I'm sorry for the long wait but here's the penultimate chapter of this FF. Thanks a lot for sticking with it, your patience and your reviews.

I own nothing.

Unbeta'ed

This evening he drank himself into oblivion. It was immature and wrong but Lizzies reaction shook his insecurities awake. He was afraid that she'd be gone by tomorrow; that she'd leave him without a goodbye. The waiter was polite enough to call him a cab but he didn't go to his safe house.

He needed to see her.

He loosened his tie during the first bottle of wine and opened the first few buttons on his shirt after he switched to single malt. Now he stood in front of her hotel room, his hand clutching the wall while he bumped his fist against her door.

"Lizzie!", he yelled. "Elizabeth! Lemme in!" His forehead hit the wood with a loud 'thud'. God, he felt dizzy and tired and he could barely hold himself up.

When Lizzie finally and after minutes opened the door, a devastated and also very drunk Raymond Reddington fell into her arms.

"Wha- ugh!" She wrinkled her nose as the scent of scotch flared her nostrils. She had seen him drunk before but he was completely wasted and obviously not able to walk alone so she put an arm around his shoulder to get him inside. "I hope there's a reason for your visit?"

"Forgot the address.", he muttered.

"Excuse me?"

"I dunno the address of the house!", he said a little louder and leaned back against the cushions after Lizzie had helped him sit down on the couch.

"But you happen to know my hotel room number?", she asked sarcastically while pouring a glass of water at the cabinet.

"Yeah!", he slurred and sighted. "I always know where you are."

"You do realize that this is creepy as hell, right?"

His heartbeat speed up haphazardly. Creepy! This was her take in regards to his protectiveness. Even in his state she could wound him badly with so little effort.

Lizzie placed the water in his hand before he took a large sip. "I just wanna make you happy."

"Well, funny. All you manage is the opposite."

"Are you angry with me?", he asked, his reddened eyes looking up.

"What do you think?" She sat down in an armchair opposite from him, running her hand over her forehead in exhaustion. She was angry but the empathy she felt for him slowly took over and she was sure that he didn't want her to feel any of these.

"U wanna know how I feel?", he asked quietly and more to himself. He'd told her numerous times what she meant to him, that she was his ray of light, he was completely devoted to her. Why couldn't she understand?

"You said earlier, I wouldn't sit at the same table, if I knew what you did."

"Yeah...", he said, sighting and slumping down further. He'd never felt more disarmed in front of a person. "There's so much blood on my hands, so much wreckage left behind..."

"I know, Red. I know it.

"I wouldn't have called you if it weren't for Dembe. There have been women, women I've had sex with in the past 6 months." She arched her eyebrows but refused to say anything at all because she had no right to do so although she hated that another woman laid her eyes on him. She was naturally jealous because she was suffering from self doubts. Red's lover were sophisticated, smart and successful but she was just ordinary. She was boring.

Deep down she expected him to react that way. He was emotionally crippled and not used to cope with his feelings in another way. "I'm glad you called. Really glad you did but we shouldn't have this conversation when you're in such a state."

"Nonsense!", he exclaimed, pushing himself up a bit to get a better look at her in the dimly lit room. "I'm an idiot for believing that we could start over. You deserve so much more than an old man. I can't give you safety, I'm too old for having children. I told myself that I'm not worthy of your adoration but I can't shake off the thought of holding you until you fall asleep or kissing you in the morning. I wonder how you feel, how you taste, what you like most. I wanna know your deepest secrets, your dreams and I want to fulfill them all. I want to make you the happiest woman on this planet but I can't present you a future. The only thing I could offer you is myself and that's not good enough."

The words came out in a rush and slurred but he meant what he said. His eyes were filled with unshed tears as he finished talking, the lines beneath showed how worn out he was but he was also honest with her, giving her an inside view into his soul and she really appreciated the openness even when drunk.

She kneeled down in front of him, taking hold of his hands and stroking over his knuckles in a reassuring manner. "I understand how you feel but don't talk of yourself as if you're unworthy of affection. You are deserving of this!", she said with impact, her palms cupping his cheeks. He looked back at her through heavy lidded eyes and she wasn't sure if he'd understand what she was about to say. "I need you to listen to me!"

Frowning slightly, he nodded and leaned into her touch. "Okay."

"You are this irresistible, charming man who is always full of confidence; so much that it borders on arrogance and this is the person I fell in love with. I love you Red; more than you could imagine but there is something inside me that won't leave me alone. This feeling grew when I thought of our time together and it took over when I saw you today." She trailed off and swallowed. "You gave me so much, a future, a perfect life and you gave me Sam. I've never thanked you for that. I was so ungrateful and treated you badly but you never stopped loving me. You supported me, you've had my back all the time. You forgave me for lying to you about Tom, you've gotten me out of prison so if there's a person who is undeserving of your love, then it is me."

He shook his head slowly from side to side, despair written all over his features. If there was one woman who could declare her love and then reject a person, it would be Elizabeth Keen but he had sworn not to give up on her. He did that once and as it played out this was the greatest mistake in his life.

As her fingers brushed away the moisture on his cheeks, he realized he was crying. Crying for his doings, for her pain, for him and for her. He was crying for the chance he hadn't embraced and given her expression of equal devastation, he caught her off guard with his outburst. Turning his head, he squeezed his eyes shut and let out a quivering breath.

One might say he was only interested in sex and physical satisfaction but his feelings were pure and ran deeper as ocean water. Lizzie was the ground beneath his feet, his air, she kept him alive. Love is such a ridiculous idea but he was a hostage in her world and she was his abductor. Well, he put that thought aside as one of the weirdest he'd ever had.

He reached out for her then, his large palm sliding around and cradled her neck, pulling her face closer to his lips.

"Red. This is not right.", she said quietly and let her thumbs slide softly over his sideburns. The heavy scent of scotch and wine filled the space left between them, his eyes glassy but intensely on her.

"Just...", he paused and pressed his lips together, his bottom lip quivering in despair. "One kiss. Please Lizzie. I know I've made mistakes... terrible ones and there are things I regret but believe me that loving you isn't one of them. It's the best thing that happened to me."

She held her breath and felt a silent tear making its way down her face. She'd longed for those words. For a declaration of sorts and she understood how he felt, because she felt the same and wanted to phrase her feelings but she couldn't. She was never good at that. She hadn't told Nick that she loved him, although she thought she did. She said these three words to her ex husband but Red made her feel things that were indescribable. His presence alone made her dizzy, his touch was electric and he kissed with a passion she hadn't experienced in her life. She didn't love Nick, nor did she love Tom.

But she loved Red.

Ever so slowly she pressed her lips to his. Just a little touch that made her insides turn and yearn for more. Red was addictive. She knew that before but the moment their lips met, she realized how starved she'd been. They stayed in this position without breaking their kiss. It wasn't anything compared to the last time, the first time. There was no rush and it wasn't an ending. This time it was a beginning of their journey. A journey between a man and a woman in love with each other.

His palm found her cheek, keeping her close to him while his other pulled her up and onto his lap. She crossed her ankles behind the small of his back as he attempted to part her lips with the tip of of his tongue. As drunk as he was, he took the lead, controlling every movement of hers which, in turn, was driving her mad. Slowly, she sunk down, grinding against his hardness and making him hiss into her mouth.

But what if he'd regret it in the morning or worse, he wouldn't remember any of it?

Pulling away, she straightened her clothes and released a shaky breath. Her hands kneaded his shoulder blades and she waved a apologetic smile at him. "You need to rest."

"I need you!" As soon as his words left his mouth he leaned forwards in order to catch her lips in another kiss but Lizzie pushed him back into the couch.

"Not like that. If you were sober, I wouldn't have a problem with any of that but we have to talk about us and I'm not willing to do this now."

Red tried to get up on his feet but fell quickly back on the furniture. She'd never seen him like this, so weak and vulnerable. It was hurting her. "I give Dembe a call. You can stay the night."

He was mumbling some incoherent words as she dialed her friend and informed him that Red was with her. She gave him a blanket and a pillow for the night. He slipped out of his shoes and unbuttoned his dress shirt.

"Let me help you.", she said quietly as she saw that he struggled with the buttons, flicking the remaining ones open, her eyes focused on the task at hand.

"You're beautiful."

"Red. Not now." She took off his shirt, revealing his strong biceps in the process and he watched her intensely. Her palms pressed on his chest, pushing him down. His breath came in even puffs, his head tilted as he regarded her with the blanket covering him from toes to his chin. "Why not? I should have told you this a long time ago but I was a coward."

She closed her eyes and shook her head, her lips forming a firm thin line. He already had her but she wouldn't tell him this. He needed to tell her the same things tomorrow again. "Tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow!"

She turned, walking out with her arms crossed, taking a deep breath once she was seated on her bed. He was with her. He was fine. And most of all, he was a free man but of all the things he could have had, he wanted her.

TBC...