She almost fell out of her seat with the news. "Are you serious?" Holly's eyes were wide with shock and disbelief.
"Pretty fucking serious." Gail's face was grim as she tossed the pregnancy test onto the table top between them.
Holly looked to the test and low and behold it was positive. "These things can lie, maybe it's just a false positive." She said hopefully.
Gail shook her head. "I took like twelve, they all had the same fucking plus sign. It's real."
Holly swallowed hard and sat back in her chair. She stared at her best friend, her pregnant best friend, and wondered what to do. How was she supposed to react? To help and support? She'd never been in the situation before, never had anyone else so close in her life confine in her such a thing. And to top it off it was Gail. Gail Peck, pregnant before her parents told her to be, that wasn't going to go over well. If that was what Gail wanted, maybe she didn't even want to keep it, maybe she was asking her to help. She was the one fresh out of school to be a doctor. Holly bit her lip, she wasn't sure how to ask nicely, but that probably wasn't the way to go with the blonde anyway. Gail hated it when people beat around the bush and sugar coated things.
"Do you know what you want to do?" She met the horrified blues she'd come to know so well.
"Not entirely." Holly nodded along sympathetically, like she knew how the blonde felt. "But-but I think I might want to keep it."
Holly opened her mouth to say something, her eyes no doubt saying all her worries before she ever could, but Gail cut her off with a hand.
"I know, I know. It's stupid, I'm childish, I know nothing of raising a child, I'm single, I'm barely making it through with the money I have and I have to go to the academy soon. And after that I'll be a rookie, my job will be stupidly dangerous, I'm a wreck of a person, vegetables aren't even on my radar of foods. I mean I live on your couch because I couldn't stand to stay home long enough to find a place of my own. People hate me, I'm cold and a bitch." Gail rushed out all of her points, at first she was strong and ready to defend but it soon changed into despair. There was a long moment before she continued. "I shouldn't. That was a stupid idea. Me a mother." She bitterly chuckled at the words. After a quick shake of her head she looked up into Holly's eyes and sighed heavily. "Do you know where the closest abortion clinic is?"
Holly's heart broke. Gail had been generally excited for a moment, had started to fight for something all on her own, that was something Holly hadn't been witness to many times. She didn't want to see it go over Gail's self-hate, over her insecurities, she wanted Gail to make the decision knowing everything about both sides. Holly place a hand over her friend's. "Gail, if you truly want to abort I'll support you, but if you want to keep it then I'll do all the research and help you with everything."
"I shouldn't be a mom, Holly, I'd be terrible. I'd screw them up and we all know it."
"No you wouldn't. I promise. Know how I know?" A small smile crept it's way onto her face. Gail only met her eyes again. "Because you are already worried about it, you already want to be the best and worrying comes with the job. It's like the right of passage for parents, no matter how good you are you'll always worry about screwing them up."
"Even if that's true the other stuff I said greatly out weighs it." Gail grumbled.
"You will find money, hammy-downs and gifts will be life savers. As for housing, my lease is almost up so we can find a place and when you're ready you can leave. You'll grow up, it's inevitable, plus I'll be there too. We can do this. You can do this." She gave what was gentle answers and turned it into a pep-talk of sorts. She wasn't quite sure why, it just seemed like the right thing to do, like the thing Gail needed. She nudged Gail hand, "if it's what you want. There's nothing wrong with aborting."
Gail gave her a smile, a shy one that just reached her eyes that had began to glaze over. She nodded slowly and whispered an okay. Holly didn't know what the okay was for, whether Gail was keeping the baby or not, or maybe it was a promise to think it over, whatever it meant didn't matter as she stood and wrapped her arms around her best friend.
After that late afternoon Gail had asked Holly to do some of that research she'd promised, just so she could get an idea on what she'd be getting herself into. Turned out it was a lot. Babies were intense and children were unpredictable. But she ultimately decided she wanted it. Gail wanted the every three hour feedings, the wiping of poop for two years, the endless tears, because the smiles would be worth it. The giggles, the love, the person with endless possibilities would be worth it. There was so much more as to why she felt she wanted to keep the baby, so many of which she couldn't explain, but why didn't matter.
When in the clear, first trimester over, Gail told Steve. She asked Holly to go with her, the brunette had been there for every other step of the way, so telling everyone was going to be no different. And it helped that Holly was always ready to give any and all information needed to answer all questions which Gail on her own would struggle with.
"You're going to have a baby?" Her brother seemed dumbfounded by the idea, stunned but amused, like it might be a joke.
"Yes idiot, That's what the is." Gail rolled her eyes and gestured to the sonogram photo in his hands.
"You, my baby sister, are pregnant and I'm going to be an Uncle." Steve stated more than questioned. He sat back in much the same way Holly had when she found out, and stared to the tiny bean Holly had shown him.
"Yes dimwit, you're going to be an Uncle." Gail huffed, she was getting annoyed. She hadn't had lunch yet and barely ate that morning, almost all food was repulsive at just the thought, and her brother was being extra annoying.
Steve broke out into a wide smile, teeth and all, "can I keep this?"
Gail gave him a weird look. "Why?"
"To put on my fridge or wallet or something, I haven't decided yet." He looked back to the photo and up at the women again.
She shrugged and tried to hide just how happy that made her. He was still her annoying big brother, they didn't do the touchy-feely thing very often. I guess that might have to change when Nugget comes along.
They were lounging on the couch together watching yet another Disney film as part of their marathon for the holidays. Gail wanted to brush up on all the greats, to be able to sing along with all of her favourites, so when the baby came along she'd know them all and be able to sing for them whenever it was needed. And Holly was always up for Disney so it was a win for everyone.
"Do you know who the father is?" Holly wondered aloud. She'd wanted to ask before but she hadn't thought it to be appropriate in all of the chaos of whether or not Gail would keep the baby.
Gail shuffled, her feet dug into Holly's ribs with the movement. "Not really. I think it was that guy from the club but I'm not sure."
"The guy with the light brown eyes and killer bone structure?"
"Yeah. Chase, I think his name was."
Holly looked to her friend with a small grin on her lips. "At least we know the baby is going to be really pretty."
Gail let out a laugh. A full belly laugh, one that Holly hadn't heard in awhile, and it brought a bright smile to Holly. "Because the state of attractiveness is what's really on my mind when it comes to my baby."
"I'm just saying that between his looks and yours I don't think the baby will have much of a problem in that department. And if I remember correctly Chase was actually really nice, and funny. If I was to procreate he would definitely be on my list of candidates."
"You don't think that his greatness will be washed away by my parenting?" Gail teased.
Holly shook her head. "Nah, if anything the kid will be better for it. I like you most days, so there's that."
Gail poked her toes deep into Holly's ribs, glaring as the brunette continued to laughed.
Holly shot Gail an expectant glare after she ordered her food, which Gail had rolled her eyes to but sighed and tagged on some veggies to her meal. When satisfied with the blondes order she settled back into her seat and looked across to their friend Traci, who was wearing one of the most knowing smiles she'd ever seen.
"What?" Holly raised a brow.
Traci set her drink down and glanced between Holly and Gail. "You know if you guys are going out it's totally cool right? You can tell me."
Gail chocked on her drink, sputtering the water everywhere. "Holly, and me. Dating?"
"Yeah. It's totally obvious, you guys are like an old married couple, it's endearing really." She played with her straw, her eyes dancing with delight.
"No." Holly dragged out the word. "Not even close. We're friends."
Traci didn't seem phased though, no matter how off put the couple seemed. "If you say so."
"We do." Gail said immediately, dismissing the subject. Holly nodded in agreement.
"Okay, just know that when it does happen I'll be ready to say I told you so... and babysit when you need some alone time." She winked, earning her a few fries to the face and a couple of glares.
"You know you have your own bed right? That we don't have to share one anymore?" Holly quietly asked into the dark room. Gail had just slid in the bed with her, a movement she'd become familiar with in the past three months, because she couldn't let the pregnant woman sleep on a couch.
Gail snuggled her back right into Holly. "I know, I watched you and Steve carry it in."
"Then why aren't you in it?"
"It's not right."
Holly pulled the blanket over them and settled into the new position. "What's not right?"
"My bed. It doesn't have a dip in it, the sheets aren't soft enough, the blanket's weight is off, and it doesn't smell the way it should." She listed off the reasons with a line of annoyance.
Holly hummed as if in thought. "Are you saying it's wrong because it isn't my bed?"
Gail scoffed, appalled at the accusation. "You wish, Stewart."
Holly smiled to herself. Gail had been quiet affectionate in the past month. She'd been needy and hormone crazed, crying at the drop of a hat, and cuddling her while she cooked dinner. Gail was vulnerable and she only showed it to Holly, and Holly loved every minute of it -honored to be trusted with such a side of her guarded friend. So she snuggled into the blonde, waited for the contented sigh, and whispered her goodnight.
"How about Shiloh?" Gail asked, skipping over hellos and going right to why she called.
"Shiloh." Holly tested the name. "Shiloh." She tried again and again until Gail grew impatient.
"Holly stop saying it and just tell me what you think." She growled.
Holly paused and thought about it. Shy would be a cute nickname, especially if he did turn out to be shy. "I like it." She grinned into her phone.
"Are you sure?" Gail hesitated.
"Yes. Shiloh Peck is a great name, Gail."
"Cool. I uh, have to get back to work now. I shouldn't even be on the phone-" Gail was trying to play cool but Holly could hear the emotion in her voice.
"I said you could make the call Peck, so shut it." A man interrupted her mid sentence. "Naming your kid is hard, but you're now done, right?"
Gail laughed. "Oliver-Officer Shaw, thinks we should name the baby Oliver no matter what they are."
"Tell him it can be on the list, we still haven't chosen a girls name." Holly laughed along.
"I'd be open to Olivia." He threw out into what Holly could only assume to be a cruiser.
"Nah, if it was going to be one or the other I'd vote Oliver." Gail said, a smile in her voice. Oliver probably did a fist pump to accompany the cheered yes that sounded through the phone, making both women giggle.
"You are running out of time, just four months left." Holly added lightly.
Holly's mouth was open, about to say something, Gail couldn't tell if it was good or bad. Her heart was running a marathon and all she could think was how this was make or break, that thought alone was enough to block out the world.
"Mommy!" Shiloh called from the top of the stairs, breaking their moment and taking all attention.
Gail was the one to go and answer the call, leaving Holly to process. She quickly made her way out of the kitchen, down the small hall and to the stairs. "What is it, Nugget?" She gently picked up the boy and met his sleepy stare.
"I got up to pee and I lost Chewy." He explained and laid his head on his mom's shoulder, falling limp with sleep.
"Cant go to sleep without him now can you?" Gail rubbed his back and lead them back to his room. Shiloh hummed his agreement and popped his thumb in his mouth, a bad habit he'd had since birth. Holly and Gail had been trying to get him to stop, four was growing too old for thumb sucking, but Shy only seemed to do it for comfort. So it wasn't horrible, it wasn't like he was doing it all day for no reason, and for that reason Gail wasn't hard on him about it. Shy was still four and if sucking his thumb was something he did at bed time and occasionally in the car, for comfort, she'd let him.
"Did you lose him before, during or after?"
"After." Shiloh replied around his thumb.
Gail set him on his bed and began looking. In the blanket, around the bed frame, under the bed -and again for monsters-, but the fluffy toy was nowhere to be found. She sat on the floor, eye level to her son, and sighed. "Where would Chewy be in the middle of the night?"
"Fighting bad guys." Shiloh answered seriously.
Gail hummed her agreement. "That sounds about right. But when does he sleep?" She rested her chin on her hands that laid on top of the small mattress.
"When I wake up. He fights monsters for me at night."
"Right. Right, what was I thinking." Gail shook her head at her silly question. "Where are the monsters, maybe Chewy is there infiltrating their layer."
Shiloh thought for a moment then pointed to his treasure chest. Gail got to her feet and went to the toy box, she slowly opened it, pretending to brace herself for what way lie in the chest.
"Nothing but toys." She closed it with a frown. Shy held the same frown and it melted her heart. "But on the bright side that means there aren't any monsters."
Gail could just make out his faint smile in the dark. "True."
"Maybe he got lost in the hallway or something." Gail offered and went to check. And sure enough, there just in Gail's bedroom doorway, was Chewy. The fur that once was tall and fluffy was now matted down with years of love. She picked him up with a smile at the memory of how it came to be his favourite and brought it back to her son.
Shiloh beamed, well as much as a half asleep person could, his eyes were droopy and his grin was faint but he was as happy and it transferred over to Gail.
"Found him fighting off a couple bad guys." Gail informed the curly haired boy. She tucked Chewy in safely with Shiloh and brought the covers over the two of them, patting the blanket around them to insure they were snug. "Goodnight Shiloh." She kissed his forehead.
But her words fell on def ears as the boy was already asleep, exhausted from the day. Gail couldn't blame him, she was also exhausted, physically and emotionally. She stood there in the dimly lit room and watched her son peacefully drift off into innocent dreams of rocket ships and pirates and flying alongside his favourite superheroes. Shiloh was off on an adventure only dreams could create and she had a potential disaster waiting for her down in the kitchen, and for once it wasn't just the piles of dishes or that nights dinner. No, it was much greater, much more daunting. It was Holly, her best friend, her anchor, thinking of how to reply to Gail's proclaimed love.
With a sigh Gail slowly and quietly made her way back to Holly.
"If you don't feel the same, please don't try and let me down gently, that will only make it so much worse." Gail softly, dragging her words with dread for the inevitable, as she rounded the corner to where she left the brunette. But when she did, she found the kitchen empty. No Holly. The shot glasses were clean on the drying rack, the bottle of alcohol back in its cupboard.
"Holly?" She called into the small house. Maybe the doctor had just moved into the living room to sit or in the bathroom. Gail moved into the tv room but it was also void of the beautiful brunette. The bathroom door was wide open, light off, no Holly. Backyard was the same deal.
Holly was gone. She'd left without a word.
Gail closed her eyes and willed herself not to cry. She knew it was a possibility that Holly didn't feel the same way, that it could tear them apart, so why be so upset over it? It was why it's taken her so long to say it. She had prepared herself. A chocked cry escaped from Gail's throat and down went the dam.