AN: Yes, Carly just needs to suck it up and go get her man, but things are never that easy when you're scared of getting hurt. Let's hope Carly finds the courage to take that risk. Freddie's love is worth it!

iOwe You My Life

Chapter 9 Rain and Resolutions

Tuesday morning brought a sky full of menacing clouds and lightning. Carly woke to the sound of thunder rattling her window. She slowly opened her eyes and peeked through the tangled black locks covering her face at the clock beside her bed. The harsh red numbers read 6:28am. Carly buried her nose back in her pillow and hoped the next two minutes would last indefinitely.

Her hopes were dashed when the alarm started screeching in her ear. Without raising her head, she reached out and slapped the clock with practiced aim. The screeching stopped, and Carly sighed heavily. She rolled onto her back and stared out the window. The rain started to fall, softly at first, then a roaring downpour. The world outside blurred and disappeared as water covered the glass, and Carly wished she could cry away her pain that way—just pour out the emotions and the tears until the hurt disappeared.

She heard a soft knock on her bedroom door. Spencer's muffled voice reached her. "Hey kiddo," he called, "up and at 'em!"

"I'm up," Carly groaned as she dragged herself out of bed and stumbled across the room. She paused to wrap herself in her bathrobe before opening the door. Spencer was already gone, but she heard dishes rattling downstairs. She rubbed her eyes and made her way to the bathroom.

Spencer looked up as Carly came down the stairs. She was dressed for school, but her hair was still dripping wet. "That's not like her," he thought. "She hasn't been herself the past few days. What up with that?"

"Mornin' sunshine!" he greeted as she took a seat at the table.

"Morning Spencer," she replied dully.

Spencer noticed the lack of her characteristic spunk. "You feeling okay?" he asked, genuinely concerned.

"Yeah," was all she said.

"There's something she's not telling me," he thought as he watched her. "I'm sure it has something to do with the way Freddie ran out of here Saturday night. You would've thought Sam was chasing him with her baseball bat."

Carly looked up and saw Spencer watching her. He had his head cocked to the right, lips pursed, and one eyebrow nearly touched his hairline. Carly knew that look. That was his "I'm not buying your B.S." look.

"So what's for breakfast?" she asked enthusiastically, trying to get his attention off her mood.

"A super special treat!" he replied, turning to collect two bowls from the counter. He set one down in front of her with a flourish. "Oatmeal a la Spencer," he announced proudly.

Carly lifted a spoonful to her mouth. "Isn't this the instant blueberry oatmeal we bought last week?" she asked with a chuckle.

"Well, yeah," Spencer said with a huge grin, "but I boiled the water with the automatic water boiler I built yesterday!"

"Automatic water boiler?"

"I converted my fish feeder," he said proudly. "I figured since you won't let me have another fish, I should put it to more practical use. Instead of dumping fish flakes, it lights a flame under a pot of water now."

"That makes sense, I guess," Carly replied, making a mental note to make sure their fire insurance was paid. She turned her attention to the last few bites of oatmeal in her bowl.

"So," Spencer said softly, "I guess Freddie must be doing a lot better."

"Uhm, yeah, I guess," Carly replied, casting Spencer a sidelong glance. "He was back at school yesterday."

"What I meant was you haven't been over to see him since Saturday," Spencer said thoughtfully. "You were by his side constantly while he was in the hospital. I mean, the accident happened fairly early Monday morning, and you didn't leave him until visiting hours ended."

"Well," Carly said defensively, "we were out of school for MLK day, so I really didn't have anywhere else to be."

"True," Spencer nodded, "but you also went to see him as soon as you got out of school Tuesday and Wednesday, and you wouldn't leave until the nurses kicked you out."

Carly didn't have an answer for that. She sat quietly as Spencer went on, "and you went to see him as soon as he got home Thursday. You only missed seeing him Friday because we had to go to Yakima to see grandpa, and you tried to get out of that. Then you spent practically all day with him on Saturday."

"So?" Carly asked sullenly.

"Well," Spencer said, "it just seems odd that you would stop going to see him all of a sudden like that. You must not be worried about him anymore." Spencer studied his little sister's face and saw the tears welling up in her eyes. "Unless there's some other reason for you to avoid him?" he let the leading question hang between them.

A single tear escaped Carly's eye as she looked up at her brother. "Oh, Spencer," she whispered brokenly, "I've made such a mess of things."

"What happened, baby sister?" Spencer asked with so much compassion in his voice that Carly's walls crumbled. Her tears poured like the rain outside.

"I've b-been developing f-feelings for F-Freddie," she choked out between sobs. "I-I was just s-so conf-fused…" her voice broke, and she hid her face in her hands.

Spencer moved to crouch beside her, placing a hand gently on her back. "It's okay, Carly," he said soothingly. "Just let it out. Take your time." She turned toward him and buried her face in the crook of his neck as her sobs turned into wails. He hugged her fiercely and rubbed a comforting circle between her shoulder blades as she poured out her pain.

When her cries had softened to quiet hiccups, she pulled back and gave Spencer the best smile she could muster. "Sorry," she said.

"Nothing to be sorry for," he said, wiping her tears with the backs of his fingers. He took his seat again and reached across the table to give her hand a squeeze. He nodded, encouraging her to continue.

"It took me so long to admit it to myself—how I was feeling about him. The past few days, I just…I don't know," she paused as she chewed on her lip.

"Did the accident bring these feelings on?" Spencer asked.

"No," Carly said, shaking her head slowly. "No, I've been developing these feelings for a while. The accident just gave me a solid push in that direction. I guess you could say it woke me up to some things I hadn't seen before, but it's not the reason I fell in love with him."

"So how did things get messed up?" Spencer probed.

"Well, like I said, it took me a while to realize I had feelings for him. I wasn't totally sure until I, uhm, kissed him Saturday," she looked up to read Spencer's reaction. She saw no judgment there, only an open expression. She found the courage to go on, "and then, well, he wanted to know if it was real or if I was just grateful or something. That's when I realized for sure that I was in love with him."

Spencer waited patiently for her to find her words. She sighed heavily, "That's when it all went wrong. I started trying to tell him how I felt, but I went about it all wrong. He got the wrong impression and thought I was going to reject him again." Carly looked down at her hands in her lap, "I guess it's understandable. I've done it often enough. I can only blame myself for that."

Carly paused to blink back her tears. "Anyway," she said with a loud sniff, "he wouldn't even let me talk when I tried to explain. He was just so hurt. He wouldn't listen. He left me in the studio, and I was too much of a coward to go after him."

"So that's why he ran out of here that way and forgot his laptop," Spencer said quietly, "and why you asked me to take it over there instead of taking it yourself."

"Yeah," Carly admitted, "and why I didn't go see him Sunday or yesterday. I didn't talk to him at school either. I've just been too scared to face him."

"What are you scared of?" Spencer asked.

"I'm not sure," Carly said hesitantly. "Maybe that he'll be mad at me, or that things will be too awkward."

"I don't think either of those things will be a problem if you tell him how you feel," Spencer said with a small smile.

"But he wouldn't listen when I tried," Carly protested. "He wouldn't let me get more than two words out."

"So it didn't go so well the first time," Spencer replied. "You have to try again. You know, get back in the saddle."

"But what if he won't hear me?" Carly argued.

"Actions speak louder than words," he offered. "Whoa, kiddo!" he said, glancing at the clock. "We gotta get you to school. You're going to be late!" They grabbed their things and ran out the door.

As Carly watched the buildings whiz by her window, she thought about everything Spencer had said that morning. She finally came to a decision. "A Rainy Day Resolution," she thought, smiling to herself. She was going to swallow her pride and her fear. She would go through hell or high water. She vowed that, one way or another, she was going to make Freddie Benson accept her love.