I have an hour before I need to leave my place in order to meet up with Usako and Motoki at the tree lighting ceremony. I've showered, again, in case I still had remaining grime in my hair from wallowing for so long, and I've put on my favorite green jacket with a black cotton t-shirt underneath it. I've actually been so daring as to spritz myself with a little cologne… it smells like sandalwood and just a hint of rose.

Why dress up for my confession? Well, I'm not really sure, but its kept me distracted all afternoon and stopped me from hurling myself out my own window and cursing myself for not opening my mouth at breakfast. No matter what, regardless of whether or not I think it's a good time, I'm going to tell Usako and Motoki how I feel tonight.

No, really. Shut up. I mean it this time.

I wash a few dishes and place them on the side of the sink to dry which eats up another fifteen minutes of my time before pacing nervously back and forth in my living room. I consider trying to pump myself up with Sleigh Ride on the CD player again but decide against it and instead opt to just leave my place early. On the way out, I pick up the little gift bag with the stuffed rabbit in it I'd bought for Usako and never had the chance to give her. Maybe it'll help take the sting out of my news when I see her. Or add to it. Whatever.

In the two hours since I'd last been outside the temperature's dropped to below freezing, and a chill immediately overwhelms me by the time I've locked my door. I wrap my white scarf around my head and set off down the road with a huff.

As the snow crunches beneath my feet I think about how I've become the official third wheel to Usako and Motoki's relationship. How could I let this happen? This will be my third outing with them as an "official" couple and they've barely been together for a week and a half. Eh… all that is about to change, anyway. After tonight I'm sure I won't be hanging out with them anytime soon.

This brings up a good point… the chances of Usako or Motoki wanting anything to do with me after tonight is very slim. I'll have to stop going to Crown after class every day. When Usako inevitably crashes into me on the street, what am I supposed to say or do? Just set her back on her feet and continue walking?

I sigh and say a mental goodbye to Meatball Head teases and funny conversations with my best friend. My mind is screaming at me to keep my mouth shut tonight, that losing these things isn't worth it, but my heart is battling that and insisting it'll destroy me to stay silent and continue watching from the sidelines. My heart wins.

I glance longingly into the gift bag with the stuffed rabbit in it and pat its head with my gloved hand. Somehow, it gives me the strength to do this. I continue padding down the road.

Some of the festivities have already started with music and vendors as I near the town square where a large pine tree towers far above the fountain before it. Two people are finishing up wrapping the thing in tinsel and there are a few ornaments dotting the branches, but I can't help but think that my half-dead, lopsided tree looks far better than this gargantuan, bare-looking monstrosity.

"Mamoru, you came!" I hear someone call from behind me as I catch myself staring absently at the tree. I immediately snap out of my reverie and whirl around to greet the source of that sweet voice that warms my heart despite the cold.

"Hey, Usak- gi," I say with a smile, and she catches me looking behind her for her favorite blonde-haired male accessory.

"Motoki's not here yet… you know him! But for someone who isn't a big fan of Christmas, you sure got here early." Usako exposes her wrist out from under what looks like four layers of clothing to check her watch. "Twenty minutes early. Man, you must hate people like Motoki and me!"

If she only knew how wrong she was…. partly, anyway. I could still do without my best friend dating the girl I'm so in love with it hurts.

"Yeah, well, I figured there would be a big crowd and it'd be harder to find you if I came any later. I hope it's okay." My eyes glance down at her glossy lips and quickly back up to her eyes. I feel like I can still taste that strawberry gloss on my tongue. "Is… there something I can help you set up, or anything?"

Usako seems to hesitate for a moment before shrugging and shaking her head. "Nah, we're all set!"

I'm about to respond when I see her eyes travel down my arm and to the gift bag I'm holding. She stands on her tippy-toes and leans forward to see what its contents is, but I hastily pull it behind my back and I'm pretty sure I start to blush.

Usako lets out the most adorable giggle I've ever heard and straightens up, her gorgeous blue eyes sparkling as she looks back up at me. "What's that you got there?"

I exhale on a small laugh and scratch the back of my head nervously. "It's nothing. A surprise. For later."

"For me?"

"It might be."

I must be imagining her reaction to this news. Suddenly the girl is bouncier and… blushing just as much as I'm sure I am? Nah. It must be the cold. Still, my heart jumps in my chest.

Ugh… no more waiting. I can't keep holding off until I think the moment is right.

I bite the inside of my lip and pause for just a moment before swinging the bag in front of me again. I part the handles look down at the top of the rabbit's fluffy head inside before tentatively extending the gift out to her. She watches me, then looks up with a hopeful, innocent expression like a child who's looking at what Santa left them on Christmas morning.

"Are you sure?"

"I'm sure." I hold the bag up a little to prove it to her.

She's beaming as she accepts the bag and adorably tries to contain herself, but I can tell she just wants to split the damn thing open and get right to the contents inside. I would never have guessed that she would be so excited over a gift from me, but my heart is surging with so much love and nervousness that I feel numb. Time seems to slow as I watch her part the tissue paper and pull out the stuffed animal.

"Oh, Mamoru…" she gasps, holding the rabbit gingerly in her hands and looking it over wide-eyed as if I'd just given her a newborn puppy. She runs her fingers down the ear that's poking out of the Santa hat, then toys with the pom-pom on the end of the hat itself. My breath hitches in my throat. This is just too precious a moment for such a simple gift that I feel the backs of my eyes stinging, but I quickly blink away the sensation. The last thing I need right now is for Usako to see me crying over giving her a toy.

She continues examining the rabbit for a long moment and I want nothing more than to freeze time. I try to take a mental snapshot of her expression, the way she's holding the gift, her soft voice saying 'oh, Mamoru...'

"You didn't have to get me anything…" she whispers, so low I have to lean forward to hear her as she keeps her eyes locked on the rabbit.

I shrug. "I know… but I wanted to. I saw it and I thought of you, and I knew you had to have it. You deserve a gift from me after all the torment I've put you through, Meatball Head." I smile as I pat and ruffle the top of her head, then do the same to the rabbit's. She laughs, and I continue. "You deserve a lot of things, Usagi. I'm sorry I've teased you so relentlessly this year."

She shakes her head and hugs the rabbit to her puffy, bundled-up form tightly. "No need to apologize, Mamoru… I know you just do it out of love."

I run a hand through my hair and can't help but laugh a little, unable to hold back my next comment: "You have no idea." I gasp so quietly I can barely hear myself, but I think Usako's alarmed at how quickly my expression turned to one of shock. I clear my throat. "The… love thing. You have no idea."

She looks up at me with the same surprised, wide-eyed expression that she'd given her new rabbit.

"I… love you, Usagi. Like... really love you." There. It's out. I said it, and there's no going back now. My hands are tight fists at my sides and I'm suddenly sweating profusely. How does it get so hot in freezing temperatures? I find myself breathing very loudly. "I'm sorry… you probably don't want to hear this, but I need you to know. I was going to tell you when you came to my house, that night when we decorated the tree. That was truly one of the best nights of my life. I'd tried mustering up the courage to say something, but by the time I had, you'd asked me about Motoki. And what could I say after that? So I kept my mouth shut… but it's been killing me ever since. I know it's selfish to dump this on you, and I was going to tell you and him together so it wasn't so weird, but I keep trying to wait for these right moments and they just never seem to work out…"

I realize I'm just spewing words at a million miles an hour and pause to catch my breath. I gauge Usako's reaction. I can't believe I just told her all of that, though I suddenly feel like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders.

It looks like, however, I've transferred that weight to Usako. She's staring at me, pale, wide-eyed, and looking like she might be sick. My lips are parted and concern is written all over my face as I wait for her to say something… anything.

"I… I have to go," she says hastily, and before I can even reach out and touch her shoulder, she's disappeared into the growing crowd.

Thank you for reading! If you enjoyed this chapter, please leave a review. You can also check out the soundtrack to this fanfiction on 8tracks! See the link in my profile.