Chapter 9

Goddess of Memory

The fire was raging on like it did every time. The smoky haze rose high into the night. Ash rained down like black snow. Flaming tongues lapped at the sides of the house devouring it like a ravenous beast. And there, leaning out of the second floor window staring at me with pained and pleading eyes, was the girl. I was back on the hill in my worst nightmare.

I knew what she was going to say before she said it.

"Help me, please somebody! Please, Kate, help me."

In a fruitless attempt to help her, I pulled out my wand and tried summoning water. As predicted, nothing happened. Over and over again I tried using my magic, and over and over again I failed. I fell to my knees and buried my head in my hands. My shoulders began to shake with my own sobs. Tears pooled in my hands. There was nothing I could do to save her. And for some reason I couldn't pull myself away this time.

"Help me, please somebody!" she cried again.

"I can't!" I yelled back in frustration. "Nothing I do works! I'm sorry!"

"Please, Kate, help me."

"Ask her what she wants, Kate." Remus' voice sounded in my head.

"Help me…"

"How?" I shouted out of desperation. "What do I do? What do you want from me?"

The scene before me changed abruptly. I was no longer standing on a hillside. In fact, I wasn't standing on anything at all really, at least not that I could tell. Everything around me was black, but it wasn't the pitch black darkness where you couldn't even see your own hand when it was an inch from your face. I could see everything just perfectly, only there was nothing to see. It's odd I know, but I don't really know how else to explain it. It's like I was in a room in which the four walls, the ceiling, and the floor were all painted black. What may be even weirder, I was no longer crying and all traces of my previous crying fit disappeared.

The girl stood before me. Her arms were crossed over her chest. A coy smirk played upon her pale lips. Her light blue eyes seemed to shine in the darkness. Though they were still pleading and full of sadness, somehow they also appeared to convey hope.

"I was wondering how long it would take you to figure it out," she said simply.

I meant to ask her what she wanted, but somehow it came out as, "Who are you?"

"You mean you haven't figured it out then?"

I shook my head and she sighed.

"It's time, Kate."

"Time for what?"

"You need to remember, Kate."

"What?"

"Remember me, Kate." As she finished, she leaned up on her toes and with her forefinger touched the center of my forehead.

18 October 1976

I was jerked awake in bed and sprang into a sitting position. My chest heaved in and out; I was panting.

"Kate," Lily pulled back my bed curtains and sat on the edge of my bed. "Are you alright?"

My lungs felt heavy and constricted as I gasped for breath. "Fine. Why?"

"You just screamed. Are you sure you're alright?"

I closed my eyes and focused. "Bad, dream." I breathed deep and even and tried to look as convincing as possible. It must have worked because Lily relaxed, though her face was still scrunched up in thought.

"Oh, ok. Sorry to hear that. Um, we were just about to head down to breakfast. If you want, we can wait for you to get dressed."

"Oh, uh—thanks, but I'll just go with James."

"James and the guys are already down there," Emma said.

"Yeah, they just left the common room," Amelia added.

"Oh."

"Do you want us to wait for you?" Lily asked again, a small smile on her face.

"Uh—sure, just give me like two minutes." I threw back my bed sheets and swung my legs over the side. After stepping into the bathroom to wash my face and slip into my school robes—it was Monday; Sunday had passed rather uneventfully, and consisted mostly of sitting around with the guys and making sure they had their homework done—I walked down to the great hall with Lily, Amelia, and Emma. I easily found the guys sitting at the near end of the table. I took a seat next to Sirius, who was across from James, and much to my surprise Lily sat down next to me.

"Kate, we didn't see you in the common room, so we thought you'd already come to breakfast," Sirius explained.

"I just got up actually." I fixed myself a plate of eggs and toast.

"Morning, Lily," James said cheerfully.

"Potter," Lily replied coolly. "Kate, will you pass the sausage please?"

I reached for the platter, but before I could grab it firmly James picked it up and held it out for Lily. She glared at him with narrowed eyes before accepting. I mentally sighed and looked to Remus who appeared to be doing the same.

"So, Lily, I was thinking," James began but Lily interrupted him.

"No."

"What?"

"The answer is no."

"You don't even know what I was going to say."

Lily sighed. "You were thinking that since this coming Saturday is a Hogsmeade weekend and that since you no longer have a girlfriend, that you would ask me to 'accompany' you to Hogsmeade."

James smirked.

"No," Lily said more forcefully with a smirk of her own.

"Ah, Lily, Lily." James smiled and grabbed a piece of toast. "Usually you're quite clever, and under other circumstances I'd say you're right, that I would have asked you to accompany me to Hogsmeade. But, as it is, I wasn't going to ask you to Hogsmeade—this time—because I, myself, am not going to Hogsmeade," James replied haughtily.

Lily huffed.

"Actually, Lily, I think he's telling the truth," Emma said from where she sat on the other side of Lily. James beamed at her.

"It's Potter. What makes you say that, Em?" Lily asked.

"Because, the first Gryffindor Quidditch match is in two weeks. James is captain. He's called for an extra practice this Saturday."

Lily looked at Emma as if to say: 'how do you know that?'

"Michael was complaining about it all weekend because now we can't have our first Hogsmeade date—yet."

"You see! If you won't listen to me, maybe you'll listen to Emma here," James said. "I'm not going to Hogsmeade this weekend."

"Well… good, because I wouldn't go with you even if you were," Lily struggled.

"One day, Lily, one day." James sighed before turning his attention to Emma. "So, you and Michael huh?"

Emma's cheeks turned a bright pink at being questioned by her former boyfriend about her current one. "Yeah. We sort of bumped into each other in Diagon Alley this summer."

"He seems like a good bloke."

"He is," she gushed.

"Good, you deserve it, Em."

"Thanks." She bit her bottom lip. James flashed Lily another overly-beaming smile, Lily glared in response, before Amelia distracted her.

XXX

After we all had our fill of breakfast, we gathered our school books and headed off to Transfiguration, with the exception of Amelia and Emma who opted not to go for a N.E.W.T. in the subject. They, I guess, headed back to the common room. In the corridor, I was walking slightly ahead of James, Sirius, and Peter. Remus was walking with me when Lily jogged up between us and linked her arm in mine. I looked at her curiously; Lily and I didn't have a relationship like that. We were acquaintances, dorm mates at best. So, for her to come up to me in the middle of the corridor and link arms with me was…odd.

Lily looked at me. Her smile was sweet, but her emerald eyes were full of mischief.

"Er—hi," I said hesitantly. My eyes darted over to Remus, but his head was glued forward and he was acting as if nothing were out of the ordinary.

Lily took a breath before speaking. Maybe this was weird for her too. "Do you think you could sit next to me in class? Ashley moved back to Beauxbatons this weekend and I just know that your brother is trying to find away to take her seat."

"Didn't you usually sit with that Snape bloke before?"

"I did." Her face grew stern. "Before. We don't talk much these days."

"Oh." Lily didn't need to elaborate on why they weren't talking. I knew the story. After we took our Defense O.W.L. in June, Snape called her a...well, a nasty word. I wasn't there when it happened, but James wouldn't shut up about it for weeks he was so peeved.

"I'm sorry to hear that," I said.

"Don't be. It's his loss." She tried to be strong, but I could see the glimmer of sadness in her eyes when she thought about it. "So, will you sit with me?"

"Uh—sure. I know how bothersome James can be."

Lily's smile grew wider as she pulled me into the classroom. I should have known though, that sitting with Lily meant sitting up front. When she pulled me into the middle third row I assumed she was taking it easy on me, but still, it wasn't the back corner where I usually sat. I took the desk on the aisle and began to set my things up for class, which included setting my ink well on the top right hand corner.

A wad of paper hit the back of my head and I turned around to identify the culprit. It was easy to see that it was James that had thrown it as he was imitating that I should open the wad. So I did.

Trade seats with me.

It wasn't a question or a request, but a demand. I glanced at Lily. She didn't seem to be paying us any attention, but I wasn't willing to risk it. I rather liked my head the way it was and didn't want it to spontaneously detach from my body. I looked back at James and shook my 'no.' He pleaded with his eyes and I shook my head again before turning around.

It was as I was turning around, however, that someone bumped into my desk. I didn't take note of who it was because my ink well was falling off and about to shatter on the floor. I sprung up and reached out for it, and suddenly things became really weird.

One second I seemed to be watching the ink well fall in the transfiguration classroom. The next second I was watching an entirely different ink well fall in a dimly lit room with flashes of light surrounding me. And still the next second I was back in the classroom before once again seeing another scene, this time I was walking up a set of stairs. On and on it went—classroom / a woman in a kitchen / classroom / a man shouting / classroom / a searing pain in my knee—until the ink well hit the floor and shattered. At the shattering of glass I was no longer in the classroom at all.

I stood in the doorway of a small kitchen. A woman stood a few feet in front of me at the stove; her back was to me. Her charcoal hair, the exact shade of mine, flowed in tangled waves past her thin, bony waist. She knew I was there, and without turning around she spoke to me with a frail voice.

"Tell your father supper is ready."

"B-but he's in his office."

"Go get him!" she barked back.

I hurried from the room, frightened by her tone. As I climbed the stairs to the second landing, where his office was, I gripped the banister firmly as if it were the only thing holding me up. I was so scared; my arms and legs were shaking. The office door was slightly ajar and a man's voice was flowing from it in swift, harsh tones. I approached the door slowly; I knew I wasn't supposed to be in his office for any reason.

I poked my head through the gap between the door and the frame. The dark wood furniture stood out from the thick green flooring. An ink well sat on the corner of a desk. A man was in there pacing the length of the dimly lit room; he hadn't seen me yet. Someone spoke from a corner but I couldn't see who. I tapped my fist lightly on the door and it swung open.

"She says supper's…" I began with a shaky voice.

"GET OUT!" The man pacing bellowed suddenly. He halted his pacing and turned to face me. "GET OUT! GET OUT!" He reached for something in his robes and as he pulled it out he hit the ink well on the desk and it fell to the floor and shattered. The ink oozed out and stained the carpet like black blood.

A strange prickling sensation on the back of my neck told me to duck quickly; I did, and barely missed the curse that was fired at me. I chanced a glance up and saw that the man had his wand pointed at me. I fled in fear, but in my haste I tripped over my robes and fell into the banister on the landing. Unfortunately for me one of his spells also landed on the banister and together our force broke the wooden structure. My momentum carried me forward and I fell to the first floor. At first I was too stunned to feel anything, but then there was a searing pain in my knee. I inspected my knee to find to a piece of the banister had lodged itself in my flesh. I removed the offending piece of wood with a howl of pain.

"Kate?" A hand on my shoulder pulled me back to reality. I looked at Lily in a daze before clutching the scar on my knee in pain; a scar which matched perfectly the outline of a broken banister piece. My head swam with the realization of what had just happened. I felt dizzy.

"Miss Potter, please sit down," Professor McGonagall said from the front of the room.

Sit? Sit? I couldn't sit. I had to get out of here. I had to think this through. I had to figure out what was really going on. Why, after all these years, had I suddenly remembered something from my past? My feet quickly led me out of the classroom of their own accord.

"Miss Potter!"

"Kate!" James called out.

"Mister Potter, sit down!" McGonagall barked at James as he jumped up after me.

I moved swiftly through the corridor.

"Kate! Kate, wait up! Kate, where are you going?" James followed behind me. His hand fell on my shoulder, and we stopped abruptly. He spun me around. "Kate, what's…"

"I remember."

"What?"

"I remembered something. I have to get to the Headmaster." I turned around again and broke out in a run. James' foot falls behind me told me was running too. I hadn't been to the Headmaster's office but a few times before, and yet my feet seemed to know exactly where to go. I stopped, puzzled, when I reached the gargoyle. I had no idea what the password was.

"Licorice snap," James panted. I paused only momentarily to look at him, before stepping onto the spiraling stairs. I stepped onto the landing at the top and knocked with the brass griffon knocker. The door opened and I stepped in.

"Ah, Miss Potter," the Headmaster said, looking up from where he stood next to his Phoenix. "And Mister Potter," he added when James walked in. "What an unexpected surprise."

"Sir? Isn't the point of a surprise to be unexpected?" James asked.

Headmaster Dumbledore chuckled. "Indeed it is, Mr. Potter, indeed it is. Now, what brings…"

"I've remembered something!" I blurted out.

"Kate!" James whispered harshly as he nudged me with his elbow. "Don't interrupt the Headmaster." I looked at the Headmaster cautiously; his eyes were widened with shock. At least, I think it was shock.

"Er—sorry, Sir. It's just that…well, I've remembered something from my past, and I thought you'd like to know."

"Ah, I see. Well, come in, have a seat." He directed us to the chairs in front of his desk while he moved around to the back of it. "Licorice snap?" he offered.

"Er—no thanks."

"Sure. Thank you." James reached out and grabbed one of the wiggling creature-like candies.

"So, Miss Potter, what is it that you remembered that is of such an importance for the two of you to miss a lesson?" The Headmaster smiled knowingly and his eyes twinkled a little.

"Oh, well, it's nothing to do with the fire or anything it's just…well it's my first memory and I didn't really know what else to do, and I knew you would be curious to know about it because you tried so hard back at the hospital, but then… and James, well, he wasn't supposed to follow me, and it's just…"

"Kate," James cut of my rambling.

"Sorry."

"It's alright, Miss Potter. Just take a deep breath, and tell us what you remember."

I closed my eyes and took a breath like the Headmaster had instructed. "It all started when my ink well fell. …"