A belated and great big thank you to my return readers Radar1999 and Sweetie7Smiled for the encouragement! I'm re-new to this, so I need to get better at replying to my readers!

This chapter was difficult for me because I had a crisis about it being boring. I do think I could use a beta, and someone to help me cut unimportant scenes out so I'm not just rambling, or listening to the keys click.

Rating: (T) This chapter has some sexual situations and mild cursing.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

~MaraJadeblu

Outside of Forks, Washington, USA

June 21, 2012 6:00PM

Ch 9a: Edward

Within the millisecond of my eyes reading her text, my hand was on the doorknob, and I was about to rip it from it's hinges in my haste. Carlisle's hand folded over mine, "What happened?" He was concerned by my anger, but I couldn't release it.

"Alice is with Bella!" I said through gritted teeth.

I heard the instinctual reaction of their thoughts, So?

"Why are you angry?" Esme asked, He doesn't understand, she thought.

"She'll give us away!" This wasn't exactly it, but I didn't want Bella finding out anything about me from her.

"Edward Anthony Masen Cullen," Carlisle said.

"When was the last time you hunted, darling? Your eyes are completely black."

I blinked. I had been so preoccupied with thoughts of Be-Ms. Swan, that I hadn't stopped in Canada to hunt. Of course I needed to feed well before seeing her again! What was I thinking? She was safer with Alice than with me, as Alice would only see her if she knew it was safe. She had probably fed beforehand as well, whereas I had almost run off to see her while starving.

Thinking of Ms. Swan made me hungry, and I had been doing that a lot. Even now my fangs had redescended, and the venom felt like it was corroding my mouth and stomach, consuming my every thought with hunger.

"Of course, you're right." I said to them both, dropping my hand. "I'm going to get ready for work, and spend the night feeding so tomorrow will be easier."

"There's a good lad," said Carlisle, some of his British heritage coming out with his relief.

A full night of successful hunting had never been so dissatisfying before. Mountain lion was my favorite, and I had found a male, but one thought of Ms. Swan's feathery locks blowing over her shoulder and I was hungry again.

The amount of blood I consumed became uncomfortable towards morning, and I hoped that too, would be a deterrent.

"Heading to work, will keep you updated and send the address" I wrote. I had a lot of catching up to do, so showing up to work at 4:00AM was no problem for me. I was never in danger of missing a deadline because I didn't need to sleep, and when necessary, I could write three times as fast as the fastest of our typists. (That was the max speed at which the keyboard could pick up my typing.)

I couldn't run into the city, and on the off chance that Ms. Swan ended up accompanying me to see Carlisle, I stopped at the house for my car.

Driving fast was almost as fun as running fast. I had wanted an M3, but at Carlisle's insistence, I upgraded to something a little less noticeable for a lowly journalist to own. I took my silver Volvo in towards the city, and sat in traffic far longer than I had intended. Luckily, I used the extra brainspace to mentally compose my article. All I had to do at work was type it up. I glared at the dashboard- I should be there by 6:00AM.

I saw the welcoming view of the north from the Daily Planet, and I had missed it despite being in fantastic forests and frozen horizons. I didn't expect Ms. Swan to be in this early, and she was not.

This gave me time to acclimate to the others around me. I was so full that they were barely appetizing, but I might test my resolve by sniffing around Jessica's desk to see if Ms. Swan's scent was there.

Curiously, someone had moved something on my desk. I was prepared with all manner of excuses about the dent, but there was a copy draft over the spot so no one could see it.

I brought the paper closer to my face to see who had noticed.

It was her. Very faint, but her. She had placed it on my desk to cover the spot after I had been so rude to her. I felt the uncomfortable weight of the blood in me lessen. The trace of her was stirring my hunger already. To distract myself, I sat down to write my article.

Every time the elevator dinged, I glanced up to see if she had arrived. When she did, I would have to take a deep breath and hold it until I was away from her. I had to hope I wouldn't need to talk much around her. This plan was seeming shakier and shakier.

The ACs were functioning again, which was one blessing. Everyone was in a good mood, looking forward to the party tomorrow, and I was feeling pleasantly distracted by work and others' thoughts.

Ding. It was her. I felt the electricity of her arrival before I smelled her or saw her. The elevator doors opened, and I immediately looked up.

I believe the man blocking her view of my intense gaze allowed her to step out of the elevator a pace, but as soon as her eyes swept the room and met mine, she froze. I instinctually reached out for her thoughts, but felt nothing.

How frustrating!

Was she scared of me? Why did she move the paper? Had she forgiven me? Would she talk to me? What was she thinking as she so obviously stared into my eyes?

I was staring back, and time had slowed again. Today she was wearing a sky blue sleeveless cotton top and fitted light wool grey herringbone pants, complete with creases. Thanks, Alice...

Also, today (my heart skipped in... fear?) she wore some very light makeup. Most noticeably, she was wearing lip gloss that made her lips look plump and even more delicious. I instantly wanted to taste them, and the thought made me burn for her. Full? I hardly felt like I had hunted. I didn't know she was going to show up looking like thanksgiving dinner!

We still stared. This was all peripheral for me, but for the most part I concentrated on her innocent eyes. They calmed me. Her pupils were slowly dilating, and I watched the shift in colors and muscles so singularly that I felt peaceful.

My mouth watered despite this, but I tried to ignore it. Bella didn't help when blood began pooling in those young fresh cheeks, making her face even more becoming than it had been. My god, I had to have her.

Have her? What was I thinking? How? I couldn't possibly let myself hurt her, though the thought of it... the thought of being pressed up against her with my face buried in her neck, made me ache with hunger.

I continued staring shamelessly, even after Ms. Swan broke our stare to adjust her clothing. Oh, to know what you're thinking. The curiosity alone made me burn for her. She was obviously embarrassed, and was appearing self conscious about her looks. Her arms were covered in goosebumps, and she was flustered until she started to head over to the coffee table.

I watched her from the back, appreciating her from afar because I knew when she got closer this was going to get infinitely harder. As she moved away to the table I took a large breath. I would go to the bathroom when I needed another one.

My entire body tingled and burned at the recognition that her molecules had joined the others floating around the room. I watched her move and noticed little things... Her hair had been styled. It was the same cherry mahogany combination, with slight curls peppered throughout the tips. Alice.

I swallowed the pooling venom, she was wearing a white bra, slightly visible under the cotton, and black polkadot panties.

I finally looked down in shame. What was I doing? Since when do I use my powers to become a peeping tom?! Usually this stuff is repugnant to me and I have to try to avoid it, but much to my shame, I find it difficult not to continue. Disgusting.

Even with my face down, images of her filtered in through the brains of others, and I discovered just how effectively I could invade her privacy without even looking at her. I was disgusted with myself, but also... helplessly excited. For the first time having nothing to do with my hunger, I was aroused at the thought of another. My physicality expressed this feeling, and I realized this might be an obstacle to going to the bathroom for air.

I was blushing furiously, my ears were rushing with blood, and I had no idea what I looked like because I had never been this embarrassed before. I knew from men's thoughts that this was a human reaction that was quite common, and usually their strategy was to think about something else. Something not sexy. Something distracting.

I looked around my desk. I was constantly in a state seeking distraction because of my nature. I thought of what a human might do. He might look at pictures from the morgue! I only hoped that wouldn't ignite my hunger. Sure, the bodies were exsanguinated, but that would only be helpful as long as I didn't imagine the process of exsanguination.

The process... of draining blood... from Ms. Swan's white, fragile neck, while she writhed in pleasure and pain...

Someone is approaching my desk.

My eyes shot up. How did I not hear this person's approach? Of course, dear gods of cruel irony, it was Ms. Swan.

Don't look at her throat, or her breasts.

This frantic thought might have resulted in her registering the panic in my eyes. I was definitely concentrating hard on not her breasts.

Also, don't breathe!

I must have looked even more strained at that thought. Maybe she would think I was constipated. In a way, I supposed I was.

She was still faintly blushing, and looked hesitant about being here. Well she should, you monster. "Um, Mr. Cullen," her voice was beautiful music. Her eyes were fragrant honeyed flowers, set in her blushing face, swollen lip, and framed by her pine-scented hair. "Would you like me to get you some coffee?"

Her lips formed the words with such enticing-what? Coffee?

"That isn't your job," I said more harshly than I meant.

She looked surprised, "I know, but I was going to get some for Jess- Ms. Stanley anyway, so I thought I'd ask." She smiled faintly while looking down, which gave me the impression that I intimidated her, but she was not upset with me about our first encounter.

I felt annoyed. She should be upset with me; I treated her terribly! And she was not some sort of stewardess, to be handing out coffee instead of learning about journalism. "I don't drink coffee, thanks." I was trying to use as little air as possible. Her proximity was like the sun. I felt her blasting her presence at me, burning me with her warmth and her unsmelt aroma. I didn't want her to leave, even though I knew I should. "What work have you been doing while I was gone?"

And, why did you cover up the dent in my desk? This seemed less and less important as her proximity gave me a heady disregard for everything except maybe how much air I had left.

She brightened, and I felt that the added intensity was both pleasant and unnecessary. "Yesterday I did research for J- Ms. Stanley about the big drug bust Wednesday night. She used it when the information was released to give background to the article. Altered, of course. I couldn't be there for the actual writing because I had to clock out." She was disappointed by that last, despite her pride in her involvement. "I did get to meet your sister, though!"

Floored. I was floored. I even stared at her open mouthed, and shut it just before I started drooling accidentally. Alice had of course sent me a text at the end of her playdate assuring me I had nothing to worry about, and she hadn't given away anything about me to Ms. Swan, including our sibling relationship. I trusted Alice implicitly, which meant that Ms. Swan had figured it out for herself. Recover already!

Though for me I had been gape-mouthed for a while, to a human it was only a split second. I smiled. "Yes. She mentioned." There. Appropriately vague, with minimal air use.

She pouted, presumably because I didn't elaborate. A small v appeared in between her eyebrows when she puckered them in thought. I was fascinated by it. "I've never met her before, but somehow she knew me. It was strange."

Fishing for information, are we? At least I didn't have to look away from that tantalizing spot on her forehead. "Alice has a way about her. She's always looking for new dolls for her clothes." Almost out of air.

Ms. Swan looked offended, and then blushed, and then struggled to say, "I'm no model."

Agh! Of all the things she could have said, she chose to display vulnerability, insecurity, and to underestimate herself in so many ways. I wanted to tell her how beautiful she was. Inappropriately, I wanted to tell her how attractive she was, and how she had no idea the effect she had on men- and god, I sound like Mike. There was enough air left for a sentence or two, but not enough for what I wanted to say.

Basically, I wanted desperately to flirt with her, but all I could manage was an, "Excuse me." And I rushed to the bathroom, feeling like a louse.

It was the first time I'd gone to the bathroom at the Daily Planet for anything other than show. Because I rarely ate food, my digestive system didn't need to excrete. Blood was absorbed fully and directly into my body, and worked much better as a form of sustenance.

My ears were pink. I looked a little rosy as well, but not noticeably to the human eye. My goodness, Ms. Swan made me blush! Sure, if I hadn't been gorged on blood, it wouldn't be possible, but still! Me! Blushing!

I splashed my face with water and breathed heavily, trying to clear any vestiges of her scent from screwing with my brain. Think. Clearly. Cullen.

I tried to remember back to when I first saw her, before I smelled her, and had told myself she was almost plain. Almost plain! I couldn't hold on to the image. Other encounters, her first walk towards me, the shift of her hips, her scared eyes, her hurt eyes, her embarrassment today flooded past that first one and made her hopelessly adorable to me. Clearly, clearly, as I looked down at my slightly tented pants, I was finally experiencing sexual attraction. And gauging my reaction by the many minds I'd read, I had what humans would call "a crush."

I was so many emotions; I thought I might explode, or melt, or start screaming wildly. I was terrified and giddy. I replayed the encounter over and over again, trying to catch clues about whether she suspected my attraction, and what her feelings might be.

I had heard this mental behavior before... in thirteen-year-old girls. Ugh.

A/N: Poor Edward! Ah, sexual awakening!

It always bothered me a little when people point out that Edward is "so much older" than Bella that their relationship is inappropriate. Well, if Edward was frozen from the moment he was turned, he's really only 17, and this Edward has had delayed growth since puberty- so welcome to Pubescent-ward.