Don't own this

but I cried while I wrote it.

Chapter 10

Saying Goodbye

James was sitting in the squishy black arm chair in his dress robes waiting for Sirius and Remus. They were having services for his parents today. Yesterday had been the arrangements for Mr. and Mrs. Lupin. James' uncle came in the room, entering from the hallway on the left.

"James." He said tentatively. He looked at his uncle Micah meeting his eyes for only a second before looking at his knees. He hadn't spoken to anyone since coming home except Sirius, Remus and Peter. And those words were few and far between none of them felt much like talking. "James, I know you are upset but you know you are speaking at the service today and I want to make sure you are actually going to speak." He said as he sat down beside his nephew. James continued to look at his knees and nodded solemnly as they heard the other boys enter the room. "Ok guys, let's get moving, it is time." Micah sighed as he looked at James and Remus. They were 17 years old but had been sheltered their whole lives.

Remus' parents had protected him fiercely. He was their baby. He was ill. They gave him everything they could and had slept outside of the door to the basement as he changed when he was a child. James' parents hadn't thought they could have children and James was their miracle. He was nothing less than adored. They lavished him with love, affection, and anything he had ever asked for. Because of their shielded lives both of them were not as mature as they should be. Neither had ever dealt with any death or loss and they were not handling this well at all. James was not speaking to anyone and Remus was only speaking in a whisper. Sirius seemed to be wearing himself out trying to help both of them while grieving on his own and Peter seemed to be existing in the background not really being an active part in any of it.

James stood and walked over to his friends and they walked out of the manor together.

James' parents were very well known and his father was a renowned healer and a wizangamot elder. Needless to say, there were a lot of people at their service. James was sitting in the front row between his uncle and Sirius. Remus and Peter were a couple of rows back sitting with Frank, Alice, Riliegh, Vinnia, Kiarra, and Lily. They had all also come for Remus' parents to show support for their friends.

The service was almost over when the speaker called James to the front. He walked slowly to the podium between the two caskets and looked out in front of him before turning his back to the crowd and looking at his parents. They were so perfect and still you would have thought they were sleeping. He breathed out a sigh and choked out his speech.

"Mum, Dad. I am supposed to be talking to all of these people who are here to pay their respects to you. I am supposed to be telling them how great you were and how the world will be a sadder place without you in it. Well, I think they already know that. I am supposed to be showing that you have raised a fine young man who can stand here and be strong in the face of evil and pain. Well, I think they know that isn't true." He stifled back a sob. "Don't get me wrong. You did a great job raising me. You are fantastic parents. But we all know I am not quite an upstanding man yet. We know that I inherited mum's ability to laugh at anything and dad's fascination for being the one to make others laugh. That has turned out to be a dangerous combination. Just ask the students and professors at Hogwarts. Then again you have had enough owls to know that already." He heard the crowd chuckle behind him and he could distinguish Sirius' snicker. "I am sorry I am not being the strong one right now. I am afraid to face tomorrow without you. I guess my consolation is that, by blood or not, you provided me with a brother. Since we were 11 you brought my best friend into our home and helped me raise him." More laughter from the crowd who could be heard sniffling all around. "Thank you, for letting me keep him. Thank you for being there for us. We are going to be lost without you. It might just be a good thing that we still have a year of school left to figure out how to be adults. I wish you were going to be here to see our lives play out, to see us become the men you did raise us to be. He didn't think he could speak today so I vowed to do it for both of us. We love you, we will spend everyday living lives that would make you proud from here on out. Thank you for trying to make this a safer world for us to live in and we both vow to take up the fight where you left off. We walked into this as your sons, your rambunctious, obnoxious boys. We will leave here as men, but your sons forever." He walked over to each casket and then kissed his mother on the top of her hair. He felt Sirius place his hand on his shoulder and saw him lean into each casket and place a note with each of them. They had written the notes together and James smiled at his best friend as he looked down at their parents. They looked at each other for a moment watching tears fall down each of their cheeks and walked together back to their seats.

Sirius was leaning against the wall in the great room of the manor watching people mill all around him. Vinniah was standing beside him holding his hand. And Lily was on the other side with her head leaning against his arm. They were talking quietly as he watched. Remus was sitting with Rileigh, Frank and Alice. They were munching on some of the food. Pete had gone home with his mother a few minutes before. James was sitting on the back porch alone when Kiarra walked through the French doors. He looked back at her and let a small smile escape his lips.

"James?" she said quietly as she sat down on the step beside him.

"Yeah" he replied hoarsely.

"I want you to be happy."

"Uhm, probably not going to happen right now Kiki." He said looking at her like she had just turned into a mountain troll. She laughed weakly.

"No, I know that. I don't mean right now I mean in general. I do love you. But I think we are better friends. Besides you still love her you know." She whispered as she nudged his shoulder. He looked at her appraisingly.

"Do you really think now is the time to be breaking up with me." He answered almost light heartedly. She smiled at him knowingly.

"James, we should have broken up a while ago and yes I do think now is the time because it isn't me who can make you feel better. She can. You love her."

"I know." He muttered as he kicked a rock. "I tried not to." She giggled at his sullen response.

"I know that. I tried to pretend you didn't. You know she loves you too?"

"No I think you might be a little off. We are friends now sure but not anything more."

"No James. I was standing outside of the hospital wing when she said it. She said it after you fell asleep. In front of everyone. She said. "I heart you too"" James looked at her and smiled.

"Nuh uh." Was is weird that this girl had been his girlfriend not minutes before and was now giving him advice on another girl?

"Yeah huh. I think you two are much better for each other than we are. I think you know it. I think you should give me a hug and say thank you and go inside to be with your family and friends and future wife. I just want you to be happy. It is awful watching you of all people be sad." She smiled as he hugged her tightly before she stood to leave. He walked her through the house and to the front door. His friends watched as he hugged her again and kissed her cheek in a very non-intimate sort of way before he walked over to them and stood beside Lily. She immediately picked her head up off Sirius' arm and stepped into a hug from James. It was the first she had seen him since the grave side.

"Jamie, please tell me she did not pick today of all days to break up with you? That is terrible timing." Sirius shook his head. The others looked appalled as James nodded.

"She what?" Lily practically yelled. He laughed and pulled her into a tighter hug before releasing her to stand in front of him. He was looking into her teary green eyes as he spoke.

"Well honestly, it was her idea but it was mutual. We are terrible together. Moons I am surprised you didn't know that." Lily held down a giggle and Remus smiled brightly for the first time in days.

"I did know that. But you have learned a lot over the last few months thanks to her and I thought she made a pretty pair of training wheels." Sirius and Frank burst into laughter and Rileigh hit him in the arm. James was laughing for the first time in days and everyone at the gathering looked happy to see him getting back to being himself. "So are you still friends?" Remus asked over the laughter. James smiled still looking at Lily.

"Yeah, I guess we weren't really friends before but we are now. We both think that we each need someone who can be there for us." He smiled over Lily's head as she hugged him again and Sirius nodded at her as if to say. You mean like that? James shrugged his shoulders but the other two marauders had already seen the hopeful spark return to his eyes for the first time since the beginning of the year.