You know something? As much as you all tell me how much you are laughing because of my story, I think I'm getting a bigger kick out of reading your reviews. Which are fabulous and funny! I have been rolling on my floor laughing so hard at what you have to say about my chapters. Thanks a lot; I really needed to hear that!
Chapter Ten
"You knew?" bellowed the Minister of Magic.
"Yes, Cornelius, I did indeed know the truth."
"But why," sputtered the incompetent government leader.
Sighing, the Headmaster sat back in the chair behind his desk and began to explain. "Well, it all started the summer before Harry's sixth year here at Hogwarts began. Sybil Trelawney and I were in a meeting about her becoming the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher, when she suddenly gave another prophesy concerning Harry. In this prophesy she predicted that Harry must suffer for exactly one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in order for him to be able to destroy Voldemort forever."
Almost everyone in the room flinched at the mention of the dark wizard. Harry didn't. Harry never flinched at his name. Harry wasn't afraid neither of him nor of anything else. However, what Harry was feeling was a growing anger towards the Headmaster.
"Did she say how my client was supposed to suffer Dumbledore?" Mr. Graves asked.
"No, she did not mention that aspect of Harry's suffering in her prophesy," the Headmaster replied, "Just that he was to suffer."
"So that's why you made her the new Defense teacher," Harry said in a tempered voice. "How very Cat Calls of you."
Everyone in the room looked to Harry not understanding a word of what he had just said. However, they all waved it off and went back to the conversation at hand.
"Why did you pick for my client to go to Azkaban?" snarled Mr. Graves angrily. "He could have suffered in a multitude of other ways and from he's told me he has repeatedly at your hand over the years."
Albus Dumbledore sighed wearily, "I know that he had to suffer in order for the world to be rid of Voldemort. It was a decision that I have had to live with ever since."
"But you weren't the one who had to suffer," Harry said coldly. "You weren't the one who had to be damned to be your precious weapon."
"Weapon?"
"Yes, Minister, his weapon," Harry replied blankly. "I'm sure he would be happy to explain it to you how he used me my entire life to fight this little turf war of his." Then he turned to leave the office, he had enough of this, of the Headmaster, of the school and of the wizarding world. Harry was suddenly tired of the whole thing and wanted to find some peace and quiet for himself now.
"Harry, where are you going?" asked the Headmaster.
"I am tired of all of you and I am going to bed."
x-x-x-x-x
Some time later, Harry wearily returned to Gryffindor Tower. He was depressed and really didn't care about anything anymore, not even if he lived or died. Dumbledore had actually admitted what he had done and in front of the Aurors and Fudge. That should have made him happy, but it didn't.
"There you are," scolded Hermione Granger, Head Girl. "We need to talk to you Harry."
"Why?"
"Because we are under house arrest that's why!" she scolded further. "Do you have any idea what that's like? DO YOU?"
Hmmm, let's think about that boys and girls. Do you think Harry might know what its like to be placed in confinement against his will? Let's take a vote shall we? Then again, this would be the one thing to get Harry out of his funk.
Frowning, Harry looked at the bossy young woman and said, "Do I know what it's like to be arrested and confined for an indefinite amount of time? I guess not according to you." Then Harry brushed past her toward the boys' dorms as everyone else in the common room backed away slowly.
"Harry James Potter! You come back here and answer me."
Harry stopped and turned to face her. He was really not in the mood for this and wanted to simply go to his dorm room and have a nice nap. However, he wasn't going to get to it seemed.
"Hermione," Ron said abruptly, "Stop it. I need to talk to Harry also."
Sighing Harry said, "What do you want Weasley."
"Well, you see, I've been authorized by my parents to offer you a substitute for the money my mum withdrew from your account," Ron said in a quiet voice, so no one else could hear.
"YOU MEAN THE GOLD YOUR MOTHER STOLD FROM ME RIGHT?" Harry responded loudly, so that everyone could hear it. "Just what does your parents think can equal the trust and love that they ripped form my heart along with the gold from my vault?"
"Ginny's hand in marriage."
Everyone in the common room was suddenly silent, especially Harry.
"WHAT?"
Everyone turned to look at the youngest Weasley. Apparently this was news to her.
"Mum and Dad are doing what?" she demanded angrily.
"Well, I was gonna tell you Gin, but I never got around to it," Ron said lamely.
"Never got around to it?" she said with anger bubbling up inside of her.
"Apparently they are whoring your arse out to save their own. The betrayals never seem to end do they?" Harry said sarcastically.
"You are a LIAR!" Ginny roared at her brother. "I'm going to write mum and find out the truth." Then the red-headed girl stormed out of the common room and up to her dorm to write the letter.
Harry yelled up after her, "I'd let you borrow Hedwig, but she's dead."
x-x-x-x-x
A few moments after Ginny disappeared up the girl's stairwell; Harry did the same up and went to the top of Gryffindor Tower and to the seventh year boys' dormitory room. Opening the door he heard Eppy talking to someone.
"Now, you's is waiting here, Master Harry will be up shortly. He is kicking some arse right now he is."
The person Eppy was speaking to smiled and took a seat on Harry's trunk and began to wait.
Harry entered the room and looked over his unknown guest. Smiling one of the few true smile for the first time in over one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds he walked over to his guest and said, "I didn't realize that you'd be here tonight."
"Really?" the guest asked. "I would have come sooner if I had known too."
"Alright then, let's get started."
x-x-x-x-x
Monday morning found Harry Potter sitting at the Gryffindor table eating his breakfast with his dorm mates, Neville, Dean and Seamus watching for the owl post to arrive.
"What are you watching for Harry?" Seamus asked in his sexy Irish accent. "Another love howler for Ron and Hermione?"
Harry smiled and said, "I never do the same prank four times."
The other three snickered in appreciation as the first owl found its way into the Great Hall, followed by many more. Most of the arriving owls had copies of the Daily Prophet for the students and teachers of the school. In fact a great tawny owl landed in the butter in front of Harry to deliver a copy of paper. Harry relieved the owl of its burden and unrolled it as the owl took off again.
"Anything good in the paper this morning?" asked Neville as he spied the look of glee on Harry's face.
Smirking, Harry replied, "Maybe." Then tossing the paper over to them the other three begin reading the headline of the paper.
Boy-Who-Lives Speaks Out in an Exclusive Interview
By Rita Skeeter
Last night in an exclusive interview with the Boy-Who-Lived, this reporter can officially inform you that Harry Potter is not happy with his life the way it is now. It seems that after being barraged by insulting demands to be forgiven from the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, Albus Dumbledore admitted to Cornelius Fudge and a room full of witnesses that he did indeed knew for a fact that Harry Potter was innocent of the crimes he was accused.
It seems that the leader of the most prestigious school of magical learning in Great Britain and the head of the Wizengamont and member of the International Confederation of Wizards has covered up the true identity of the murderer who killed Hogwarts teachers, Rubeus Hagrid and Sybil Trelawney as well as Ministry of Magic worker Percy Weasley. There have been rumors of accusations that Albus Dumbledore himself committed the murders that Harry Potter was convicted of. However, these rumors were quickly denied by several high ranking officials at the Ministry of Magic.
However, a ministry insider let it slip that Cornelius Fudge is personally investigating these rumors and has his eye on Albus Dumbledore in regards to Harry Potter, who has been forced against his will to return to Hogwarts at the insistence of the Headmaster. One does wonder why Dumbledore, who has been referred to as a 'barmy old codger' by even his closest supporters, would insist that the Boy-Who-Lived return to the school when he clearly should have been sent to St. Mungo's Hospital for Magical Maladies for severe malnutrition and psychological trauma after spending one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds in the care of the Dementors of Azkaban prison.
In a private interview taken just last night in the dormitory room at the top of Gryffindor Tower, Harry Potter confided in myself, Rita Skeeter, the witty and styling crusader for the truth, that since returning to the school he has faced trial after trial on almost a daily basis. Not only was our savior forced to return to school before he was physically ready for it, but the Headmaster was attempting to force him to take two years worth of N.E.W.T. courses, which would have driven any sane person into an early grave.
"Not only that," said a weary seventeen year old boy, "but he didn't even give me my wand when I returned to the castle. I had to try and perform magic without it, which was impossible." Then as he slouched into his chair, he continued, "But I think the worst bit was when I had to face a whole colony of Banshees all alone. I survived the encounter, but if it weren't for my dorm mates and a kind house elf, I don't think I would have gotten through the night. Dumbledore knew what had happened and never once did he send the school nurse to check on me. I could have died and I don't think he would have cared."
As the silent tears fell down the face of this brave soul, he was not finished with his sad tale. "I think I could have lived with the treatment I received from the Headmaster, but to be forced to live day in and day out with the two people who betrayed me the most in the world, my two former best friends, Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger." For those readers who do not know who these two young people are, see page seven, in the article titled, "The Betrayers of Harry Potter."
Pulling himself together, the savior of the wizarding world continued bravely like the true Gryffindor he is, "Before I was sent away, they took all of my possessions and burned them up. Everything I ever owned gone, burned to ashes. I could always replace the clothes and books of course. But the loss of my photo album, I don't think I can ever get over that loss. I never knew my parents and it contained the only pictures I ever had of them. Most were from their wedding. They looked so happy that day. I have a picture ... I mean I had a picture of my dad picking my mum up and twirling her around the dance floor. They looked so happy together. I know I'll never be that happy, who'd want me after all. I'm just an ex-convict and a murderer."
For further details about Albus Dumbledore and his secrets actions against the Ministry of Magic as well as his forming of a secret society of witches and wizards that were spying on various prominent members of wizarding society see page ten. For further details concerning the careers of murder victims, Rubeus Hagrid, Percy Weasley and Sybil Trelawney see page fourteen. Lastly for details concerning the offer of an arranged marriage to the family that embezzled thousands of galleons from Harry Potter's personal vault, see page seventeen.
Together, Neville, Dean and Seamus looked up at Harry who was smiling at them.
"Harry, are you alright?" Neville asked calmly, not knowing what was going to come out of Harry's mouth after reading the article.
Harry shrugged, "Yeah, I'm fine."
"What arranged marriage?" demanded Seamus. "Which one of these bitches thinks she gets to come and in treat you like a sex object?"
"Uh…" Harry said, not knowing where this was coming from. "Seamus, I'm not gay you know. There's no need to be jealous."
"I'm not jealous," Seamus said, though no one believed him. "Which on is it? I'll hex her arse right off I will."
"Well, it's Ginny Weasley, but I don't think she's in on the deal. She seemed pretty shocked when she learned of it," Harry said, by way of explanation.
"What do you mean, 'learned of it,' mate?" Dean asked as he grabbed Seamus' wand away from him.
"Weasley told me last night that instead of repaying the gold he and his parents owe me from their stealing and destroying my personal property, they want to give me Ginny instead."
"WHAT?" all three boys said at once?
"Harry, mate, are you joking?" asked Neville with a gob-smacked look on his face.
"Do I look like I'm joking?" Harry replied sarcastically. "Of all the things I could pick to joke about, do you think that I would pick that?"
"Normally, I would say 'no', but they way you've been behaving lately, I wouldn't put anything past you," Dean said and Neville and Seamus snickered. Harry just rolled his eyes, knowing that it was true.
x-x-x-x-x
As Harry and his three (and only) friends were leaving they were stopped by the Headmaster. "Harry, I would like to talk to you."
"What about today?" Harry said coldly. "We talk almost every day and you never say anything different."
"You still haven't heard the message I am trying to convey to you, Harry. You need to…"
Harry cut him off, "Stop. You know I think Wren Truesong said it best in her review and I quote, 'Albus Dumbledore, you cold-hearted manipulative hypocritical son of a one-legged whore and a scorpion-tailed camel with SYPHILIS! You DARE to lecture Harry about forgiveness and healing the soul? Pay your OWN sins first, man!' I don't think she likes you very much."
"Review?" the Headmaster asked. "Harry I am becoming quite concerned for you, you keep mentioning people that who don't even know repeatedly and situations that would never happen."
"Yeah? And?"
The Headmaster looked grave and said, "I fear that you may be mentally damaged from your stay in Azkaban. I think we may have to send you off to St. Mungo's for the long term care you seem to need."
Harry shook his head while the other looked horrified. "Nice try Uncle Fucker, but Mr. Graves already thought about that and has put certain precautions in place, so you and the others are still going to have to face the consequences in court."
Dumbledore looked at Harry sadly and to be honest rather unhappy as well. However, he decided that this was not going to his advantage and began to walk away from the Gryffindors.
"Oh by the way," Harry called out to him, causing the Headmaster to pause. "As of this morning I own controlling interest in the Daily Prophet, so you can expect reporters and photographers to be here at the school all the time now, watching your every move."
The Headmaster however, continued on to his destination.
"Is that true Harry?"
"Yeah Neville, it is. I feel just like Alexis Colby now."
Neville looked confused as Dean and Seamus snickered.
Harry explained, "She's a real bitch on Muggle television that takes a lot of baths and has lots of fights in the mud with blonde haired people."
x-x-x-x-x
"Potter!"
"Oh hell," Harry muttered under his breath. Turning he said, "What is it Malfoy?"
"Poor pathetic little Potty," the Slytherin sneered in delight, "All alone in the hallway with no one here to help him."
Crabbe and Goyle snickered in appreciation behind Malfoy.
"In case you've not noticed Dung-for-brains, I've been all alone for some time now," Harry replied snidely. "Not very observant are you?"
Smirking, Malfoy said, "I can observe that you are outnumbered three to one. I can also observe that you are about to get your arse kicked."
"You think so?"
"Yeah," Malfoy said as his two goons flexed their muscles threateningly.
Smiling, Harry said, "Well I have only one thing to say to that."
"What's that scar-head?"
"Eppy!"
"What?" Malfoy asked, not understanding what the name meant. However, he failed to hear the small popping sound as the little elf appeared in the corridor.
"Yes, Master Harry, did you's call for your Eppy?"
"Yes I did," Harry replied to the elf. "Malfoy and his two man-bitches are threatening me again."
Malfoy smirked and got right into Harry's face. "So this is what you are reduced to Potter? Hiding behind a house elf dressed like a baby doll? And you defeated the Dark Lord? I …"
Crack went the whip followed by two great thuds which interrupted Malfoy's tirade. Both Harry and Malfoy turned to see the house elf was no longer dressed in her pretty little pink dress with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem, but rather in a black leather cat suit, high stiletto heeled boots and a black leather eye mask with a whip in her hand. Eppy was standing with one foot firmly on Goyle's chest and the other on his forehead.
"Mistress Eppy is thinking that you's is being very mean to my Master Harry," Eppy said and cracked the whip again causing Malfoy's eye's to bulge in fear.
Chuckling, Harry said, "I think you'll find that Eppy isn't like most house elves."
Malfoy very quickly turned tail and screamed and ran for it. However, he didn't get very far as he heard the whip crack again and then fell to the floor bloodying his nose in the process. Looking back, Malfoy saw that the end of Eppy's whip was wrapped around his ankle and the elf was advancing on him rather quickly.
"Mistress Eppy is thinking you's is needing a lesson in manners," she said evilly causing Malfoy to gulp.
"Eppy?" asked Harry.
"Yes Master Harry?" the elf responded not looking away from Malfoy.
"May I watch?"
"Only if you's is thinking you can handle it."
Harry smiled and Malfoy gulped again.
x-x-x-x-x
"Harry?" Neville asked as he sat down to lunch in the Great Hall. "Where were you this morning? We lost track of you after breakfast."
"Oh, I had a little run in with Malfoy and his goons," Harry said as Seamus and Dean sat down also.
"Are you okay mate?"
Smiling Harry said, "Oh yeah, I'm great."
Snickering, the three Gryffindors were relieved and Seamus asked, "So what did you do to them?"
With a look of mock offence, Harry said, "What makes you think I did anything to them? I'll have you know I didn't lift a finger against them."
"Uh-huh," all three said together.
"It was Eppy," Harry admitted and then told them what happened that morning which caused Neville to guffaw in laughter and then they all looked over at the Slytherin table to see how Malfoy and his two henchmen looked. However, they were missing from the table.
Turning back to Harry, Neville asked, "Oh, Harry, where are they?"
"Um," Harry sputtered for a moment, "I don't know. Why do you ask?"
"Because they are missing and you look like the Hippogriff that ate the cat," Dean added in and all three snickered again at Harry.
"Well, I have absolutely no idea," Harry said in mock disbelief. Okay is anyone buying this, because I'm sure not. I mean really did we read page one of his chapter?
"Uh-huh," all three said together.
Harry smiled and said, "However, if I were to guess, then I might suggest the hospital wing. But that's only a guess you see?"
"Uh-huh," all three said together and then started snickering yet again.
x-x-x-x-x
After lunch was over with Harry found himself sighing in utter disbelief as he found himself in the back of the Transfiguration class room again. He so did not want to be there.
"Now class," Professor McGonagall addressed the class in her usual stern manner, "Next term we are going to be studying human transfiguration. I know that some of you wanted to try and become animagi and this will be your opportunity to begin studying it."
The stern woman looked over to Harry hoping that he might at least be interesting in this course of study and remain in the castle. Harry gave no reaction to what she had said.
She continued, "Now as we still have another week of classes before the term ends, I want you all to think about what kind of animal would suit you best. Remember the best animal to transform into will be one that suits your personality the best."
Hermione Granger, Head Girl, raised her hand to ask a question, "Professor, what do you mean by 'best suits out personality'?"
"Well, take yourself for instance. You don't care too much for flying on a broom, so I dare say that attempting to transfigure yourself into a bird that flies would be a waste of time."
The Head Girl nodded in understanding.
At this point Harry spoke up. "I think Granger should try to transform into a dog."
"Really Potter," Professor McGonagall asked in delight that he was participating. "Why do you think she should try that animal? Also what breed of dog should she attempt do you think?"
"I wouldn't know which breed would be best, that's for her to decide but I would suggest a large one. As for Granger being a dog in general, well I thought that would have been obvious. She's already one of the biggest bitches in the school."
x-x-x-x-x
That evening at dinner, Harry was sitting with his three mates when he felt someone tapping on his shoulder. Harry turned and smiled at his tapper.
"Hey Luna."
"Hello Harry," she replied in a dreamy sort of voice. "Would you mind if we joined you this evening?"
"Sure," Harry said and then realized what she had said. "We? Who is with you?"
"Ginny is," Luna replied as if it of course the most natural thing to do and Ginny sat down also, looking a little nervous.
"Weasley," Harry said curtly to her as she sat. "Or should I call you my fiancé now?"
Ginny shuddered.
"What's the matter? Don't you want to be the next Mrs. Potter?" asked Harry suddenly curious.
"Truthfully, Harry," Luna interjected, "Ginny doesn't want to marry you."
"Good," Seamus muttered but everyone heard it anyway.
"Not that I'm dying to marry her either, but why not?"
"Because I do not like the idea of my parents selling me off in marriage like it was still the Middle Ages," Ginny said forcefully. "I know now that mum took that gold from your vault, but I had nothing to do with it. I thought it came from the Ministry due to Percy's death. I had no idea that she was sneaking into your vaults and taking what wasn't ours."
Taking a drink from his goblet, Harry asks, "So what do you think about all of this Luna?"
"Well, of course, I think that you two shouldn't be married. I don't think you would well suited to one another. Also I think you should forgive her Harry."
Harry scowled at the Ravenclaw.
Luna, however, continued as if he hadn't, "But I also think she should ask for your forgiveness humbly first. I'd hate to see her be punished by you like her brother and our esteemed Head Girl."
Harry was slightly shocked to hear Luna talk about them that way. At one time Harry knew her to have a little crush on his former best friend.
Taking a deep breath Ginny began, "Harry I am terribly sorry for everything that happened to you before you were sent to Azkaban and I am so sorry you had to endure the hardship you did there for the one year, three months, two weeks, four days, seven hours, thirteen minutes and twenty six seconds you were in there. But I also hope that you know that I had nothing to do with those terrible things Ron and Hermione and the members of the Order did to you. Please forgive me."
Harry looked down thinking about what she had said. Ginny had spoken the truth, she had done nothing against him, but forgiveness was so hard to do and anger was something he was getting far too comfortable with. Harry wasn't sure what he was going to say to her when he felt Seamus' hand begin to rub small circles between his shoulder blades. It wasn't a romantic gesture, but it did feel nice to have someone be there when he needed it.
"I forgive you," Harry whispered looking up.
Ginny broke into a grin and her eyes were wet from unshed tears. Luna however, just smiled dreamily as if she knew this was what was going to happen all along.
"So," Harry said, breaking the silence, "What do your other brothers think about you becoming my wife?"
"I don't think they even know yet."
Grinning evilly, Harry said, "Then I think past time to tell them, don't you?"
"Now?" asked Ginny.
"No time like the present," Harry said with a grin and then called for, "Eppy?"
Then with a pop the house elf appeared once again in her little pink dress with the little yellow flowers embroidered on the hem. "Yes Master Harry, is you's being calling for Eppy?"
"Yes, I did, do you have parchment and a quill? We need to write some letters," Harry asked.
"Of course Eppy is having them," she responded and lifted her skirt up and began groping herself. "Now I is putting it in here somewhere."
As she searched things began to fall out of her skirt. A pair of shoes, some red wool mittens, nipple clamps, a man's black leather chest harness, an empty bottle of butterbeer, a feather duster, a china tea service with a silver platter, a wooden paddle covered in leather with the word 'Spank' written in silver studs and a little pink diary with 'Hello Kitty' on the cover.
Ginny's and Luna's eyes were as large as saucers as they watched all those things fall out of her skirt.
"She packs quite an arsenal doesn't she?" Seamus said as he watched the two girls.
"Here it is being Master Harry," declared the elf as she handed Harry the things he asked for. Then she gathered up the things that fell out and popped away.
To Be Continued … Please Read and Review
Cat Calls, for those of you who do not know, wrote a really good fiction called "Harry Potter and Dumbledore's Army," which can be found at this bat station. In this story Trelawney became the new Defense teacher and drove Harry crazy with her inability to actually teach the subject.
Wren Truesong is a reviewer of mine and she is a writer at this bat channel. I haven't gotten around to reading anything she's written, but I loved what she said in her review of the last chapter and used it in this one. I guess this means I'm satirizing my reviewers now. Is that bad?
Also, Eppy would like for me to remind you that she is still watching for people who are reading and not reviewing. She said that many of you is behaving and not needing to be whipped, but some of you is needing to be reminded. Please do as she says, I already have to sit on a pillow from the marks she put on my bum.
To a certain review who suggested that Sybil Trelawney died due to an orgy with Hagrid… EEEEWE! Even Eppy stuck her fingers in her ears and chanted, "lalalalalalalalalalalalalalala" when she read that one.