The Big Hellsing
Chapter Eleven: And the Plot Thickens
Disclaimer: At this point I'm sick of disclaimers, I own bubkiss.
Alucard finally managed to move his coffin into the Cullen's root cellar. When asked why he choose the root cellar he simply responded, "I love being surrounded by dirt and earthworms". And with the first rays of sunlight, Alucard went to sleep. Just one more day in his unending unlife. One more day that he would sleep in a coffin lined with the soil of his homeland.
Esme of all people was glad that he had fallen asleep. Her reasoning went that if asleep the dragon couldn't burn any more villages down. After he make up and make out session with Carlisle she had gone out to get some baking goods; she couldn't eat but she did so enjoy baking. She would have stayed and gone all the way with her angel Carlisle but she would never feel comfortable while Alucard was up and about. There would be nothing to stop him from using his mystical senses from peeping on her and Carlisle.
So Esme went shopping and hoped that when she got back that Carlisle would still be in the mood for a little something. Stepping from her expensive Lamborghini Esme headed towards the house with whole-wheat flower, sugar and other things in hand.
Inside the house Carlisle was putting away the last few parts of his painting kit. His normally radiant face brightened exponentially when he caught sight of his true love entering the home from her shopping excursion. Personally, Carlisle was hoping that Esme was in the mood; because he intended to take her around the world now that Alucard was stone asleep.
Carlisle moved to embrace his wife with tenderness and eagerness. Dropping her grocery bags abruptly, Esme kissed Carlisle passionately on the lips. Despite the fact that as a vampire she was cold as stone, Esme could feel the heat start to build in her body. It was building up especially in her lower swimsuit area. And from the way Carlisle was grinding against her love nest, he was feeling the heat too.
Before the heat could climb any higher, the mercury dropped like a stone. Esme felt as though an arctic wind had swept into the home. Her body felt like cold hands were gripping it and it was almost as if there was some evil force whose eyes were boring into the back of her head. Esme stopped kissing Carlisle and looked to the right. It couldn't have been him, "Alucard is asleep" she thought to herself.
There hanging on the wall right next to the painting of the three Volturi brothers was a life sized portrait of Count Dracula. Even though it was only a painting, Esme felt fear coursing through her body. Clinging to Carlisle as if any moment now Dracula would jump out of the painting and pounce on her she asked him, "What is that"?
Carlisle had not noticed the coldness or the feeling of terrifying evil. He turned in the direction that Esme pointed. "Oh that, before he went to bed Alucard asked me if I had any painting supplies". Carlisle admired the painting of the former vampire king, "Actually I think he did a very good job".
It was a very well done painting; it allowed you to see all of the differences between Alucard and Dracula. Alucard seemed to prefer to dress in nearly all red while Dracula took the same path with the color black. Dracula's well trimmed and perfectly coiffed hair contrasted sharply with Alucard's wild mane. Furthermore Dracula seemed much older than Alucard as well as a good deal shorter. The chair he stood next to seemed to give the sense that Dracula was tall but he hardly could match Alucard's seven feet.
One of the most striking features of the painting was the eyes of Dracula. Dracula's eyes were not red. Rather, his eyes were a shade of brown that was nearly indistinguishable from his pupils. The effect was that looking into Dracula's eyes was like looking into a mask with no face behind it. The empty void of Dracula's eyes was as nearly as frightening as Alucard's hellish red ones, if not more so.
However, Alucard has also painted a portrait of his former self with the intent to show not just differences between now and then. The mouth was the same on either. They both had full red lips that contrasted with their unearthly pallor. Dracula's grin was also exactly the same as Alucard, wild, maniacal and somehow full of callous disregard for the suffering of others.
Perhaps it was just in her mind but it seemed that the painting of Dracula was looking directly at Esme. "Carlisle let's get out of here", she pleaded.
Carlisle was surprised that Esme would let Alucard scare her so much. That was not a good thing, Carlisle knew from personal experience that fear from a woman aroused Alucard. "Esme it's just a painting, it can't hurt you. Neither can Alucard, he couldn't wake up even if he wanted to".
Esme pulled Carlisle's face closer, "Please, I want to get away from him".
Carlisle relented, "Alright just let me get the keys".
The Bada Bing strip bar, Jersey
The Bada Bing took its name from a phrase whipped up by James Caan while on the set of The Godfather. It was a place where a lonesome and horny man could come and see some topless women dance around brass poles and swill down some hard alcohol. It was also the headquarters of notorious gang boss Tony Soprano. And finally it was a place where Tony could swill some hard alcohol and get the occasional blow job, which was probably why he made it his headquarters in the first place.
At the moment Tony was having a little problem. His headquarters had no power. Apparently somebody had decided he wasn't being bribed enough and now the 'Bing had no lights. If things kept up as they were then when opening time came round then the customers were going to have to watch the strippers in candle light.
"You don't fucking understand", Tony's voice was thick with a jersey accent and subtle rage, "I want the fucking power back right this minute, you hear me".
The person on the other line said something that only irked Tony, "Oh really Joe, that's very sad. I hope your mother's okay right now 'cause I'm going to shove a piece up her fat fucking ass and squeeze the trigger until the bullets come out here eyes"!
Joe then said something else that failed to pacify Tony, "How's your plasma screen TV Joe? How's your seventy thousand dollar sports car Joe? How's all the fucking gifts that I bought for you with my money"!
Tony caught his breath and cut off Joe, "Look Joe, your old man knew my old man and supplied my house with free electricity. And my old man paid for all the things you had as a kid. For years your old man kept this place lit for free. It was my money that paid for your college and your kid's college".
Joe once more protested on the phone, "It's very sad that you had to act this way Joe, after I got you that cushy job at the electric company your dad used to have". Tony gazed at one of the sexy posters on the wall of his office, "It'll be even more sad when I go and speak to you".
Joe said something that made Tony laugh, "Joe, this ain't about your mother or your brother or your cat. If you needed money you should've just asked me. This is extortion and believe me when I fucking say, I fucking know a lot fucking more about extortion than you do". Tony hung up the phone; he'd wasted enough time already.
Tony got out of his swivel chair and headed for the door. Opening the door Tony screamed at the top of his lungs, "ERIN"!
Immediately one of the strippers ran up the steps and towards Tony's office. For the speed that she ran towards Tony she should have received a gold medal. And to top it off she ran in six inch heels as well. "Yes Tony", she asked without showing any hint of being winded.
Tony pulled out a wad of bills from his pocket, "Take this and run down to Superstore. Get some candles and matches".
Erin took Tony's cash before Tony started up again, "And uh, this is also for last night. It was really good. We should do it again. Meet me in the office when your shift's over". Erin understood perfectly what Tony was thanking her for. She'd done things to Tony last night that she was still ashamed about. She was going to spend Tony's money on a bottle of mouthwash. Secretly Erin was glad that her old acquaintance Kallenna couldn't see her now.
As Erin sprinted in heels, Tony wondered how any human being could do that still; a ringing telephone caught the attention of the balding mob boss. Grumbling, Tony took his sweet time in answering whoever was calling. The caller was greeted with an unenthusiastic, "Hello".
The voice of a cold and masculine woman reached Tony's ears, "Anthony its Integra, we need to talk, now".
Tony stiffened for a moment, "Yeah alright, lemme lock the door".
Forks, Washington, Cullen Residence
It would have been an understatement to say that Rosalie Cullen was pissed off at Alucard. He had only eaten her favorite panties, shot her three times in the head and then beaten her husband into a pulp. He had reasoned, "You are an idiot for marrying this woman Emmet McCarty".
So it was Rosalie's idea that she and Emmet get a little payback on Alucard. Emmet suggested that he challenge Alucard to a rematch. Naturally Rosalie scoffed at the idea, since Alucard had proven himself more than capable of handling Emmet in battle. In his exuberance Emmet suggested that he and Rose vandalize Alucard's coffin and blame it on Edward. Rosalie shot that one down because it was likely that Alucard could see a lie as plain as he could see somebody's shirt.
It was then that Rosalie had an idea of what to do. So she took Emmet down to the root cellar where Alucard lay sleeping in his coffin. In the root cellar the coffin lay on the packed earth floor. It looked as though the coffin had grown out of the earth like a mushroom and was waiting for sundown to deliver its deadly contents. Rose looked at Emmet and said, "Let's have sex in his coffin".
Cullen Residence, Dreamscape
Alucard dreamed and for once his dreams were not nightmares. In his dream he drove in a Volvo with Carlisle in the passenger's seat. Both men were dressed in matching black suites and ties. In the back sat Esme, who was dressed like a Catholic schoolgirl and had her hair done up in pig tails.
Esme looked sullen while Alucard and Carlisle looked like they were made of stone. Esme protested her innocence, "It wasn't my fault, it was Mina's fault. She was the one that supplied the Vodka".
Carlisle spoke out in a rougher voice than he used in real life, "Mina isn't my concern; they caught you drinking on school property".
Alucard piped up in a smooth voice, "Are you in the least bit regretful".
Esme barked back at Alucard, "No I'm not"!
Alucard growled and slammed on the breaks of the car.
The dream's continuity changed, it immediately cut to a scene of Alucard spanking Esme. Alucard had her on his knee, panties down and skirt up. While he spanked her with a steering wheel sized hand Carlisle stood by and nonchalantly smoked a cigarette. When her cries of pain peaked Alucard ceased spanking Esme's exquisite porcelain bum.
Suddenly Alucard was shaken awake from his pleasant dream. Emmet tossed Alucard's lifeless body from the coffin where it landed with his head between his knees. Emmet then looked to Rosalie, who had unbuttoned a few buttons on her blouse, exposing the tops of her silvery orbs.
Alucard was shocked, what could have woken him in a place as safe as he Cullen basement. Stepping away from his dream persona, Alucard opened a window into the waking world and did not enjoy what he saw.
Rose and Emmet were now down to their skivvies and were starting with some heavy petting. Grabbing Emmet by his bread basket oh so gently, Rose led him to the coffin of the no life king.
"NO"! Alucard screamed as the pair of Unstet began to defile his coffin. "You can't do that, that's mine, the only thing in the world I own that truly matters to me"!
Emmet and Rose lay in the coffin, which was rather roomy. Both were now totally nude, all the better to get down to business with. Rose ordered Emmet, "Do me now".
Alucard stared on in horror as Emmet started to pump in and out of Rose, eliciting whore like moans and groans that made Alucard want to claw her face off. "NO THAT IS MY COFFIN, THAT IS MY HOME"!
After the first orgasm between the two, Rosalie stepped out of the coffin and moved with grace towards Alucard's prone form. He held his head up by the hair and threw him on his back. She bent over to reach into Alucard's jacket. As she bent over she exposed everything to Emmet, who was panting for more like a hungry hound dog. Finally she found what she wanted, Alucard's Casull.
Alucard was confused at this new development, "What are you doing? PUT DOWN MY GUN"!
Rose handed the two foot long weapon to Emmet who looked confused. "I want you to do me doggy style, I want you to put that gun into me".
Alucard watched the window. He saw Emmet hesitate, "Are you sure that's safe, I don't think that the safety's on". However he was weak to Rose and went right on ahead.
Alucard screamed, this was the final insult. He began to weave his fingers and draw a complex pattern in the air. He wasn't going to use his inherent vampire powers, he used those too often. It was time for him to weave a little bit of dark magic.
Emmet and Rose were too busy having kinky sex to notice the power that was building up in Alucard's limp body. Without any warning, that power exploded. Emmet and Rose were thrust from the coffin and thrashed about like dolls. Powerful energies radiated through both of them and though the cried out in pain, nobody could hear them.
And then they dropped to the floor. They landed like discarded toys, nude as newborns and every bit as lifeless as Alucard's carcass. And the three of them lay there, not moving one bit.
Alucard smiled at his handiwork, he now only had one more thing to do.
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And that wraps up this edition of the Big Hellsing. Please review me. Send me you praise, criticisms and even your flames. I'm always open to reasonable requests and I'll be here all week. And to blacksand1: so what did you think?