Trigger Warning: Ash's section has in-depth descriptions of suicide so if this is something that would trigger you, don't read it. Remember that there are people out there that love you and if you are feeling suicidal, please seek out professional help.
***Livvy P.O.V***
The day after Ty and Kit had agreed with our theory that Diego's comments were the result of Zara having some kind of threat over him, I made it my mission to speak with alone to confirm our suspicions. As much as we all wanted to warn Jules and Emma, we didn't want to warn them unnecessarily, which is why I needed Diego to confirm it. Even if he didn't say what the hold she had on him was, or how Zara was threatening Jules and Emma, we just needed to know that she was a danger and wanted revenge for them exposing her. Not wanting to make a huge scene of pulling him aside to talk to him, I knew I had to be subtle and not draw any attention to the fact that I was talking to him. Despite the fact we both worked for the police, I didn't really cross paths with Diego all that often as we worked in different departments, so my task of talking to him would be difficult.
As it would seem, fate was on my side. A case had come it, and both Diego and I had been drafted onto the same team tasked with solving it. I'd been given all the CCTV to go through to look for any clues. Having seen what I believed to be the last sighting of the person linked to our case, I decided to ask Diego for a second opinion, so that if it was, he'd know what he'd want to investigate when he arrived at the scene. Thankfully I had an office to myself, allowing me to concentrate which meant that I could talk to Diego without anyone listening into what I had to say. Having seen the clip, Diego had agreed that the person in the clip fitted the description we had been given, he turned to leave, so I took my chance to talk to him, not knowing when my next opportunity would be.
"Diego can I ask you a couple of questions? you don't have to say something other than yes or no, if it's not possible for you to say more" I said, and I could see him stiffen as he turned to look at me. He gave me a nod, as though to allow me to ask what I needed to. "The comments that you've been making to me and Ty, are they a warning for my brother Jules and Emma?" I asked, and there was a slight pause before Diego nodded, saying a simple "yes". I felt sick to my stomach, but knew I needed to keep asking. "Is Zara still angry at them for working with Helen to expose her as a racist homophobe?" I asked, and again I got a nod and a simple yes. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath before opening my eyes and asking my next question.
"Does she want revenge?" I asked, needing to be sure about what we were dealing with. Another yes from Diego, and I could see the hurt in his eyes, but also relief that his warnings had finally been understood. "Last question. Has Zara put you in a situation you don't want to be and can't tell me anymore?" I asked, and there was a silence which made me think Diego wasn't going to give me an answer. But he looked me in the eye going "Yes" for the fourth time. "I won't say anything that will give you away Diego. Thank you for doing what you could" I said, and with a curt nod, he left, to discuss the clips I had shown him and to create a plan of action.
I sat at my desk, taking deep breaths and trying to calm myself down. Although Diego had given us no new information, he'd confirmed something I really had hoped hadn't been true. Zara wanted revenge on my brother and his fiancé for exposing the truth. Just when I thought she could get no worse, she just gotten so much worse. There was a knock at my office door, which was followed by Ty slipping in and closing the door behind him. "Diego says you might have gotten a lead" he said, and took a proper look at me. Ty might not be the best at reading people's emotions but he knew me well enough to know that I wasn't quite right. "Livvy what's wrong?" he asked, sitting in the spare chair I had in my office.
"I was able to talk to Diego in private" I started and I could see the realisation slowly form on my twins face. "He confirmed what he thought. We don't have any new information but we have enough to tell Jules and Emma what we know" I said. Ty gave me a nod and went "you should ring them on your lunch clip, and show me that CCTV clip so if anyone asks I had a valid reason for being here" Ty said, and I did. Our bosses weren't too keen on Ty and I meeting up for a casual chat, so we couldn't be seen to do so, and showing him the evidence gave him a legit reason for being seen with me and talking.
During my lunch break, which was conveniently at the same time as the school lunch break where Jules and Emma worked, I sat in my car and called Jules. "Hey Livvy" Jules answered cheerily after a couple of rings. He'd been in such a great mood since Emma had accepted his wedding proposal and I was about to ruin it. "Hey Jules" I answered and from the tone of my voice he could tell something was bothering me. "Livs what's the matter?" He asked and I felt sick. "Is Emma with you?" I asked, avoiding his question, and he confirmed she was. "Is it just you two in the room or is anyone else there?" I asked, and he confirmed it was just him and Emma in the room. "Can you make sure the door is closed and that you and Emma are sitting down" I said, and tried to keep myself calm.
"Livia what's the matter you are scaring me" Jules said as I could hear him closing the door and two chairs being pulled out. "Livvy what's going on?" I heard Emma, meaning I was on loudspeaker. It was the moment that I had been dreading but I knew they needed to know that they would need to watch their backs. "Zara Dearborn has been holding a grudge since you both exposed her in the papers. It's gotten to the point where she has been talking about wanting revenge. Perfect Diego is engaged to her and he's been giving Ty and I subtle, vague hints in warning but we've only just realised. We know what she is like and this sort of thing should be taken lightly" I said and I could hear Emma let out a stream of swear words. My feelings exactly. "Are you sure Livvy? Like I don't want to doubt you but I don't want to jump to conclusions" Jules said, and I could hear how much he didn't want to believe what I had told him. "Diego confirmed it this morning when I asked him about it" I said, and this time it was Jules who swore. "We should tell Mark and Cristina but other than that we ought to keep this to ourselves. The last thing we want id for Zara to find out we know and forcing her to act" Emma said and Jules and I agreed. We ended the conversation after that as our lunch break was coming to an end.
***Izzy P.O.V***
Once a month, my parents made the effort to get together and have a meal with the entire family, in the attempts to repair the past damage. It also worked as an opportunity for them to get to know Livvy, Simon and Clary better, as they were all in relationships with their children, which was how my Dad was currently talking to Simon about the album his band was currently on and my Mum was discussing Clary's latest art exhibition she was working with her Mum, who was also an artist and was where Clary's artistic talent had come from. Max, Jace and I were filling Livvy in with Alec's current love life. That's how bad Alec's love life, whenever there was any development it was a major topic for discussion.
Alec himself had yet to arrive, and I was starting to suspect that he might not actually turn up at all when the doorbell rang and my Mum went to answer it. From one look at Alec when he came in I could tell there was something that was bothering him, and a quick glance at Jace showed that he'd also picked up on it. Alec rarely seemed by phased by anything given everything that he'd experienced in both his own personal life and within his work, so the fact something had seemingly had gotten under his skin had to be significant. "Alexander is there a problem?" dad and it seemed that Jace and I weren't the only ones who could see my brother's distress. Alec nodded his head and went "I swear I was followed all the way here and there are a group of people loitering outside" he informed us.
Mum lived in a nice area, so the fact he'd been followed and that there were people hanging around outside was something out of the ordinary. I frowned, trying to remember if there had been anyone when Simon and arrived to actually notice, but I had been far too concerned with making sure my skirt didn't catch in the wind to actually take in my surroundings. It made me feel unnerved that they might have been but what really unsettled me was the conversation that followed Alec's comments. My parent's glanced at each other, and nodded, and they were both wearing a serious look on their faces. "We've been meaning to tell you all this for a while, and now seems a good as any time to tell you" our mum said. Clary, Simon and Livvy suddenly looked highly uncomfortable.
"Should….Would you like to leave? If this something you don't want us to hear it" Clary said, and the other two nodded in agreement. Dad shook his head. "You'll probably hear this from our children when they get home so it's probably best you hear it from us" he said, and we all sat down. "When your mother and I were younger, and had just graduated from University, we both ended up moving to the same area and being new, we didn't know anyone. We didn't even know each other at that point. There was a man who lived in the area called Valentine Morgenstern, and he made it his mission to make us feel welcome. Being young and naïve neither of us really questioned it nor thought he was anything more just being friendly. But we soon realised that there was a link between all the people who he had in his social group. We were all young, dumb and were desperate for a group to belong to. He gave us that belonging and with that he got our loyalty" Dad started. We were all silent, wanting to see how this linked to the information Alec had given us.
"There was quite a few of us. There was Hodge Starkweather, Stephen Herondale, Celine Montclaire, Michael Wayland, Jocelyn Fairchild, Luke Garroway and his sister Armatis to name a few" and I could see Clary sit up at the name of her mother and step-father. "Valentine called us his Circle and he claimed that he wanted us to work towards a fairer democracy for, as he said "people like us" and like the idiots we were, we all agreed with it and never questioned anything he said. But he changed the day his father had been murdered. Valentine blamed anyone who wasn't white on his father's death and he made it our mission to rid the country of ethnic minorities. He had us all in the palm of his hand and filled our heads with lies and fake promises so even if some people didn't agree with him, they thought it better to stay with him, rather than to turn our backs and leave" Dad continued and I'm sure my face reflected the horror I and everyone else felt. I had no idea that my parents had been part of a violent, racist group.
"We gained a reputation for ourselves and soon had police wanting us for what we had done. As a few of us had careers we wanted to keep, and had started getting different priorities. You were one Alec and Jocelyn was pregnant with you Clary and she was determined to keep you. We went to the authorities and told them what we knew about the group and about Valentine, resulting him getting arrested. He was good at manipulation and had very powerful contacts meaning that, despite spending time I prison, his sentence was a lot shorter than it should have been, and he has been recently released. He has resumed his work as a biomedical engineer and he has been able to collect a few people who still swore loyalty to him" Dad said.
"But what has any of this got to do with the guy who stalked me or the weirdo's standing outside?" Alec asked, and it surprised me that his head still had logical thoughts, because my own was a swarming mess of thoughts and feelings. "Valentine does not forgive or forget. He not only blames us for going against him and his imprisonment but for allowing both his children to leave his life. He wants revenge and to get revenge he wants to know where to hit us and really hurt. Meaning he's got his new minions stalking us so get as much information as possible about us, and it seems he has expanded his list of people he wants to keep tabs on to include our children" dad said. Alec had gone an unhealthy pale as all the blood drained from his face.
"Why does he blame you for his children?" Jace asked, and I had to agree, that part of the story did not make sense. "Valentine was older than us and before he got with your mother Clary he fathered a son he named Sebastian. Sebastian had a terrible childhood and he got in with the wrong crowd, and later got heavily involved in the criminal world. He gained power and ended up being the leader of a violent criminal gang. He married a rich woman and they had a son together, whom they called Ash. Sebastian was murdered a few years ago, and the people who were responsible for his murder were never caught. Given our jobs, he holds Maryse and I partially responsible, which had meant we are higher on his target list than some other people who betrayed him. It would also explain why he had become so interested in you Alec, as our oldest and our son" Dad said, and I'm surprised that Alec didn't vomit at that.
"Valentine and my mother got together? You said that he'd fathered this Sebastian before he got with my mother" Clary said, and I had realised that I had forgotten this detail, and this time it was my Mum who answered her. "Yes, he was quite taken by you mother, and they actually married. But your mother was one of the first to leave, after he got her pregnant and he became erratic, she filed for a divorce, and years later she married your step-father. She wanted to keep you safe Clary. We helped to keep Jocelyn safe from Valentine so he'd never find her, or you, his daughter" she said. Clary, naturally looked horrified. "My father was this radical maniac and I have a violent dead criminal for a half-brother?" she asked, and when my parents confirmed it, she ran off to the bathroom, presumably to be sick. Jace was quick to follow her.
***Ash P.O.V***
I had been at University talking to my personal tutor about the project I was currently working on to make sure I was on track and to go over a few things I was slightly confused about, and was currently walking back to the house I lived in with Jaime and Dru, who had both gone out. Dru was at the library doing some research for her dissertation and Jaime was at the placement he had to do as part of his course, meaning I had the house to myself for a while to try and get some work done. I had turned the corner to my road, and came to a halt. Standing outside our house were some people I hadn't seen since Sebastian (I refused to acknowledge him as my father) had been killed. I was about to turn around and leave, to go anywhere that wasn't where I was currently standing when they spotted me.
"Well, if it isn't dear little Ash!" One of them called, and I considered bolting, but knew that if I did, I would be making things so much worse for myself. If I was Jaime or Dru, I'd have come out with a witty retort, but I was not Jaime or Dru and I remained silent, like I had done for my entire childhood about the abuse Sebastian and his gang had inflicted on me. "We thought we would have a little chat, so why don't you let us in so we don't spend any longer out on the street in cold?" One of them asked, and I was too scared to object, knowing what they were all capable of. Getting to my door, I took my key out of my pocket and unlocked the door, and let these men into my house despite the fact that I really didn't want to. I had to focus on my breathing as I could feel myself starting to hyperventilate.
Without any invitation, the four men who had decided to turn up sat down and made themselves comfortable, with their ringleader putting his shoes up on the coffee table, leaving me standing and watching them, convinced this was a dream and praying one of my friends could arrive to help me. But this was not a dream and there was no Jaime and Dru, but rather people from my past who had caused me so much pain. "Do you know why we are here boy?" the ringleader asked, and I shook my head, unable to find my voice. "Your grandfather, Valentine Morgenstern has recently been released from prison, and given that your father is dead, he has taken a sudden interest in you. We did tell him you would be of no use to him, being the pathetic, stupid coward that you are but he didn't care and set us out to hunt you down. It took us some time but here we are. We will of course be informing him of your location and for reasons that are beyond us he will no doubt want to pay you a visit" he said. I knew who Valentine Morgenstern was, and what he had done. The fact that he was not only a violent maniac but a living relative to Sebastian, and clearly thought highly of him gave me a good idea of what he was like, and that scared me.
If he turned up, and knew where I lived, then Jaime and Dru were in danger. I hadn't had any friends growing up, nor had received any real affection from anyone, and given that Jaime and Dru were the first two people who had really cared about me, and had been a constant since I had met them when I had moved to University, I couldn't let anything bad happen to them. Having done what they had set out to do, the four of them left, leaving me feel so incredibly weak and vulnerable. Since I had confessed what had happened to me as a child to Jaime, and later my mum, I had been able to start getting better, and process what had happened to me all those years ago, but having seen the faces of some of my abusers and made me realise just how fragile and broken I really was, and I had broken beyond repair. I dropped to my knees, the panic attack I'd been holding off finally taking hold of me, and I lost control of my breathing.
I have no idea how long the attack lasted, but when I came out of it, I just didn't feel like there was a way out of it. I would not allow myself to being the abused little boy that I had been and I could not live the rest of my life living in fear that Sebastian's gang, or this Valentine would constantly be on the hunt for me, I felt like that I only had one option. Scribbling a quick note to Jaime and Dru explaining what happened and why I had done why I had done, I went upstairs with one of the knives we had in the kitchen, grabbed all the painkillers we had in the house, took them all and slit my wrists, and waited until I bled out. I could hear the door open and the voices of Dru and Jaime talking downstairs. There was a slight pause in the conversation and then I could hear the pair of them running up the stairs.
Given what I had done to myself, I was quite out of it when Dru came in, and seeing the state I was in and all the blood, she turned to Jaime going "I need you to call an ambulance" before coming to me, and simultaneously trying to comfort me and grabbing anything to stop the bleeding. I could faintly hear Jaime on the phone in the background, but I wasn't really aware of what was going on anymore. I don't remember the paramedics arriving, or the ride to hospital in the ambulance. I don't remember them dealing with the wounds on my arms, or pumping my stomach to get rid of all the tablets that I had swallowed. The first thing I remember is waking up in a hospital with my mother sitting at my bedside with tears streaming down her face. "Mama?" I managed to get out which caused her to stand up and take one of my hands in hers, and started stoking my face.
"Oh my baby boy" was all she managed to get out before she started fully crying, and I felt terrible that I had caused my mother so much pain. Eventually she stopped crying to be able to actually get words out. "Oh I was so worried when Dru called me and told me what had happened and about the note. I hate myself for not seeing what that monster was doing to you and not doing more protecting you. But I promise that I will do so much more to protect you" she said, and that's when a male voice from the door went "and so will we" and we turned to see Dru and Jaime standing there. "You gave us a scare Ash" Dru said as she came in and hugged me. It felt weird, to feel loved after so many years of not really having it. They stayed a bit longer before they had to leave, and given what I had said in my suicide note, I had to give a statement to the police.
Dru had also called her sister-in-law Cristina, who was a trained counsellor and she had agreed to talk to me and see if having counselling would be something that I thought would be something I wanted. Given how much trauma I had been through, and that Dru wouldn't let me near someone she didn't trust, I decided to give the counselling a go. I was also given medication for my panic attacks and anxiety, and after a couple more days in hospital I was allowed to go home. Dru and Jaime seemed to shower me in more love and support than they already had been, and Mum and I were both making the effort to improve our relationship.