10. Seventeen Weeks
Four was strangely peaceful for a District with such a high tourism ratio.
Effie had been there for over a week and she loved it. It was big enough to be anonymous and, so far, she hadn't been spotted by any crazy fan, hater or reporter. Her pregnancy had hit the news and had remained on the front pages for a few days. Then, the hype had abruptly died down after an official statement had been released – she supposed she had Plutarch to thank for that. People thought she was still in Twelve, shuttered in their house in the Village, and that was just as well.
It allowed her to walk along the ocean front walk in peace.
Nobody really paid any attention to her anyway. She supposed when they pictured Effie Trinket, they still imagined her with flamboyant outfits and vibrant colored wigs… The woman in a simple purple dress, with a blue ribbon belt and a bow at the back that discreetly outlined her pregnant stomach under her apricot open coat, probably paled in comparison.
She had made a real effort to look a little more like the woman she used to be before the war that morning though. She had styled her hair in a crown braid. She was hoping it was fancy enough that her mother would forget to be disappointed by its plain natural color.
She was very nervous about seeing her parents again.
She had hoped the long walk along the beach from Annie's house to the resort would help soothe her nerves but they were far too frayed.
Haymitch's behavior hadn't helped her either relax or reach a decision during the last week. She had spent her time worrying about him being sick, then not taking her calls, and she had finally convinced herself that he was about to kick her out of their house and to leave her on the streets – which was ridiculous on numerous levels but she had decided pregnant women were allowed to be ridiculous and irrational about some things. She had been so confused by his refusals to talk to her… They had parted on good terms and suddenly…
Now she was mostly worried though.
She hadn't believed he was ill, at first, but the children had sworn he was, he said he was and Eileen had more or less confirmed she had crossed path with him once or twice and that he didn't look good. She had been toying with the idea of taking a train back but, since the night Johanna had called him against her wishes, he was dutiful about getting in touch every day. He claimed he was doing better and their conversations were becoming less awkward and tensed, more… normal.
Granted they avoided talking about the elephant in the room – or, rather, the shrimp in the uterus – but…
The resort was huge and the beach, in that part of the District, was crowded with people from all over Panem. Despite it being late November, the air echoed with laughter, seagulls and the sound of children running around. She hesitantly made her way to the towering building that gleamed under the sun, feeling strangely out of her depths.
This used to be her world: luxury, four stars hotels, staff ready to bent in four to please her… Now… She felt disconnected from all that.
Habits died hard, though. It was natural to plaster a fake polite smile on her face, natural to nod and demand… She might not look like a billionaire anymore but there was still something regal to her bearings. She had been raised a certain way.
The restaurant's maître d'hôtel recognized her. His eyes widened a little and he suddenly was very eager to please, despite her less than expensive dress and the not eccentric enough hair and make-up. She tipped him generously and he assured her the resort had a discretion clause, that no one would know she was there. It suited her needs perfectly.
She had made sure to arrive ten minutes early but, naturally, her mother was already there, sitting like a queen at the best table in the room – because only the best would do for Elindra Trinket. It was next to a bay window overlooking the ocean and the view was breathtaking. Water as far as the eye could see, melting into the blue sky in a horizon line so thin it was hard to discern.
"Effie!" Elindra exclaimed.
She sounded genuinely pleased to see her, so Effie relaxed a little when her mother stood up to kiss the air next to her cheeks. There had been more plastic surgeries, she noted in a passing thought, a facelift at least and some Botox injections around the eyes and the mouth. Her hair was a bright orange with yellow strikes – most people had adopted a more subdue District fashion but some still resisted and followed the pure Capitol trends – and styled in a puffy bun on top of her head. Not really inconspicuous. Effie definitely felt underdressed.
"Mother." she smiled. "I hope I am not late…"
Her mother waved that away. "Perfectly on time. On the dot. As usual." A praise. That was unusual. Elindra latched on her hand, preventing her from sitting down just yet. "Let me look at you." The woman's blue eyes roamed on her, from her crown braid hairstyle to her apricot heels, stopping for a long moment on her round stomach. "Well. You do not look good. You are far too pale. Not too worry, nothing a good make-over won't fix… They have wonderful salons in this resort."
"I have been a bit tired, I must admit." Effie offered, her smile straining. She should have known praises would be followed by that sort of comments.
"I would expect so, yes." Elindra giggled, letting go of her wrist to touch her stomach. Effie tensed and instinctively stepped back. Her mother took her hand away as if she had been burned.
"My apologies." she breathed out, horrified by how rude her own behavior was. "I…"
"No matter, no matter." her mother dismissed. "Sit down. Let's have a nice brunch. They have the best chef this side of the country."
She did as she was told, sitting down and gracefully unfolding her napkin to place it on her lap before reaching for the menu. Her fingers were shaking with apprehension.
"Is Father not joining us?" she asked, after five minutes spent reading without understanding a single word.
"Business meeting." Elindra hummed. "He is eager to see you. We will stay a few days, there will be time. If you are agreeable, that is."
Effie peeked over her menu to find that her mother was staring at her instead of perusing her own. It occurred to her, right then, that she wasn't the only one who was nervous. There had been screams the last time they had seen each other, accusations on both parts… Effie loved her family, and she knew that despite everything they loved her, but they were difficult. It had always been difficult.
"I have no plans." she offered. "I am staying with some friends."
"Really? Who?" Elindra asked, leaning a bit closer, like she always did when possible gossip was involved.
"Annie Odair and Johanna Mason." she said, a bit ill-at-ease. The victors weren't recluse by any mean, they were well-loved in the District – even Jo who had been adopted despite her less than stellar temper – but they had left the public sphere at the same time Haymitch and the children had and she was uncomfortable discussing them with people who did not belong to their tiny family.
"Oh, I see." her mother nodded, cringing a little at the mention of Johanna's name. Seven's victor had never been her favorite – too brash and too rude. "I heard Annie had a son…"
"Finn, yes." Effie provided, a bright smile stretching her lips. "He is a delight."
She was fond of the boy. Two years old and already a charmer… Every time she looked at him, she couldn't help but remember his father. It was bittersweet.
The conversation was threatening to stall to a halt and she was thankful for the waiter who seemed to appear out of thin air. Elindra ordered tea for the two of them – and Effie shouldn't have been impressed her mother remembered what her favorite was, because Elindra was the perfect hostess and probably knew how everyone in the Capitol took their tea, but she still was – and an indecent amount of food.
"No eggs." Effie hurried in interrupting when her mother ordered two plates of that. "Please, the smell… I cannot bear it."
"No eggs." Elindra amended firmly, before proceeding to order almost everything else on the menu. It was stupid because Effie knew very well she would hardly touch a dish but she didn't try to stop her. That was her mother's way. "Are eggs the only thing you cannot stomach?" she asked once the waiter was gone.
"Morning sickness weren't so terrible and I do not suffer from them anymore… But eggs…" She wrinkled her nose. "I am forcing Haymitch to get rid of them. It is tricky because if we do not eat them, he tends to forget to pick them up. Then, they hatch and we do not need any more geese than we already have, let me tell you. I think the children have been eating omelets and scrambled eggs every morning for the past three months, poor dears."
A flash of horror passed on her mother's face and she doubted it had to do with the children's fate regarding eggs. It was probably picturing her surrounded by poultry.
"I was not aware you were living in a farm." Elindra commented. It was almost painfully careful.
"We do not." she chuckled. "The geese are Haymitch's pets."
"Really?" her mother winced. "How… droll."
"It is a peculiar choice." she granted. "But he has his reasons."
And she wasn't about to explain that his dead brother had been fond of animals and that his dream had always been to have a small farm instead of going to work in the mines. Haymitch's decision to take in a gaggle of geese had been a sign of healing on his part, a way of finally putting his family to rest.
And he was fond of his birds. As annoying and noisy as they were.
Food came to their table, stalling the conversation once more. Effie immediately snatched a blueberry muffin, suddenly starving. Her mother shot her a disapproving look but poured their tea without comment.
"Did your…" Elindra stopped, swallowed whatever she had been about to say back down, and forced a sweet fake smile on her lips. "… victor come with you? Are we to meet him?"
"He stayed home." she answered and it was difficult to keep her polite, cheerful mask on. "He is unwell. Flu, as I understood."
"I see." her mother said, her piercing eyes watching her – cataloguing, she was sure, all the tells Effie wasn't able to control. "Is everything alright between the two of you? A pregnancy can be unsettling for a relationship."
"We are fine." she snapped, more harshly than she had intended it. She looked down at her cup of tea and took a deep breath. "Tell me, how is Lyssa? And her sons?"
Her eldest daughter was a subject Elindra could talk about for hours without pause. Effie made an effort but half of it flew high over her head. The food was good though and she supposed Haymitch would have been pleased by the amount she ate – her mother was certainly not but, to her credit, Elindra didn't comment on her weight once.
Elindra insisted on them going to the resort's beauty parlor once they were done with brunch and, since they had managed to go without any attempt at murdering each other so far, Effie accepted. There was nothing of the kind in Twelve and she enjoyed being pampered and fussed over. Her mother was all over her like she usually was all over Lyssa and Effie wasn't used to that. She was still a bit wary but Elindra was doing her best to coax her into lowering her guard.
For instance, she knew her mother was dying to ask about what they had talked about during their last phone call: about the war and, most of all, the baby. And yet she didn't jump at her throat like Effie had expected her to. Elindra was bidding her time, that much was clear to her, but she appreciated the respite nonetheless.
Accepting her invitation to dinner after a whole day of mindless activities was easy. And she truly was pleased when her father finally showed up at the restaurant. Tadius, too, had had a few facelifts since the last time she had seen him but he mostly looked the same as ever with his dark dyed hair. As soon as he saw her, he flashed her one of his rare smiles. She was also treated to a hug – a short one but it meant the world to her, she melted in her father's embrace and it was so good she almost started crying for no good reason.
It was a nice dinner.
As well-behaved people, they avoided sensitive subjects and talked about anything but serious topics. She was happy when she came back to Annie's house and she was happy when she called Haymitch.
"So it went well, then?" he asked, clearly surprised and, she thought, a little bit wary.
"Yes!" she chuckled. "I actually made plans to go shopping with Mother tomorrow."
"Don't overdo it." he warned.
Minding that advice wasn't difficult. The way Elindra fussed over her, she would have thought she was Lyssa.
Effie actually managed to relax during the next following days, even though she had a scare one morning because of a peculiar fluttering sensation in her stomach that wouldn't go away. It eventually stopped only to start again later. She worked herself into a panic at the spa she was visiting with Elindra until her mother, after forcing her to tell her what was wrong, declared she was simply starting to feel the baby moving.
She didn't know who was more excited about that.
"I missed it." Haymitch grumbled on the phone later that same night.
"You wouldn't be able to feel it." she reassured him. "It is too soon."
"You're sure it's the baby moving and nothing serious, yeah?" he insisted. "You should check with a doctor… Maybe…"
"Annie and my mother are both adamant." she cut him off. There had been talks about visiting Four's hospital but she had refused again and again. "I feel fine, I promise. I haven't lost blood and I do not think anything is out of the ordinary. I even gained a few pounds…"
He let out a deep sigh, pacified but not convinced. "Still… I missed it."
"I will come home soon." she hummed.
"You better." he snorted. "The house's a fucking mess."
She pursed her lips, having no trouble imagining it. "I suggest you clean it before I come back or you will get better acquainted with the couch. I am not your maid, Haymitch."
She and her mother had developed some sort of routine. They would meet up at the resort for brunch and then go explore the various shops along the ocean front walk.
Elindra was being very generous with gifts and Effie felt a bit bad when she realized she had filled Annie's guestroom with tons of shopping bags – and she felt even worse when she realized she would be forced to buy another suitcase to bring everything back.
Still, she enjoyed walking around in her brand new maternity dress – a lovely black piece with red dots that she had accessorized with red heels, a red scarf and a cloak like red coat. New clothes and shopping sprees had always lifted her spirits and she had forgotten how fun it could be to do that with someone who actually knew something about fashion.
There were tons of little shops on the front walk, not just clothes but buildings dedicated to fishing, water sports… Everything one could imagine. On retrospect, she didn't know why she was so surprised to find herself faced with a baby store. She would have walked right past it if her mother hadn't stopped to peer through the window at the strollers on display. They were on discount.
"Perhaps we should check it out." Elindra suggested. "Strollers are awfully expensive even in the city. We might get a good bargain."
Effie's enthusiasm at the bright sunny day faltered. "Mother…"
"I know, I know…" Elindra sighed distractedly, still studying the two strollers. "It would make little sense to buy one in Four when we can probably find a better model in the Capitol… Nevertheless…"
"We probably won't need a stroller, Mother." she snapped. "I told you we…"
She couldn't say it.
Now that she could feel him in her belly…
It was only a fluttering, the tiniest of sensation, but she had grown used to it awfully fast. She was looking forward to it every time.
It was her baby moving inside her and the idea that she might have to give it up was breaking her heart.
And yet, at the same time, the idea of being responsible for a child…
She turned her back to the store and walked in the direction of the beach and the low concrete wall that separated the sand from the pavement. She had to hop a little to sit there and she was sure that, if Haymitch or the children had seen her, she would have been in for a lecture about overtaxing herself.
"Euphemia, really!" her mother huffed, coming to a halt next to her and throwing an embarrassed glance around. "We could have found a public bench if you insist on sitting down in the street."
"Perhaps you should go back to the resort, Mother." she declared. "I think I will go back to Annie's."
Elindra studied her, her lips pursed in displeasure at her tone. "Or you could finally tell me what all this nonsense about adoption is about. You were so upset on the phone…" Her lips pursed even more. "It disturbed me. We have our arguments but I never wished you ill, you know that."
"I do." she whispered. Elindra loved her. Not well, perhaps, but she knew her mother loved her. And, truth be told, she had been trying to do better in the last few days.
"Tell me, then." Elindra ordered. "On the phone, you said your… victor…"
"You can call him Haymitch." she cut her off with a vicious look.
"My apologies, darling, but given your condition I would rather call him your husband." her mother sighed. "Not that it would give me great pleasure to do so but, at least, the whole situation would be proper. What is he to you? How should I refer to him in society? This is truly an etiquette conundrum and…"
"My everything." she interrupted again, staring at the line of stores on the other side of the wide walk. "If you wish to know what he is to me, what he means to me, this is it. He is my everything. He is my best friend, my lover, and, if you insist on a coined term, then, yes, my husband in all but name." She shook her head. "I know you do not like him but he is a good man, one of the best men I know, truly, and I love him."
"I know you do." Elindra sighed. "However…"
"I would not be here without him, Mother." There was a warning growl in her voice she didn't try to polish into something refined. "He saved me. Times and times again, he saved me. And he takes care of me. Those last two years… I do not think I would have survived without his support. We take care of each other. We are a team. I know you won't understand but…" She shook her head again. "He saves me."
She almost expected a lecture about how Effie wasn't sixteen anymore and shouldn't behave like a lovestruck teenager. Instead, Elindra studied her with rapt attention. "Are you referring to what happened during the rebellion?"
Effie closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She had no wish to discuss that part of her life. No wish. And yet…
"He fought to have me found and rescued, yes." she whispered. "And then, the rebels would have had me tried and executed with the others. He… He bargained for my life but President Coin… She dangled me over his head to keep him under her thumb." She hesitated to say the rest because her mother was the worst gossip – but she also hoped her mother could make the difference between what to keep to herself and what to disclose. "If Katniss had not killed her, I do not think she would have survived much longer either way. If you understand my meaning."
Elindra's eyes hardened but she couldn't quite say if it was in disgust, anger or approval.
"I understand." her mother said. "Well. Naturally, he is not what we hoped for you. Nevertheless, he was a key player of the rebellion and that does have its weight nowadays. This is a new Panem, after all. Having been a part of the revolution is fashionable. And he is a Quell victor. It is certainly unfortunate he does not have our social standing but he could still be groomed, perhaps."
"Good luck with that." she chuckled. "I have been trying for almost fifteen years now."
"He has yet to meet me, darling." Elindra smiled a frightening smile but her eyes soon darted to her stomach. "You said he wants the child."
"He never wanted children." she sighed. "But suddenly… Since we have been told I was pregnant he has been…" She rubbed the baby bump almost unconsciously. "I think he wants it very badly. And that frightens me."
"Why?" Elindra frowned. "Are you afraid he would be a bad father?"
"Of course not." she huffed and then averted her eyes. "However, I do not think we are the best suited to be parents. There is his alcoholism…"
"Would he hurt the child?" Elindra interrupted her.
"No." Effie snapped defensively, glaring at her. "You think he is a brute. He is not. He never hurt anyone when he was drunk. It is himself he wants to harm, not others."
"I see." her mother answered. "Then, it is simple. Ban alcohol from the house. He can drink elsewhere at his own leisure."
"Nothing about this is simple." she scoffed. "If it was only Haymitch… The main problem is me. I cannot… I killed children."
"Nonsense." Elindra dismissed.
"Mother, I am sure you think being an escort was very glamorous…" she started only to be interrupted again.
"It was certainly very glamorous." her mother scolded her. "But you will remember I warned you against accepting that position. I told you you wouldn't be happy working in the Games industry."
"Because I was Twelve's escort and you were ashamed of me." she accused.
Elindra snorted and looked around, anywhere rather than at her. "Because you were always too softhearted and far too smart, Euphemia. It is easier to drown in the glitter than to look at the scratched veneer underneath." Effie was speechless. Her parents had always been vocal supporters of Snow. Always. Elindra dismissed her surprise with a wave of her hand. "The world was what it was and we all do what we need to survive. You did not kill anyone, Effie. They would have died anyway."
"But I was part of it…" she countered slowly.
"Weren't we all?" Elindra asked in a hard voice. "I cared not for those children and I still do not care, I am only concerned with my own. You will find it horrible, no doubt, but I do not share your rebellious tendencies and your grand ideals. I am more pragmatic than that."
She stared at her mother, not quite surprised by what she was claiming and yet feeling as if she was seeing her for the first time.
"It was never about ideals." she denied slowly. "I am pragmatic too. It was all about my family. Katniss and Peeta, I mean. And Haymitch too. The Quarter Quell… If at any point I made a conscious decision to go against President Snow, it was because of the Quell. He threatened my team. He would have had them killed and I couldn't…"
Elindra pursed her lips, obviously not truly at ease with the subject they were discussing. She kept glancing around as if she was scared someone would overhear them. Or maybe she was worried because Effie was sitting on a wall instead of on a bench. It wasn't a ladylike behavior and, just like her, Elindra liked her masks too.
"And how does this prove you would be a bad mother exactly?" her mother challenged. "From what you are telling me, you would have sacrificed everything for your victors. The Mockingjay and the boy… You consider them to be yours, you told me so before. You tried to protect them."
"And I paid the price." she shrugged, ignoring the reproaching look she got at that casualness. She placed both of her hands on her stomach, almost protectively, her voice breaking a little. "They tore me apart mother. Inside and out. I was a broken doll when I woke up in the hospital. You cannot imagine…" She stopped talking and took a deep breath, blinking away the tears she was certain her mother would scold her for. "I still have panic attacks and flashbacks. Nightmares. There are days I can barely convince myself to get out of bed and others when I do not manage to at all. This is no life for a child. My burden should not be his."
Elindra watched her for a while, sighed, and covered one of the hands still resting on her stomach with hers. "But you will get better."
"Will I?" Effie laughed through the tears burning her eyes. "It does not feel like it. We have so much baggage… Both Haymitch and I… This is not just something that will go away, it is something I have to learn how to live with. I am scarred for life, inside and out. Will I always manage to put my child first? Before my own fears and insecurities? I am not certain we should make the gamble."
"There are other solutions that do not involve you giving him away." her mother insisted, squeezing her hand. "Your father and I had a long discussion about this and… We would not mind… That is… We could take the baby in." Effie opened her mouth but Elindra continued before she could cut in. "Naturally we would be delighted if you came too. You would have help in the Capitol if you would rather not be by yourself… And not just with your… With Haymitch. He would be welcomed to stay too if he so wished. As I said, he is famous enough and he knows important people. It wouldn't be a source of embarrassment, not with a positive spin on it. And we would love to have you home, Effie. Both your father and I. We would love it."
There was something almost desperate to her voice, a plea that unsettled Effie because her mother was a lot of things but never desperate.
"Mother…" she winced.
"Think about it. Take your time." Elindra urged her. "Wouldn't it be better if your child was with family, with his grandparents? This way you would still be his mother. You could take him back at any time. Trust me, darling, it is not so easy to be estranged from one's child."
In the end, the only thing Effie could do was agree to think it over and talk to Haymitch about it. She had known how that would go well before she even called him.
She barely listened as he told her about how someone from the Hob had tried to convince Katniss to adopt a puppy – although the puppy had, according to him, already been the size of a small dog. Apparently it was an amusing tale but she couldn't focus.
She interrupted him halfway through.
He reacted in the way she expected him to.
"You want to do what?" he shouted.
"I did not say I wanted to do it." she snapped. "I said perhaps we should consider it."
"Forgot about how miserable they made you already?" he mocked. "Forgot about all the petty comments and the…"
"Haymitch, you weren't always an example of a well-behaved partner yourself." she retorted. "Did you forget about those times you called me a bitch if not worse? People change."
"That's bullshit." he scoffed. "Assholes like that…"
"You are talking about my parents. Be careful." she warned.
"Should have known they wanted something." he went on. "Well, they can suck it. Nobody's taking my kid to the Capitol, Princess. You want to go back? Go back. You don't want us? Fine. Then you leave. But the shrimp stays with me. We'll be just fine on our own."
"I never said I was leaving." she hissed. "Do not put words in my mouth."
"Can't you see that's what they're aiming at? They'll lure you back with the kid." he sneered. "Don't be fucking stupid. They don't care about the baby, it's you they want. They'll try to marry you off to one of their assholes and…"
"I cannot talk to you when you are like this." she shouted back, losing her patience. "If you cannot have a civil conversation…"
"How the fuck am I supposed to have a civil conversation about this with you when you're not here?" he snarled. "You're the one who left. You're the one who can't make up her mind. I'm clear in my head, Effie."
"Well." she huffed. "I am sorry to try to put the well-being of my child before my selfishness. Goodnight, Haymitch."
"Don't you dare…" he warned.
She hung up.
It was rude but satisfying.
Johanna leaned against the wall, arms folded in front of her chest, lips pursed. "He's got a point, you know. You can't trust Capitols."
"I am a Capitol." she growled.
"Case in point." Jo taunted.
It took all she had not to become ruder.
Soooo what did you think? Did you like Elindra? Are you team Effie (believing her mom is genuine) or team Haymitch (Capitols are baaaaaad and have a plan)? What do you think Effie will do? Any idea? Let me know!