I am loosing count of the number of times I have gone round the courtyard already. I can't sleep, am feeling so restless. I should be out there doing something right now, not stuck up here in a remote temple hiding away like a coward. I kick a stone lying near my feet, its echo resounding throughout the outer room, as I continue pacing the courtyard. Just an hour ago I was so full of hope, having finally found a way to maybe contact my uncle or find out something about his whereabouts. Now it seems like I was clutching onto a straw to save myself from falling into the river. It seemed like the perfect place to look for. The Order of the White Lotus. Or was it the White Lotus Society? I kick out another stone in anger. How in the name of heaven am I supposed to find it? Its a top secret society on top and I was able to know about it only because of Uncle.
I feel like screaming out in rage but I somehow control myself as I don't want anyone to wake up and start asking irritating questions. The idea came to me when I heard the mechanist's son and The Duke talking about the giant Pai Sho Table. Uncle's voice seems to resound in my head once again like it did so many months back in the rag tag earth kingdom town club full of filthy wanderers.
"Pai Sho is more than just a game"
It was the White Lotus people who helped us to sneak into the city of Ba Sing Se. Guilt suddenly swarms up inside me as the events of that day in Ba Sing Se comes rushing back to my mind when I had to betray my uncle just because Azula was able to get to me once again. Stop it! I scream in my mind. Stop thinking about the past! I clutch my head in anger, unable to stop the images of Azula's smirking face, the look on Katara's face as she held the Avatar's lifeless body in her arms, Uncle's repulsed face at my siding with Azula.. No! Its all in the past now. I am making amends for my mistakes, I am doing my best to make things right. Now is not the time to regret what could have been in the past. Now is the time for action. I am not going to think about what could have been, I need to figure out a way right now on how to contact the old geezers of that secret society.
Frustrated I look up at the walls of the temple. This is not helping, I have never been good at planing things out and this is one time I really need to make a good plan. I kick another stone out of my way, it rebounds off the far wall and clatters all the way down the stone steps.
"Will you stop it already?"
I turn towards the voice and find Katara walking out of the shadows.
"Toph is not able to sleep with all the stone kicking you have been doing. She sent me to tell you to be quiet and that it's your good luck that she is feeling so tired to get up from her bed. Otherwise..." the rest of her words gets drowned out by her yawning. I scowl at her, not in the mood to talk or even care about what Toph might have done to me otherwise. I don't need any distractions, all I need is a plan. How am I going to find the society? How? How? How?? Pai Sho. White Lotus. Pai Sho. White lotus.
"Zuko...?"
I stop at the sound of her voice. How long has she been standing there and how long have I been pacing around? I don't want any company, why doesn't she just leave me alone?
" What's bothering you?" she asks tentatively.
I close my eyes in anger, trying to keep my calm. Just what I don't need right now.. pesky questions..
"Nothing" I reply, forcing myself not to shout back at her.
" You are mumbling on and on about Pai Sho and white lotus for about the past 20 mins. What's going on?"
Was I really speaking out loud? I turn to look at her and she takes a few steps back, refusing to look at my face, giving off the awkward vibe that I have been getting from her for quite sometime. I stride up to her purposefully and find her walking back even more, still refusing to look at my face. I grip her shoulders in anger and hear a faint gasp of fear escape her lips. Anger carouses through my vein as I look at her face and she still refuses to look at me, her eyes determinedly locked over the hilts of my swords on my back.
" What's the matter? Repulsed so much by my face that you can't even stand to look at me anymore?"
Her eyes quickly jumps back to my face with a look of pure shock, slowly giving way to indignation.
"What?" she splutters, her hands violently brushing mine off her shoulders. "You think I am repelled by your facial dis figuration?"
"Yes" I snarl, my anger making me reckless. "Yes you are. You have been avoiding me all day, wincing every time you see my face. You think I have not noticed?"
"Its not what you think." She replies in anger, walking a few steps away from me.
"Even now you can't stand to be near me. If I repel you so much, why did you even bother offering me a second chance?" I am not even aware of raising my voice until she snarls at me to keep quiet. " You will wake up everyone" she replies in a low voice.
"Do you think I care?" I nearly shout when she suddenly lunges at me and pins me back against the wall, her hand covering my mouth.
"I said be quiet" she whispers dangerously but I push her back in anger. Suddenly I am unable to move my hands and find them frozen to the wall. I look at her, so much rage flowing through my body that I didn't even have to firebend consciously as the chunks of ice turns into vapor, hissing out into the night.
"Don't make me do this Zuko" she says in a low voice, her stance ready for battle as she swirls her right hand around her head and solid ice forms in her hand, covering her fingers like claws. Any other time I would have been impressed, even intimidated perhaps but this is not that time. I shoot out a fireball at her which she dodges easily and flicks her hands in the air and five ice daggers fly towards my throat, aimed perfectly. I shoot out five flames of fire from my finger tips just like she did and they collide with the ice daggers in mid air, turning them into vapor.
"Zuko! Snap out of it!" She whispers urgently, trying to push me back to the wall with her hands but I shove her back violently, and am mildly surprised to find her still standing her ground. And then comes the terrible sting to my face, followed by the sound of a resounding slap. My eyes snap open in surprise, my hand immediately going to my cheek. Did she just slap me? I look at her astonished, my mouth falling open in shock, too stunned to even move.
"That's better" she replies apologetically, wincing in pain as she cradles her right hand.
"What was that all about?" I ask in spite of myself.
"That was the only way I could make you listen to reason" she replies, wringing both her hands together. She looks up at me, her eyes full of an emotion unknown to me and she takes a step towards me. She slowly raises her hands, hesitates a moment and then finally places it upon my cheek. " I am terribly sorry. I didn't mean to slap you but you left me no choice"
To say that I was astonished will be an understatement. But I guess she got the job done for I am certainly calm enough to realize my recklessness which made me attack her without any reason in the first place. I look at her and she hesitates a moment before she looks me back in the eye, letting her hand drop away from my face.
I take a few steps back from her and turn around to look at the giant statue of the airbender towering above us.
"I am sorry too" I mumble, a bit irritated at having to apologize but knowing fully that I should do so.
" I guess I shouldn't have intruded on your personal thoughts" her voice drifts up to me from the back as I hear her take a few steps and find her standing next to me, looking up at the statue too. " It irritates Toph too but somehow it also helps out in the end to share what's bothering you." I can feel her looking at my face but I refuse to look back. " I know its about your Uncle.." she continues and I turn to look at her. I guess she remembers our last conversation yesterday evening when I told her about my intention to find my Uncle.
"Yeah." I find myself replying. "I think I know where I might get some information about him but I don't know how to find that place"
"This place has got something to do with Pai Sho and white lotus?" She asks me, curiosity evident in her voice.
"Yes. Its a secret society called the Order of the White Lotus. I just know that my uncle is a high ranking individual of the society and that it exists in secret." I walk away from her, wearily sitting down against the wall while she looks at me curiously. " I believe the members of the society consists of individuals from all the nations and they are identified with the symbol of the white lotus tile of Pai Sho. They helped us once when we were in need and it might be the only place which might be able to give me some information about the whereabouts of my uncle"
She walks up to me excitedly and sits down next to me. I look at her, a bit surprised to see her with such a big smile on her face. She looks pretty when she smile. Wait! What am I thinking? All thoughts however flies out of the window when she suddenly places her hand on my shoulder and says " Zuko. I think I might be able to help you"
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