Author's note: I have no excuse for the late chapter this time. I've just been super lazy since summer break started, and a bit burnt out when it comes to writing, so I've been super unproductive. But anyway, here's a new chapter for you all. For all of the angst I've put you (and Merlin) through, I promise this chapter will be more hopeful and bring about some much-anticipated reconciliation.
...
"Arthur, I know you feel guilty, but please." Merlin exclaimed firmly with an exasperated sigh. "I already told you I'm fine."
Arthur had cornered him in his chambers yet again in an attempt to give him gifts, of all things, to attempt to make amends of sorts. At first, Merlin had allowed it. Though he had no want or need for gifts of any sort, he realized it was Arthur's own way of trying to gain his forgiveness. Even though Merlin had never held Arthur responsible for Freya's death despite the role he had played in it, he could understand how Arthur felt. However, after he had assured Arthur multiple times that they were fine, and that he was forgiven, the absurd amount of useless gifts were beginning to be a bit ridiculous.
"I just thought that maybe you'd like to have a-" Arthur began to speak, but Merlin interrupted him.
"Arthur. This is a very nice sword, I'm sure. It's very, er, pointy. And while I appreciate the gesture, I already have a sword, which I am useless at using as you keep reminding me at every one of our ridiculous training sessions, so, no, I do not need another one."
"I was just-"
"It's fine." Merlin assured him earnestly, leaning forward to push the offered sword back towards Arthur. "We're fine. I've told you that plenty of times. And I appreciate that you want to soothe your misplaced guilt in some way, but, eventually, you're going to have to stop giving me things before my chambers are so crowded that I can't find room to live in them." Merlin leaned back in his chair with a huff and rubbed his temples in exhaustion.
"If you're sure." Arthur said cautiously, placing the sword on the table and sitting down in a chair across from Merlin.
Merlin nodded emphatically. "If you really want to 'make up' for something, you could finish my studies for me." He offered with a small smirk.
"Not a chance!" Arthur laughed lightly, seemingly breathing a little easier. "If I had to suffer through my own studies as a boy, then its only fair that you do as well."
"Fair enough." Merlin replied with a smirk. "Now, did you just come here to try and give me that sword, or did you need something else?"
"Well, you have missed the start of training with the knights." Arthur said slowly, fixing him with a mock glare.
"What?" Merlin asked in alarm, bolting out of his chair and rushing to look out the window. "Has it gotten that late already." He let out an involuntary groan.
"Well, they'll be almost halfway through training by now, and I daresay Leon will be annoyed with the both of us. But seeing as you've been so dedicated to your studies, and you've made such great progress, I really didn't want to bother you." Arthur said with a shrug.
"I'd rather you bother me than facing Leon's disappointed stare." Merlin grumbled as he rushed around the room, clumsily grabbing all of his training equipment and putting it on. "I swear, he's mastered that look. It's honestly a little frightening. He looks like I've murdered his entire family any time I let him down. How am I supposed to deal with that?"
Arthur rolled his eyes playfully as he watched Merlin struggle to pull on one of his training vambraces. "Well, as long as we're there for most of it, I'm sure his stare won't last for too long. Afterall, I'm the one who has to teach you, not him."
"All the same, let's hurry. The sooner I get done with this, the better." He huffed as he began to lead Arthur out of the room, and down to the training fields. Arthur simply laughed and followed right behind him.
...
Despite their late start, the two had made it to the fields in record time, and, after receiving a surprisingly short reprimand from Leon, had begun to practice.
That is to say, Merlin was attempting to practice simple sword fighting concepts, and Arthur was attempting to be a patient teacher. Arthur got most of his training in nowadays during the morning drills and spent the shorter, evening times attempting to instruct Merlin to the best of his abilities. Surprisingly, Merlin had found that Arthur was almost as good at instructing as he was at actually using his sword. However, that didn't help much when Merlin was absolutely hopeless at any kind of weaponry.
"I suppose we should work on your horrendous footwork again today." Arthur said flippantly. "We're not going to progress any further until you improve it."
Merlin grimaced but nodded. He knew his footwork was horrible, but it seemed no matter how hard, nor how often he tried, he never seemed to improve.
"Ready? Begin!" Arthur called out as he began working him rapidly through the paces.
Merlin tried desperately not to stumble as he usually did, and his concentration lasted for all of one glorious minute, before one of the knights suddenly rushed towards them, startling him and causing him to trip and fall.
"Sire, I'm so sorry!" The knight, whose name Merlin did not know, hurried to apologize. Arthur, the prat, laughed loudly, but he did reach down to help Merlin stand.
"It's fine." Merlin assured the flustered knight. "It's not like it wouldn't have happened at some point anyway." He added to himself.
"What is it you needed, Sir Radnor?" Arthur asked the nervous looking knight.
"You're both needed in the throne room immediately, sires. A sorceress has been caught in the lower town." Sir Radnor replied, causing Merlin to freeze. A quick glance towards Arthur found him looking worried as well.
Without a word to either Sir Radnor or Merlin, Arthur turned and began walking quickly towards the armory. Merlin followed behind him at a jog to keep up with his rapid pace, leaving Sir Radnor behind on the training field.
As soon as they entered the armory, Arthur began to carelessly remove his armor with an almost angry air about him. Merlin followed suit and began taking off his own training gear.
"Arthur, are you alright?" Merlin asked cautiously, wary of Arthur's temper as always.
"Am I alright?" He scoffed bitterly, turning to face Merlin. "I think I should be asking that of you."
"Me?" Merlin answered, with a confused scowl, as Arthur turned his attention back to removing his gear.
"I thought Father was serious about making you feel welcome here. But apparently not." He answered bitterly, as he threw a gauntlet carelessly to the ground.
"We don't know that." Merlin protested as they both took off the last of their armor. "Maybe she attacked someone or did something else that actually should be illegal? Maybe it's not about the magic?"
"Let's hope that is the case." Arthur replied shortly, gesturing for Merlin to follow him out of the armory and towards the throne room.
...
Merlin winced as Arthur threw open the doors to the throne room with a bang, startling everyone inside.
As they walked to the front of the room where Uther sat on his throne, Merlin noticed that quite a sizeable crowd of nobles and servants had gathered in a sort of circle around the room. Although they parted slightly to allow Arthur and Merlin through, they remained crowded around someone that Merlin couldn't see.
That was until they reached Uther, and Merlin turned around to see a small girl, no older than five summers, sitting on the floor with tear tracks on her face. She looked fearfully between the king and the two nervous looking guards standing next to her, clutching a small doll to her chest tightly.
Merlin knew when Arthur had noticed the girl, because he let out a strangled, angry gasp, and Merlin saw him cast an angry glare at Uther.
"Well, what on earth is this all about?" Uther asked the two guards, sounding more tired than Merlin had heard him in weeks.
"This child is a sorceress, my Lord." One of the guards answered nervously.
"A sorceress?" Arthur scoffed. "She's a mere child!"
"Peace, Arthur." Uther said softly, his gaze never leaving the child still shivering on the floor. "Who is condemning this child? What proof is there of her guilt?"
The crowd began to murmur quietly, and a lone man walked to the front of the room. Merlin recognized him. He was a merchant from the lower town and a staunch supporter of Uther's harsh stance on magic.
"I saw her levitating that doll with my own eyes, sire!" He exclaimed with a sneer. "Imagine, a child so young corrupted by magic. Disgusting." He shook his head in mock sympathy, but the sneer on his face and the glint in his eye made him less than believable.
Merlin turned to look at Uther, worried about what he would do. The fact that someone had seen the child using magic meant that she was as good as dead. Merlin braced himself for the inevitable verdict, his mind already planning ways to protect her if he could.
"And has anyone else seen this child perform magic?" Uther addressed the crowd once again, his eyes scanning all in attendance, but no one else spoke. Then, Uther turned his gaze to the merchant. "Have you seen this child do any other act of magic?"
"No sire. But the fact that she could lift the doll with magic proves she is a Sorceress without a doubt." He answered with a smug smile.
"I see." Uther replied, sitting back in the chair heavily. This was it, Merlin knew. Uther would sign the girl's death warrant with whatever he said next.
"Based on the evidence presented, I declare this child guilty of the crime of sorcery. Bring her forward."
The crowd was silent as the guards led the now crying child forward towards Uther. He leaned forward in his throne as she approached, but much to Merlin's surprise, his face seemed to soften as he looked at her.
"What is your name, child?" He asked softly, causing the crowd to murmur lightly in confusion.
"H-Hildred, sire." She stuttered, clutching her doll so tightly to her chest that her fingers were white.
"Is this the first time you've used magic, Hildred?"
"Y-yes." She nodded frantically.
"Has anyone taught you magic? Your parents, perhaps?"
"No, sire!" She protested. "No one. I just, I wanted my doll that was across the room, and it floated, up in the air. All by itself. I didn't mean to do it, I promise!"
"Well, in that case, I think what needs to be done is clear." Uther sat up, looking out at the crowd. "I declare this child to be pardoned of her acts of sorcery, and returned home to her parents immediately." Merlin felt his jaw drop, and he heard Arthur stifle a gasp beside him, along with many others in the crowd.
"But, Sire!" The merchant protested in shock.
"My word is final. You are all dismissed. Immediately!" Uther bellowed, looking every bit the strong king he hadn't been in months, and yet, he seemed so very different from the man Merlin had known him to be.
The crowd started to shuffle out, and one of the guards, who Merlin saw looked suspiciously relieved, picked up the girl and began to comfort her as he led her back to her home.
Merlin felt numb. He almost wondered if he had imagined what had just happened. Uther couldn't actually have pardoned a known magic user, could he?
"Father, I-" Merlin turned his head as Arthur stumbled through his words, attempting to speak.
"Arthur, whatever discussion you want to have, it will have to wait until later." Uther slid down into the throne wearily. "I'm exhausted, and I need to retire to my chambers."
"Of course, Father." Arthur replied, still in shock.
"And before we have that talk, I need you to summon Geoffrey. I need to sign a declaration."
"A declaration?" Arthur asked.
"Yes." Uther turned to look seriously at his son. "I'm officially enstating you as regent, with full control over all aspects of running Camelot."
"Father-!"
"There will be no more discussing this, Arthur. It cannot wait any longer. I am not getting better, but worse. If I cannot sit through one trial after weeks of bed rest without feeling completely drained, then I cannot lead this kingdom the way it needs to be led."
Arthur's only response was to nod shakily and mumble something about fetching Geoffrey before fleeing the room, leaving Merlin and Uther alone.
"Merlin, you are dismissed as well." Uther said softly, startling Merlin out of his frozen state. "I'm sure you'd like to rest before dinner tonight."
"Dinner?" Merlin managed to choke out eventually.
"Yes. Dinner, tonight. Please tell me Arthur informed you." He sighed and rubbed the side of his head irritatedly.
"Uh, he must have, forgotten?"
"Very well. Dinner tonight will be in the small hall. You, Arthur, and Morgana are expected to attend, of course. I'm also expecting Hunith and Gaius to attend as well."
"Wait, you invited mother to dinner?" Merlin spat out before he could stop himself.
Uther simply raised an eyebrow at him, as if he had asked something idiotic.
"Er, I mean, of course. I'll be there. For dinner. Sire." He bowed awkwardly and backed towards the doors.
Much to Merlin's surprise, as he turned to leave, and stumbled slightly in the process, Uther let out a small, genuine laugh.
Merlin paused for a few seconds at the door and turned back towards Uther. "Thank you, Father." He mumbled softly but sincerely, hoping Uther would understand how much it meant to him that Uther hadn't hurt the child. By the nod he received in return, he thought the message had been understood.
...
Despite her deep hatred for Uther, Morgana had managed to put aside her feelings enough to tolerate being in Uther's presence most days. And as long as he didn't start talking about magic, she was usually able to maintain a neutral countenance in his presence. Tonight, she wasn't struggling as much to not sneer and snap at him, despite the fact that they were sitting at the same table and eating a proper meal together for the first time since she had returned home. Of course, she'd talked to him before this, although briefly and at Arthur's behest, but this was the first time she had to spend an extended period of time in his presence. It certainly helped soothe her emotions to hear what he'd done this morning for the little girl accused of sorcery, and the apology he'd given her when they'd talked hadn't hurt, even though it was stilted and she knew he most likely wasn't truly sorry. It didn't dissolve him of his many sins by any means, although it did help soothe the raging emotions she often felt when in his presence and allowed her to stay calm.
However, what peace she'd gained in Uther's presence was made void by the fact that she had to deal with Merlin.
Morgana took a sip of her wine bitterly at the thought of her newly discovered half-brother, sending a fierce glare towards the place where Merlin sat next to Gaius, and, surprisingly, Hunith, whom Uther had invited to dine with them in a move that was so unpredictable, Morgana had to pinch her self to make sure this wasn't some rage induced hallucination.
Supposedly, according to Arthur, Uther had been inviting Hunith to dine with him privately quite often, in an attempt to learn more about Merlin. And from the way that Uther was entertaining a conversation with the woman, she could only believe that to be true. In fact, Hunith looked almost, dare she say it, comfortable, talking with the tyrant.
Merlin also looked much more comfortable with Uther than she had remembered as well. She wondered what had changed where that relationship was concerned. She supposed that this morning's events had most likely convinced Merlin his father wasn't the murdering tyrant he actually was. Her glare hardened towards Merlin at that thought. He noticed, and his semi-peaceful expression morphed into a frown, and his gaze suddenly became fixed on his plate.
At that moment, her attention was drawn away from glaring Merlin into oblivion, as Uther attempted to draw her into a conversation and she was forced to plaster a fake, cordial smile on her face, and nod and agree at all the right places. Thankfully, the topic was tame and completely void of anything to do with magic, so she was able to do so with very little effort.
It was only after the final course was served, and Uther had turned his attention to Gaius and Hunith, that Merlin stood up. He seemed to be upset and trying to mask the fact, and he excused himself quietly. It was a bit earlier than proper protocol would allow, but Uther seemed to not notice, and instead bid his son a surprisingly fond farewell with a small smile.
Morgana watched shrewdly as Merlin quickly exited the room, not missing the quick, distressed glance he shot her way as he passed. She snorted derisively and took another sip of her wine. Good riddance.
"Morgana." She jumped a bit in her chair, startled, as Arthur softly called her name and leaned in closer to her.
"What?" She snapped, setting her goblet down with a small thud and turning to face him.
"Couldn't you just go and talk to him? I think it would do you both good."
"The only thing it will do is get us both into a fight." She sniffed, glaring determinedly.
"You've been avoiding the issue for weeks, Morgana. Surely it would be better to attempt to mend things than to pretend that Merlin doesn't exist for the rest of our lives?"
Morgana stayed silent but kept her glare fierce. She wasn't about to bend on this issue for anyone.
"Do it for my sake?" Arthur begged.
"No." She forced her voice to be hard and unyielding. Which was how she felt about this issue. Most definitely.
"Morgana." He pressed.
"No, I won't do it." She said. She was a bit put out that her voice came out more like a whine this time.
"Please?"
Oh no. Not that face. He hadn't used that particular face since they were children, and she'd hoped to never see it again.
"Oh, fine! Fine. I'll go talk to him if it will stop you from looking like some sick version of a wounded animal. Really, Arthur. It's completely childish and disgusting." She grumbled and stood with a huff. Arthur, the idiot, just laughed softly and gave her a small wave as she excused herself and stomped out of the room.
She'd only managed to continue her tirade down the hallway for a few moments when her foot collided with something, and she tumbled to the floor, catching herself with her hands.
She sat up, pushing her hair out of her face, and turned to find Merlin, sitting with his head buried in his knees, which were pulled up to his chest. He was shaking silently and looking every bit the innocent, kind friend she'd always thought he was. She knew better now, but the familiar sight still made her heart hurt all the same.
"Merlin." She said with conviction, determined to not let his theatrics get in the way of her having this conversation and getting it over with. He stiffened but didn't respond.
"Oh, stop that!" She declared angrily, standing to her feet and reaching down to shake his shoulders slightly.
"I'm sorry!" He suddenly exclaimed, and his head shot up rapidly, so fast that he slammed his head into the stone wall behind him, causing him to groan in pain.
He looked quite a fright. His eyes were red-rimmed, he had tear tracks running down his face, and his hands were noticeably shaking. He looked, for all intents and purposes, like the compassionate man she had once thought she'd known, and she yearned for the days when they'd had a simple friendship. When she would have been there to comfort him, and he for her. She frowned.
Merlin, noticing her ire, attempted to stand. Of course, being as clumsy as he was, his first attempt was so fast and earnest that it had him tripping and falling to the floor. The second attempt was more successful, but he still wavered somewhat where he stood, looking uncomfortably at the floor, and never at Morgana herself.
"I didn't mean to be in the way, my lady. I'll go now, and I swear, I won't get in your way again!" He rambled, looking close to another bout of tears.
"Oh quit the theatrics, Merlin. We both know that whatever you said to Arthur to get him to believe in your fake sincerity won't work on me. There's no need to pretend you actually care." She sneered once again.
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean-" Merlin started again, but Morgana cut him off.
"Look, Arthur won't stop pestering me until I at least attempt to talk to you, unfortunately. So this conversation needs to happen. So can you just admit that you don't like me and that I don't like you, and we'll move on?" Morgana folded her arms in front of her and stared expectantly at Merlin.
Much to her surprise, Merlin didn't scoff at her, or even drop his frown, or do anything she'd expected from him. Instead, he looked absolutely heartbroken and forlorn, and, although he didn't resume crying, his hands did start to shake once again.
"I don't know what you expect me to say, my lady." He said so softly that she had to strain to hear him. "I already told you that I didn't see any other way. But if I had, I would have done anything else. I swear it."
His head shot up then, and his infinitely sad eyes locked with hers, refusing to look away. "I'll never be able to apologize enough, and I know you'll never forgive me, but I just don't know what else you want from me." He dragged one of his shaking hands through his hair distractedly. "I'm sorry, I screwed everything up. I hurt you. I didn't mean for any of this to happen. I should have helped you, but I didn't. I'm just, so tired, Morgana. And I'm sorry." His hands dropped to his sides, his gaze fell to the ground again, and he moved to walk away from her.
"Wait!" She yelled out to him. He turned with guarded eyes to look at her.
"I want to believe you. I want to believe that this is all some giant misunderstanding. But you didn't just hurt me, you broke any sort of trust I had in you! How am I supposed to believe anything you say anymore?" She sighed angrily.
"Then I guess the best thing I can do is to continue to stay out of your way, my lady-"
"Oh stop with the 'my lady' business. You've never cared for titles before, don't start now." She sneered.
"Fine, then, Morgana. I'm going to go. You can tell Arthur that you tried to work things out and that it's my fault we couldn't make up." He turned to leave once again. And Morgana watched him go, thinking if only she could know what went on inside that ridiculous head of his, then maybe-
"That's it!" She cried out suddenly, an idea coming to her mind. Merlin, startled by her sudden outburst, almost tripped over his feet and turned to face her once again.
"What?" He said, sounding confused and slightly worried.
"You say all these things about how you felt, what you saw, but I can't know for sure that you're not lying to me. Unless I saw your memories for myself."
"What are you getting at?" He asked.
"If you're truly innocent, if you're really as sorry as you claim to be, then let me see your memories." She stared at him accusingly. "Unless you're scared of what I'll see because you are lying to me after all."
"I'm not lying, but I don't know how to show someone my memories. Is that even possible?"
"Please, for being such an 'absurdly powerful sorcerer' as Arthur keeps insisting you are, you really are dense." She sighed frustratedly. "Yes, it's possible. And yes, before you ask, I know how to perform the spell. Morgause taught it to me when we were still on speaking terms, although I'm not sure what she thought I'd use it for. I could even do it right now. It's a fairly simple spell."
"Could you not do it right this very second?" Merlin asked, suddenly looking very nervous. "I mean, it's just, we're in the middle of a corridor. And we're already taking a risk just talking about this out in the open."
Morgana simply rolled her eyes, grabbed his arm, and began dragging him in the direction of her chambers without another word. Merlin didn't respond, but he did sputter a little bit at first before falling silent and following behind her.
She pushed him inside her chambers with a little more force than necessary and shut and locked the door behind her.
"How does this work?" He asked. "What do I even do?"
"Just stand there quietly. I'll recite the spell, and you'll feel something prompting your memory. Just simply allow it to guide you, and think about whatever memory it leads you to. The spell will let me know if you're altering the memory in any way, so don't try anything. And although I won't be able to see any memory that you block from me, I will know that you are blocking it."
"Okay, I can do that." He responded shakily. "You only want to see the night of the, um, attack, right?"
"Yes." She responded shortly. "Now stand still, and let's get this over with. Close your eyes, it will help you focus."
Merlin nodded, letting his eyes fall shut. Morgana leaned forward, placing her hands on Merlin's temples, and with a few short, whispered words she found herself inside of Merlin's memory.
The memory flew past her as if she were in a dream, but the events she saw and Merlin's emotions were clear. She could feel his desperation as Arthur started falling asleep, his fear at the seemingly impossible situation he found himself in, and his confusion as to why she hadn't fallen prey as well to whatever spell plagued the kingdom. But none of these things meant he was sorry for what actually mattered to her, and she was still skeptical.
It was then that she was pulled into a memory that was filled with even more emotion that all of the rest she had seen before combined. Immense amounts of sorrow, anguish, and self-loathing overwhelmed her senses. She felt sick to her stomach with the weight of them. She watched in shock as Merlin held her while she was dying, as he cried over her still body, and as he bargained with Morgause for her life.
Suddenly, the memory came to an abrupt end, and she found herself collapsing to the floor in a state of shock.
"Merlin." She whispered his name sadly, feeling tears make their way down her cheeks.
"I'm so sorry." He whispered in response, dropping to the floor next to her, his hands reaching out as if to hug her, but pulling back at the last second and awkwardly fluttering around him instead as she cried.
She took pity on him, and with a small laugh tinged in sadness from her tears, she pulled him into a tight hug.
"No, Merlin, I'm sorry." She responded earnestly. "I've been horrid, haven't I?"
"No, no, no, you did nothing wrong!" His head shook side to side from where it was hidden in her shoulder. "I don't blame you. What I did was unforgivable, and of course, you would be angry at me, and-"
"It's still not excusable." She insisted, pulling back and looking at him. "I'm still slightly angry, and I think I always will be. I don't think I'll ever stop wondering what might have happened if you told me about your magic earlier, or if we'd tried to find another solution together. But neither of us can truly know the answers to any of those things. And, Merlin, I know now that you meant what you said to me the day you rescued me. I understand that you did the best you could."
Merlin didn't respond, simply stared at her, seemingly unable to believe her words.
"I'm so tired of being angry." She admitted. "I've been angry at so many people for so long. You, Uther, Morgause. I don't want to lose anyone else that I love, and I don't want to be so angry for the rest of my life." She brushed the tears off of her face tiredly and gave him a small smile. "Maybe we could start over? Without the deception, and the anger, and the lies? Can we be honest with one another?"
"Start over?" Merlin asked with hope in his voice.
"Yes. Like this." She stood and pulled Merlin to his feet with her, reaching out to grasp one of his hands in hers and shake it softly. "Pleased to meet you. I'm the Lady Morgana. I'm a very powerful witch, a seer, and I've been told that I may possibly have a nasty temper."
After a few seconds of silence, Merlin responded.
"Hi. I'm Merlin. I'm apparently the most powerful warlock to ever live, and I happen to be really bad at sharing my secrets with my friends."
Morgana chuckled softly and pulled Merlin into another hug, softer this time.
"Are we, okay, then?" Merlin whispered.
"Yes, Merlin. I think we are." She answered sincerely.
"I missed you, you know. You were one of the first friends I made in Camelot." She heard him say softly.
"I missed you too. Even when I was angry, I missed what things were like before all of this mess happened." She pulled back, putting distance between them once more.
A slightly stilted silence fell around them both.
"Well, I guess, I'll be going now." Merlin broke the silence with a small shrug and a half smile. "Goodnight, Morgana."
"Goodnight, Merlin." She said softly but sincerely as he exited the room.
She sat down on her bed heavily as he left, and looked towards the door.
She'd let her mind wander, thinking of nothing, for quite some time, when Gwen entered the room to help her prepare for bed.
"Morgana?" Gwen asked worriedly. "Are you alright? You look a little pale. Have you been crying?"
"I'm fine, Gwen." She answered, looking up at her dearest friend with a smile. "I'm more than fine, I think."
"Well, as long as you're sure you're alright." Gwen said reluctantly, moving towards the wardrobe.
Morgana simply smiled, stood, and prepared herself for bed. She had a feeling she would sleep well tonight.