Warning: This chapter contains a strong swear word, so beware those who may have sensitive eyes/ears!

Oh and my traffic stats seem to have gone back to normal now, so must have been something to do with fanfiction, in case any of you guys also had something similar :)

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A Monster

If I had known what was waiting for me outside my bedroom door, I would have just stayed inside my room until it went away, no matter how long that would have taken, hours, days, I don't care, I would have hidden myself away because that would have been the safest place to be.

But I didn't know what was waiting for me out there, and I wasn't aware of the trouble it would cause, because it wasn't a monster. No, although she may not act like it, she is human.

I heard some strange movement outside my bedroom door that day - the creaking of floorboards, the clicking of high heeled shoes. My tired, dark mind immediately became curious and suspicious at the same time. For a moment I thought Kitty Riley had come back, and it took a lot of effort not to burst into the room and attack her, but something told me that it wasn't the journalist, and anyway, I didn't have the energy to attack anyone today.

After another minute or two of hesitation, I pushed my bedroom door open and peered into the living room.

Standing in the middle of the room, looking around a little disdainfully before her eyes met mine, was Sally Donovan.

"There you are," she said curtly, "Mrs Hudson said you hadn't gone out, I hope you don't mind my intrusion."

"No offense, but I mind very much indeed," I muttered, stepping into the living room and glaring at Donovan. This woman brought back too many unpleasant memories for me, mind you, everyone does.

My response frustrated her, and she let out a sigh. "I know, you don't want me to be here, and to be honest, I don't really want to be here either, but I was beginning to worry about you, and it was Lestrade who sent me."

"Lestrade?"

Donovan nodded. "He's been really concerned about you recently, especially when you didn't answer any of his texts or calls, but he's so busy at the moment he decided to send me over."

I wasn't sure of what to make of this. Lestrade was worried about me? Well I suppose that was...nice of him. To be honest I had completely forgotten about him, there had been other things on my mind. But he really didn't have to send anyone over, I didn't want to talk to anyone.

"Well you can tell him that I'm fine, and you can be on your way." I said, managing to force a smile.

Unfortunately this wasn't enough for Donovan. "You don't look fine."

"Yes other people have already told me I'm not looking too great, but you can tell Lestrade there is nothing to worry about, I'm just preferring my privacy right now," I explained, making my way over to the door and opening it for her. "I would offer you a cup of tea but we're out of milk." Oh no, why did I say we? I'm the only one living in this apartment now! How could I forget? I hoped Donovan was raising her eyebrow because of my poor excuse, not because of the wrong personal pronoun. "And I'm sure you've got lots of crimes to solve so I shouldn't keep you here. Thanks for stopping by anyway!"

Donovan didn't move, she was looking at me very closely, taking in my tired eyes and my thin body. "But you're not fine," she said slowly. I just rolled my eyes at this, but then she spoke again. "It's his doing you know."

At that I closed the door, I had a horrible feeling this meant she was not going anywhere. "I don't know what you're talking about." I grumbled.

"Come on John, you know perfectly well who I'm talking about, and I did warn you when you first met him, Sherlock Holmes was nothing but trouble."

I stared down at the floor. "I know, but it was my choice to make, not yours."

"I know it wasn't, but you should have just listened to what I said to you in the first place, Sherlock was nothing but trouble, and now look what he's done to you."

Did Donovan not know that the man was my friend, and I was currently in mourning for him? Why she had to say all these horrible things about him I don't know. "I told you, I'm fine," I murmured between gritted teeth.

"But you're not, and it's all his fault!"

"Look," I snapped, "I'm sure you've got better things to do than lecture me on what was my personal life, so why don't we leave this conversation for another day?" I opened the door for her again.

But Donovan still hadn't finished. "And I knew all along there was something more to this man, I should have worked out a long time ago that he was a fraud."

I felt like banging my head against a brick wall. "I don't care what you think of him, but Sherlock Holmes was not a fraud, now can you please leave? I'm very busy."

"No you're not," Donovan almost laughed. "And you can't hide from the truth forever John..."

I was going to do my damn hardest to try though. "Well I think that's for me to worry about, don't you?"

"He's ruined your life John, the sooner you accept that Sherlock was nothing but a liar and a cheat, the sooner you can move on."

Her words were drilling into my skull, into my heart, and yet the voice inside my head was still desperately screaming "She's lying, SHE'S LYING!" I felt like I was about to break down. I screwed my eyes tightly shut and saw the dead, cold eyes of Sherlock Holmes staring up at me...

Oh God, I can't live with this anymore, and the monster was still standing in my house, taunting me with her words.

"Can you please just leave?" I almost begged.

Donovan didn't move. "I'm only trying to explain to you John that at the end of the day the result was inevitable, so I don't know why you're still beating yourself up about it..."

How can I put my feelings into words she'll understand? "Can you please just fuck off!"

Sergeant Donovan stopped in mid rant and stared at me. It seems she finally got the point.

"Fine," she murmured. "I suppose you wouldn't accept my advice back then, you won't accept it now." She made her way to the door and looked at me closely. "Goodbye John, I hope one day you'll be able to come to your senses and realise that I was right."

And with that, she was gone.

As soon as I was sure Donovan had left, I sighed and collapsed into a chair, putting my head in my hands. She was only trying to help, but she had no idea of the damage she had just caused. I felt like I was going mad and wondered how long I would be able to survive living like this. Not even my house is a safe place from the people who are prepared to torment me and nothing that is being said or done is making me feel any better. I can't think of any way of escape this.