Alice lowers me slowly to the ground at Jacob's front door, frowning but looking guilty and resigned.
"Bella..."
"Just...just don't say it, Alice. Don't."
She nods at me uncomfortably, the frown disappearing as the ruefulness takes over.
"Okay. Should I tell anyone...?"
"Don't say a word. Please. I need this time to myself."
Our conversation is interrupted by a light flickering on in the house. I wait quietly, and Alice looks even more out of place.
"Bella!" Jacob's whole face lights up when he opens the door. Until he sees who I'm with.
"Alice." Her name comes out as a snarl. "I could rip you to pieces, you know. Treaty rules and all."
She opens her mouth to protest, but I squeeze my opinion in first.
"I asked her to bring me, Jake. She runs a lot faster than I ever could." I step closer to him, my cold chest already feeling warmed by his presence alone. "She's just leaving now."
I stare at her directly.
She turns away from me slightly. "When would you like me to come back?" Her voice holds little hope.
"I'll return when I'm ready. Thanks Alice."
She runs back into the trees followed by Jakes malicious laughter. "Watch out for wolves!"
Finally he stops laughing long enough to notice my distress.
"Bells? Are you alright?"
"No, Jake. I'm definitely not alright."
I spend the reminder of the day telling Jacob about what I saw, and everything I have been feeling recently. His face grows visibly tighter with every word.
"I'll kill him."
"Jake, he's still my husband."
"Do you think that would stop me? Does he have no idea how lucky he is? What an asshole. I swear, Bella, I will kill him for this."
Tears trickle down my cheeks.
"Oh, my Bella." He says, wiping them away with his fingertips. "Why couldn't you have just stayed with me? You know I would have made you happy. I would never be with anyone but you, I would never need to. You've always been everything I've ever wanted."
I pressed my cheek into his palm, the heat of his skin comforting.
"I know, Jake. But I can't help it, I love him."
The warmth was removed from my face. When I looked at him, Jacob's mask was back in position.
"I still don't understand how you could, though. Especially now."
The tears begin again. "I just...he's..."
"Please don't tell me how wonderful he is. I can't possibly listen to that right now."
I nod slowly, lowering my face to hide my tears.
"Why did you come here?" He asks me harshly. "To cry on my shoulder? Did you think I could make it all better for you? I don't understand, Bella. What's the point to this?" He spreads his arms wide.
"I..." I'm not even sure exactly why he was the first person I turned to.
"Do you know what you do to me when you do this? Throw yourself in my face, the one thing I want that I can't have? You tear me to pieces, Bells."
His eyes bore into mine.
"Why didn't you go home to Charlie? He'd be better for you than I would."
"You are the only person I thought of."
He huffs out a laugh. "Great. Last resort Jake."
"No! No, Jake, it's nothing like that! You're my best friend!"
He snorts.
The tears start again, and I can't hold them back enough to say another word. His eyes soften as he looks at me. One warm arm slips around my shoulders.
"You can take my bed, Bella." His other arm slips behind my knees and he caries me bridal style to his bedroom. "I'll take the couch. Stay as long as you need."
I cry myself to sleep, images of Edward and Tanya burning behind my eyelids.
* * * * *
The following day is no better. I lay miserably in bed as Jacob tries to tempt me with everything he can think of. He even drags his pack around, on the off chance that might help. It doesn't, and all I hear from his kitchen are vows of revenge. I don't want revenge. I want...to go back, pretend it never happened, and maybe just never have seen anything. Denial, denial, denial.
Jacob comes in at what I assume is lunchtime, bringing me a sandwich and a soda, and sits at the end of his bed, frowning at me as I ignore the food.
"You have to eat something."
"I feel sick. I can't."
He sighs impatiently.
"Bells, you're heartsick, sure, but if you don't eat, you really will be sick. And have you forgotten who the doctor is around here?"
Carlisle. He's right; I just can't deal with any of them right now. I nibble at the crusts.
"That's better." He smiles at me. Are you up for any excitement today?"
I glare at the sandwich in my hand. "Definitely not."
He smiles genially, shrugging. "I'll be in the lounge if you need me."
Jacob always did know just what I needed, and right now, I could ask for nothing more than time and isolation.
* * * * *
I watch the clouds slowly scud across the sky outside Jakes window, listen to the dull sounds of the TV, the occasional laughter of Jake himself. I hear Billy arrive him, from fishing it sounds like, Jacob telling him about my visit, although not the exact details.
I'm thankful for that.
Bully leaves me in peace, and so does Jacob.
Another night passes, another night where my grief tires me out, and I fall into a nightmare filled sleep.
* * * * *
"She's not here."
I wake to the sound of Jacob's angry but hushed tone.
"I don't care what Alice said."
I listened closer, as though if I did I could hear the voice on the other end of the line.
"Or what she thought either."
An angry hiss.
"Of course I wouldn't let you speak to her."
A sigh.
"I don't care. I won't let you near her."
Silence.
"You're not pinning this on me. This is your problem. I'm sure if she wanted to come back she would. I wouldn't stop her."
A snort.
"Nice. You think you can make excuses?"
Snide laughter.
"You're a fool. Don't bother calling again." I hear him slam the phone back into the cradle, begin muttering profanities.
I roll slowly out of bed, belatedly realizing I am wearing the same clothes I showed up in two days ago. I'm sure I must smell disgusting. I stumble down the hallway, watch for a while as he slams cupboards and drawers, looking for something.
"Jake?"
He jumps as if bitten.
"Bella! Sorry, I didn't know you were awake." He looks sheepishly at the open drawer he was about to shut. "I hope all my noise didn't wake you."
"No, I was already awake."
His face falls slightly. "Did you..."
I cringe. "Yes, I heard. Thanks."
His face relaxes. "It's alright. Are you hungry?"
"No, but I could really use a shower."
"Sure, sure. Just down the hall to your left. I'll grab you something to change into."
I smile my thanks and wander back the way I came.
The hot water feels nice on my head and shoulders, comforting and relieving, washing away the pain.
The bathroom door opens, and Jacob steps in.
I swallow my embarrassment. The glass is completely see through.
A/N - LOL see what did I say about longer chapters eventually? Things just have to get into their stride...this should be updated tomorrow (or possibly later today, depends on where you are!!) I'm sure you are as eager to see what's next as I am to post it (: