A shorter chapter than usual, but hopefully it will get you guys through until I can write more. Classwork is already taking over my life!
Deeks could already feel the negative effects of the medicine the nurse injected into his IV before he could refuse. His stomach was nauseous and the thought of Chinese food that was once so appealing, now seemed ill-inducing. He could barely hold his eyes open, as the overwhelming sensation of numbness began to seep deep into his bones. While the absence of pain was a blessing, the detective hated not feeling anything at all.
His hospital room door creaked open as Nell and Sam entered. Kensi stood back in the frame, unsure how to approach her partner after the scene she had made.
"How about dinner now, Deeks?" Sam asked innocently, holding up the bag of noodles. The mention of food instantly sent the detective reaching to cover his mouth, trying to hold down the itty-bitty Jell-O cup he had earlier consumed.
Seeing her partner's reaction, Kensi rushed to his side, grabbing the unused bedpan that sat near the medical equipment.
"It's okay. Just some side-effects of the medicine," Kensi comforted as her partner heaved what little stomach contents he had. Nell was sent into a panic, scared Deeks may cause more damage from the harsh convulsions his stomach was producing. Upset that he had caused the commotion, Sam sunk into the corner.
Deeks slowly relaxed and laid back into his bed, closing his eyes to stop the room from spinning. After a few minutes of quiet the detective opened his eyes. Upon opening his eyes, embarrassment flooded his features. Sam and Nell were staring at him wide-eyed, as Kensi looked on him with concern.
"Sorry, guys," Deeks mumbled.
"No problem, man. Sorry for the mention of, you know…" Sam trailed off seeing Deeks turning slightly green again.
"I told the nurse not to administer you any more meds without verbal consent from you," Deeks nodded in thanks to Kensi, glad that their earlier argument seemed to be forgotten.
"Yeah. I'd prefer to feel pain than nothing but nausea. Plus it makes me super drowsy." As if to prove his point Deeks sunk further into his bed and closed his eyes.
"Maybe we will just go. Kensi, here is your dinner should you want it," Nell offered.
"Thanks. Sorry, guys. He really was looking forward to your visit." Kensi replied, walking them to the door.
"No problem. He needs to rest anyways." With a parting hugs, the two OSP members left her with Deeks.
"Kens, I'm sorry," came a soft muffle from the bed.
"It's not your fault you got sick, Deeks."
"No, I'm sorry for before. About my scar. Humor is just the only way I know how to deflect—well, you know, pain and stuff. Except it wasn't funny. I hope you know I didn't mean anything by it."
Kensi thought about his reaction to the long red gash. It would leave a nasty scar, but it had also saved his life.
"Deeks, anybody who truly loves you won't think twice about that scar. I know I don't." The words slipped out before she could catch them. Pink spread up her neck and tinged her cheeks as Deeks' tired eyes widened a bit at her words.
"I mean, you know. 'Cause you're my partner and everything. It's more like a badge of honor or whatever," Kensi stumbled over her words to try and cover her previous statement.
"It's okay, Fern. I get it." Her partner graciously let the comment go, whether it be to save her from her embarrassment, or from the drowsiness caused by the drugs, she wasn't sure.
It's true though. I don't mind. If anything, it's a reminder of how close I came to losing the most important man in my life. The thought was a truth she could never deny.
She doesn't mind it? It's hideous. Maybe I'm thinking too much into this. With that final thought on his mind, Deeks drifted into unconsciousness again despite how much he fought against it.
Kensi decided that Deeks was in good hands for the evening and comforted by the fact that he was fully stable, she left for home shortly after he fell asleep. The agent decided to leave a note for Deeks, should he wake up without her there saying she would be back in the morning. She also made sure to remind the nurses that they were not to administer any additional drugs except in the case of emergencies without Deeks' consent first.
Once at home, Kensi reheated her Chinese that Sam had graciously picked up and ran a warm bath. Slipping into the tub with food in hand was the best way she could think to unwind after the day she had had. The morning started with Deeks and his coughing fit, but ended on the high note of him being moved out of ICU and considered stable. He had officially fought off his lung infection and despite becoming ill from the extensive medications, he was on the fast track to recovery.
Kensi sighed as she slipped a bit further down, placing her empty carton on the bathroom floor. As she tried to clear all thoughts of the past few days from her mind, her argument with Deeks continued to plague her. She knew that it was rare that he actually had dates anymore, but him mentioning the possibilities of women in his life (which honestly would happen, he was after all a very attractive man) Kensi felt her mood dip. She wanted to be the one he went to with his problems; for help. She had his back 24/7. Sure they got on each other's nerves and bantered back and forth but deep down she trusted Deeks. Trusted him more than she trusted Callen and Sam, and definitely more than Jack, which was hard to admit.
The partners shared a different dynamic. It was like magnets. They felt the other's pain and cared enough to listen. Yes, even Deeks had his quiet moments. But they also brought out the best in each other. Kensi relaxed around Deeks and had learned to goof-off, while her partner knew when to tone down the silliness and become serious.
So, yes, Kensi was severely bothered to hear how Deeks' conquests would disapprove of his scar.
Ha. Maybe for the better. Kensi thought selfishly. She was his best friend and he hers, but it couldn't always stay that way. Someone would eventually trump Kensi's ranking as most important woman in Deeks' life. Her heart sunk at the thought.
What the hell is going on with me?! I can't feel these things. It's DEEKS! Kensi squeezed her eyes shut even tighter hoping the alien thoughts would be pushed from her brain.
Later that night as Kensi climbed into bed her mind worked overtime, making sleep impossible. She tossed and turned struggling to get a grasp on the new emotions taking hold. Should Deeks find another woman, she would take a permanent back-seat. No more movie nights, no more ice cream and beer. Instead of jealousy towards this imaginary woman, Kensi felt abandonment. She would lose Deeks. He would leave her.
You don't have a claim on him! The reasonable side of herself screamed.
But I want to…
At that last thought Kensi sat up in bed, hugging her knees to her chest.
But I want to… She repeated. She wanted a stake on her partner's heart, and selfishly so. She didn't want him to leave her for a pretty, busty blonde. She wanted him to herself. And Kensi was never good at sharing. Deeks would joke that she failed pre-school.
Although Kensi wasn't sure of her beyond-friends feelings for her partner, she knew she couldn't lose him to someone else. She couldn't be sidelined, but also had no clue what to do with these newfound ideas. Would Deeks want to keep dealing with her? Was she more a hassle than a benefit to him? He seemed to need her like she needed him. Maybe the feeling was mutual.
With the comforting thought Kensi drifted off, determined to open up to Deeks in the morning.