Hey there, you lovely readers! Thank you sooo much for your awesome reviews and follows! It means so incredibly much to me that you all still reading this! :D
So as a thank you, here's an extra long chapter. Now it's Gus' turn...
Chapter 10:
My eyelids fluttered open. I stared at the white ceiling and gasped. It was like waking up from a bad dream. A chaotic dream, that left the head full of afterimages. A little confusion spread, because I didn't remember what happened before I obviously fell asleep, but when a soft hand caressed my arm and I looked into her worried face, it all came back.
"Shawn? Are you with me?" she asked tentatively, her forehead creased.
I smiled tiredly. "Hi, Jules."
She returned the smile. "Oh, thank God. I thought you… I-I don't think I could have go through that all over again."
"I'm fine." I said and yawned. "How long was I asleep?"
"Almost twenty-four hours straight." said another voice.
Looking at the end of my bed, I recognized him immediately. "Dad." I said.
"Yeah, kid, I'm here." he said with a sigh of relief. "You had us worried again."
"Why, what happened?" I asked and struggled to prop myself up to look at my visitors. I flinched when my stomach and arm muscles started throbbing painfully. Jules offered me her soothing hands, but I managed to sit up straighter on my own.
"Just like Dr. Martin said, your brain went into overload." Henry explained. "You weren't able to stop remembering until the nurses came and gave you something to calm you down and make you sleepy. You're still on pretty strong meds. We hope that's the only reason you slept this long."
"You had a lot to process." Jules added. "The doctor said if you're able to remember us when you wake up it's a good sign. It means that you're now able to access your memories."
I nodded in comprehension, but she still frowned. "So, why do you look unhappy that I'm able to remember?" I asked.
"I'm not unhappy." Jules assured me, covering my hand with hers and gave it a squeeze. "It's just… It's hard to see you like this. You're so still and quiet and I think in total you've been inside this hospital for the better part of a month now, minus the week when you ran away. But I'm constantly worrying about you, hoping and praying that you'll still be Shawn the next time you wake up. Praying that you will wake up. It's… it's terrifying."
She'd started crying again. First she fought very hard to keep it all back, but eventually Henry laid a hand on her back, making her break down and openly sob. In slight panic I looked at my father. He gave me a small, calm nod and stepped back as I opened my arms for her.
Crouching awkwardly on the side of my bed, she nudged her face into my shoulder and I hugged her tenderly. Her arms sneaked around my waist…
Her arms sneaked around my waist from behind, gripping tightly for dear life. Her head on my shoulder, squealing in my ear to slow down as I took the next curve too tightly. She laughed, despite her fear. "Don't be scared. Just hold on to me and never let go."
I inhaled sharply as I remembered. The memory had been clearer. Slower. Is that due to the medication? Does it make my brain slower? Over her shoulder I looked at Henry again, who recognized the look on my face. I knew he was curious to hear what I just saw in my head, but I concentrated back on her, repeating the line that I heard Other-Me say. "Don't… Don't be scared. Just hold on to me… and never let go."
Slowly, she lifted her head, tears streaking her red face. "W-What did you just say?"
"Uhm…" I cleared my throat and blushed a bit when I briefly glanced at Henry again, who politely acted like he wasn't interested at all. "I said, 'don't be scared. Just hold on to me and never let go.'"
"Oh, Shawn." she whispered, cupping my cheek. "Do you remember when you used to say that?"
"I, uhm, I'm not sure. I think we were on my motorcycle…" I looked at her, waiting for her to fill in the blanks.
"Every single time that you had sweet-talked me into a ride on your motorcycle and I begged you to slow down, you said those exact words to me. Every single time I miraculously felt safer after you've said it, although you weren't slowing down one bit. I just knew you would take care of me. Whatever might happen."
The way she said those words, so softly and longingly, made me realize how much I meant to her. How much she wanted me to feel better, so that I could feel it too and reflect those feelings back to her. She's hugging me, but she's still hugging an empty shell that needs to fill up with her memories. I need to remember all of her now!
I smiled to hide my insecure thoughts. "That sounds wonderful. Uhm, hey, how about we just keep talking. Let's see what else I'll remember." Jules and Henry exchanged a look. "What?" I asked.
"Are you sure you can handle it yet, kid?" Henry asked hesitantly. "We'll have enough time to catch up once you're fully healed. There's no need to rush."
Yes, there is! Maybe I won't be able to feel if I'm waiting too long, I thought. Out loud I said, "I'm sure. I feel rested and I'm ready for new information. Just keep talking. About that police thingy and about my work. I work as a psychic. You see, I remember and there's no headache. Oh, can we talk about that black man that I—"
"Shawn, listen to me." Henry harshly cut off my rambling. "The doctor reminded us once again that you shouldn't overexert yourself or this could backfire very badly. When you remembered all that stuff yesterday, you begged me to make it stop. Remember that?"
I did. In the blink of an eye I saw those bits and pieces of my newly refreshed memory again, the pictures racing by like a film on fast forward. There still there. Dad's pictures.
"You were in so much pain it was a horror to watch, son, and I'm sorry I caused it, but please, make sure you're resting enough before meeting someone new, okay?"
"I am." I replied quickly. "I am rested and you don't have to apologize, because I chose to talk to you. I'm ready to go again, I promise." My words seemed to have been too desperate. Too quick. Again, Jules and my father looked at each other knowingly. What did they know? What are they thinking? "What is it?" I asked them aloud.
Jules took my hands, squeezing them tightly with hers. "Shawn, please believe us, we really understand how you must feel right now. You never liked hospitals. You always wanted out because of the control the doctors had over you and because you couldn't stand the pity you received from every visitor that came by."
Is she reading my thoughts now? The way she was looking into my eyes, so intensely and concentrated, I almost assumed that she truly was able to do that.
"But this time it's not just a precaution that you stay here." she continued. "You seem to be getting better, but you're not quite out of the woods yet. If you want this to be over… if you want us to talk normally again, please hold out just a little while longer. Would you do that for me, Shawn?"
It was amazing and at the same time pretty scary how much control she had over me. I couldn't argue with her while she was looking at me like that. Those deep pools of her ocean blue eyes enchanted me mercilessly. Who was the true psychic of us? "I… I guess I wouldn't mind… hanging out here for another day. But only one day!" I added quickly, taking a bit of power back into my hands.
"Okay." she agreed with great relief. "One day. And you promise me that you won't do anything stupid. No escape attempts, no sweet-talking the nurses so they'll make exceptions for you."
I grinned mischievously. "Are you sure you're not just jealous of all the attention I'm getting from them?"
For a moment she seemed taken aback by my comment, but then she just smiled slyly. "Just rest. And tomorrow we can introduce you to Gus."
Oh, that name. I heard it before in my thoughts. I saw him before in my memories.
"You remember him, don't you?" Henry was again quick to notice.
Jules elbowed him. "Not now." she hissed and just like that, got him back in line, too.
What an amazing woman.
"Well…" Jules addressed me again. "Dr. Martin asked us to respect the visiting hours, so… I guess that means we have to leave now."
"Oh… okay." I said, trying to hide my disappointment. Spending time with her was nice.
"I won't go far. We both won't." Jules said, briefly glancing at Henry. "If you need me here just say so and I'll come back as quick as I can."
"Thanks." I smiled. "But I think I'll be fine for a few hours." I reassured her. "It's just…"
"What?" Jules asked with concern.
"I don't like Dr. Martin very much." I admitted.
"She's kind of bossy, huh." Jules agreed.
"Like an angry German shepherd dog, looking after her defenseless sheep."
Jules laughed. "I think she has to be like that. She's a brilliant doctor, who really knows her stuff and has a lot of responsibilities. If it wasn't for her, you wouldn't… well, you know." she finished meekly.
"Yeah… I know." I said, bringing the conversation to an end. She stood up from her place at the edge of my bed to let Henry come closer.
With a smile, he patted my shoulder. "Sleep tight, kid." he said and stepped aside.
Jules locked gazes with me for a long, silent moment, apparently thinking hard about something. Then she nodded almost unnoticeably as if she had come to a conclusion. I froze, dumbfounded, when she leaned down to press her lips against my cheek. Just below the bandage so I could feel the tingling sensation her kiss left behind on my skin.
"Bye." she whispered quietly. "Get well."
"Bye." I replied still somewhat shocked. She and my father left the room, but the warmness on my skin and all over my mind stayed.
What a beautiful woman.
I dropped my promise to just rest an hour after they left.
I can't do nothing.
And even that one hour seemed to stretch on forever. I dozed off for a bit and woke up even more restless than before. I actually tried to move around, but quickly gave up when my head spun as soon as I sat up further. So, no exercises. Not yet.
Instead, I decided to think about Gus. Maybe I could get ahead of tomorrow's memory journey and prevent my brain from combusting. What I instantly felt when I thought about that name… that person, was a certain sense of familiarity. Like he was part of a family that I once knew, but now I couldn't quite imagine what his face looked like. Or like you knew someone in school and meet him twenty years later, but you can't recall his name even though he once was your best… best friend…
A dark-skinned boy with buttoned-up shirts tucked into his pants. Sitting in the classroom, hiding a spitball straw beneath his books. The young boy racing me with his bike and wins. Duct tape around our legs, running across the lawn, falling, tumbling. Gus by my side. Gus in the police car, holding his hands over my eyes so I wouldn't see her fall… Who falls?
Confused I came to reality again. My distracted wondering about who fell down made the memories stop. That was good, wasn't it? I was able to stop it. And that boy… that boy in my head, that's Gus. Wow, I seem to have known him forever. Jules' warmness spread over to his memories and I knew suddenly that he meant just as much to me as she did. He's a constant. He's loyal. I can trust him.
For the whole rest of the day I tried to conjure up another memory of him, but obviously I didn't find the right trigger. All that was left for me to do is waiting for him to tell me more. Boy, I can't wait to get to know him again.
He entered so cautiously and slowly it was as if he was scared he could set off a bomb with one false move. His spy-like slinking looked kind of funny so I grinned.
"Hi, Shawn. Uhm… it's me… Gu—"
"Gus." I cut him off and his reaction was gold. His eyes widened and his jaw slackened. Then he looked like he was about to start crying.
"You remember me?" he said trembling.
"Sorry, not really." I admitted, feeling bad when his tearfulness turned into earnest confusion. "Jules mentioned your name before she left yesterday."
"Shawn!"
That tone of voice. He used it many, many times before.
"How could you do that to me again?" he scolded. With tears still in his eyes, he came over to me and bent down to hug me tightly.
Slowly, I was getting used to that weird feeling that came when strange people hugged me. But his affection and the scolding that happened in the same moment left me slightly puzzled. So, he wasn't truly angry, was he? "Again?" I only asked.
"Yes… no, I mean… you know what I mean!" he sobbed frantically.
Too late he realized that I really didn't. New tears welled up in his eyes and I felt fear building up inside of me, overwhelmed by the situation.
"Oh, I'm sorry." Gus wailed. "I'm sorry. Of course you don't remember. You were acting almost normally just now and I forgot. Oh, Shawn, I'm so sorry."
His voice turned borderline shrill and if he didn't stop to take a breath, he would probably start to hyperventilate. His agitation jumped over to me and the fear within me turned into panic. Realizing that it wouldn't do any good if we both started to panic, I tried to swallow it down and address him steadily. "Hey, hey, you need to calm down, okay? Listen to me, Gus, you don't have to apologize. For anything, okay?"
His breathing started to sound less like he was choking and he looked into my eyes.
"If you start to panic, I'll start to panic, you know." I explained, barely able to contain the nervous tremble in my own voice. "If we're going to talk, I'll need you to be the calm one, okay? Can you do that for me, buddy?"
The wrinkles of his chocolate brown skin smoothed and he drew in a few deep breaths, forcing himself to stop crying. "Okay, I know. Sorry, I can do that." Gus said. "You were always the stronger one of us."
"Really?" I snorted sarcastically. "I don't feel very strong right now."
"You are." Gus protested firmly. "I always tried to tell myself otherwise, but the truth is I wouldn't have known what to do with myself growing up if it wasn't for you."
I nodded, blindly believing and trusting in every word he said. He's family. I know he is. I can trust him. "How long have we known each other?"
"Oh." Gus laughed. "Practically since birth. Honestly, as long as I can remember, there is you."
Guilt pierced me sharply in the chest, because I had forgotten so many years with that man, that friend. Would I ever remember everything about him again? "So, then you must have a lot to tell." I said.
Gus nodded enthusiastically. "I have, uhm… gosh, where to begin?" He froze suddenly and looked at me seriously. "Just so you know, Henry and Jules have warned me not to overwhelm you. So, if you got even the slightest headache, I'll notice and we have to stop, okay?
"Oh, come on." I whined.
"I'm not discussing this with you right now, Shawn." Gus said. "You have to get better. I can't lose my best friend over this. I promise you I'll tell you everything, but you have to give it some time."
"Fine." I grumbled and noticed Gus smirking a bit.
"You know, this is kind of cool, actually. I don't know how much your father had already told you, but for my whole life I stood in your shadow and your perfect memory. You seemed to know everything and you tugged me along and I always followed your lead even though I wasn't even sure what was going on in your mind. And now for once, I'll get to be the one who knows." he grinned.
"Hey, no reason to get cocky. I do remember stuff." I said, crossing my arms in mock offense, but couldn't hide my smile. If he used to follow me that means he trusted me just as much as I trusted him. "I… I think I guessed that you're my friend—"
"Your best friend." Gus pointed out.
"And that you played a very important role in my life. There are so many snippets of you in my head, but I can't quite… grasp them. There's so much…" Dark-skinned boy, running through the hallways with me, away from a bully. "School." I blurted out before the memory could fade again. "Tell me about our time in school together."
"Oh, okay. Well, on the first day we walked to school by ourselves, I had been late because of you…"
It was an exciting tale. Every new story was an adventure on its own. An adventure of two boys taking on against the whole world. In school it had been only him and me, because all the other kids thought we were freakish. For different reasons. Apparently, Gus was a geeky kind of guy and I was hyper. He reminded me how we developed our love for the 80s and how much I worshipped everything that had something to do with Curt Smith, Australian hair gel and pineapples.
The more he talked, the more I had to interrupt him because I was suddenly able to fill gaps myself. I realized I was laughing about the past Gus told me. I still didn't feel much but I could picture myself in that past and the images from my brain always blended in to the things he told me. Somehow, this wasn't as hard as my talk with Henry had been. This was easy and fun.
"Man, this is so much better than talking to my father." I said to Gus. "Everything was tense and serious and he kept telling me about that weird stuff I was able to do."
"I think you can still do that." Gus pondered. "When you woke up for the first time, before you… uhm, before you ran away, Jules told me you could tell the doctor what time it was even though the clock was in the hallway and not in your room. Apparently, you just saw it briefly."
I attempted to recall that moment, but came up blank. Skeptically, I looked at Gus. "You really think that photographic memory is still there, even though I forgot so much?"
"Haven't you listened to Dr. Martin? She told us over and over that she never experienced someone recollecting his memories this fast with a head injury like that. It's there, trust me."
I do, I thought. "Okay, then maybe you should tell me more about the things I do for a living. The psychic charade, right?"
"You mean the things we do." Gus corrected. "We're equal partners. I'm telling you that now once and for all. Never forget it."
I cocked my head and raised my brows. "Ookay. So, you're claiming to be psychic, too?" I grinned smugly.
"No, I mean that we are both in this together, we both face danger and we both solve cases for the police." Gus argued passionately.
I must have struck a nerve. "Okay, gee, relax. I get it, we're great." I surrendered.
"We are." Gus said finally, smiling with satisfaction.
He held out his fist for me. Apparently, without really thinking about it. But when he realized he froze. His fist also froze and I stared at it. Then, slowly, I raised my arm, formed a fist with my hand and bumped it against his. Without thinking.
When our knuckles collided, I gasped in surprise by the sheer amount of pictures that exploded simultaneously.
Gus and me fist-bumping. Gus and me saved by the police. We were facing men with guns, with rage in their eyes. Jules and that lanky guy. Handcuffs. Fist-bumps. Gus and me running. Gus and me screaming. Gus and me following a hooded guy around the streets. Gus and me. Gus and me. Gus and me. And Jules and-and the one, the policeman that looked like he ate a whole bag of Sour Patch Kids. "Lassie! Hey, Lassie! Hi, old penguin from Happy Feet."
Screams pierced through the swirling hurricane of images. I welcomed them this time. I wasn't afraid. I knew it would hurt, but I had to know. I had to know more!
"—awn! Shawn! Can you hear me?"
I opened my eyes with a groan. Gus' finger was hovering over the call button. "No, wait!" I exclaimed, panting from mental exhaustion. "If you… if you call for a doctor they'll send you out and say that I need more rest… but that's not true, okay?" In contrary to the things I said I had to pause mid-sentence more than once, because Gus' face swam in front of my face and got replaced by the endless stream of memories again.
"You can't even see straight, Shawn." I heard Gus say.
"Can too!" I protested, rapidly blinking the pictures away. My head spun, nausea was threatening to overwhelm me. "Can too," I repeated sullenly again and squeezed my eyes shut to breathe through another wave of qualm. I felt his hands covering mine.
"Shawn, buddy, you don't have to go through this."
When I was able to look at him again, the horrible fear was back in his eyes and I realized that he must have hidden it the whole time while we were talking. For me. He tried to act normal for me. Who's the stronger one now? "Yes, I have to." I said. "I can't take this anymore. Not knowing… not knowing is torture."
"I understand." Gus said, gently pushing me back into the cushions and smoothed blankets while he talked. "Honestly, I can imagine how bad this is for you, but we're all here for you, Shawn. We won't leave you alone during all of this." He put the covers over me. "Sleep. That's enough for today."
As soon as I was positioned horizontally I found that I couldn't argue anymore. My eyelids grew very heavy. I closed them, listening to Gus' soothing voice.
"We're here tomorrow. Every day. None of us will give up on you." A long pause. "I'm so glad that you're alive, buddy."
... Soo, I can't wait to know what you think! :)
P.S.: I threw in that bit about Dr. Martin for the attentive AgentMorganB-006. ;) Yes, she is supposed to come off that way, haha.
P.S.S.: The next chapter might take a while, because I'm going to visit the US in a few days. Woohoo, my first time overseas! I'm sooo excited! I'll work on chapter 11 when I get back. Until then, keep reviewing, guys... ;)