dipped his head low and I felt his lips upon mine. It was so soft and slow. I never envisioned my first kiss to be like this; it was perfect. I brought my hands to his face and continued into our kiss, I wanted to taste this man, I wanted him to taste me. He became bold and I felt the kiss take a more sensual turn; his tongue invaded my mouth gently. I reciprocated and the motion made my insides ignite. He wrapped me in his arms and held me to him as we continued. I wanted nothing more than to do this forever, not having a care in the world.

Eventually I had to get my breath back. I slowly stopped and looked once more into his eyes. After a moment, I came back to my senses. "Will, what will happen once this voyage is over?" I had to ask the inevitable question considering what we had just shared. He stroked my cheek once more. "I don't know. All I do know is that my feelings for you are genuine Angela." His gaze turned serious. "I mean it." I felt a huge weight come off of me. I loved him, but I knew not to say anything. He had been right, I couldn't imagine what would happen once we arrived in New York.

"I don't want to complicate things more for you." He confessed. "You are engaged to another man." His voice suddenly sounding forlorn. I sighed and looked back at him. "I don't love him and he doesn't love me." I licked my lips. "I do know that I love you." I immediately shut my eyes, it had slipped out. I broke away from his embrace and stepped away from him. "Sorry." I muttered.

"For what?" He walked back over to me. I couldn't look at him. "For what I said just now." I felt his hands caress my arms. The feeling was wonderful but my heart was beating wildly from my impromptu confession. "Why are you sorry for telling me how you feel?" I heard him ask behind me. "Oh, because I barely know you and I am feeling like some daft school girl." I thought to myself. "You are much more experienced than I am in the ways of how the world works and I know deep down inside that we will never see each other again after this…."

"Angela, please look at me."

I turned around and obeyed. "It is silly." I admitted. "And complicated now." He took me into his arms once more and caressed my back. "We will figure it out. Because I love you too." His head rested on the top of mine. Outside I may have looked more relaxed than before, but inside, my heart was dancing. We continued to hold each other in the officer's promenade. Oblivious to our surroundings, no care in the world. I never wanted it to end….