A/N: Well, it's finally time for me to raise the content rating to M. I suppose this goes without saying now, but if you're uncomfortable with some adult themes, this chapter (and the next) are probably not for you. I'll try to provide content warnings before chapters that need them if I can remember to, because I want to respect the comfort levels of the readers. Also, just a reminder that the characters are older at this point than they would be in canon, because of the time that passed when Lillia and Tanya were apart. Formalities aside, please enjoy the story!

Tanya shut the door to her dorm once we'd stepped inside. I really wanted to go back to my own, but I had to give her uniform back, so I stayed.

"Sit," she said, pointing to the bed.

"I just want to go-"

"Please. I need to talk to you."

I eventually complied, and she sat down next to me. I said nothing.

Tanya looked down. "I'm sorry. There could have been a more serious problem if I hadn't done it, though. I have to hold up a very tight reputation, for the sake of the whole military."

"You...kicked me." my voice cracked as I spoke.

She reached for my hand, but changed her mind halfway. "No, it was the butt of my rifle."

"You really hurt me. I can't believe you did that."

She bit her lip and looked away. There was some silence between us.

Tanya began to unbutton my jacket, and I decided not to stop her. She slipped it off of me slowly. I was kind of numb, so I didn't react when she unfastened the buttons of my white collared shirt, either. When they had all been undone, she pulled the two sides away in order to assess the damage.

From the middle of my stomach to the bottom of my sternum, the skin had begun to bruise. Tanya continued to chew on her lip.

"I should have thought of a better way." She felt the back of my head. It was a little sensitive - I think I'd bumped it on the ground, but no real damage. "I should have just yelled instead."

Oh, now she was regretting it. I had been upset and scared and angry, but now I was starting to feel bad too.

Something came to mind that I'd said a while ago. "Tanya...I told you that us being together could always come secondary to your career. I suppose I didn't respect that, so I'm sorry."

And now we were both apologetic, and my body ached, and Tanya was still uneasily chewing on her lip. We never even got to have dinner.

Tanya stood up. "Stay here for a minute, okay?" She rifled through some drawers until she came up with a clean nightgown and tossed it to me. Then she left the room. I heard her boots echo down the hall until the clock, clock, clock gradually disappeared.

I stared down at the nightgown in my hands.

"No one who cares about me would do this to me…" I mumbled. But I didn't know if that was true for certain. Maybe Tanya Degurechaff had too many layers covering her true character. I'd have to peel her like an onion to find the truth, which meant not heading back to my room just yet. So I pulled off my remaining clothes and slipped into the white nightgown. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and was suddenly reminded of that dream from years ago - the one about Tanya and I slowdancing in our nightgowns. As confused as I currently felt, I realized that I would still take that dance, if it was ever offered to me.

She came back with two trays of food and a first aid kit, the handle precariously weaved in between her fingers.

"Some things that we need. Sit back down, please."

I did as told and she set the trays down on the bed before unlatching the first aid kit. I stared at my reflection in her Type 95. "...Maybe I made too big a deal out of all of this…"

"It's illegal to harm civilians," Tanya mumbled. "I broke the law."

"I'm not a civilian anymore. I'm a military medic."

I wasn't actually sure if that was how it worked, but she didn't respond. Instead, Tanya just lifted a thin ice pack, which she must have stuffed in the kit prior to coming back, and set it to the back of my head. She then wrapped it in gauze so it would stay. "I need to get your chest, too."

"Okay." I was in night clothes now, which meant I wasn't wearing a bra...but that didn't stop me. I pulled my nightgown up over my head and set it down on the bed. Tanya seemed rather surprised that I had done this. "I'm not trying to 'turn you on' or anything - I just want the ice." My cheeks went a little red from embarrassment, but I tried to let it go. I wasn't feeling very stuttery and romantic, so I found myself looking at the situation differently than I normally would.

That made her smile slightly as she picked up another pack of ice. She reached around my torso and gauzed that up as well to hold it in place. "How's that?"

"Better." I quickly threw the nightgown back on. "...Thank you."

A moment of silence between us.

"Lillia, it wouldn't mean nothing if you died. You shouldn't allow yourself to believe that."

I continued to watch her computation jewel carefully. It glistened in the soft light.

"If you truly believe that your life will have no meaning, then it will have no meaning. But if you decide that it will, you will find yourself fulfilling a purpose you didn't know you had in the first place."

"I just wish I wasn't so disposable to you."

"You're not disposable."

When I looked up, Tanya had narrowed her eyes.

"You don't understand what I was saying, Lillia. I should have worded it better, but think of it like this. Well...your family died in a thunderstorm, yes?"

I nodded.

"You won't ever forget them. They meant something immense and significant to you. But you have to overcome their deaths eventually. You don't have to ignore the memories, but you can't stay hung up on them. You will have others as family and you will be okay. Understand?"

I nodded slightly.

"So if you die, yes. I'll move on from you. I'll get over it. But it would be losing something grandly pivotal in my life, and it would also be losing someone whose company I don't want to give up. You're very important to me, Lillia. I know the word choice was harsh at first, and it's not exactly that I'm trying to push you away, but I've begun to realize that if I let you get any closer...you'll end up more important than my career. And the longer this goes on, the less I believe that I will pick my career over you, even though I know that's what I need to do."

I looked up at her beautiful eyes. They shined an iridescent blue in the light of the moon through the window. "...Do you love me?"

"...I'm not sure I could say I ever truly loved anyone."

Somehow, I didn't blame her for that. Tanya Degurechaff was a phenomenon, after all, so there was no way to understand the way her mind - or her heart - worked.

She got up. "Hold on. I'm going to change, and then I want to tell you a story."

I waited, and she eventually sat down beside me in a matching nightgown, leaning her back against the wall. I leaned into her shoulder a little.

"There's a place called Japan."

"Do you mean-"

"No. I know they sound similar, but this place is a bit different. You wouldn't see it on any maps."

I listened. Clearly, it was a fictional story.

"There's a term there, for men in suits who spend their lives climbing toward the top of the corporate ladder. It's a word for people who prioritize their ambitions over all other values. It's called a salaryman."

I nodded slightly. "Okay."

"And one salaryman did just this. He rode the corporate system and made every move strategically. He had no need for family, virtue, or even religion, because he had no hardship too strong to overcome on his own."

Tanya looked around the room. Her eyes settled on a nutcracker that sat on the windowsill. "The supernatural didn't appreciate his lack of faith, but there was nothing they could do as he kept on living. However, there was eventually a terrible situation - a man who he'd fired seeking revenge - and this salaryman found himself tumbling off a platform, into the path of a train."

I held my breath in suspense.

"The supernatural took their opportunity as soon as they saw it. A being who called himself God told the salaryman that if he needed to experience hardship to learn faith, then so be it. He would put the salaryman in dire straits. And so, the salaryman was reborn into a new body, in a new time and world. And he had to learn to beat this game set up by the mysterious being, because the being told him: 'if you don't die of natural causes, this will be your last life.' And then he was left to fend for himself."

"In the dire straits," I added.

"Yes. But to make matters worse, this was a world plagued by war instead of peace. A world ruled by magic instead of the business and technology that he was once a part of."

"So did he die? Did he learn to have faith? What happened?"

"None of the above. He worked and fought and rebelled, because he would never accept the existence of God. He knew that entity was not God - just a 'Being X' - because God would never do any of that in the first place. The salaryman believed that humans only created God to get through hard times. He said that God was an illusion. And insubordination to a lie - that was never an option for him."

I let my body fall in toward Tanya until my head was resting in her lap. She ran her fingers gently over my hair.

"What's the moral of this story?"

She was silent for a moment. "We have to fight for what we truly want. If we have enough determination, we can defy all odds."

"It's such a...strangely specific tale."

"It's a true story."

"What?"

Tanya hesitated for a long moment. It was as if she was deciding on a response. There was a look of genuine confliction on her face as she sat there, until finally, she just shook her head. "Never mind. It takes a specific enough story to drive a point home, I suppose."

"I guess that makes sense…" I smiled. "I'm going to use my determination alone to make sure that you can have your career and we can be together. I want you in my life more than anything."

"Even after today, hm?"

"Even after today. I forgive you for what happened."

She chuckled. "In complete honesty, I can't say that's wise of you."

I sat up and kissed her lips. Tanya kissed me back for a long moment, and then...did something strange.

"...D-did you just lick my lips?" I pulled away.

Her face was a bit flushed. "I was trying to get you to open your mouth for me."

"Why would you do that…?"

"Just trust me. It's a more intimate way to kiss someone."

"Should we be doing that?"

"Should we be doing any of this from the start?"

I realized the answer was probably no. "Okay. I'll try it."

Tanya leaned in again and re-engaged me in the kiss. I parted my lips slightly this time, and felt her tongue hit mine. I jolted a bit at first, shocked, but it wasn't actually as weird as it seemed. Something about this made sense. It felt right. In fact, it felt personal, and I liked being on this level with her.

I got sort of lost in it all, and before I knew it, we were lying down on the bed.

I wove my fingers through her lovely yellow hair, and she did the same to me with one hand as the other held my cheek. Our legs seemed to tangle together, and we'd formed an inseparable hold on each other as we carried on with this sloppy, intimate kiss. I never wanted it to end, but alas, humans need oxygen eventually.

I pulled away with a gasp. We were panting, gulping in air, gazing at each other with half-lidded eyes.

Suddenly, I became aware of that strong, hot, tense kind of feeling again - the one that had caused me so much stress just that morning. It resonating deep into my gut and trickled down into my abdomen. I realized, with a strange sense of ambivalence, that there were things I wanted to do to Tanya. Things I'd never allow myself to consider in the light of day.

I wanted to see her without her shirt on again. To touch her body with my own hands. To watch her face and see how she reacted to it all. I was completely overcome by a sense of primitive desire.

"I'm not sure how else to say it, but…" I was still taking in more air, trying to refill my lungs. "You're...turning me on again."

Tanya seemed unsure what to do. "I'm not sure this is the time or place…"

I looked over at the door. "Just lock it, and we'll be okay."

"The time or place for you, I mean."

"Me? I'm fine."

"You're too young."

"Then so are you."

She hesitated.

"Please? I need to find out what that gratification is that you talked about. I think it's exactly what I need."

Tanya took in a breath. She shook her head slightly, tsked her tongue, then sprung off the bed. I thought it was her way of declining, but then she turned the lock to the door. It snapped in place with a satisfying little click, and I couldn't stop a grin from spreading across my face.

Tanya gave me a smirk as she turned, and I blushed a shade darker than usual. She put a hand on my chest and tipped me backward until I hit the sheets of the bed.

Then, just like that, she was leaning over me with her arms on either side of my head. I couldn't believe this was really happening. I was completely at her mercy now.

The smirk Tanya had been sporting lately was beginning to return. "You sure you don't want to turn back? I won't be offended if you're too scared."

I shook my head. "I'm sure. You can do...whatever it is. Teach me the dark side of the world that I've been sheltered from my whole life. I wouldn't accept the lesson from anyone but you."

She snickered. "Alright then. Let's begin."