Hell's Radiance

by Angel of the Godless

AU Fate can be a twisted thing, some only exist in hate. Sakura was one of those, a container of the most feared demon in history, hated by her village. Lost in the darkness, she tried to find a reason for living.

10. Eternal Darkness

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto which is, as always, maybe/sorta/probably for the best.

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Unknown Location, Fire Country, Two Weeks Later

Ever since he'd first laid eyes on her Jiraiya had feared he'd be the one to break it to Sakura why half the village wanted her dead. And when Naruto had shown up demanding training during the Chunin Exam with Sakura at his side, the fear turned into a sinking suspicion. And in the darkness of that forest with Sakura's eyes accusing him, that fear had come true.

It had never even crossed his mind he'd also have to be the one to break it to Naruto too.

Jiraiya had told them the truth and surprisingly out of the two of them it was Naruto, the boy who wasn't the jinchuuriki, who took it the worst. The blond had stopped speaking since and had refused to be drawn into conversation by either himself or Sakura.

The jinchuuriki had only tried that once and Naruto's cold shoulder was more than enough to dissuade her from another attempt. Now she hung at Jiraiya's side and though she would speak to the sage in quiet whispers when he asked her anything she didn't do much else. When she was in a mood, the sage realized, Sakura had a tendency to regress and once her confidence was gone it became plain she was just a socially stunted child.

And while the childlike obedience was easier on him than Naruto's moody refusal to speak, it still grated because he'd long gotten used to the driven and mature kunoichi she'd shown herself to be.

Where Sakura had quieted and become childlike and pensive, Naruto was another story. He had trained even harder in the aftermath of the Kyuubi revelation and pushed himself to the brink every time he performed Hirashin, seemingly unconcerned with the damage he did to himself. When they were forced to enter a city and hide their ninja abilities the boy would turn sullen and nonresponsive, wandering away for long periods of time just wandering the streets.

The Kabuki plays they'd been using as cover came to a grinding halt. Naruto was in no mood to work with Sakura and the girl's porcelain mask used for the plays had been shattered by Itachi anyways.

She now wore a half face mask and Jiraiya, knowing they still needed cover, bough her flowing and garish scarves to wear. Dressed in the lurid outfit and half mask her solo contortion act blended in easily. He acted as her ring master to the one person show and for the moment it sufficed.

It was not nearly as popular as the kabuki but Sakura dutifully performed and she drew modest crowds and sums of cash that kept them fed and under the radar.

And as Jiraiya stood on a stage in a city he couldn't remember the name of watching Sakura balance on her hands and slowly bend her legs to the floor, he reflected on their loss. Before all of this the sage had been certain their group would return to Konoha with the two genin a romantic couple. Having seen that shatter Jiraiya now knew differently.

He supposed some things were always meant to crash and burn. He and Tsunade had collapsed the same way; romantically inclined and sending signals only for real life to come crashing in to destroy any chance of things ever being normal again.

It was a small regret. Jiraiya had his share of women and loves over the years and wasn't particularly bitter over his loss. Yet he couldn't help but sometimes yearn for what might have been and now that they were chasing after Tsunade again, what might have been was a melancholy reminder.

Teammate romance rarely worked out, for jinchuuriki related reasons or otherwise.

It'd been during this regret and melancholy he'd held on to one last secret, one fact he had been meaning to tell his genin but now realized differently. Telling them this secret would be a horrendous mistake.

Sakura was the Kyuubi no Kitsune's jinchuuriki but neither genin knew that it should have been Naruto. If not for the Uzumaki's protracted birth Minato would have sealed the demon in his son and been done with it. But that had not come to pass and a random child had been picked to carry the burden in Naruto's place.

If they knew Sakura's bitter acceptance of the situation would turn to resentment, and every day she'd look at Naruto and wonder why she'd been forced to suffer while he became Konoha's prince. What she already thought a random fate would become even more arbitrary and cruel, and she'd be reduced to a cheap replacement jinchuuriki. The resentment would turn to hate and while Jiraiya did not know how exactly that hate would manifest, the damage done would be irreparable.

And Naruto would shatter. The guilt of what he should have been would be irrevocable. The blond already had an idea of just how terrible Sakura's life had been, and the knowledge that she had taken it in his place would no doubt destroy him.

What was done was done. Worrying about that what-ifs of that terrible night thirteen years ago would devastate them more than the actual revelation itself. Jiraiya would never tell them, even under the threat of death.

That secret would become one of many ugly truths Jiraiya would take to his grave, and Sakura would never know just how close she'd been to being spared of her jinchuuriki status.

The sound of applause broke him from his revere and he watched as Sakura leapt to her feet and bowed to the crowd. Even with her face half masked and her mouth covered he could tell she wasn't smiling.

"Come on, you've done enough for today." He put an arm around her shoulder and snagged the donation basket from the stage. "Let's go get some dinner. Hey kid!"

Naruto's head came up from behind the stage. This was one of the few days he hadn't wandered off right after they entered a town. It wasn't ideal but at least he was staying in place now.

Jiraiya waved him over. The group made their way to a small bar known for its food and drink and the fact that nobody there asked questions. It was a bad place to go looking for Intel but right now he really didn't care. He just wanted some food and the chance to hopefully ditch the kids for awhile and find a woman to spend the night with. Their morose silence was driving him up the wall.

They stepped into a room with a low ceiling and the rafters laid dark and bare. Hot currents of air swirled through the room and trails of blue smoke lingered between the tables. Voices dropped as they entered but the sight of an older man with two kids was as dull as dirt and everyone quickly lost interest.

Jiraiya was thankful for once for the young ages of his charges. Everyone just thought him an old man traveling with his kids or grandkids, and the best cover was the one easily overlooked.

They slid into a booth with Naruto on one bench and himself and Sakura on the other. The jinchuuriki settled against his side and stared at the condensation rings on the table. Naruto leaned back and stared at the ceiling unblinkingly.

Jiraiya sighed wearily. They hadn't made eye contact in days and it looked like that wouldn't change anytime soon. Sakura seemed unwilling to approach Naruto and while Jiraiya knew the Kyuubi troubled her, beyond that she'd taken the whole situation rather well. He wasn't going to hold a little social hesitance against her when she'd acted so admirably so far.

What was on Naruto's mind escaped the sage. He'd known Naruto for years and he'd never seen the boy so closed off. He could not tell if the boy hated Sakura or was just overwhelmed from whole situation. Considering how he was tied to the incident through his father and the animosity in that relationship, Jiraiya could not even begin to pin down just what the blond was thinking.

It was not a situation Jiraiya wanted to be in.

He gave it up as a bad job and was just about to signal for a waiter when the woman in the booth behind them leaned back and almost hit Sakura on the head. The woman turned to apologize and Sakura sat up and slung her upper half over the partition.

Jiraiya turned just in time to hear and see Senju Tsunade say: "Sorry hon, did I hit you hard?"

Sakura shook her head and smiled falsely. "I'm fine."

His jaw dropped. "Tsunade?"

The woman blinked and her eyes went wide. "Jiraiya?"

Sakura frowned. "…what?"

"Well I'll be." Tsunade laughed and the sound pierced him with a stab of unease. "How'd the man in charge of Konoha end up here?"

"Still in the loop Tsunade? Just who have you been talking with out here in exile?" He stepped out of the booth and Sakura came with him. The little jinchuuriki was no longer docile and her eyes gleamed in cold calculation.

Tsunade swirled her drink and though her eyes were half lidded, there was a sultry lilt of challenge in her voice. "I guess you could say I met with a harbinger of bad memories. And with you here I'm two for two today for unwanted visitors."

Sakura regarded Tsunade intently and let the accusation slip out. "Orochimaru told you."

The blonde Sanin shuddered and her half lidded eyes opened wide. Sakura did not back down from the suspicious glare and Jiraiya tapped the jinchuuriki's head lightly, minding her to hold her tongue. The tightening of her fingers on his arm signaled she'd gotten the message. Her intuitive leap with so little information was impressive and Jiraiya was again glad she was on his side.

"So your cute little pet also has a brain." The older woman scoffed. "Why the hell are you all the way out here with a pair of irritating brats Jiraiya? I thought you needed to work alone." The word need stung like a slap, it was an old accusation that had never been allowed to lie.

He shrugged but that implied nonchalance was nowhere to be seen. "Sakura isn't my pet. I know we didn't part on good terms Hime but you could at least save those kinds of accusations for Orochimaru. The boy is Uzumaki Naruto and my apprentice and the girl is his teammate and my responsibility."

The blonde sighed and the fight went out of her tensed shoulders. "I'm sorry Jiraiya. The past clawing its way back up when you thought it was gone…here, take a seat and let's have a drink for old times' sake."

"Thanks." He murmured. He slid into the booth next to Tsunade and Sakura clamored in after him. Naruto sat on the other bench with Tsunade's companion Shizune. The dark haired woman, pale and clothed in a navy blue kimono, had been entirely silent and watched them as if worried a fight would break out.

She had legitimate reason to worry.

Drinks were passed around and both genin declined the alcohol in favor of water. For a few minutes everyone at the table drank in silence. The air was heavy with the old wounds not healed, the accusations not said, and the resentment still festering.

This wasn't turning out as well as he had hoped and Jiraiya set his glass down. It was now or never. "You're probably wondering why I'm here."

His old teammate raised an eyebrow. "The thought did cross my mind."

He answered bluntly. "Konoha has issued a request…aw hell, who am I kidding? I picked you to be the next Hokage Tsunade, so congratulations Godaime-sama and welcome back into the fold."

Neither genin was shocked. Tsunade and Shizune, on the other hand, nearly choked on their drinks.

She spluttered. "Are you insane? You can't just arbitrarily make me Hokage! What about the Daimyo and the Jonin vote and—"

He'd been prepared for these objections. "Weren't you just calling me the man in charge of Konoha? Well Orochimaru got that one right. The Daimyo has complete faith in my choice on the next Hokage and believe it or not, your reputation still carries a lot of weight back home even with how you left. All you have to do is come back and you'll be Hokage, no questions asked."

"So it's true then?" The woman asked morosely. "Sarutobi-sensei really is dead?"

Before he could refute that Sakura cut in. "What gave you that idea?"

Well this wasn't going to end well.

"Orochimaru told me so himself." And the icy disdain was obvious in Tsunade's voice. "Getting stabbed by the Kusanagi usually does that to a person."

Sakura's lips quirked cynically. "He shouldn't be so conceited. Sarutobi-sama isn't dead and Orochimaru's supposed legendary blade isn't as deadly as he pretends it to be."

There seemed to be a war going on in Tsunade's head between relief that her old sensei wasn't dead and exasperation with a genin talking big. His old teammate never had tolerated those she considered to have big mouths with nothing to back them up.

And with everything that had happened with Sakura as of late…her backing down from a fight wasn't going to happen.

The blowup came, Tsunade never failed to disappoint in that regard. "Don't talk about things you have no knowledge of. You're a hundred years too early to know what it means to fight in the big leagues!"

The jinchuuriki tilted her head and the last of the docility was stripped away. The hard and nasty smile Jiraiya had come to know and be wary of split her face. Sakura spoke in a voice sweet with venom. "Considering Orochimaru put that sword through my gut I have a pretty good idea of just how effective it is. And who the hell are you to talk about the big leagues? You've been out of the game a few decades Tsuande-hime."

The blonde's eye twitched and she snarled. "Do you always put up with your brats lying like this Jiraiya?"

"No, I don't." He sighed and wished this had gone better. "And while this girl might like to lie her pretty little ass off, in this particular instance it's the truth. Tell me, when Orochimaru came to you how were his arms looking?"

The alcohol Tsunade had already inhibited made her surprised and angry blush deepen. "Bandaged up and completely useless, you're not telling me that...?"

Sakura giggled. "It worked better than I thought."

Jiraiya shushed her but the damage was already done. Tsunade looked on at Sakura in a mixture of disgusted fascination and awe. "So this girl is the little fucking bitch Orochimaru was ranting on about?"

"I'd like to think so." The jinchuuriki chirped.

This time he slapped the back of her head. "Cut it out."

Sakura flashed him a victorious smile and went silent. He guessed this was the long overdue tantrum she should have thrown two weeks ago. She wasn't as over the Kyuubi revelation as she had pretended to be. But it spoke to her character she did not cry or scream but only needled, becoming capricious and embarrassing in social situations instead.

It was a power play he hadn't seen coming, and Jiraiya was horrified to realize he was actually losing it to a thirteen year old.

Tsunade reached around him and tilted Sakura's head back by the chin. "Just what are you?"

Sakura looked between the two Sanin with her mouth firmly shut. Her eyes locked on his and burned him demanding a response. Would he deny her or acknowledge her? The girl was already on the world stage and he knew there was no getting around that. It was about time they stopped hiding her in shame anyways, the future Hokage needed to know what dangerous weapons would be under her command.

He laid an acknowledging hand on the jinchuuriki's head. "I should have been more thorough in my introduction. This is Sakura: the legacy and one and only jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune."

Tsunade visibly paled. "Bullshit."

"I wish." He said and watched Tsunade intently for any reaction. The older woman's hand didn't leave Sakura's chin and while the horror was clear in her eyes it was not touched with the usual hatred or revulsion.

The jinchuuriki smiled like the devil in return. "I'm the best kept dirty secret of the village. Even Orochimaru didn't know who I was, but injuring him outted me and now Konoha can't deny their little atrocity. Do you doubt me?"

The older woman did not immediately answer and the stalemate and shock were palpable in the air. Jiraiya looked around for a moment. No one in the bar was listening but that wasn't his worry, he was more concerned about their other companions. Shizune looked faintly nauseous and Naruto…his eyes were an inferno. Hatred, shame, awe, guilt.

It was the most the boy had shown in weeks and the older man feared the intensity of it just might break him.

Tsunade was one of the Sanin and the top medical ninja in the world and definitely no idiot. She picked up the implication of Sakura's words easily. "How long have you known?"

"Weeks." The girl answered venomously and the edges of her irises darkened. A ring of scarlet swirled in her eyes and bled in. "But I learn fast."

Tsunade reached up and stroked the girl's hair. "Welcome to the world kid, you're not the only one Konoha has fucked over." And then her accusing gaze snapped to him. "Anything else you'd like to tell me Jiraiya?"

He couldn't believe it. In just ten minutes Tsunade was taking Sakura's side and blaming him? He wasn't the bad guy in this and he did his best not to scowl. "What's done is done."

"You always say that don't you? It's an easy way not to take responsibility. Typical Konoha jargon." She sneered, reaching around him to pull Sakura over his lap and seat the girl next to herself. The genin did not object and just snuggled up to Tsunade in lieu of words, her green and red eyes still gleaming. Acceptance had been few and far between for the girl; Jiraiya had been the bearer of bad news and Naruto had freaked out and not yet laid judgment either way. Tsunade was the first person to ever know this ugly fact and accept it unconditionally.

Jiraiya had the oddly unsettled feeling his teammate has just succeeded for Sakura in a place where he himself had failed. Sakura seemed to read his expression and reached out to pat his hand. "Don't worry Jiraiya-sama, I'll always love you."

"Thanks." He answered dryly. She gave him a cheery smile and returned to trying to attach herself to Tsunade's side. The blonde woman accepted the cuddling without even a raised eyebrow.

"You need to come back." Sakura stated firmly.

Tsunade raised an eyebrow. "And why's that?"

"Sarutobi-sama did survive but he's in a coma. The blade nicked his spine and the poison damage before extraction was substantial." Something dark passed through her eyes. "It was a mistake and you're the only one who can fix it."

He couldn't believe his eyes. Soft sadness filled his old teammate's face and smoothed away the lines of resentment and frustration his very presence had brought. Somehow where he'd failed Sakura had succeeded, neatly talking Tsunade closest to considering returning.

Sakura certainly had a way about her that let her worm into people's hearts. This was the first time he'd seen it from start to finish from an outside perspective and he realized she'd played him the same way. And worse she'd played him so well he was only mildly irritated realizing it but in no way willing to withdraw his affections or support now.

It took a special kind of monster to reveal its true nature and still be regarded with the same level of respect and adoration afterwards. And Sakura was no run of the mill monster.

He cleared his throat. He had to strike because Sakura had primed the iron as hot as it'd get. "I need to know Hime, what's your decision?"

The hardness returned: cold, disgusted, furious. Her lips curled back. "You want me to gamble my life like it's money Jiraiya? I may have a weakness for bets but I stopped playing those kinds of stakes a long time ago. Just look at the odds, four Hokage's and three dead before their time and another crippled. And all for a shitty village that destroys everything it touches? I'd be a fool too."

Naruto's hands hit the table. A voice that hadn't been heard in weeks cut the air and it was a raspy dagger. "Well that's what happens when you're on top. You shine bright and brilliant and then…"

Sakura's gaze was a mix of hope and trepidation and longing. Tsunade voiced the question the jinchuuriki couldn't bring herself to ask. "And then what kid?"

"They do what all rising stars do." And his grin was a mockery of optimism. "They fuckin' burn."

It'd been awhile since Jiraiya had felt dread like this, but seeing both of his genin show the cruelty that their village had beat or bred into them was chilling. If they were the future of Konoha everything would change. He didn't know if it would be for better or for worse.

"I take back what I said about your brats Jiraiya." She exchanged understanding glances with the genin. "They know exactly what they're getting into."

Both children looked pleased by that assessment.

Alcohol sloshed around in her glass as Tsunade raised it in a toast. "Cheers."

No one joined her and she didn't care. With a toss of her head she threw back the drink. The glass drained and she dabbed her mouth with a napkin delicately. "We need to talk Jiraiya. Sorry kids, teammate drama, you know how it is. Go with Shizune and she'll get you a hotel room."

At that Sakura and Naruto shared a glance almost as if their eyes were drawn magnetically together. Then their polarity shifted and they looked away in embarrassment.

Teammate drama was their thing unfortunately. Jiraiya almost objected but decided that maybe Naruto finally speaking meant a little alone time would settle things. He just hoped if it came to blows Shizune would be enough to keep them from ripping each other's throats out.

Fire Country, Hotel, Two Hours Later

They opened the room and it was cold and dark. They were shades in the murk and their silence filled the small room from wall to wall. The intensity of it threatened to drown them.

Naruto followed her in and closed the door. Luminous moonlight came in from one of the windows and it dappled the room in silver. She stepped in and started peeling off her clothing. The ridiculous contortionist outfit was cast aside, wraps and scarves in hues of blue and green and gold fluttering into silken pools on the floor.

His eyes followed her tracing the naked line of her shoulders, the willowy arch of her neck, and the pale curve of her back. She shrugged a camisole on and moved towards the bed as she had every night Jiraiya left them alone. Sleeping was the only thing that made the silence bearable.

And yet as soon as she touched the cool sheets she froze. Something had changed and the silence was dwindling, seeping out in anticipation of words and voices and most likely shouts. She turned to meet Naruto's eyes and she could see his face clearly from the other side of the room. The moonlight made him shine as if outlined in silver.

Yet he was not far enough into the moonlight and the other half was sliced away into the dark. His face was unreadable but she saw the hollows in him; saw the scars and agonies warring in his eyes. But where that war would lead…

"Why are you looking at me?" Her voice was a blade. "You couldn't look at me for so long. Why now?"

The wind swirled outside and trees rattled against the windows. Spindly shadows spread on the floor. One shadow cut up his cheek and neatly bisected his eye. Silvery, shadowy, and so very blue. "Because I can't stop looking at you."

She shivered, there were far too many layers too those words, far too much intensity. The trees branches clawed at the windows and cast a spider web of shadows between them. Their reckoning had finally come and she spoke. "Are you afraid?"

"Only that I've failed." His shame was bitter. "I failed you. Our village failed you. My father. Jiraiya…"

"You didn't fail me." She whispered. "You couldn't have known."

"But I should have!" The desperation made his voice crack. "We knew something was wrong, that people acted differently about you. But I didn't try to understand and now we've got people like Uchiha Itachi on your tail. I should have been better prepared!"

"Uchiha Itachi was always a possibility." And saying his name even after all these years made her stomach flip. "And if not him there would have been others. We did the best as we could with what we had and we're alive. We're alive and we can still change things."

"Why?" He stepped closer to her and moonlight and shadows stitched across his body. His question was almost pleading. "Why are you still willing to help me achieve my dreams? After the way I've been these weeks? After what my father did to you…you should hate me!"

Maybe once she had hated the son for the sins of the father but their months together had changed that, and Naruto was now her friend and teammate and also her companion. These past weeks of him mulling and being a bit of a brat hadn't changed anything. "I couldn't hate you."

His guilt showed. "Why not?"

The words came out without her thinking, without her planning, without her even knowing. "Because I love you."

He reeled back.

Her hands flew to her mouth. She hadn't meant to say that.

Had she even meant it?

She looked inwardly and decided, yes, yes she had. He was her beloved friend and considering how much cuddling had been going on before the Kyuubi revelation, she'd definitely been looking for more.

His mouth opened and closed a few times. His face flashed between hope, desperation, and boundless exhilaration. "You do?"

She nodded. "I do." The moonlight seemed too bright, too vivid, and far too surreal. She would never forget this moment no matter the outcome.

"I love you." He answered back and the ragged wounds of these weeks finally closed, but they would not fade and the scarring left behind would forever change him. "I love you so much. You're my one…the only…the only precious person I've ever had. Jiraiya was just always this distant uncle figure. Here one moment and gone the next and I couldn't…I never missed him. Everybody else ended up as leeches and I screwed myself up so badly but you came in and made me see everything. You genuinely looked at me and nothing else. I don't know what it is exactly that binds us but…I'm sorry I didn't realize it sooner."

"You're allowed to be an ass every once and awhile." The laughter that bubbled out of her chest felt so warm and light. "Come here."

He moved to her willingly and she wrapped her arms around his neck. They hugged and she didn't know for how long. It didn't matter and when he sat on the edge of the bed she laid herself across his lap just like she'd done before.

He ran hand through her hair and she practically purred in delight.

But it wasn't just the physical, she wanted it all, mind and soul and everything in-between. She brushed her thumb down his jaw fondly. "You asked what binds us? Maybe it was the pain, that familiar and aching pain..."

His embrace tightened and he pressed his face to her neck. "It might have been the loneliness. Even if it was different, you saw it in me and I saw it in you…"

She stroked her hand down his neck. "How do you know I wasn't trying to tear you down to my level? I was always told I corrupt everything I touch."

His fingers traced her hips then up her spine. "Maybe I wanted that? Maybe I wanted to fall. There's something to say for taking temptation willingly."

Their faces moved back and then shifted in tandem, coming close but not quite touching. She finally leaned in and brushed her lips against his cheek. "I did offer you power and legends and splendor. Our deal, our bond."

He was losing track of the words and the hunger he stared at her with sent wonderful shivers down her spine. He rasped. "Your seduction was perfect."

"Hmmm, one's man seduction is another man's…" She didn't get to finish. Their lips met and there was nothing except the contact, the white hot star burst going off inside her, the dark swirl of colors behind her eyelids, the burn of skin against skin.

After a few moments that could have been centuries they broke apart and panted. She moved to straddle his waist. "It's going to be dark where we're heading, down and down until it all goes black. We may never go back into the light."

He tried to catch his breath. "We were already trained to fight in the dark. The perfect shinobi only knows the shadows."

"Then I guess I'll be the one to say…"She leaned in and he barely heard her words before their lips met again. "Welcome to the dark."

Outside the window the moon disappeared behind the clouds. Like a candle and the flame had been snuffed out. But their second kiss was a supernova behind their eyelids and they were all they light they needed.

Morning

When she woke Naruto had his chin on her head and an arm thrown over her stomach. She sat up wondering what had woken her, and sunlight and a cool breeze wash over her from the open window.

Then Sakura saw the beautiful and statuesque blonde woman sitting in the leather chair across from the bed. She was quite calmly sipping a cup of coffee and observing them dispassionately. They had a guest.

Lovely.

"My my." Tsunade murmured. "What a terrible influence Jiraiya's been on you. Going after teammates now?"

"I didn't sleep with him if that's what you're asking." She answered flippantly.

Tsunade gave her a pointed look.

Sakura coughed. "Okay, I will admit that I technically slept next to Naruto on the same bed. But I'd like to say if this was actually Jiraiya's influence you would have gotten more than an eyeful coming in here."

"I suppose." The older woman took another long sip. "I'll be blunt about this. I came to say goodbye before things got too out of hand. Jiraiya won't be happy to know I'm splitting town and I'd rather avoid the weepy drama."

"And you're telling me this why?" Sakura felt a vague sort of panic. While Jiraiya could man up and become Hokage if Tsunade fled again, Sarutobi was another matter. She wanted to settle that debt of him taking Orochimaru's sword for her and get rid of the nagging guilt. And for that Tsunade had to return to Konoha.

The blonde set her saucer and cup down, and there was a serenity in her voice Sakura had never heard. "Because you understand what Konoha means and why someone wouldn't want to go back, that's why I'm telling you this."

The genin looked away. She understood that perfectly. "But…"

The older woman raised a perfectly arched eyebrow. "You're telling me that if you had the chance you wouldn't just take that boy to run and never look back? It's a wide world out there, places we've never seen and cities that have never heard the word shinobi. Take my advice and convince your friend there to ditch the village and go out and live. You could make a nice life with him, if I'd had even a sliver of the chance you have now…"

"I'm sorry." She felt calm, cool, collected. The dream of her and Naruto running away flitted across her mind like a summer breeze and it was airy and warm and inviting. But she lived in a perpetual state of winter in a place the sun would never rise in. The dream left with the wind. "I'm not leaving. Naruto is going to be the Hokage and I'm going to be right by his side to help him."

The other woman snorted. "I take back what I said last night. You kids have no idea what you're doing. If you love him don't encourage him right into an early grave. That's where all Hokage's end up."

"Maybe." She allowed and she looked at Tsunade with clear eyes. "But some dreams are worth burning for."

The blonde sucked in a pained breath. Her eyes seemed to go a million miles away and the jinchuuriki waited patiently for the woman to come back.

Tsunade returned with a snap a few minutes later. "Why do you want him to be Hokage? Why does he?"

"The village needs to change." She shrugged. "If we don't do that it will rot and collapse. We're tired of what that place has become, where clans and traditions and civilians are content to drag us into mediocrity. This is an ugly world and if we stop changing…we should just give up now. Those who want to live in the past deserve to rot with it."

"I see." And Sakura had the feeling that out of everyone, even Naruto, Tsunade was the one who saw that the clearest. "Then I won't be changing your mind. Good luck."

The blonde stood, smoothing out her jacket and preparing to leave. Sakura knew it couldn't end like this. "I don't understand."

Tsunade paused. "Understand what?"

"You can't run forever." Sakura continued. "Maybe now you can because you can still fight and your reputation keeps enemy ninja from calling. But time waits for no one and eventually…can you keep outrunning everything? There will come a time when your secrets will be too tempting and some village will decide maybe now's the time to go pay Tsunade a visit."

"I can take care of myself brat." Tsunade answered gruffly.

In one smooth move Sakura pulled a kunai from the nightstand and slit her own palm open. Blood splattered across the floor and Tsunade reeled back as if the blood had struck her. She began to hyperventilate.

Sakura wished it hadn't come to this. "Jiraiya told me everything, the people you lost, your fear of blood, your grudge. I can do this for hours you know. Bleed. The Kyuubi won't let me die quietly or quickly and after some battles I've left entire forests smeared in my blood. Sometimes I think Jiraiya brought me along just for this."

The panicky breathing only got worse and Tsunade swore. "You fucking bitch."

"Yeah." Sakura agreed. "And this may be your secret but guess what? I was Konoha's most jealously guarded secret and even after all that shit they put me through trying to keep it, things still got out. You can't run from everything and when it catches up to you all some Kage has to do is send someone to bleed on you and it's all over. Please, I know what Konoha is and that you deserve better. But give Naruto and I a few years and all of that will change."

Tsunade just gave her one long and pained glare before storming out. The crack of the door slamming shut was like hearing bones breaking. Sakura clenched her fist and let the wound heal in a curl of red chakra and steam. Naruto woke to the smell of burnt blood. "Is something wrong?"

Sakura shrugged and kissed his forehead good morning. "I don't know."

Only time would tell.

They got up and dressed languidly, unable to help themselves from stopping to exchange kisses every few minutes.

If this was what love was like she regretted not finding out sooner.

While she had loved others she had never been loved in return in the way she wanted. There was Itachi and Gai and Kurenai, teachers who had abandoned bonds that could never be regained. Her friends while loving never knew what she really was, and therefore she had to quantify their love as something less.

And lastly her love for the Kyuubi was a deep and blazing thing that was etched on her every cell and felt down to her bones. But it was like a burn, an ache, a crushing vice. The Kyuubi saw her as a pet at the best of times and even if her love for the demon had defined her life, this sweet love she had with Naruto was something to be treasured on its own merits.

So instead of slipping a kunai holster under her skirt she stopped to catch Naruto in another kiss. They stayed there for a moment enjoying the sensation when the door to their room slammed open. They leapt apart each with a kunai in hand.

They were met with Jiraiya smelling like alcohol and looking like death warmed over.

"Are you all right?" Sakura finally asked.

"No." He gasped. "Tsunade drugged me last night. Where the hell is she?"

"Leaving." There was no point in hiding it. "She came to say it to my face less than ten minutes ago and say goodbye."

"That's not it." He slumped into the chair Tsunade had vacated and tried to catch his breath. "Orochimaru isn't one to pay social visits for no reason. You must have fucked him up bad for him to approach Tsunade for healing."

Sakura felt like she'd been struck. "That's not good."

"No its isn't." He agreed dryly. He winced. "Shit, she even did my chakra in. Tsunade certainly hasn't been slacking off in the poisons department."

"Wait." Naruto raised his hands up. "Shouldn't we be going and…I don't know…kicking Orochimaru's ass before he gets his arms fixed?"

Jiraiya waved him off. "Give me a minute kid, I'd like to see you running around without being able to use your chakra and feeling like you're going to vomit…"

"I can help with that." Sakura volunteered. She immediately let her hands glow with chakra and grabbed one of Jiraiya's arms. She got her chakra in his bloodstream in seconds and started filtering. She had spent the first five odd years of her life as the Village's guinea pig for bored ninja and their poisons, and if she'd ever even by touched by any poison remotely like what Jiraiya had…

"Bingo." The compound was a tricky bastard, but once she'd zeroed in cleaning it out wasn't a problem.

Within a minute all the color returned to his face and Jiraiya actually looked half alive. "You're a miracle kid. All right, let's go."

"Hold up." Naruto objected.

Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "First you're trying to rush us out the door now you want us to wait?"

Naruto let out an exasperated breath. "That woman with Tsunade, Shizune. Where is she?"

Sakura stopped to consider that and Jiraiya did too. The Sanin groaned. "Either she's with Tsunade or my old teammate got her out of the way. Whatever happened to Shizune we can't worry about it. We find Tsunade first and get her out, if we encounter Orochimaru and you get the chance: kill him."

They saluted him and without prompting Sakura bit her thumb and began a summoning chain. Toads were nice and all but when it came to tracking, foxes reigned supreme. She slammed her hand down and a two tailed fox the size of a cat appeared.

It flicked its red-brown tails at her and growled. She grabbed it by the scruff of its neck and lifted it. After exchanging snarls, hisses, and chattering sounds she unceremoniously lobbed the fox out the window.

She turned back to the men who were unsurprised by the display. They'd already witnessed her rather tumultuous relationship with her summons. She cleared her throat. "He'll help. He's already got Tsunade's scent from the chair so all we need to do is follow."

Without another word all three leapt out the window. Another S-class missing ninja within a month of the last? Their luck on this mission was bad and getting worse and she supposed it was time they made their own luck. One way or another they were on a collision course with Orochimaru, and they'd need every scrap of what they could get.

Sakura grinned. Last time he'd thrown her around like a rag doll and she'd only gotten Orochimaru on his own mistake. Months had passed and Jiraiya's training had put her on a whole new level. It was time to see how she stacked up against the Sanin.

Fire Country, City Center

Tsunade had known what her decision was the moment she saw those too green eyes through the smoke of that bar. Konoha's latest atrocity had been vaguely pretty, disarmingly glassy eyed, and almost something that had slipped beneath her notice.

Then it had all peeled away and the little atrocity named Sakura had stared at Tsunade with those bitter, hateful, and so very beautiful scarlet ringed eyed. That child but not a child had seen the depths of desperation and had no doubt flirted with death far too many times. Only something carved under the hardest pressures, purified in the hottest fires, and cut with the deepest of pains could be that achingly beautiful.

It was like seeing a younger, crueler, and far more terrible version of herself. Tsunade had seen the worst of the world but that been in her twenties with a lifetime of well-balanced happiness behind her, and she'd been thoroughly disillusioned and broken by it.

But she supposed the jinchuuriki had never known disillusionment. When the world had always been ugly there would never be illusions of something better to come crashing down. That child had always known the stakes and known the brutal rules, and maybe in some ways ended up more well adjusted than Tsunade herself.

That very girl: jinchuuriki, atrocity, and monster, had stared up at Tsunade calmly and told her there were still dreams worth burning for.

Those who want to live in the past deserve to rot with it.

Was that the truth? Had she really been rotting all these years trying to find the past, or maybe trying to forget it, in the bottom of alcohol bottles and in the sweet intoxication of sky high stakes? It was a poor substitute.

Nothing could replace her lover Dan lost because of a stupid war. Nothing could replace her little brother dead just because Konoha couldn't swallow its pride. Their deaths had been arbitrary and that had made the loss cut deeper, left the wounds more raw.

And Tsunade had kept tearing those wounds open unwilling to forget and unwilling to forgive.

Those who want to live in the past deserve to rot with it.

She was rotting. The genjutsu that kept her forever young, forever perfect, seemed to become more unfamiliar as the days passed by. When she looked in the mirror she knew it was all a lie and that young face was of a woman so much more whole who hadn't known terror or loss.

Why did she still wear that face then?

Because she couldn't bear to see the rot underneath and see what she'd become.

Tsunade had known her decision the minute those red-green eyes had gazed up at her and those thin arms had melded against her like a parasite. Sakura had a way of inspiring both the best and the worst in people.

And so the Sanin smiled with all the cruelty in her. "I'll heal your arms Orochimaru."

Her old teammate chuckled, and the sound was raspy and dry like the clatter of sun bleached bones. "Very good Tsunade-hime. No other last requests?"

"You know…" She raised her hands and they sparked with chakra. "I was originally going to ask you to leave Konoha alone."

"But?" His tongue flicked a garish red against his bloodless lips.

Her features were composed but her voice was harsh. "It needs someone who will make it burn."

Orochimaru roared with laughter. "Truly Tsunade, I'm sorry I ever considered you weak hearted. You are the perfect kunoichi. Now let's get started and soon you'll be back with your precious lover and brother again."

She nodded and her hands flared green. "Let's get this over with."

Then by some mutual agreement long learned and never forgotten between old teammates, they moved closer together. Just as her fingers were about to touch his arms the whistle of a kunai split the air.

The two Sanin leapt apart and the kunai dug into the road harmlessly. They both looked up to see Orochimaru's companion Kabuto on the roof above.

"Orochimaru-sama." The boy said, and the name alone carried far more undercurrents than Tsunade could pick through.

Orochimaru got the message perfectly, whatever it was. His serpentine eyes narrowed. "Really, I offered you heart's desire and you betray me? I would have even made Konoha burn for free and instead you try to kill me!"

She had never really expected this plan to work but it'd been a good try. She proudly tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Konoha needs a kick in the ass but from people who will put it back together once they tear its guts out. That person isn't you."

"You still care for that Village?" He scoffed. "Quite the little masochist aren't we Hime?"

"I care for the people in it." And she'd never felt more confident and right in her life. "And I guess if you're not willing to die easy then we can do this the old fashioned way!" She raised her fist up and slammed it into the ground, sending a fissure rocketing through the earth. The pavement cracked and shattered into thousands of pieces and dust billowed into the air.

As the dust settled she cast her jacket off. She let her chakra ebb before sending in out in a burst to reinforce her limbs to the strength of steel. Killing Orochimaru wouldn't be easy. The dust fell and she arched her neck and sent one honey bright eye casting back.

Orochimaru stood above and behind her. "You'll have to do better than that Tsunade."

She cracked her knuckles. "Then let's get wild."

Twenty Minutes Later

Sakura observed the fractured streets. It may have once been a building, a bustling shopping district, or even a temple. She wouldn't know. All rubble had the tendency to look alike in situations like this. She declared the obvious. "We missed them."

Naruto answered sarcastically. "Ya think?"

She glared. He glared back. They broke out into giggles and Jiraiya rolled his eyes. "Suck it up lovebirds. Sakura?"

She heard the question in his voice and bent to touch one of the largest craters in the street. Her fingers came away dusty and coarse and thankfully without a hint of blood. They still had time, not much, but some.

She whistled and the fox bounded over and smelled her fingers. It yipped and snapped its teeth, thrashing back and forth a few seconds and obviously agitated. It smacked its head against the ground and barked at her.

Jiraiya frowned. "What's wrong?"

Sakura did not understand exactly what the fox was saying, but she got the drift. "Orochimaru and Tsunade moved around here for awhile and the scent trails are pretty snarled. Give him a few minutes."

"We don't have a few minutes." Jiraiya replied flatly.

She raised an eyebrow. "If you have a better idea I'd be happy to hear it."

A muscle worked in his jaw but beyond that the Sanin remained silent, so they waited and watched the fox work its nose and flick its tails. It yipped once to call for them and then bounded off in another direction.

She smiled. The hunt was back on.

Fire Country, City Outskirts

They send someone to bleed on you and it's all over.

The ground was cold and jagged on her knees and it was her only anchor from descending into complete hysteria. Blood dripped down her face and it was hot and sticky. It smelled metallic and sweet; it smelled like thousands of corpses, it smelled like death. It was the past repeating itself all over again and Tsunade was as helpless as a child in the face of her fear.

And the fear ran so deeply...

"I expected more." Kabuto sighed in disappointment. "But I guess the queen of medical ninja isn't all she's cracked up to be. Really, a little blood and you're a whimpering mess? Pathetic."

Someone bleeds on you and it's all over.

It was odd how, with someone standing in front of her fully prepared to kill her, she did not see her life flashing before her eyes. All she heard was the soft cadence of that jinchuuriki's voice echoing in her head. To remind Tsunade of her failures.

To remind her she was a failure.

Kabuto smirked at her. "You can't defeat me. So just sit still and let me knock you out, this doesn't have to be too painful."

The blood's on you and it's all over.

The day had finally come. Tsunade of the Sanin would be beaten and captured and later she'd be tied to a metal slab somewhere to be tortured for her secrets. It shouldn't have been that much of a surprise. Ninja always ended up this way, didn't they?

Kabuto's hand changed from a flickering green to electric blue and a thin scalpel extended from his fingers. He angled his hand at Tsunade's heart and she watched it come.

Through the film of blood on her eyes the sky looked so blue…

And it's all over.

Bone cracked and cartilage snapped and blood sprayed through the air.

Kabuto hit the ground with wet slap, one of his arms broken and the other with three of the fingers ripped clean off. Tsunade blinked in surprise and a little girl with dark hair landed in front of her and the child's entire front was sprayed with blood.

"No you don't." The jinchuuriki crooned and opened her clenched fist. Three dismembered fingers fell out of her hand and rolled across the ground. Trails of blood seeped into the dirt from the ragged stumps.

Kabuto winced. His mangled hand hung loosely at his side and the bones were jutting at grotesque angles.

Orochimaru snarled and his bloodshot eyes narrowed. "You."

"Me."Sakura giggled and rubbed her hands up her face, leaving smears of blood on her cheeks and into her hair. "And how are your arms doing this fine day?"

The sage of snakes let out a strangled hiss. "I won't underestimate you this time bitch. I know exactly what breed of monster you are: jinchuuriki."

"Oooh, how'd you guess?" She asked playfully. There was no fear in the girl's posture and no tremble in her voice. Tsunade, shocked, realized Orochimaru did not scare this little girl. The medic was certain she'd somehow just slipped into an insane nightmare there was no waking up from.

The snake Sanin held up his bandaged arms and smell of rot and death wafted into the air. He gave a sickly and half-mad smile. "No normal medical techniques could heal me after those stab wounds and that little poison of yours. My arms kept rotting and I started having my suspicions. Then Kabuto found there was a foreign chakra in my cells eating me. Demonic chakra."

Sakura tilted her head and her eyes flashed scarlet. "Very good."

His face turned ugly. "I'm going to peel you apart slowly child, and when I'm done I'll take your half dead carcass and finish dissecting you while you're still alive to show you what you're made of."

Tsunade wanted to warn Sakura to run, but for some reason when the genin just laughed, the woman's voice stuck in her throat.

"Only one person is going to see their guts on the ground today." The jinchuuriki spread her feet wide and with a crack of chakra and a metallic click she unsheathed her katana. "So let's play."

Orochimaru fell into his own stance. "Let's."

Tsunade knew she couldn't let this dangerous farce go on. Enough people had died for her already. "This isn't your fight!"

The jinchuuriki did not turn but her voice was gentle. "You did your part Hime, now let us do ours."

And on that sliver of face Tsunade could glimpse, Sakura's lips had pulled back into a dangerous smirk.

A shadow bloomed over Orochimaru's head and he looked up in alarm. Two giant toads came crashing down and Tsunade was lifted off the ground from the sheer force of the impact. Her teeth, her bones and hell, even her cells rattled.

Jiraiya stood defiantly on the head of one toad and Naruto crouched on the other. It reminded Tsunade of decades past when Jiraiya had stood side by side with Minato instead. Could things never change?

The older man grinned down. "Mind if I cut in?"

Sakura grinned back. "Only if you insist."

Orochimaru wormed up out of the dirt a few dozen yards away, his pale skin showing a host of ugly and rapidly darkening bruises. "It won't be that easy."

Jiraiya laughed. "I wouldn't have it any other way. Ready old friend?"

Tsunade could see how this fight was sizing up. Naruto drifted one way, taking his toad with him straight after Kabuto who scrambled for escape. Jiraiya went the other way bearing down on Orochimaru with an intensity and finality that had been years in the making.

Sakura stood alone between the two fights shaping up. She cast her eyes one way and then another, appearing only mildly interested in what was going on.

Orochimaru shouted while dodging an earth jutsu and the horned tongue of a very angry toad. "Kabuto get over here!"

Kabuto's response was only a short scream followed by the grinding of bone. Naruto's toad had its tongue around Kabuto's ankle and had hoisted him in the air like an oversized piñata. Naruto had responded to this development by driving a fully formed rasengan into his gut.

The medic in Tsunade couldn't help but admire the horrifying efficiency as the ball of chakra shredded through skin and pulverized bone, reducing Kabtuo's rib cage to a ragged mess of tattered sinew and gushing blood.

Naruto's toad was dismissed and Kabuto fell into a bloodied heap. The Oto medic did not move.

Naruto spat on the body and trotted back to his teammate, and the two blood spattered genin calmly linked hands and gravitated to the fight on the other side of the field. They smiled at each other and giggled and when they kissed their lips smeared blood on the other.

Tsunade was left alone, shaking.

One Mile Away

The fight had stalemated. It had taken all of his considerable willpower for Orochimaru to force his invalid arms into a sealing array. By the time he was done blood had soaked through his bandages and they'd unraveled, exposing the puckered and rotting skin underneath.

But it had been enough to summon a two headed snake to kill the blasted toad Jiraiya had road in on. In response Jiraiya had neatly used an earth jutsu that turned the ground to swamp and trapped his newly summoned creature. And then his old teammate had charged up the thrashing serpent with fists swinging. Orochimaru dodged and leapt backwards, giving up the high ground and abandoning his summons to the mud.

Jiraiya had followed him down with fingers flying through seals. Orochimaru found it terribly unfair that he, the gatherer of more ninjutsu than anybody, couldn't use a single jutsu while Jiraiya threw them around like candy.

Behind them the air ignited in a roar. High above Orochimaru could see the jinchuuriki and the giant dragon made of flame rushing through the sky from her mouth. The air shimmered with heat waves as the dragon plunged head first into the mud. His summoned snakes shriveled and burned and screamed under the intense heat. Layers of scales and sinew peeled away before they burst into smoke.

That was all Orochimaru could glimpse before a torrent of water burst from Jiraiya's mouth and roared down like a waterfall. The snake sanin shunshined out of the way but not before he was sprayed by the water. It was oddly greasy and when he landed on the ground he noticed the oily slicks glimmering on the surface, catching the sunlight and shining in a dazzling array of colors.

Jiraiya always had liked dousing things in oil and setting them on fire. "This trick again?"

His old teammate shrugged. "Can't mess with success."

Then fire jutsu were coming at Orochimaru from all sides. He caught a glimpse of the jinchuuriki, Minato's bastard son, and Jiraiya breathing flame.

He cursed and replaced himself again. This was not going to plan at all, and he had no idea where Kabuto had ended up. Orochimaru needed something big and dangerous and he needed it fast, and if Kabuto wasn't here to help…it looked like he'd need a bigger summons.

Fire Country, Outskirts of City, Ten Minutes Later

"Where'd he go?" Naruto hissed.

Sakura kept her head on a swivel not willing to get ambushed at this point in the game. "I don't know."

"Quiet." Jiraiya snapped and the genin fell silent. The Sanin for once was feeling confident in a fight with his old teammate, but he knew how easily over confidence could get someone maimed. Orochimaru's arms and Sakura had proved that well enough.

Sakura picked up on this unease but could only offer unhelpfully: "I can't smell him or hear him."

The Sanin just gritted his teeth and his dark eyes scanned everywhere. Then the ground began to shake.

"Oh shit." Jiraiya groaned. "He didn't."

But Orochimaru had and a snake bigger than anything Sakura had ever seen short of the Kyuubi burst out of the ground. It was a deep purple and inky black, with scales the size of buildings glittering in the sunlight. It's eyes alone were wider than she was tall and those slitted eyes narrowed. "Three people Orochimaru? Three! Two of them are less than children and you expect them to fill my stomach?"

Orochimaru was standing on the snake's head and even though he was stories into the air, his voice still carried down. "I'll make it up to you Manda. See that city over there? When you're done killing these three bugs you can eat everyone there."

Jiraiya shoved them away. "Pull back. This is my fight."

Naruto seethed. "But—"

The man who had traveled with them for months, trained them, laughed with them, gotten drunk in front of them, and even bragged about his romantic conquests too, really and truly looked at them. And his eyes were jarringly dark and fierce.

The Jiraiya who was their sensei and Jiraiya of the Sanin were two totally different people, and the gap between them once the switch was made was frightening.

"Go." He ordered flatly.

Naruto bowed his head and Sakura just swallowed. As soon as they'd fled far enough back Jiraiya made his own hand seals and Gamabunta appeared. Both summoned snake and toad, upon seeing each other, threw fits.

Somehow their summoner's soothed them and before the genin could blink, Gamabunta had drawn his sword and leapt and Manda had struck with fangs flashing.

Sakura had rarely felt awe in her life, rarely felt as if something was truly out of her reach. With the Kyuubi anything had seemed possible and everyone seemed killable with the right amount of leverage applied. But now with Naruto clutching her hand and her clutching back just as hard, she watched two titans of the shinobi world wage a decades old grudge and it took her breath away.

Jiraiya was a juggernaut, his ninjutsu were like a force of nature and his taijutsu was blindingly fast and each blow was like getting hit by a meteor. But Orochimaru had always been his perfect opposite, his perfect foil, sinuous and swift, disabling ninjutsu easily, and bending around taijutsu like his muscles were water and his bones nonexistent.

And when it came to flexibility and agility, snakes always beat toads.

"Oh fuck." Naruto breathed.

Sakura closed her eyes. Manda's fangs finally found their mark in Gamabunta's stomach, and with a grunt the toad vanished leaving a trail of blood and venom behind. Left hanging in the air Jiraiya was an open target.

Manda's tail smacked him away like a fly. He flew so far Sakura could not even see where he landed.

In that moment she breathed in and crushed her fear and awe down. She had wounded Orochimaru once and she was far stronger now. Jiraiya getting taken down wouldn't turn her into a quivering wreck.

Naruto's eyes blazed. "I can take the snake, can you take Orochimaru?"

She paused, considered, and nodded. "Yes."

He accepted that whole heartedly. "Okay." And they were surrounded by clones numbering in the hundreds. Sakura smelled the air crackling with chakra and she immediately knew these were no ordinary clones.

The original Naruto hooked his arm around her waist. "Hold on."

So she did. Out of the great crowd she saw two clones get catapulted into the air by their brethren. They pulled out three pronged kunai and threw them and ran through hand seals. The dozens of kunai became thousands, a veritable sun-blocking barrage of steel.

A shadow shuriken technique at its finest. Orochimaru shrieked in rage as his summon was coated in steel. None of the kunai sunk deep enough into the scales to damage, but Manda hissed and thrashed trying to knock them out.

She blinked and felt her stomach drop. She was weightless and it was then she realized they were up in their air with hundreds of clones falling down onto the snake.

Flashes of yellow sizzled down on a crash course and as soon as the clones arrived in a burst of Hirashin they exploded. Chunks of smoldering scales and blood scattered into the air.

"Ready?" Naruto whispered in her ear.

The wind roared around them and she could only nod. The world turned yellow and suddenly the pale speck that was Orochimaru vanished and the next second his sweating, shocked, and angry face was inches from hers.

Her fist crashed into his cheek with a sickening crack and the Sanin plummeted off the snake. Then his tongue appeared and wrapped around her ankle and dragged her with. She felt Naruto's fingers grab her arms, slip, and grasp uselessly at her hair.

She could hear him screaming her name as she fell.

The Sanin hit the ground first and she hit a few yards away. Anticipating the impact she'd already drawn red chakra up and found herself cushioned as she hit the ground.

Can't do anything yourself, can you? The Kyuubi murmured in her ear.

Two massive and clawed red hands of chakra held her inches off the ground. She stepped delicately out of them with a sniff. "I had it under control."

Of course you did. He mocked and the chakra swiped at her lightly before vanishing. It almost felt like a caress.

Orochimaru got to his feet slowly and swayed as he rose, his hair hanging in lank curtains across his face. Next to them the towering Manda vanished with a loud curse, Naruto's assault having done its job.

Using exploding shadow clones along with Hirashin was the sort of dangerous and insanely powerful thing only Naruto could have come up with. She had never felt prouder of him. He and his clones landed next to her in a scattering of steel and yellow light.

Orochimaru heaved. "I should have killed you two in the Forest of Death, crushed those thin little necks, broken your bones and poured out the marrow…"

Naruto scoffed. "Too late you snake-faced freak."

"Am I?" He heaved again.

Sakura felt a swell of foreboding but it was already too late. Orochimaru's head came up and a tip of something shinning and metallic split his lips. Kusanagi burst from his mouth swinging by his tongue and the madman laughed.

Naruto's eyes widened and he bent at an unnatural angle to avoid the attack. The blade skipped across his chest and drew a thin line of blood. In those seconds she grabbed for him to try and pull him out of the way. Hirashin flashed and she found them standing dozens of yards out of harm's way.

All of his clones left behind died by the Sanin's hand in short order but Naruto merely snorted as he touched his wound. "A little nick isn't that impressive Orochi—"

Blood bubbled out of his mouth and his face went slack.

"Naruto!" She'd already known the moment the blade had touched his chest. She had prayed, she had hoped, she had inwardly screamed. The Kusanagi's poisons hadn't waned. It had nearly killed her and had crippled Sarutobi even after the best of Konoha's medical care was given to him.

Out here, alone in the field, hundreds of miles from home…

Naruto fell to the ground seizing. Blood and spit turned to a lather on his lips and his eyes rolled up into the back of his head. Her hands went through seals in a blur and her fingers were already on his chest trying to draw out the poison.

It kept spreading and moved faster and faster. When she'd been poisoned the Kyuubi had wiped it away with his chakra. But that was her and this was Naruto and he had no demonic charka to fall back on.

And the poison was spreading far too fast for her fledging medical techniques to reach.

Orochimaru began to chuckle and it turned to full blown laughter as he watched the blond writhe in pain and Sakura fighting to save him. "My blade is tipped with the deadliest poison in the world. Jinchuuriki may be able to survive but regular genin are no match. Enjoy your last few minutes of life Naruto-kun, and enjoy your last few minutes with him bitch."

Sakura didn't answer as she was too busy splintering her chakra, sending it rushing into every vein trying to capture the poison killing her teammate.

Naruto had said he loved her.

His lungs were failing.

Naruto had kissed her.

His heart was slowing.

Naruto had vowed to follow her.

He was dying.

Her desperation spiraled out of control. Two clones burst from the ether of her chakra driven only by rage and fear. Their faces were feral and distorted and their chakra burned red. With shrieks they attacked Orochimaru and she didn't even turn to watch.

She scooped Naruto up and ran like she never had in her life. Her gravity seals dropped without thought. It was only seconds before she stood before Tsunade. It felt like years.

"HIME!"

Tsunade blinked and stared up at her with wide eyes. Sakura could feel herself dripping blood everywhere, feel it running in rivulets down her back and soaking through her clothes.

At the sight of all that red Tsunade shook harder. "Stop!"

"He's dying!" Sakura could feel tears prickling at her eyes and blind fear breaking her voice. "You have to save him! Jiraiya said you were the best medic in the world so save him!"

"Not anymore…" The woman murmured and her gaze turned inward. "I can't, not anymore, I can't…"

Sakura put Naruto down and he was seizing and shivering. Sweat coated his face along with blood and he was paling so fast…

She stepped over him and calmly, viciously, slapped Tsunade across the face.

The woman fell silent and touched her cheek, bewildered.

Sakura's fists clenched until her knuckles turned white. Her eyes flamed scarlet. "How long are you going run? People die! Everything dies and you just sit there crying and whimpering like it comes as a fucking surprise?"

Tsunade's mouth opened but no argument came out. She stared on completely struck dumb in surprise.

Sakura kept shouting. "And you call yourself a kunoichi and a medic? BULLSHIT! A real ninja knows everything dies and that makes us claw harder and cling to life any way we can. We go down fighting, not crying and whimpering and doing nothing, because we're afraid!"

"You don't know…" Tsunade tried to speak but Sakura launched herself at her and grabbed her by the shirt. She hauled the Sanin off her knees with a vicious yank.

"What do I not know?" She shouted. "I spent days dying and bleeding to death and curled up in the dirt sobbing because I was so afraid, but I got up and I spat in the face of fear and the village. I've fought and bled for Konoha and had all the bones in my body broken and I got up. I've been betrayed and spat on and hated and I still got up and believed."

She pointed a furious hand at Naruto still heaving and dying, and tears spilled down her cheeks. "I love him and he'll die someday and I fully know that. But I REFUSE to let him go just because some washed up kunoichi can't get on her fucking feet!"

Something in Tsunade's eyes snapped and the deluge came. She grabbed Sakura's shoulders so hard it took all of the jinchuuriki's willpower not to wince in pain.

"What if I can't save him?" The woman hissed. "History will just repeat itself all over again and what then?"

"The only thing we can't change is the past." Sakura answered fiercely. "And the future is only unalterable if you're dead. You're alive, I'm alive, Naruto is alive! I don't know how this will turn out but if you don't try at all I know the outcome."

The tips of the Sanin's fingers brushed her cheek and Sakura flinched in some expectation of being struck. Instead, Tsunade drew her hand away completely bloodied. The medic looked at her hand for a long moment, stared at the blood in wonder as if this was the first time she'd ever really seen it.

Naruto retched. They didn't have any more time.

"Please…" Sakura struggled for words. "We're waiting for you Godaime-sama."

"Presumptions brat." Tsunade gave her a watery smile and pushed her aside. Something had changed in the woman, a driven glint in her eyes, a proud tilt of her head. The Sanin's hands glowed and fell on Naruto's chest and suddenly she was performing complicated medical jutsu Sakura couldn't have even dreamed of.

Then a rush of memories flowed over her. Her clones were dead, one had been stabbed through the neck and the other crushed to death by a snake. Orochimaru was coming for them and he was furious.

She looked at Naruto one last time, memorizing his face, trying to grasp the memory of his voice and the color of his eyes. It might just be the last time.

That sent a stab of rage through her so hot something in her splintered. The fissures blazed open and what bled up was not blood but fear and fury and madness. And with it came the Kyuubi's chakra, it had always responded to her baser emotions, always surged with her rage. This time was no different but…it was far worse than anything she'd ever known.

She turned away from the Tsunade and Naruto and ran. She was about to catch fire into a living inferno and they didn't need to see.

She was a monster. Naruto knew that. Tsunade knew that, but…

This wild tearing, sinking, and grinding in her guts made her want to rip her own beating heart out. She was spiraling out of control and losing it in front of Tsunade would not save Naruto's life any faster.

Seeing Sakura inches away from screaming and clawing her own skin off her face also wouldn't help anybody. But Orochimaru would be the perfect recipient of her frustration and rapidly accelerating instability, and even as her mind narrowed down on that one bloody purpose her senses expanded to dizzying heights.

And the ground splintered beneath her feet. Orochimaru burst from the earth leading with the Kusanagi and the blade was less than an inch from piercing her heart. But the months of contortion and flexibility training Jiraiya had put her through had its uses and she twisted at a near impossible angle, not losing any of her momentum as she planted one foot and slammed her heel into his ribs.

He rolled with the attack laughing. He landed on his feet easily and the sword still hung from his tongue. It glinted dangerously in the afternoon sun, mocking her as it swung.

She should have pulled her own katana to parry him but her instincts were the only thing talking and she was listening. She launched herself at him. The blade snapped up for her chin and she leaned back and watched it whistle past an inch from her face. In the opening left by his overexertion she sank down and plunged her fist into his gut.

Her fist passed through him before something thick and cold slowed her progress. He smirked at her and turned to mud and it hardened around her arm.

It'd been a trap all along.

She struggled in place with the mud clone and that's when the mud visage cracked open and the snakes poured out.

Tails whipped her and fangs sunk up her arm and into her stomach and even her neck. She screamed and let out a burst of red chakra, disintegrating the snakes into a hiss of blood and smoldering flesh. That was all that saved her from the Kusanagi nearly taking her head.

The red chakra felt the blade passing through a foot before it reached her neck and while the chakra snapped out to deflect she ducked low. Once again the blade missed her by a mere inch.

"Pathetic." The real Orochimaru murmured. "How did I lose my arms to you? You're nothing but a weak willed, wild, and incompetent fluke that calls herself jinchuuriki. You are nothing."

A shinobi would never have let emotion dictate their actions. Never let a taunt get another their skin, never let an opponent see them falling apart.

She hadn't seen her friends in months.

Itachi had tried to kill her.

Jiraiya was only god knows where maybe dead.

Naruto was dying.

She was completely and utterly losing it and she was hundreds of miles from Konoha. Right then the very concept of holding back was alien to her. She pulled up more red chakra up and her mind spiraled down, and she was unsurprised to find herself standing before the Kyuubi's cage.

"What?" She spat.

A deep and guttural sound echoed from behind the seal. "Have you forgotten so easily? The last time you decided to play with my chakra you ended up a burnt out husk."

"That was then and this is now." Her body began to vibrate anxiously. She knew time meant almost nothing here but being dragged away from the fight was driving her up the wall. "Give me whatever won't kill me!"

Red fur brushed the bars and milky white teeth flashed. He smirked down at her and drawled. "Making demands are we? Remember just who and what you are wretch."

She wanted to scream but she just tore the bindings off her blood seal and bared the tattoo underneath. "You made a deal with me. Your chakra whenever I ask it. You've never cared if I've burned before so give it to me!"

His blazing eyes were suddenly level with her and she could feel the noxiousness of his power crackling in the air. "Just this once I'll indulge you my little jinchuuriki, but…"

A dull roar came to her ears and she felt the floor tremble beneath her feet. Something was coming and it was a half forgotten memory, a nightmare never dreamed, and something she'd been waiting her whole life for.

The Kyuubi smirked. "If you ever throw a tantrum again because you've fallen in love with one of your puppets and lost them, I'll kill you myself."

She opened her mouth to argue but it was too late. A crimson wave roared out between the bars and swallowed her and sent her rushing upwards.

The sunlight was hot on her upturned face. She was standing before Orochimaru as if no time had passed and red chakra was leaking out of her skin and swirling around her feet. Her head tilted to the side and the chakra climbed up her legs and enveloped her arms.

It felt good.

More poured out and her mind expanded. She could see every pore in Orochimaru's face, she could smell Jiraiya's blood in the air even miles away, she could hear Tsunade's heartbeat pulsing rapidly, she could feel the very twist of chakra as it hit the air. Each of her nerve endings was firing at what felt like a billion times per second and her mind took it all in.

She had only ever utilized two tails of power at the maximum. Whatever was pouring out of her was at least three tails and still climbing.

"I am the jinchuuriki of the Kyuubi no Kitsune." A dark chuckle slipped past her lips. "Compared to me, a vessel for an immortal soul…you are the one who's nothing."

His bloodless lips peeled back. "Let's test it then, an experiment to see who's stronger."

There were so many pathways in the chakra, so much raw data, so much to feel and hear and smell and touch. Each facet broke off into another and another to become a wild tree of ever expanding branches of awareness. And along each branch a part of her mind siphoned off. Spreading thin and wide trying to touch everything.

But her mind was splintering…

Her voice dropped an octave as the chakra hooded over her head. "Just shut up and die." And a fox head grinned from the crimson shroud. She vanished.

He did not even get the chance to blink before his world turned sideways and half of his rib cage was inside his organs. He rocketed off his feet and his eyes flew wide as caught a barest glimpse of red before he slammed into the ground.

All of his breath left in an excruciating rush.

Sakura landed a few feet away on her hands and knees. Her skin bubbled and he watched on in fascination as it peeled up and then off her exposed arms. The flayed skin rose in the chakra along invisible currents and it shriveled into ash. Four tails fanned out behind her slowly and they came into view like the petals of a terrible flower.

Her eyes were that of an animal, crimson and wild. "Are you dead yet?"

His only response was to pick up his Kusanagi and fling it at her.

One of her tails neatly picked it out of the air and tossed the sword away. Her laughter was half a rasp and half a shriek. "Aren't you getting tired of that trick yet?" She vanished again.

Fear gripped him and without words or hand seals but only a terrified burst of chakra he merged himself into the ground. Just as he was covered in darkness and too deep for any normal jutsu to reach a jolt passed through the earth.

Then the world exploded into red light.

Orochimaru found himself twisting through the open air with dirt showering everywhere like rain. When he looked down his mouth went dry. There was a crater nearly half a mile wide and half as deep in the ground.

And the jinchuuriki was gone again.

Before he could even move a clawed hand raked along his back. It was not just nails but sharpened chakra and even as he was cut he was cauterized. His useless arms swung wildly to try and to bat her away. Her chakra literally moved her in midair and then she was right in his face grinning like the devil. She echoed back his earlier insult. "Pathetic."

Her tails slammed into his body. Pain lanced through his skull and the world exploded into starbursts and blood.

He went down and the impact with the ground snapped his spine. Nausea rippled through his guts. He couldn't die, not here, not broken. He was the one meant to be immortal.

His mouth opened wide and hair and flesh pushed out. His jaw broke open and a paler but mobile Orochimaru emerged from the old like a twisted and reverse oroborus. His arms were still useless even after the instant rebirth technique. Trying to stand back up without them was difficult and he was dimly aware that he had lost the Kunsanagi somewhere.

He had no defense left.

This was no longer a fight and no longer about winning. This was about running for his life because his lack of mobility meant the jinchuuriki would win and she'd massacre him in the process.

And then she was upon him. More of her skin was gone and underneath her muscles shined with searing heat. Her irises were a deeper red and even the whites of her eyes were darkening as blood vessels burst inside them.

When she punched him his neck almost snapped and for a brief insane moment he watched her skin heal and burn and heal and burn. Then he watched one of her blood vessels fissure open to the air and the blood seep out as if weightless, sizzling down to nothing but smoke in her chakra.

The only person she was killing faster than him was herself.

The ground filled his vision. Starbursts again. Pain.

In the distance he could hear her laughing even as her vocals cords burned.

Her head went back. That strange fox visage reappeared overlaying hers and over both their mouths a strange energy gathered. It turned from deep red to a fathomless black, and it was as if light itself was dying in that hellish orb.

Just the feel of it sent horror racing to his every cell as if some base instinct knew exactly what that was. The escape jutsu he performed took less than seconds.

Sound left the world. Light left the world.

Then came the deafening and earth shattering roar. The sun was nothing compared to the brilliance of her attack. Dirt was thrown hundreds of feet into the air and the smoke and ash billowed in a mile high column into the sky.

When it cleared in a few hours it would reveal a trench over a hundred feet wide and twenty deep. The trench would lead to a wound in the earth over a mile wide that would eventually become a lake when the rains came. The city nearby would be convinced a powerful earthquake had formed it.

No one from Konoha would ever correct that assumption.

Sakura fell back on her haunches and smoke wafted from the seared flesh around her mouth. She turned and spat up a mouthful of blood and burnt skin. Her tongue felt odd until she'd realized it was half burnt and half chewed off.

She didn't care. "Are you dead yet?"

Her voice came out strangely, slurred, both high and deep, both resonant and raspy. It was as if two voices were trying to speak out of the same mouth.

"Are you dead yet?" She asked again.

The pressure of the chakra was the only thing keeping her body and mind together, and saying her mind was together was…generous at best.

Her head lolled to one side listlessly and her smile was madness. She vanished.

A mile away Orochimaru came out of the ground trying to pull a badly bleeding Kabuto to his feet. He wasn't even sure how the medic was alive with half his chest gone but…he felt an ominous tingling and it was only decades of experience in the worst wars and battles across the elemental nations that saved his life. He dodged and the tails that would have eviscerated him only burned off the top layer of his skin.

"Die for me?" The beast crooned.

And he knew it was nothing but beast. There was nothing human in that girl's eyes.

She had finally lived up to the name of jinchuuriki.

"Not today." He told the creature.

The malice and ugliness and raw instinct that now made her up just sent Sakura snarling for his throat, her jaws opened wide. She was willing to tear into him even with her own teeth.

The shushin he used was overpowered and the excess wind slammed into her with the force of a hurricane and knocked her back. Orochimaru had finally escaped.

She snarled and her chakra tails slapped the ground. She wanted to hunt, she wanted to catch, she wanted to kill, she wanted and wanted and wanted…

Her mind pushed outwards and she sought the awareness. Her mind splintered further trying to take in the world, trying to find Orochimaru.

And her mind was…

Behind her someone gasped. The sound traveled up her spine like nails on a chalkboard. She reeled and behind her stood…stood…

She couldn't remember. It was odd. Why did she even care again?

"Sakura...?" It was a man. It was a man and he was inching tentatively closer. "Is that you?"

Sakura? Who was that supposed to be?

She cocked her head. She wanted to remember why she was here. Oh, that was right, she was going to kill someone. Was it this man? The question fell effortlessly from her lips. "Die for me?"

White hair, a horrified face, something very familiar. The voice was panicked. "Sakura it's Jiraiya. Orochimaru is gone so…just come down."

Her eyelashes were singeing off. It made blinking…odd.

"Why?"

His mouth opened and closed. Confusion. She could taste it on the air.

Then came the grim reminder. "Because you're dying Sakura. And if you die you can't see Naruto again."

That name sounded so very important. Naruto. Blond. Blue. So very important.

Her head hurt. "Naruto?"

"Yes, Naruto." His voice was calm but the frenzied edge he was hiding grated on her ears. "You two were just kissing this morning, he'll be wrecked if you're not there when he wakes up."

Someone was waiting for her. She let the chakra go and immediately she knew it was the wrong thing to do. Without the pressure of the chakra holding her mind together and guiding her fractured awareness…

Everything unraveled. In that moment jinchuuriki Sakura's mind flew apart. She fell to the ground in a boneless heap of blood and seared skin.

Jiraiya caught her. Her face was a unrecognizable mess but he only looked for one thing: her eyes. They were wide open and thankfully a clear jade green but—

His breath caught in his throat. Her eyes were too clear.

There was nothing in there at all.

Her body was alive but…Sakura was gone.

---

Edit: Huge amount changed this chapter with Jiraiya reflecting on the situation with Sakura and highlighting the fact Naruto would have been the jinchuuriki if not for complications, and why he'll never tell anyone that fact. The entire meeting with Tsunade was rewritten with Sakura being the instigator of most of the conversation, also the dynamic Tsunade will have with Sakura later was built up better in the resturant, later at the hotel, and in her inner musing when fightning Orochimaru. Sakura and Naruto's reconciliation was touched up, and the entire fight with Orochimaru and Kabuto was rewritten. And lastly when Sakura took on the Kyuubi's chakra the consequences were far more severe, and her odd behavior was her going psychotic under the pressure. Also this time around Sakura won't just sleep it off because the damage she did to herself will have far deeper consequences.