Counter Crisis

by White Mage Koorii

At first it was about preventing tragedy. For Cloud it soon becomes a fight to protect new bonds, tread untrod paths and find happy endings. Second chances aren't always easy in a time where ghosts live and heroes are human. [ Time Travel, Eventual Slash ]

10. Crisis of Composure

Counter Crisis

by White Mage Koorii & Dragoon-Sama

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Chapter 10 – Crisis of Composure

[ μ ] – εуλ 0002 (January 19th)

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He didn't know how long he'd been sitting here. Midgar's light quality relied heavily on artificial illumination, and Zack hadn't bothered to turn any of the lights on when he'd gotten home. A part of him was glad that Cloud didn't seem to be back yet, or perhaps he just wasn't in. A part of him wanted to go down to the slums, to seek out Aerith's presence. The rest of him didn't have the energy. His room was dark, the small living room beyond it silent and empty. Zack sat slumped on the floor, his back resting against the bed one leg drawn up to balance the Buster Sword. He pressed his forehead against the cold metal. With one hand he cradled the hilt, and with the other he gripped the blunt edge of the sword. His fingers gripped it so tightly that they hurt.

There were no tears, though his face was twisted in an expression of mixed guilt and anguish. Perhaps he'd have cried if he'd gone to see Aerith, perhaps not. Maybe he just didn't have the energy right then, or maybe he hadn't quite let go of his composure yet. He'd held it together all the way back, gotten himself and the Turk out of the AVALANCHE base before it exploded. His clothes still smelled like the ice and snow, he noted absently, and clenched his teeth together. No matter how he tried to force his expression to relax, he couldn't manage it. The backs of his eyelids were branded with the image of crossed swords jutting from a snowy cliff, and all he could hear was the warped laughing of his mind controlled friends.

"Damn it," he swore quietly, breath misting against Buster Sword's blade. "Angeal... Sebastian... Essai..."

He'd done it again. He had failed to save more of his friends. How was he supposed to help Cloud when he couldn't seem to help anyone else? How was he going to make sure the world didn't fall into the burning ruin Cloud had predicted-told him about-when he couldn't even stop AVALANCHE from turning two of his friends into mindless puppets?

Zack had no idea, and suddenly it felt as if there was no way he could manage it, for all his bravado. It seemed an impossible task, and even though Cloud had told him about the things he had done for him, would possibly have done, might never do now, hadn't really done because it hadn't been him... He felt like a pale shadow against those comparisons. Zack clenched his hands tighter, his gloves creaking ominously. "Pull it together, Fair," he rasped. "Where's your pride as a SOLDIER?"

Where was his pride as a SOLDIER? He didn't think he had it anymore. What did it mean when he failed to be the hero he'd always wanted to be? What did pride as a SOLDIER mean when he was nothing but the arm of a group of people with no morality, no honor, no anything. What did his dreams mean when being a hero meant dirtying himself with ShinRa's wishes? What did his honor mean when he had to compromise it for something that no longer meant anything?

"Angeal..."

He wished his mentor were here, but that was his fault. He hadn't been able to stop Angeal from sacrificing himself, hadn't been able to keep him from dying. He missed Angeal's constant mantra, and no matter how hard he tried to cling to it, it seemed to be slipping away from him right then. He just didn't have the emotional or physical energy to muster his usual optimism.

The room seemed too full of his own doubts, and Zack felt mired in them.

"Zack?"

His throat felt too thick and tight. Zack had never been the sort of man afraid of showing emotion. He kept it together until he could let go, true, but he didn't hide what he felt. He'd cried over Angeal, and felt the hurt of his mentor's loss for months, felt it even now after nearly a year. He hadn't known Essai and Sebastian that well, but they'd still been friends.

"…Zack? Are you okay?" Cloud's voice finally broke through the haze of his spinning thoughts. He hissed slightly when he cracked his forehead against Buster Sword as he jerked his head up, and squinted toward where Cloud stood in the darkness; a deeper shadow against the room beyond his door.

"Cloud?" Zack asked, his voice came out thicker than he'd have liked it, and he winced. Was he okay? No, he wasn't but...Zack gave a rueful bark of laughter. It took more effort than he'd have thought to get his clenched fingers to relax their hold on Buster Sword, but eventually he let go of the blade. It sagged more fully against his thigh, and Zack lifted his hand to press his palm over his eyes. "I...yeah, I'm..." Zack fumbled for words, not wanting to lie, but neither wanting to drag Cloud into his own doubts. He knew how Cloud viewed him, and there was something brittle in him right then that wasn't sure if he could deal with that idealized version of himself. "It...it was just a tough mission. We," his voice cracked. It might have been embarrassing if Zack had been someone else. "We lost some good men."

Not just Essai and Sebastian either, they'd lost a lot of men to AVALANCHE. Men that had been under Zack's command. His second mission gone to hell. He was a SOLDIER, this was a military mission and he shouldn't be so bothered by it, but he was. He should expect some losses, even the loss of friends and yet... His other hand released Buster Sword's hilt, and the sword clanged against the floor as it slid away from him. Zack brought his hand up, tilted his head back, and pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. He couldn't be the monster that killed things for pleasure and didn't care what got in its way that some people expected SOLDIERs to be.

"It…wasn't your fault," Cloud said, voice hesitant and quiet. There was a rustle of fabric as he knelt on the floor next to Zack. Zack heard another shift, though nothing came of it and Cloud breathed out slowly. It was loud in the silence. When he spoke again his voice was a little more strong, a little more sure, "You did…everything you could."

"Did I? I know it's not my fault. It's just..." Zack pulled his hands away from his face, expression twisted in one of black anger and grief. He slammed his fist down, hard, on the floor next to him, drew his knees up, and rocked forward to drape his arms around them. "If there's anyone to blame it's them. They're the ones who did this to Essai and Sebastian but..." Zack lifted his hands again, unable to stay still, and tangled his fingers in his hair. The words came pouring out in a rushing, unstoppable torrent, "But I still...I should have been able to do more. If I hadn't taken so long to get there, if I'd tried harder to talk Angeal out of it, been faster in reaching the base after we got separated. If I hadn't attacked them..." It was all so muddled together, so close and aching, that it was almost inseparable. Like it was all one big mass of things that had gone wrong, and Zack's explanation ran together, overlapping, and meshing. He breathed deep, trying to ignore the heaviness behind his eyes. "I told you before that I'm not very good at saving people, Cloud."

Zack closed his eyes again, seeing Angeal sprawled on the floor, dying from degradation and their fight. Angeal as he entrusted his dreams and honor to him. Essai and Sebastian, their armor stained black like those weird AVALANCHE soldiers', falling to the floor as the fight went out of them alongside the strange control they'd been under. Essai and Sebastian as they told him they were happy to have had a chance to talk to him one more time.

He didn't know if the strikes he'd dealt to any of them had been the killing blows, or if he'd just ushered them along faster to their inevitable demises. It didn't really matter, because he knew he'd had a hand in it. That he hadn't managed to bring them back, and that was enough. If he'd been a better SOLDIER, a better friend, a better student, he'd have managed somehow. A hero would have managed it. It might not be his fault, but...he'd still failed the people he cared about, and that was almost as bad.

"You saved me," Cloud said, voice thick. "You don't…you aren't a failure. Zack, I…"

Zack flinched. He'd been afraid of that, been afraid of Cloud saying something just like that, and right now...right now he just couldn't take it. He couldn't stand being compared and feeling ferociously inadequate against himself of all things. Not when his emotions were raw, and his anger simmering against the loss of more friends, and the part he had played in their deaths. It was something that had been at the back of his mind, hanging over the friendship he shared with Cloud like a grim shadow. "No, I didn't," he said, voice sounding more harsh than he meant. He lifted his head and glared at Cloud. Maybe he'd saved Cloud during the Mideel mission, maybe it'd be okay if that's what Cloud was talking about but Zack knew it wasn't. "Maybe I would have, maybe I could have, but I didn't, Cloud."

Maybe, maybe, maybe. Maybe the Zack that Cloud had known before was just better somehow, or maybe something had happened between now and then that had changed things. Zack didn't know, and he probably never would. That was fine, Zack was fine with being himself, doubts, inadequacies and all. He'd learned something of a new respect for just being himself lately, and there were a thousand vitriolic things pressing against the back of his teeth that he wanted to say. Venomous, hurtful things about whether Cloud saw him at all, or just a ghost. Whether Cloud was friends with him, or a memory.

For a moment it looked as if Cloud was going to say something, but he didn't, and Zack made an impotent sound, forcing back his own words. As upset as he was, as much as it hurt, as much as everything hurt right then, he refused to take it out on Cloud because he understood how haunted he was. Zack knew that he couldn't help it, that it would take time for Cloud to heal, to accept, and that that couldn't be forced. That maybe he'd never be fully recovered, Zack understood that, but...

But it hurt, feeling like he could never live up to what Cloud wanted him to be...like he wasn't enough for his friend.

"I'm not him!" the words exploded from him before he could choke them back. He hadn't realized he'd shoved himself to his feet until he nearly tripped over Buster Sword. Zack reached up pressing a hand to his forehead. "I can't..."

He couldn't deal with this right now on top of everything else.

"I'm going to go out, I'll..." He headed for the door, leaving Buster Sword where it lay. Not even thinking about it. His mind was too scattered, and he had no idea what he wanted, or where to go right then. He had nothing but the burning urge to get away before he said something to make it worse, had nothing but the need for some time to be alone with his hurt, to work through it and... He suddenly just wanted to see Aerith. "Yeah...I'll see you later Cloud, I'm...just, yeah." He tossed a little wave over his shoulder, and was out of the room before he could look back and see what his words had done to Cloud, or hear what Cloud would say.

He just...couldn't.

The trip down to the Sector 5 slums seemed to take forever, yet only a few seconds with his inner turmoil. By the time he walked through the scuffed dirt and detritus of the path that lead to the church the rush of anger and hurt had left him. Zack felt drained, and exhausted, and he knew from the time that Aerith wouldn't likely be at the church, but it was still a place to go, a respite. He could go there for awhile and enjoy the calm serenity that always filled it.

He walked heavily up the wide stone steps and gently eased open the doors. It was as empty as he'd known it would be, and while he expected Aerith wouldn't begrudge him if he darkened her doorstep, no matter the hour, he couldn't bring himself to bother her. Zack couldn't help but feel he'd worried the people he cared about enough for one night.

The inside of the church lacked the golden quality it normally had, instead it seemed to be bathed in blue-gray shadows. The flowers at the center were still just as pretty as ever, the yellow and white petals glowing softly in the faint tracery of light that came in through the hole in the roof. Zack walked slowly up the aisle between the aged pews, his boots scuffing against the wooden floor.

"I feel terrible," he said aloud as if that would somehow make it better or confirm it. All it did was tell him how wobbly his voice was, and when he sniffed next and the tears started flowing he was less surprised. He dashed the back of his arm over his eyes and blinked until he could see straight again. Zack stepped around the pew in the front row and sank down to sit on it, then slumped forward and braced his forearms on his knees. The faint light played off his gloves, highlighting them lightly around the edges of his fingers and palm. It wasn't until a choked sob caught in his throat that he realized the tears were back, and this time he didn't try to stop them, just hunched his shoulders and let them fall.

He never heard the soft creak of the door, nor the hurried footsteps. The first time he noticed Aerith's presence was as she sat down beside him and slid her arms around him. "Zack..." she breathed, then didn't say a word more. She just let him cry as she had done before, and Zack was grateful for it, grateful for the contact, and her warm presence, for her silent support, and the way she simply understood. Grateful that she was there for him somehow, for the light touch of her hand against his back, and her arm around his waist, and when his tears slowed to nothing more than quiet, hitching breaths, he was grateful for the continued silence as she let him compose himself.

When at last he lifted his head and looked up at her, Aerith smiled at him sadly. He noted that her hair was out of its usual braid and fell around her in loose auburn waves though she still wore the pink ribbon he'd bought for her on their first date. Her hand came up to brush against his cheek, and Zack reached up to catch it in his. "I had a feeling," she said softly, "that...something was wrong. So I came."

He summoned up a reflection of his usual smile for her, and sunk back against the pew. She slid with him, resting against his side. Her hair tickled his arm. Silence pressed around them, and exhaustion dragged at Zack, his eyes gritty and sore, and his throat raw. "Two of my friends..." he said, then trailed off into a soft little sound.

"They'll be okay," she said softly. He believed her.

"And Cloud..." he added. "I shouldn't have said that to him." The guilt hit him hard. He'd been terrible to Cloud, said horrible things to his friend.

He heard her exhale, could imagine her slight smile. "That will be okay too, whatever it is." He believed that too, he always believed her.

"I'm exhausted," he added. He lifted his hand and smoothed it over his face. He still needed to talk to Cloud, to tell him he was sorry for snapping at him. To tell him he hadn't meant to be an ass, and... and make sure he hadn't hurt him too badly. He needed to...

Aerith straightened at his side and tugged at his arm. "Then go to sleep, silly."

"Simple as that?" he asked, letting her tug him over, letting her direct him to rest his head on her thighs, and letting himself relax as she threaded her fingers into his hair, then traced them over his brow and along his jawline.

"Simple as that. Before you know it, it'll be morning, and everything will look brighter."

Zack chuckled, her other hand still held captive in his, and closed his eyes a smile lingering on his lips. "It already is."

She tugged on his ear in slight reprimand, then combed her fingers through his hair again. Yeah, he would need to fix things in the morning, maybe talk to Cloud right, and explain some things to him. Maybe he'd tell him more about Angeal tomorrow, and maybe even about Sebastian and Essai. He didn't have to listen to confidentiality where Cloud was concerned, didn't need to care about ShinRa's bullshit. He would build his own reason to be proud of being a SOLDIER, find his own way of honor, and he already had a new dream.

And speaking of that new dream... "Aerith," he said quietly. She hummed a soft query. "I can't tell you right now, it's...most of it isn't mine to tell but... One day things are going to get real bad and I'm going to tell you what's going on. That way if things turn out wrong you'll be prepared."

Her fingers paused on his temple for a second before resuming. "I understand."

Just in case his dream didn't work out; his dream of all of them being happy together, and alive.

Cloud had given that to him.

As he drifted off into an exhausted sleep under Aerith's gentle touch, Zack drowsily decided that he'd thank Cloud for that in the morning.

–

Zack's words had been like a physical blow, had been enough to make him flinch. Guilt, heavy and dark and familiar, clawed through Cloud's mind as he sat alone in the dark. Where before the lack of light had seemed out of place for the normally upbeat Zack, now it seemed suitable with his friend's absence. Even though he knew it was his fault, knew his words had hurt something inside Zack, Cloud still strained his ears, hoping, wishing he would hear Zack come back. He felt lost, and had no idea what to do to fix the situation. Normally he would look to Zack for guidance, but that wasn't possible now.

Somehow, everything had gone wrong in the matter of a few days. Cloud should have known better, had experienced it often enough to know that when things were looking up, that was when everything fell apart. He should have been prepared, should have expected it…but he'd never expected it to come from Zack. Zack was Cloud's constant, the protection he fell back on even when his friend had been dead and gone and all Cloud had were fractured recollections from a mako addled delirium. Even then there had been others—Aerith, Tifa, all of his friends—now there was no one Cloud could turn to.

A vision of Sephiroth flitted across his mind, and Cloud snarled in anger. There was no reason for him to look to that man for anything. The recent encounter had merely been a passing fancy for Sephiroth and Cloud was as always reading too much into things.

He didn't know how long he knelt there in the dark, abandoned room, eyes staring sightlessly at the discarded Buster Sword. Eventually, he stood slowly, muscles protesting the movement after so long in one position. He picked up the sword carefully, hefting the familiar weight, remembering a time he had called it his. It had never really been his, though. Cloud hadn't remembered, had never known the depth of memories behind the blade. He couldn't cherish it the way Zack could…did.

He brought it out to the living room, setting it in its holder on the wall. Zack would be upset, if he thought it had just been left carelessly on the floor. Numbly, Cloud walked into his own room…the spare room, looking at the meager pile of stuff that belonged to him. Not to him, though. To the old him who Cloud didn't remember and could never be again. He turned, leaving it all behind. It never belonged to him. This life had never belonged to him.

Cloud shouldn't have stayed. He had fallen prey to his own broken dreams, of a Zack who was alive, of Aerith, of Sephiroth who was once again the hero Cloud had admired. There was no place for him here. What he should have done from the beginning was destroy the source, find Jenova, Hojo, get rid of them all even if it turned him into a fugitive from ShinRa. That wasn't anything new, after all.

He paused in the doorway to the apartment, one hand resting lightly on the doorjamb though he didn't look back inside. He knew what he had to do now, but even if it hurt, even if Zack didn't want to see him, or couldn't forgive Cloud for trying to force him to be someone he wasn't, Cloud had to apologize to Zack. It wasn't anything he was good at, the words always seemed inadequate, but once again his promise to Tifa drove him on. He'd promised to do better. Without further thought, he set out to find his friend.

The church was still and quiet in the pre-dawn air, the world colored a washed-out gray that wasn't darkness but wasn't illumination either. Cloud hesitated at the foot of the path up to the old building. There had been no doubt for him, not really, at where Zack would go at a time like this. The church was a place of respite, of comfort, and had served that purpose for Cloud in the past…future. The difference was that Zack didn't just have ghosts to return to, the empty pews full of fading memories and broken promises.

The trip down into the slums had been a blur. Cloud had walked in that daze that had always bordered on the surreal, like the times when Aerith would appear in his exhausted mind, always just out of sight, just out of reach, but still warmly there to offer her comfort. He had wished, for one selfish moment, that she would come to him and tell him not to leave. Cloud didn't want to leave, not really, but he didn't want to keep causing grief for Zack like this.

She hadn't appeared of course. Aerith wasn't dead in this time, didn't even really know Cloud at all. Loneliness had crept in on Cloud, though he pushed the feeling back as much as he could. His self-imposed isolation had been painful, the desire to see his friends always counteracted by the heavy guilt and grief that had consumed him. Cloud had hurt his friends because of that, which only added to his regrets. Now, at least, his absence might cause some relief for his friends. He tried to make himself believe that, ignoring the mocking thoughts that told him he wasn't needed here.

The wooden doors of the church creaked slightly as Cloud pushed open one leaf, slipping silently into the vaulted interior. Shadows clung to the walls and ceiling, but down the center of the aisle, Aerith's flowers glowed silvery in the meager light. The sight was familiar to Cloud, one he'd seen after many sleepless nights spent in the church. He walked forward slowly, boots scraping lightly on the wooden floor as he tried to fortify himself for the confrontation he knew lay ahead.

Zack wasn't immediately visible, but Cloud could see the familiar pink ribbon in Aerith's hair where she sat in the front row of pews. As he got closer, she turned her head. Her eyes caught his as she offered a welcoming smile. Cloud tried to stop the warm feeling that gave him. If he lingered too long here, he knew he would lose his nerve, be unable to leave even if the world went to hell again because of it. When the reclined form on the bench next to Aerith came into view Cloud paused. He was intruding once again.

Aerith smiled at him as if telling him she'd understand if he chose to sit down or if he turned and left without another word. There was nothing accusing in the expression; there never was, Cloud knew. Not in hers, and not in Zack's either. He closed his eyes for a moment, fighting against the urge to turn and run away again, to not face Zack's angry, hurt expression.

A vision of Tifa's warm, worried eyes filled his mind, a memory of her hopeful tone as she asked one more promise from him, not pushing, not expecting, and he knew he couldn't fail her again, couldn't break another promise he'd made for her. Cloud opened his eyes and stepped forward, sitting gingerly on the bench next to Aerith. Zack appeared to be asleep, completely unaware of his presence.

They sat in silence for a while. Cloud stared sightlessly at the field of flowers in front of him. He was loathe to break the peace, wished the problems would just vanish in dawn's light like the clinging shadows. He knew better, but wished it all the same.

Aerith let out a faint breath that might have been a sigh, or maybe something else entirely. She brought a hand up from where it covered Zack's, resting lightly over her knee, and touched Cloud's arm lightly. "How are you doing, Cloud?" she asked softly. The question was incongruously normal for how horrible Cloud felt.

He blinked as he pulled himself out of his daze. It hadn't been obvious, but Cloud was now realizing how tired he really was. He hadn't slept at all, and had just returned from that confusing and exhilarating mission. He'd been looking forward to talking to Zack, to try and figure out what Sephiroth's actions had meant, what it might mean for the future. Walking in on a miserable Zack hadn't been part of the plan and Cloud had failed at that too. But Aerith wasn't judging him or accusing him. If she even thought he had anything to do with Zack's current upset, she obviously didn't condemn him for that. Cloud was thrown once again by Aerith's understanding nature and patience. It felt like something he didn't deserve when he couldn't even be truthful as to who he was and why she meant so much to him. Once again he was hiding behind a mask of someone else, only this time he was aware of the lie.

"I…made a mistake," Cloud said finally. His voice sounded muffled, lost in the high ceiling and still air. He risked a small, sideways look at Zack who hadn't stirred. Zack's face was relaxed in sleep, though Cloud could see the faint trace of tears. Guilt swelled in him again, all too aware of his inability to offer comfort when his friend had needed it.

"We all make mistakes sometimes," she said with a small warm smile. "You just have to try and fix the ones that are fixable, and learn from them." She paused, hand stilling where it was smoothing over Zack's hair and looked more directly at Cloud. Aerith ducked her head down, auburn hair slithering loosely over her shoulder. "Do you...want to talk about it?"

Cloud clenched his hands together in his lap and the leather creaked softly in protest. He turned his head slightly, almost afraid she would vanish like his visions of her always had. Aerith remained solid, her green gaze catching his easily. The reassurance that she was still here helped him relax, though his emotions were still in turmoil.

"What if…what if you can't fix them? What if they…hurt others?" Cloud asked. He wasn't sure anymore if he was talking about his slip up with Zack, or if he meant when he'd failed to save her, or even if he meant when he'd failed to stop Sephiroth. There were so many times in his life that his failures had hurt others. Learn from his mistakes? He learned every time how much they hurt, but it seemed he was unable to prevent further tragedies from happening anyway. "How…how do you accept another chance?" Cloud dropped his gaze back to his tightly clenched hands, his voice a hoarse whisper.

"Then you just pick yourself up and keep on trying," Zack mumbled, voice rough with sleep. "And second chances don't come along that often, so you better grab them when you can, and make the best of it." Cloud nearly choked at the unexpected interruption, and he flinched slightly as he realized Zack had finally woken up. Even before Zack's optimistic words reached him, Cloud knew it was too late for him to run away. It had been an impulsive reaction, one he knew Zack would never have stood for if Cloud had tried to go through with it. Unlike Tifa's unobtrusive attention that prevented her from following him when he chose to vanish, Zack would probably have dropped everything to hunt him down. "Hey... Cloud?" Zack said after a moment longer. "I'm really sorry for what I said, I... Well, I didn't mean to snap at you. And, Cloud? Thanks."

Cloud had no idea what to do with the apology. There was no reason for Zack to be sorry. All Cloud had done was make the situation worse, after all. Even more baffling was the thanks. Cloud was left bewildered even as the weak dawn light broke through the underside of the plate's constant gloom. He tried to formulate some sort of response, but found himself unable to as the confusion and guilt swirled into a leaden feeling in the pit of his stomach.

"I don't…understand," Cloud said finally, looking at Zack helplessly. "I didn't mean to compare…" he trailed off as his gaze trailed to Aerith guiltily. "I'm...sorry…."

Cloud frowned down at his hands again, aware he was messing this up too. He wanted to deny Zack's accusations of earlier, that he'd been comparing his friend to the Zack that had died for him. It hadn't occurred to Cloud to try to differentiate the two; they were both Zack, both his friend, both people he owed a great deal to. But it was true that they were very different people, even for being the same person.

Cloud's patchy memory had created a persona from the scraps of Zack that he could remember, but that wasn't the same as spending the day doing missions together, relaxing over a meal in their apartment, visiting the slums to see Aerith, or just to find something to pass the time. The sacrifice the other Zack had made would always be Cloud's burden to bear, one he was both thankful for and resigned to never being able to repay. He had thought he was doing so here and now, that by ensuring this Zack was happy and alive that it would somehow make up for the stolen years lost to the future.

In doing so Cloud had dishonored both the memory of his fallen friend and hurt his new friend without realizing it. Cloud had tried to paint Zack as a hero and push that image onto him without considering the pressure and expectations that had put on Zack. It made him feel slightly ill that he'd done that to Zack when Cloud himself had suffered from trying to live up to other's expectations.

"I'm sorry…" he repeated more quietly still, his voice barely a whisper. It was an apology to his friend's memory, which he had foolishly forgotten in his own selfishness.

With a heavy sigh Zack swung his legs off the pew, sat up, and twisted toward Cloud and Aerith. He rested one arm on the back of the pew, and reached around Aerith toward Cloud with the other. "C'mere." Zack ignored Aerith's muffled sound of surprise as he tugged Cloud closer to the both of them, trapping her between them. "Now stop making that face, Cloud. I'm sorry that I snapped at you because I know what you're going through. Don't look at me like that, it's true, and I'll tell you all about it later. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the better of me either."

Cloud succumbed to the sudden embrace with only a slight widening of the eyes. He'd rather expected the tactile response from Zack, already used to his friend's clingy nature. That was, he supposed, the entire point. He knew this Zack, knew his quirks, his likes, his dislikes, whereas before Zack had been a savior, an ideal, an untouchable dream. No matter what happened in this life it would never change the sacrifice that Zack had died for, but that didn't mean Cloud couldn't find new happiness with this Zack.

Aerith wrapped an arm around each of them, apparently surrendering to the group hug with good humor. Aerith's arm around him was also a new comfort. Cloud had known Aerith, could remember the time spent with her clearly despite his own identity issues at the time. Now that he'd met this younger Aerith, not touched by as much tragedy, he could see the differences in them. The future Aerith had acted a lot like Zack in a way. Perhaps that was her way of keeping his memory alive after he'd gone missing from her life.

Even so there had still been a distance between them. Cloud's own twisted perceptions had seen a possible life together with her, for a while at least. Those same delusions had been perceptible to Aerith on some level, he knew. She could see the ghost of her first love in him, because in a very real way that's exactly what had happened. But she couldn't touch Cloud, because he wasn't there at all.

Here, her arm was warm, real, and there for him. There was a connection between the three of them that Cloud wasn't sure he'd ever experienced before, and certainly hadn't since Nibelheim. With Tifa, even though she'd wished for more his own guilt had forced him to keep his distance from her offered warmth. The closest he'd come to this acceptance was from Marlene and Denzel. The orphan in particular had touched Cloud's heart, seeming to be a gift from Aerith to help him heal. Cloud relaxed into Aerith's side, her hair tickling his face as he closed his eyes. The cold fear that had plagued him since Zack had walked out the door was fading and Cloud marveled at the warmth that took its place.

"You can't help it, and I understand that. It's why I didn't bring it up. I'm not going to be mad at you for that." Zack leaned back and ruffled Cloud's hair. Normally he found it annoying, but this time it was a welcome comfort. "And I don't think you realize how much you've helped me just by being friends with me, Cloud. You're my second chance, buddy, and don't you forget that, okay? For what it's worth apology accepted. Full forgiveness given, even. So long as you give us a smile then we can move on. Is that a deal?"

Even if he'd wanted to, Cloud couldn't help the quiet chuckle at Zack's characteristically flippant dismissal of Cloud's guilt. It was something he would probably never win at when it came to his friend, and he wouldn't have it any other way.

Aerith glanced between the two of them, then nodded. "Good," she said. "I'm not sure what I'd have done if you two decided to be immature about this."

Zack winked at her. "Probably have banned us from visiting until we made up." She shook her head at him then extracted herself from between them. As soon as she stood up she wobbled and gave a little gasp of surprise. Zack snatched her before she could fall, eyes wide with surprised dismay. "Aerith, are you okay?"

Aerith winced and rubbed at her leg. "My leg must have fallen asleep from you laying on it," she admitted. "Oooh, ow."

As she sank back to sit between them again, Zack's expression transformed into one of utter sheepishness. "Aerith! Why didn't you wake me up. Or just shove me off!" Zack only looked more dismayed when she took one look at him and descended into a fit of girlish giggles. By the time she got herself back under control, Zack looked resigned and amused.

"It's okay," Aerith gasped. She wiped tears of mirth from her cheeks. "I didn't mind, but don't you have somewhere you need to go? And I need to see to the flowers..."

Zack sighed faintly and rolled his eyes, then tugged her close to drop a kiss on her head. "Yeah, I..." he glanced by her to Cloud and gave him a wry smile. "I didn't bother to report when I got back last night, so I need to go and talk to Lazard, Veld, and Tseng." He cleared his throat and gave Cloud an uneasy look, which cleared away into determination. "After I take care of work for the day, we'll talk, okay Cloud? There's some things I want to tell you about." He paused, looking between the two, then stood up and propped his fists on his hips. "I'm the only one who got any sleep last night, aren't I?" His shoulders slumped, hands sliding off his hips to dangle before he lifted one to brush through his wild hair. "Aw, geeze, now I just feel even worse..."

"Oh, you probably needed it the most," Aerith said, tutting as she ran a hand through her mussed hair. "Cloud and I look this pretty naturally. You need all the help you can get." She stood up, rubbing her leg for a moment before straightening completely. Cloud rose too, ready to give her a helping hand if she needed it. Though from Zack's hovering he doubted he would get the chance. Her green eyes focused on him and she reached out a hand to touch him lightly on the shoulder. "You are okay, right Cloud? Just remember he's a big puppy; all bark, no bite, but lots of slobber," She tapped Zack lightly on the chest with her fist. Cloud gave her a wan smile, his exhaustion shining through as the emotional crisis passed.

"I will be," he affirmed, nodding at Zack.

"I don't slobber!" Zack yelped, then huffed. "Man, not you too. It was bad enough that apparently Angeal used to call me a puppy." Shaking his head, he sidled around her and tossed an arm over Cloud's shoulders. "You make sure you get some sleep Aerith and I'll take Cloud back home." As he tugged Cloud off with him Aerith's merry laughter chased after them. Zack muttered, "C'mon, let's go. I need to get cleaned up before I go visit the Turks."

Cloud nodded, giving a half shrug to dislodge Zack's arm and make walking easier. Idly, he remembered how he'd expected the night to end in nothing more challenging than bed, possibly food if he was feeling ambitious. A look at Zack's face reassured him that his friend was feeling much better, and not just putting up a front. Whatever had caused Zack's grief, Cloud would listen to his friend and offer what comfort he could. If that wasn't enough, Cloud would just have to do more until it was enough.

"I think," he said, stifling a yawn, "I'll wait at the apartment. If that's okay?" The query was rhetorical, since Zack didn't need him for checking in with his commander. While Zack was gone, Cloud would try to catch a little bit of sleep and then they would talk. Somehow, it would all turn out alright, and even now, looking back on it under the light of the morning sun and in the face of Zack's acceptance...the idea of running away seemed utterly absurd.

–

The heavy clomp of boots was the only warning the two Turks had before the SOLDIER 1st came rushing down the hall. The two took a single step aside just before imminent collision and turned to watch him disappear. "Whoa! Watch it you maniac!" Reno hollered. He cast a glance at Rude out of the corner of one eye and tilted his chin up to indicate the corner the SOLDIER had disappeared around. "You think getting run over by a SOLDIER is better or worse than a getting stepped on by a behemoth?"

"...Wasn't that Fair?"

Reno reached up and scratched under the strap of his goggles. "It looked like his sword," he agreed, then waved the armful of manila folders under his arm at the end of the hall in dismissal. "Eh, who cares. We got something to do."

Reno was in a bad mood so at least he took pleasure in the fact that Fair had looked as harried as he felt. None of the Turks were in a particularly good mood after Veld had been dismissed and Heidegger of all people put in control. Heidegger didn't care about anything but his army, and he sure as shit didn't have a clue how to handle the Turks. At least they had Tseng to run some damage control, but it just wasn't the same without the director. Reno shoved his hands back in his pockets and proceeded to slouch down the hallway again.

The door to central command opened just as the pair reached it and Reno found himself face to face with another pair of Turks. He recognized the man who'd opened the door as Guns, and the brunette standing behind him with her arms crossed and a frown on her face had to be one of the new recruits. Reno stared at Guns who stared back at him for several seconds. "Reno," he greeted after a moment, backing down and stepping aside enough to let them through. "Rude."

"Guns," Reno drawled. "Rookie." Rude gave the pair a nod as he followed him in. The brunette frowned at him, but didn't say anything as she followed Guns out. Before the door closed completely, a quiet set of footsteps announced another arrival. Reno didn't bother to look back as she came in. "So, who're you today?"

There was a pause from Cissnei as she considered Reno's snide question then answered with a quiet, "Shuriken."

Tseng stood at the head of the room near a bank of computer terminals. The large screens that filled up three of the four walls cast everything into a flickering blue green glow. The ShinRa logo was displayed on each and every one. There was one more Turk there, standing near the right side screens. She had her long dirty blonde hair in its usual high ponytail. Shotgun nodded in acknowledgment a second before Tseng turned away from her to look at the three of them curiously.

"Reno, Rude...Shuriken," Tseng greeted. Reno thought he looked tired and a little drawn. Having to cow-tow to that oaf Heidegger probably wasn't easy. Reno didn't envy Tseng's higher position on the food chain right then. "What can I do for you?"

Reno sauntered forward and tossed the folders down on one of the terminals. A slew of printed, awkward photographs spilled out. A few drifted to the floor. "I was wondering if you took the time to hear the latest rumors," Reno said, then smirked. It was sharp and wolfish. He watched Tseng look down, frown, and pick up one of the images. They weren't the best quality, clearly taken from a phone, blurry and tilted as they were, but the image they displayed was still the same.

Cloud Strife locked in battle with Sephiroth himself, and clearly keeping up.

Tseng stared contemplatively at the photo in his hand then let his eyes roam over the spread of partially displayed images scattered across the terminal. "These are reliable?" Tseng asked, flicking the photo back onto the pile of its brethren.

Reno's smirked transformed into a full on wicked grin. "Oh you can bet your ass these are reliable. Most of these photos come from different sources. We have around...what was it, Rude? Twenty witnesses? Infantrymen, SOLDIERS, and some scientists." He reached down and pulled out several of the long distance shots, clearly taken from the base of Fort Condor. "And all of them are saying the same thing. They didn't know the kid's name, but they all saw some blond in a trooper uniform going toe-to-toe with Sephiroth."

He stepped forward and reached out to flip open the folder. Reno shoved aside the collection of photos to reveal the paperwork underneath. "I took the liberty of pulling Strife's files and having a nose around. There's not much there. Average kid, got a bit of a track record for getting into fights. We have a file on him ourselves courtesy of Shotgun," he nodded to the woman, "from the mission to escort Doctor Rayleigh awhile back." It was interesting that Cloud had been involved in that, a mission that involved AVALANCHE and their mysterious black armored soldiers out to steal a disc full of highly confidential research about the SOLDIER program. Really, other than his enrollment in the Army and a few flags in his files that was the first incident that he'd pinged the Turks radar. Reno picked up a particular sheet of paper, and leaned forward, smirk firmly in place. "But, see, that's not the most interesting part..."

The silence lingered as Reno gave in to the need for a little dramatic effect. No one seemed willing to play up to it, no one leaned in, no intent attention. Nothing. Man, what a bunch of killjoys. He wasn't willing to give it up though, so it stayed there until it just became awkward. Finally, Rude cleared his throat. "...Reno..."

"Yeah, yeah," Reno huffed. "I'm getting to it." Reno brandished the print out. "According to Strife's medical files he was examined by one of Hojo's lab assistants after he got back to Midgar in December."

Tseng gave him a blasé look. "I fail to see how that is interesting."

"Oh, but it is," Reno crowed. "See, this particular assistant was suddenly transferred to the space program and headed west two days after examining Strife." Reno straightened up and looked at the paper, practically preening where he stood. "Name of Ellis Briant...sounds kinda familiar, like that guy that was under suspicion for letting some of Hojo's specimens loose. Not to mention he was a geneticist, didn't have any interest or know-how in rocket science until then."

"You were also on that mission," Tseng said, looking to Cissnei. "You were able to observe Strife after his accident? Your report mentioned he suffered from obvious signs of mako poisoning. Yet a medical staff cleared him a few days later, and then was reassigned immediately after."

Tseng frowned at the obvious sign of tampering, and Reno grinned slyly. He could almost see Tseng's train of thought. After all it was one thing to learn that someone in ShinRa wanted to cover up information about the trooper, but it was another to leave an obvious trail. Normally such procedures were handled by the Turks who ensured that any trail left behind would lead to dead ends. Who had ordered it, then? The most likely candidate was Lazard, but why? What was his purpose? A trooper fell into contact with diluted mako and is suddenly able to keep up with Sephiroth. Perhaps the medical exam had come up with an anomaly the SOLDIERs were trying to exploit. Each branch of ShinRa liked to keep their cards close to their chest, so if Lazard had discovered a potential asset he could exploit, it made sense that he would rush to cover up the evidence.

"Who has had contact with Strife? Before and after the Mideel mission," Tseng asked abruptly, fixing his subordinates with a sharp look. Their first order of business was to collect as much information as possible, and if there was one thing Turks were good at, it was finding out other people's business.

Reno shrugged. "I've seen him twice since the Mideel mission. When we went in to save their asses, and again in mid December, but I wouldn't really call it contact. Rude's had more contact with him than I have."

Rude nodded. "Once as they reported in right after their return from the mission. He was with Fair and Sephiroth when they reported to Lazard."

Tseng raised an eyebrow at that. "He looked well?" Reno looked too. The kid had to be made of some tough stuff to be up and about after the kind of treatment the report gave. It wasn't everyday someone took a nose dive into some mako, and the SOLDIERs didn't seem to think too highly of their little showers.

"...A little uncomfortable but otherwise healthy."

"Man," Reno griped, "you never told me about this!"

"...It didn't seem important."

"And?" Tseng interrupted before Reno could lament on his partner's failure to communicate.

Rude lifted his shoulders in a faint shrug. "That's all."

"What about the 24th?" Reno demanded. "Strife was there."

"We didn't say anything."

"When was the Mideel mission?" Shotgun interrupted before things could take a further tangent.

Tseng flipped through some of the papers Reno had brought in, clearly double checking his information. "They were dispatched on the 10th of December 01, and had to be pulled out the next day."

"Once before, and once after, then," she said thoughtfully. "With the Rayleigh Mission and during the Festival."

"Good. Did you notice an obvious change in appearance or behavior?" Tseng asked, not looking up as he wrote a quick note in the margin of the report. Reno leaned forward to peer at the notation thoughtfully. A change in behavior could be caused by mako, but would more likely be caused by whatever the Director was up to with Strife. While not as extreme as the ShinRa scientists, even Lazard fell prey to using his SOLDIERs in experiments. If Shotgun could give them a baseline...

Shotgun remained quiet for several seconds, gaze turned upward in contemplation. "While I didn't have much time to observe him he did seem a little more...reserved than before. The Cloud Strife I met was a little brash and idealistic. He refused to back down and flee the scene when AVALANCHE showed up, and instead insisted on aiding in combat and protecting his comrades and charge to the end. He also refused to let Doctor Rayleigh be harmed to protect the disc she was carrying." She paused again, lips parted as she wavered over a bit of information, then frowned. "He did display a surprising ability with a sword for a trooper and managed to wield one of the large SOLDIER-type swords the black AVALANCHE soldiers wield." She smiled wryly and shrugged, ponytail bouncing. "He said he was desperate."

Tseng's gaze turned back to the photos still scattered haphazardly and Reno gave a low whistle. Now that same random trooper was exchanging blows with ShinRa's best.

"The mystery deepens," Reno muttered to Rude out of the side of his mouth. Rude elbowed him in the side, but Reno ignored it.

While it wasn't entirely unusual for Infantrymen to be familiar with swords, and some even did pretty damn well—they were usually the ones looked at for SOLDIER recruitment—and it wasn't unusual for a desperate man to be able to pull off feats he never could normally... It could also work as a cover up for something else. Something shadier. Was he an AVALANCHE spy? It was a possibility, however unlikely. If something had changed in their plans for Strife to stop being subtle... It almost made sense.

Where Zack came into this was another piece of the puzzle. The SOLDIER was overly friendly, as they well knew, so it was possible it was merely a coincidence that Strife was suddenly closely involved with him. Turks didn't tend to believe in coincidences, though, and with that thought Reno gave a self-satisfied grin. When Tseng looked up at him, Reno didn't bother to hide it or make an effort to look relaxed or bored, as was his usual style. For once he couldn't contain the restless energy. This was going to be good.

Before Reno had a chance to interject, Cissnei's quiet voice piped up, "I'd never met him before Mideel, but...he said some rather strange things. I disregarded them because of the obvious mako poisoning." There was a faintly apologetic tone to her voice, Reno noted.

Tseng shot her a stern look. "There seems to be a great deal of 'disregarding' going on lately." They all recognized the rebuke for what is was. "Explain, please," he ordered, flicking through the papers again. He stopped on what Reno recognized as Cissnei's report for the aforementioned mission. It had been a standard report considering the disaster that mission had been. That alone should have been suspicious.

Cissnei crossed her arms over her breasts and gripped her upper arms. "Well... Zack got him talking about his hometown, Nibelheim, and Cloud said that...he'd nearly been eaten by a dragon?" She frowned slightly, then looked up. "And that the experiments were loose. He seemed to know the Ancient, too. Now that I think about it Zack seemed surprised about that. I'd thought maybe Zack had just mentioned her to him or something, and the rest just seemed to be easily explained away that he was rambling about separate instances under the poisoning." Well, that explained some of it. Cissnei did have quite a soft spot for Fair, but the rest... Reno shot a look at Tseng to find him staring hard at the papers.

Nibelheim was strictly confidential. There should have been no way for Strife to know about what was inside the reactor if that's what he had been talking about. Fair shouldn't know about what was inside the reactor even. It was impossible for Strife to have found out through ShinRa. Though, if Strife had grown up there and was capable enough to escape one of the fierce dragons that made their home on Mt. Nibel, he might have explored the reactor long before he entered ShinRa's military. On a dare, perhaps, or simple curiosity.

It didn't add up even if that were the case. Somehow Strife had come across too much confidential information to be considered a coincidence. That, and the anomalies that surrounded him, meant that he was potentially dangerous and needed to be watched. It wouldn't be an issue, since Strife spent most of his time with Fair anyway, and they could easily work out a procedure for when the two were not together. They needed to know who Strife came in contact with when he wasn't with the SOLDIER as well.

"If that's everything?" Tseng said finally.

"Well," Reno drawled, seizing his chance. "There are those rumors going around that Strife is either sleeping with Fair, or Sephiroth."

Tseng sighed and reached up to pinch the bridge of his nose. "That isn't useful information Reno."

Reno shrugged flippantly. "I thought it was funny, and you gotta admit it's a cute picture," he cooed, even as he reached out and tugged one of the photos out from under the stack. Tseng took a moment to stare at it in obvious surprise, lips parted, then shook his head and turned away. Reno grinned wickedly at his back.

With a slight shake of his head, Tseng straightened his shoulders. "Shotgun, I want you to go to Nibelheim and do some discreet inquiries regarding Strife. Reno, Rude, do a little digging and see if Lazard is up to anything, and see if you can find more information on Briant. See if he ever arrived, or if he's just vanished. And Shuriken?" Cissnei looked up at him. "I want you to start keeping an eye on Cloud Strife as well."

"You think we got trouble, then?" Reno asked curiously. The answer was obvious, they always had trouble, but it was nice to see what Tseng thought of the issue anyway. Reno always did like conspiracies a little too much.

"I hope that all we have is an up and coming new SOLDIER that, with Fair, will finish replacing Genesis and Angeal," Tseng said carefully. "We can't be too cautious."

Reno gave him a jaunty salute and turned to leave while Tseng gathered up the scattered documents and photos. "Sure thing. You leave it to us." As the door hushed shut behind him, Reno remarked, "See this is more interesting than looking for AVALANCHE's hide-y holes."

Beside him, Rude sighed.

–

Cloud stirred as an insistent and near constant banging sound broke into his dreamless sleep. He blinked open his eyes groggily, aware of the sheets making an impressive attempt to suffocate him from where they had twisted around his chest and arm, and tried to figure out what it was that had roused him. The pounding noise resolved itself into knocking, the hollow thunks echoing through the quiet apartment.

Cloud sat up, wincing at the disorienting feeling as the blood rushed from his head at the sudden move. He'd only meant to rest for a little bit while Zack reported in, but a glance at the clock indicated it had been a few hours since his friend had left. Perhaps Zack had lingered, to give Cloud a chance to sleep before they met up again. Whatever the reason, that didn't change the fact that someone was pounding on the apartment door, and didn't seem to be going away.

What greeted him when he opened the door should have surprised him, but somehow Cloud found the sight of Gibbs and Edge, the latter with his fist still upraised to bang on the door, completely inevitable. Without a word of greeting or acknowledgment, Cloud let the door slide closed as he turned to retreat back to his room. If Zack wasn't back yet, then Cloud would just have to go hunt him down. Cloud would even put up with facing the frightfully perky receptionist if he could find some way to dodge his unwanted shadows.

That plan was quickly spoiled as the door jammed against Edge's boot, where the man had stuck it in to prevent being shut out.

"Don't be like that, Cloud!" the Third rumbled callously, pushing the door open. The heat of Cloud's glare passed right through him as he and Gibbs invaded the living room. "We heard your team got in last night and here you are still lazing around." He looked Cloud's rumpled form up and down.

"You look whipped enough for the rumors to be true," Gibbs said, also eying Cloud critically. Cloud raised a non-committal eyebrow, though he couldn't bring himself to care what sort of rumors were circulating already. He should have known his fight with Sephiroth couldn't help but become a spectacle. In the light of his problems with Zack, however, all he wished was that his friend wouldn't hear about them before Cloud got a chance to talk to him first.

Ignoring his unasked for companions for the time being, Cloud made his way back to his room. He hadn't bothered to remove his boots earlier, just lying on top of his sheets fully clothed. That meant all he had to do was collect his sword from where it had been haphazardly leaned against the wall. Cloud eyed his dented helmet for a moment, before dismissing the wreck. There was nothing to be done about it for now.

Returning to the living room Cloud found Gibbs and Edge much as he left them, the former stood patiently with his arms crossed, though the other Third had flopped into an arm chair. Cloud didn't bother acknowledging them this time either. He wasn't sure what they wanted, but neither SOLDIER seemed to be in a rush to let him know why they'd invaded the apartment. It was probably something to do with the rumors, he thought acidly. Even when he wasn't present, Sephiroth still managed to make Cloud's life more difficult.

"Where are we off to?" Edge asked gruffly, unfolding himself from the chair to follow Cloud out the door. Gibbs had stepped out in front of Cloud, though he stood respectfully to one side to let Cloud pass him on the way to the elevator.

"Why are you here?" Cloud asked quietly, in lieu of answering Edge's question.

"Can't a fellow come visit his friend when he gets a hankering?" Edge retorted, his teeth bared in a mocking smile. Neither SOLDIER wore their helmets, indicating their off-duty status.

"We wanted to make sure you were okay, of course," Gibbs said, as if his partner hadn't spoken at all. "It seems you can't even go on a simple escort mission without getting your ass in the fire."

Cloud shook his head, but didn't remark further on either man's presence. He wasn't about to elaborate on what had transpired. First he had to find Zack so they could straighten things out from earlier. Then he'd worry about the fight with Sephiroth and its repercussions.

His two silent shadows dogged his steps as Cloud exited the apartment building. The most likely place Zack would be was the ShinRa building. If his friend wasn't there, then it was likely that someone there would know where Zack was, at least. As Cloud passed the guard booth on his way out of the SOLDIER complex, he caught the double-take the SOLDIER on duty gave him as he walked by. The reminder caused Cloud to regret his damaged helmet. At least that would have prevented him from being gawked at by anyone who'd heard whatever rumor was floating around.

"Hey! Look, there he is!" a familiar voice rang out clearly across the street. "Hey! Cloud! Hang on!"

Cloud shot Edge a look when the Third let out a poorly stifled chuckle, but did stop and turn to face an eagerly waving Jac. Behind the trooper, Cloud recognized Sparo's dark figure, but the two troopers were in the middle of a crowd of other soldiers he didn't know. Frowning, Cloud contemplated just moving on, but didn't have a chance to choose as Jac trotted over.

"We just heard the news!" Jac said as he stopped a few feet away, shifting from foot to foot in an inability to stay still.

"It's just a rumor, Trooper," Gibbs cut in, stepping forward and shoving the other's helmet roughly. "You should know better than to go spreading things around like that."

"Hey!" Jac yelped in protest, both hands going to straighten his head gear out. "I didn't spread any rumors! I just heard about it from Terrence!"

A flailing hand indicated one of the other troopers, who started guiltily from where he'd been staring at Cloud. All of the troopers were staring at him, Cloud noted uncomfortably. Even Sparo was giving him a calculating look, his mouth pulled into a half grimace, half smirk as if he couldn't quite believe it was Cloud standing there.

There was a sudden jostle in the crowd as several troopers were shoved aside and Zack came stumbling into their midst. "Cloud!" he yelped. "There you are! I was just coming to find you." Reaching out, Zack gripped Cloud's shoulders. Cloud frowned as he noted that his friend's shirt was sliced open in a few neat lines that showed the blood stained flesh beneath. There was oil smeared across Zack's cheek, and metal shavings stuck to his hair and clothes. Before he could ask, Zack rambled on, "I can't believe you did that with Sephiroth. In public no less! Where everyone could see you. What were you thinking?" He ducked down to look into Cloud's face, mouth parted in a confused expression, brows drawn together, and head tilted questioningly. "I heard about it from Kunsel just now, after I reported to Lazard and he's always up to date on the latest rumors. ...Please tell me this is just a rumor. It is right? You seriously didn't..."

Cloud's brows drew together as he frowned in mild consternation at Zack's assault. He was aware of their audience, but from Zack's panicked expression, he'd need to calm down his friend first. Surely the situation wasn't that bad that Zack needed to blow it out of proportion so badly. "Zack, calm down. It's not what…. It wasn't as bad as it looked," Cloud fumbled over his words, shifting against the tight grip his friend had on his shoulders. Sparo had doubled over slightly with his mouth caught in a grimace of a smile, shoulders shaking as he stifled his laughter. Even Gibbs was standing there with one hand over his face to hide his expression.

Cloud wasn't sure if his words even registered as Zack's phone interrupted, beeping twice in quick succession, and his friend swiftly reviewed the messages sent. For several seconds Zack stared at his phone as if he couldn't believe what he was seeing, then, slowly, said, "...Words fail me." The tone of his voice, as well as the words, made Cloud wince in guilt. Had he really messed up that badly? But what was he supposed to have done, with Sephiroth attacking him out of the blue like that?

"Sephiroth came after me," he protested quietly. There really was no way for him to prevent their spectators from hearing, but at least Cloud didn't have to shout his mistake to the roof-tops. "I didn't mean for it to go that far." Judging by the expression on Zack's face, Cloud's response had not only been unexpected, but did not explain things sufficiently for the baffled man. Unsure what exactly was causing his friend's distress, Cloud wracked his brain to think up an explanation for what had happened on the mission. This wasn't supposed to happen like this; he and Zack still needed to talk out their own issues before dealing with the Sephiroth problem.

There was a susurration of voices and shifting in the outer edge of the crowd. He should have realized it sooner, but it was only when the man's silver hair came into view that Cloud noticed Sephiroth's presence. Sephiroth prowled toward them, a gap opening in the crowd, and came to a stop before Cloud. After a moment Sephiroth extended his hand, and Cloud glanced down to find a sleek black phone emblazoned with ShinRa's logo resting on his palm. "It seems Zack forgot again," Sephiroth said plainly. "I took care of it when Lazard finished reminding me that leisure activities belong outside of missions." His tone left no doubt what he thought about Lazard's polite 'reminder'.

Cloud's eyebrows rose, bemused and lost at the meaning behind the gesture. He hesitated for a moment before reaching out, wary of the sharp reaction that contact with the man had displayed in the past. Nothing happened as his glove brushed Sephiroth's, and Cloud brought the phone back to his chest numbly, staring down at the innocent looking device. This was not going to help the rumors of their fight die down, if Sephiroth kept aggravating them by seeking out Cloud like this.

"Hey! I didn't forget. I was just...busy," Zack yelped from beside him.

"Is that so...?" Sephiroth murmured softly. He sounded amused, and that only served to remind Cloud of his confusion where the man was involved. There was a rustle of heavy leather as Sephiroth turned and strode back the way he'd come. It was only then that Cloud looked up again.

Zack crossed his arms over his chest, frowned after Sephiroth, and muttered, "That guy..."

"Well," Gibbs said after several seconds of silence. Then because that apparently wasn't enough he said it again, "Well."

Edge said, "That was surreal."

Jac from where he stood was looking back and forth between Cloud and Sephiroth's retreating back, an expression of surprised confusion on his face. Sparo appeared to be unable to move beyond his paroxysms of silent laughter. Finally Zack, just looked back at the phone in Cloud hand, closed his eyes, touched his other hand to his forehead, and let out a sigh. When he opened his eyes again to look at Cloud there was a crooked, bemused smile on his face. "Boy oh boy...what am I going to do with you, Cloud?" Zack wondered aloud. Cloud could only shrug uncomfortably. It wasn't his fault that Sephiroth was acting so strangely. Zack shook his head at him, and Cloud ducked his chin behind his scarf as his friend turned to their audience. "Alright you lot, show's over. Go on, get. Leave the poor kid alone, he knows less about the latest product of the gossip mill than any of you chuckleheads." Most of them dispersed rather easily. Edge, Gibbs, Jac, and Sparo, however, didn't seem keen on leaving. "You lot too."

"Aw, but Zack," Sparo broke in, finally having himself under control. "You always get Cloud!"

"Yeah," Jac said with a wide grin. "Didn't your mom ever teach you to, uh, share?"

"That's cruel, invoking my mom like that," Zack said blithely, even as he grabbed Cloud's upper arm and began towing him back toward the SOLDIER apartments. "And totally unnecessary. Besides, I called dibs early this morning. You can have him tomorrow after we're off duty." Glancing at Cloud, he amended, "If you can catch him, and no, I'm not helping you hunt him down."

Ignoring further protests, Zack waited until they were a little further from the small group, then let go of Cloud. "Well, Cloud," he said after a moment. "You just sort of attract trouble don't you? And Angeal thought I was difficult, sheesh." He was grinning as he said it, and reached over to snatch Cloud's new phone. Cloud relinquished it with a twinge of relief, only for it to be replaced with mild confusion as Zack handed over his own phone. "Whoa, hey, he got you one of the SOLDIER access ones..." Zack muttered after a second of fiddling with the device. "Take a look at the message on my phone, Cloud. You might be, eh, interested in it."

Obediently, Cloud glanced down at the message displayed, noting the sender was the Silver Elite. If Cloud hadn't known better, he almost would have thought Zack had re-named Sephiroth's contact information to that name. It sounded like something his friend would do, at least. Shaking himself mentally to clear away his distracting thoughts, Cloud let his eyes skim over the message, his face going blank as the words sunk in. 'Potential attraction'? 'Revealing photo'? Almost reluctantly, Cloud thumbed down through the message, until he finally reached the picture that had been attached.

It was of Cloud asleep on the couch in Fort Condor's common room. Across his lap was Sephiroth's coat, which Cloud distinctly remembered the man leaving on the other side of the couch when he'd left. Looking closer, and only because Cloud was looking for it, he saw a tuft of black feathers peeking out from under the coat in his lap. Viri had obviously wanted company sometime in the night and had decided Cloud was the perfect candidate.

Sighing, Cloud snapped the phone closed, glancing sideways at Zack. "It's still not my fault," he mumbled. He wondered idly if Zack would be angry if Cloud chucked his phone over the rooftops. It would certainly make Cloud feel better. It was almost physically painful, but he was deliberately not thinking about what that email was implying. The last of his sanity would surely crack if Cloud even contemplated him and….

"Why are you a part of the Sephiroth fan club?" he asked abruptly to distract himself. It was a legitimate question, however. From what Cloud had observed, Zack wasn't the type to fawn over Sephiroth's every move, and this club seemed rather…stalkerish, to him.

Zack reached over and snatched his phone out of Cloud's hand even as he said, "Oh, I'm sure it isn't. But let's face it, pretty much everyone is sure you're either sleeping with me or Sephiroth by now. I'm guessing this latest batch of rumors will have everyone leaning toward the latter." The way he spoke made it obvious he was distracted by the phones in his hands. He paused for a moment to snap Cloud's new phone closed then held it out to him.

"As for the Silver Elite? I joined accidentally. I was down in the slums and wandered into the park in Sector 6—you know the one, right? Well, I was there, ran into a lady just standing around and the next thing I know she's giving me this weird quiz about Sephiroth and then she wanted my contact info for the fan club. If figured 'why not?'. I'd already joined Angeal's and both of Genesis'. The emails are entertaining if nothing else." They were walking across the center courtyard now, having already passed back into the sectioned off compound. The building loomed before them. Zack scratched the back of his head, and went on, "They apparently know what shampoo Sephiroth uses. I'd really like to know who their source of information is, because they must be better than a Turk to have pulled that off."

Bringing up a hand to massage the bridge of his nose, Cloud closed his eyes in resignation. "Zack, I really…can we just drop this? I don't think I can handle it right now…."

His traitorous mind was also wondering what other information the group had managed to dig up, and Cloud did not need the mental images to go with that. He stomped heavily on the memory of bared, pale skin as Sephiroth shed his coat, uncomfortably aware that despite their animosity—or Cloud's, at least—the man was one of the most good-looking people Cloud had ever seen.

Dropping his hand again, Cloud took a moment to observe his friend more closely. He'd noticed Zack's battered appearance before, but had been too distracted by the chaos to comment on it. Now he took in the ripped and blood-stained clothing. At least Zack looked more animated than he had last night, or even this morning. That didn't mean there was nothing wrong anymore. Just that Zack was handling his problems in his normal, optimistic way. Cloud envied him that ability.

"We should head back. You probably want to get out of that…" Cloud gestured to Zack's ripped shirt with one hand. Right now, retreating to the relative privacy of the apartment seemed like the best thing in the world to Cloud. Even Tifa wouldn't begrudge him this minor retreat.

"Geeze, Cloud! I'm taken, you know," Zack huffed. "And, fine, we'll stop talking about how your plans to turn all the best looking SOLDIERs into your personal harem is going."

This time Cloud couldn't help the flush of embarrassment at Zack's teasing. He could have helped the not-so-gentle punch he gave his friend's arm, but reveled in the surprised yelp that produced. Stalking ahead of Zack, he dearly wished ShinRa didn't have so many electronic sliding doors. It would have allowed for the admittedly petty move of slamming the door in Zack's face.

He settled for not saying anything further until the pair entered their apartment to allow his roiling emotions to cool. Cloud had been so caught up in the heat of the moment, that he'd both barely registered Sephiroth's presence earlier, and had nearly forgotten the upset of this morning. The former was becoming easier to handle, and with Cloud's new awareness of how easy it was to mix up the people from his memories with the people they were now. It wasn't only Zack he'd been guilty of doing that to, after all. The latter was harder to swallow. From the emotional stress of thinking he'd ruined his friendship with Zack and dishonored his memory all at once, to the sweet relief and comfort he'd experienced in the church, it shouldn't have been so easy for Cloud to fall back into normalcy. Or at least as normal as things were in this time. Never would Cloud have anticipated a second chance quite like this.

In a move that was now unconscious, Cloud slipped his sword from his back to lean it against the wall, before sitting down on the couch. He sank back into the cushions, the weariness from before making him sigh softly. These days it seemed half the time he was either lost and confused, or completely exhausted from the mental stimulation.

"You sound like you need a vacation," Zack said as he wrestled with his harness for a second before managing to get it off. He dropped it over the back of the couch as he was wont to do. His gloves landed on the low coffee table in a heap. "Can't say I blame you, really. You've only had around a month to get used to things." Zack yanked his shirt off over his head, tossed it vaguely in the direction of his room then disappeared into the bathroom. The tap on the sink squeaked as he turned it on. When Zack reappeared, making for his room, he announced, "And think about what you want to eat later so I don't have to try and pry it out of you. I think that little diner in Sector 8 is still serving that Icicle style stew."

The couch moved under Cloud as Zack returned and flopped down. Cloud sat up, aware of a shift in the mood. In his hands Zack had brought a small box which he opened. Zack dug around in it, then pulled out a photograph from among the various bits of paper and other photos. He took a moment to stare at it. Zack's face had a bittersweet expression as he looked down at the photo which he held out for Cloud to take. "Here."

Cloud reached out and took it hesitantly. When he looked down it was into the face of a smiling man and a younger Zack. This could only be Angeal, he knew, and his first thought was that now Cloud knew where a lot of Zack's strength came from.

Even in the still medium of the picture, Angeal looked confident, strong, and reliable. The Buster Sword rested on his back, which looked odd in Cloud's eyes when Zack was standing right next to him. Cloud had always thought, could never remember more than the sword belonging to his friend. Yet he could easily see that it was Angeal's sword. Where Cloud had wielded it as freely given memento, he'd not understood the sword's history as more than pertained to him personally. Zack carried the sword as a reminder, treating it as an immensely precious thing rather than a tool to use.

"…You look…young," Cloud said quietly, running a thumb over Zack's sulking face. His hair was shorter, the bangs falling across his forehead made Zack look so much younger. "What…was he like?" he asked after a moment, looking out of the corner of his eye at Zack's face. While he'd like to hear more about this man who Zack held so dear, he didn't want to make another mistake like this morning.

"He was..." Zack paused, his face was serious and thoughtful, but after a moment he gave Cloud a quick grin. "Honorable. Understanding, I guess. He was the kind of guy who would never stab you in the back, and never leave a friend in need no matter what. He wasn't like other SOLDIERs who brag about being strong even though he was 1st Class. He wasn't like that... Angeal took real pride in his strength and his duty as a SOLDIER. He always told me to...embrace my dreams." He glanced down at the photo in Cloud's hand, and one hand lifted automatically to rub a thumb across the scar on the side of his jaw. "But he liked to give lectures if you messed up." Zack winced sheepishly. "I think some of them I could repeat word for word still." Zack leaned forward and braced his elbows on his knees, and quoted, "Pay attention to your enemy, Zack. Focus, Zack. Be serious, Zack."

Cloud listened quietly as Zack spoke. He tried to envision the scene Zack was painting, of the stern but caring man he described. It was impossible; even if Cloud had met the man, he'd long since been unable to remember how to dream about anything other than regrets and memories. But it was nice hearing about it from Zack.

Cloud didn't remember much about the five years they'd been held captive by Hojo. Between the pain and his muddled memories, as well as his forced amnesia afterward, most of it was thankfully gone from Cloud's mind. He could remember Zack's warm voice on occasion, however. When the rush and sting of mako wasn't burning Cloud's senses, there was always his friend there to keep him from getting completely lost to the green haze.

To pull himself out of his own dark memories, as well as to prompt his friend to continue, Cloud asked, "How did you meet him? I heard…he was your mentor?" He'd also heard that Angeal was one of Sephiroth's friends, but Cloud was nowhere near brave enough to ask about it here and now.

"Yeah, I'm not sure why he decided to take me under his wing," Zack said. He gave a smile that was more than half grimace. "I was like most youngsters coming to ShinRa with their hopes and dreams. And when I made it into the program I heard all kinds of things about the top three, ShinRa's best SOLDIERs... I don't really think there was a defining moment when I met him, not one that I can remember anyway. Just one day he was there giving me tips and correcting me, and it just was after that." Zack was quiet for a moment as he fiddled with several newspaper clippings before selecting one. "I never met Genesis or Sephiroth until after Genesis went AWOL. I wasn't all that interested in them, honestly. I just wanted to work on getting to 1st Class myself."

The picture in Zack's hand was black and white, though it might as well have been a neon flashing light for how much it caught Cloud's attention. In the picture was Angeal again, and another man who was probably the Genesis Zack was talking about, but what Cloud couldn't help but focus on was Sephiroth's smiling face. It was one thing to see the expression flit fleetingly across the man's face, but here was a captured moment where the silver-haired man was happy, or at least content, between his two best and only friends.

Cloud felt a pang of empathy, for both Zack and Sephiroth. He might not be able to understand everything that had happened, how it had all fallen apart, but both of them had lost people precious to them. Was it any wonder, then, that things had turned out for the worst? In a life controlled by and subject to ShinRa's whims, Sephiroth didn't have any choices as to who he could associate with. When his only confidants had not only vanished, but died, how crushing that must have been for anyone, even the supposedly untouchable General.

Even Zack, who made friends as easily as he breathed, had heavy ties to ShinRa which prevented the kind of trust necessary for any close, true friendships to emerge. Cloud's ties to his friends had been forged through necessity and mutual strife which made theirs a bond that was not easily broken, even when all hope seemed lost. He knew that, even in his darkest moments, he would have dropped everything to help out any one of them if they'd been in trouble.

That was the kind of personality Zack had, too. Like Cloud, when he failed to be able to save his friends it wounded Zack deeply. Unlike Cloud, however, Zack was strong enough to reach out and accept help when he needed. He could be strong on his own, yet believed in himself enough to know when he needed the support of others.

"It's just you and…Sephiroth. As Firsts?" Cloud asked. He winced slightly, not having meant for that to come out as bluntly as it had. After Sephiroth's fall from grace the SOLDIER program had all but shut down, though. The remaining SOLDIERs had stayed in the army for the most part, and Cloud had fought against several of them in his various clashes against ShinRa. But there had never been one on the same level as Cloud had observed in Zack. If Firsts were this rare now, it would explain the lack in the future as well.

Zack nodded. "Yeah, there's been some talks here and there about changing the requirements and promoting some of the more promising Seconds, but no one's really been too bothered about it." He shrugged noncommittally. "Kunsel would make a good First. He doesn't really enjoy fighting so much, but he's a good head with tactics," Zack said thoughtfully, "There aren't even that many Seconds or Thirds anymore. When Genesis defected he took a bunch of them with him, and started turning them into clones of himself. There's no way to get them back. ShinRa did some..."

Zack's mouth twisted, his expression faintly sour. "They sent the Turks out to do some recruiting last year to fill in the slots and buffer against AVALANCHE. Of course, you know it's not easy getting into SOLDIER, so many of them never made it. Some of the ones that did...they're the monsters Angeal and Genesis claimed they were. They're the ones that make SOLDIER the den of monsters that it is. Angeal always told me to protect my honor as a SOLDIER, but I'm not even sure what that is anymore. What honor is there in killing your own friend? What honor is there in being expected to be nothing but a battle loving monster, a glorified weapon? What honor is there in anything that ShinRa's tainted with its touch?"

Cloud sat in silence for a moment, just turning the photo over and over in his hands in an absent movement. It wasn't anything he hadn't heard before. Barrett had often ranted about the evils of ShinRa, even when the company turned into only a shell of its former self. In a way it was true that everything ShinRa had a hand in had some underlying horror, some terrible secret that had destroyed lives. But Cloud hadn't realized just how shaken Zack's own faith was.

"ShinRa will fall," he said. "Even if…even if things happen differently, it's too…" Sighing, Cloud gathered his thoughts, trying to voice what he knew in his heart. "Those at the top are too…blind to their own faults, and the people are too unhappy with how things are changing. Someone will finish things, either from the inside or the outside." He turned to look at Zack, shrugging helplessly as he finished, "It just depends on what sort of people are there to pick up the pieces.

"Perhaps ShinRa harmed everything it's touched, but…there's no reason for you to believe that's the end. So long as you are alive, there's still hope for a better future." It had taken Cloud years to learn that, and he was still trying to come to terms with it. For a while, he'd thought it would all be okay, that he could finally move on…until this had happened. It was sometimes hard to remember, when everything he'd fought for was once again taken from him. All he could do was take comfort in the fact that he had a chance to fix his greatest regrets.

"I know," Zack said quietly, shoulders hunched. "And I don't think you realize what you've done for me Cloud. You've given me a new goal. You've shown me a way to keep my honor, and...and you've given me a new dream. Your crazy story... You know, at first I wasn't sure what to think. It just seemed so crazy and unbelievable, but you'd done some things, said some things, that didn't add up. I tried to logic it all away, and some of it worked but it never fit the whole puzzle. Other people would probably call me too trusting, too naïve, but... Cloud, I trust you, and no matter what I won't turn my back on you. Like I said before, we're in this together. To the end."

Cloud looked down at his hands again, touched and embarrassed by Zack's praise. He hadn't done anything to deserve it, merely done his best to deal with his own crazy situation with as little collateral damage as possible. Yet somehow that had been enough to help Zack, when his friend had been hurt and confused himself. It still caused a feeling of warmth to build in Cloud's chest, to know that Zack had so much faith in him. Maybe he didn't deserve it, and maybe things would go wrong in the end, but Zack wouldn't condemn him for it, would instead stand by his side and keep him from falling. And Cloud would do the same for him.

"I've lost enough friends. Angeal..." Zack said softly. He paused and rubbed at his scar again, it was almost like a tick. "I killed him myself, and I killed Genesis. I even helped kill Essai and Sebastian. I'm looking forward to the day when no more of my friends have to thank me for killing them." He could only listen in empathy to Zack's confession. Cloud had lost many loved ones, had nearly killed them with his own hands, but he couldn't begin to imagine the inner strength it would take to do so, even if it ended their pain and suffering. There was nothing he could say that wouldn't sound trite to the sacrifice Zack had made for his friends.

There was still one thing Cloud had to fix, however. Even if Zack had forgiven him, dismissed the problem as a minor hurt in the heat of the moment, Cloud had not forgotten Zack's pained denial over Cloud's constant comparison of him and his other self.

"I know…I know you're not the same person who…" Cloud trailed off uncertainly. He ran a finger again over the young Zack in the picture, noting suddenly that the familiar cross shaped scar was missing as well. "Even so, I still know what…lengths you're willing to go. Maybe it's not the same, or won't be…. But now I can see how similar you are," he looked up at Zack, hoping his sincerity would get through, "And how different you are. I never…knew that Zack like I do you. This," he held the photo up, "is all new. And…thanks…for trusting me."

Zack ran his hand over his hair, then snorted out a slight laugh. "I met you when I still had my hair like that," he said, nodding at the picture in Cloud's hands. "I'd just been promoted to First, just met Aerith, and Angeal...Angeal seemed to be coming around, and I was dispatched to Modeoheim to deal with Genesis. And I met you. Or, well, the you that you were before... And then, Angeal..." he shook his head, and looked toward Buster Sword. "I understand, because...I was like your Angeal, in a way, wasn't I?" He shook his head again, looked at Cloud, and smiled. "I'm pretty sure I would go that far if I had to, for you, or one of my other friends, even before Mideel and getting to know you better." He shrugged. "It only takes one meeting to become friends with someone, and..."

Zack looked back at his hands, voice becoming softer, "If I had to die for someone I cared about, I think I'd be okay with that. It was just...unnerving, having you look at me sometimes. Like I was a ghost, and I guess I sort of am for you, and like I was the hero I didn't feel like I was. And last night, I just...I couldn't take that. I think though, if I had the chance to get to know Angeal better, if I were in your situation with him, I'd probably have done the same thing so I can't blame you." His fingers curled into a fist and he nodded sharply. "It hurts, not being able to save people you care about, so we're going to work hard to make sure we can protect them in the future. I'm going to fight hard to stay alive, and keep everyone else alive too."

"This time, you won't have to fight alone either," Cloud promised quietly. However strong Zack was, or even Cloud and Sephiroth, they all had fallen when they were alone. Maybe not right away, but the support of others was what had carried Cloud through all the hardships he'd faced. Zack might have promised him that they'd do this together, but Cloud had promised himself that he would be there for Zack. "I think…we should probably start preparing, though," he added thoughtfully. Zack had brought up a good point; Cloud had been in the past for a month, and they'd done nothing to prepare for the upcoming disaster in Nibelheim. Even now he could almost feel time slipping away from him, as he stood still and did nothing. "Sephiroth is…very different from what he could become. But that doesn't mean…he was still the General in my time, after all."

Zack nodded in agreement. "Yeah. I was thinking that when we get word that we're heading for Nibelheim, we should clear out anything we want to keep. Maybe take it to Aerith and if we haven't decided to bring her in on this already, do it then so she's ready. Whatever happens in Nibelheim, I don't think there's going to be a choice to whether we come back to ShinRa or not." And explicitly in that statement was Zack's thought that he didn't want to come back. He was only biding his time, now, and waiting.

There wasn't anything Cloud cared to save. He'd rifled through his other self's things, the detached nature of the search more because it hadn't felt like Cloud's belongings at all. Aside from clothes and a few useless knickknacks, the only thing of note had been a few letters addressed to him in his mother's old, familiar handwriting. Cloud hadn't been able to bring himself to read them, and even if he had, the words and meanings would have long since been forgotten to him.

Zack's low voice broke the thoughtful silence, "I've been thinking about something for awhile now. You remember how you told me last month about fighting Sephiroth in the training room? The simulation? And I told you how I'd had that happen to me as well? Do you think we should make use of that, to train against him? There's no way it's the same, but it's probably the closest we can get." Zack's face twisted into an amused smirk. "That is, unless you can talk Sephiroth into training with us frequently. You want to tell me something about that, Cloud?"

Cloud flinched at the reminder. He hadn't really forgotten about the baffling and thrilling fight, despite everything else that had happened. The only reason he could think of for Sephiroth's sudden attack, was that the man was suspicious about the intense reaction he'd had to Cloud's touch. Come to think of it, during the fight there had been no reaction at all despite both of them coming in contact with each other several times during the brawl. Suddenly restless, Cloud pushed himself to his feet to pace a few steps forward, turning and frowning down at Zack.

"He just attacked me," Cloud said slowly, remembering the sudden spike of adrenaline when he realized the man was coming at him, and that he was prepared to meet Sephiroth's first swing. "But…but it wasn't…" Cloud ran a hand through his hair distractedly. "It wasn't serious. Even then…he said he wouldn't underestimate me again. What was I supposed to do, Zack?" he burst out in agitation. "I thought it might have been Jenova again, and then it was too late…" Putting a hand over his eyes, Cloud tried to relax his shoulders from the knots they'd formed over the past few days. He took a sharp breath, and continued in a more calm tone, "I asked him afterward. He said…it was a test. That he was curious. I don't know…."

"I don't know, Cloud. That sort of sounds like it might be Sephiroth's way of saying 'Hi, my name is Sephiroth. It's a pleasure to meet you', you know?" Zack quipped. He leaned forward again, and scratched the back of his neck, ruffling the thick mane of his dark hair. "To be serious about the matter...I'm sure you know that man is terrifyingly intelligent, Cloud. Of course he's suspicious and curious of you, he has been ever since you made him notice you existed. I'm not that close to him really but...but he doesn't notice people, not like he does you. I don't know if it's because you tried to kill him, and made a good try at it, or if it's because of all the other weird stuff that happens around you."

Zack shrugged helplessly. "I don't think he can figure you out, there's no way he can. He doesn't have the information, and while this certainly brings you into everyone's attention it might be a good thing." Now Zack looked directly at Cloud and flatly said, "You just became important. Anyone who can keep up with Sephiroth like that just became important in ShinRa's books. The president is going to want you as a 1st Class as soon as possible. The only thing keeping you where you are is that Lazard doesn't like to bend rules for anyone."

"I don't want to be noticed. Not by him," Cloud protested, a hint of desperation threading into his voice. He let his hand drop back to his side, staring helplessly at Zack. "I don't want to be in SOLDIER. I just want…." To be left alone. For his loved ones to live a full and happy life. For the hell he'd experienced to never happen again. There was so much he wanted, but he couldn't voice his desires in case they were taken away from him. Even though he knew better, he'd just gotten back so much that he'd lost. Cloud feared if he reached out, it would all vanish again, whether from Sephiroth's blade or some other means.

He pressed his lips together to bite back further protests. Cloud knew he was being petty now, but most of all he didn't want to admit to Zack, or even to himself, that what was bothering him the most was that he'd…enjoyed the fight against Sephiroth. After it had become clear that Sephiroth hadn't lost his mind, something in Cloud had responded to the challenge in those green eyes. Sephiroth was looking at Cloud for a challenge, not to hurt or mock him.

Cloud knew, knew if things continued in this manner, he'd do more than try to save Sephiroth for Zack's sake; he'd do it for his own, too. There was so much that could happen between now and Nibelheim, when so much had changed already. Cloud was forcing himself to recognize the people of this time as individuals in their own rights. He could see how easily it would be for him to empathize with Sephiroth, for the man to become one of Cloud's precious people. And that scared him.

"I…You're right," Cloud said, breaking eye contact with Zack and backing up a step. "We should…should train against the simulation." His words came out in a jumble as he tried to force them out as quickly as possible. He couldn't take any more of Zack's earnest gaze when his insides were twisting in guilt. It felt like a betrayal to him, to the other Zack, as well as Aerith, and Tifa…. What would Tifa think, if she knew how he was acting right now? But Tifa wasn't here with her straightforward wisdom and patience.

Turning on his heel, Cloud headed for the door in long, swift steps. The apartment felt like it was closing in on him; he needed some fresh air before he broke.

"Cloud!" The shout didn't surprise him nearly as much as Zack suddenly being there, between him and the door. After a second in which Zack simply looked at him, his friend reached out and pulled him against his chest. "Take it easy, buddy." Cloud allowed the embrace, his hand sliding against the bare skin of Zack's back as he tried not to just clutch at his friend. Instead, he pressed his forehead against Zack's shoulder, trying to shake off the sudden panic that had come over him. He felt as fragile as spun glass, despite the constant support Zack offered. That was the problem, though, wasn't it? The moment that support had faltered, Cloud had also faltered in his own self. He was relying too heavily on Zack, which had caused distress for his friend as well as for Cloud. "Alright," Zack said, slowly, "let me get a shirt on and then we'll go out and get something to eat, but you're not getting out of this one. Something's obviously got you worked up real bad about this, more than usual."

The immediate desire to flee had passed, though Cloud kept his gaze down when Zack pushed him gently back to go retrieve his shirt. Closing his eyes Cloud focused on breathing slowly, just listening to the sounds of Zack rustling in the other room. By the time his friend had returned, some of the tension had left Cloud, replaced by a numb acceptance of what was coming.

Silently he watched as Zack grabbed his gloves and pulled them on. After a moment Zack seemed to decide to leave the harness and Buster Sword where they were. He turned to Cloud one fist propped on his hip. "Together, right?" he said with a crooked smile. "And believe it or not you're not the only one that has Sephiroth shaped problems." A little more lowly, Zack muttered, "After all you're not the one who killed his best friends and might have helped contribute to the problem." Before Cloud could comment, Zack shrugged it off and clapped his hands, then ushered Cloud out the door. "Take all the time you need, but I think it's about time we seriously discussed the issue of Sephiroth here."

Despite the reassuring reaffirmation from Zack that they were together in this, the next words brought no comfort at all. Cloud to frowned up at Zack. As little as he wanted to discuss this, right now he was walking around blindly from not knowing enough about how things were in this time. Maybe things had worked out in the future when his small rag-tag group of friends had blundered their way across the planet, but there was no guarantee that such a relaxed attitude wouldn't end up in an even larger disaster this time.

Stepping out the door, Cloud allowed Zack to take the lead and trailed after his friend's broad back down the hallway. Cloud paused when they reached the elevator, causing Zack to reach a hand out to stop the door and raise a questioning eyebrow. There were still the rumors running rampant through the army right now. He'd nearly forgotten about that altogether, with all the issues they already had to deal with. Shaking his head wordlessly, Cloud stepped forward into the elevator as Zack released the door. It was far too late to do any damage control over the rumors. The weight of the phone in his pocket burned against his thigh, another reminder of how frustratingly baffling Sephiroth could be at times. Somehow, Cloud found himself preferring the time when all he had to worry about was figuring out where the next blow from the Masamune would come from.

They were silent as they made their way through Midgar's streets. Zack with the air of a person who'd walked them so many times he didn't need to pay attention, just follow his feet. Despite his apparently wandering mind, he still lead them through less populated routes in deference to the fact that Cloud didn't want to be bothered. In short order he'd brought them to a rather nice diner. Inside showed that it was a popular little place, full of people, though none of them gave the pair a second glance, too wrapped up in their own conversations and meals. There was enough ambient chatter that if they kept their voices low, no one would be able to overhear them.

Zack lead the way to a table tucked into a corner and settled himself with his back to the room. A petite waitress came to them with a smile that was slightly harried from the workload, took their orders and headed off. Silence settled around them as they waited, and Zack tapped his fingers against the tabletop in what Cloud assumed was restless energy. His friend gave the waitress a distracted smile when she returned with their food. The smell of food was anything but appetizing to Cloud, but because he knew Zack would insist if he didn't, he forced himself to take a few bites of the meal. Zack's uncharacteristic silence had been welcome on the walk over, since it gave Cloud time to calm his own racing thoughts. Despite how comfortable he'd become, it really had been only a month since Cloud had been dropped out of his old life and into this one. In all that time, he'd done his best to avoid anything to do with Sephiroth, except when the man himself made that impossible.

"Right, so, Sephiroth," Zack said suddenly, and Cloud looked up from his food. His friend's smooth voice was audible but not carrying over the babble of sound around them. "He told you it was a test? What's got you so twisted up about that?" Frowning in consideration, Cloud pushed his mostly full plate away and rested his arms on the edge of the table.

"I'm worried…about what he was testing," Cloud said at last. "Jenova…when I first arrived, I could...sense her when I was near him. After…that time in the apartment, the feeling went away." The thread of guilt that he hadn't told Zack about that sooner wormed its way into Cloud's gut, but he ignored it. "I wonder if he felt it too."

Zack looked down at his own food, his hand moving up to rub at the side of his neck, just above the high collar of his shirt. "Sephiroth obviously has a vested interest in you, and has had one since Mideel. I don't know what his motives are, but if he didn't then there's nothing I could say or do that would have convinced him to help out with this." Zack went quiet for a second, fingers fiddling with his spoon. It clinked lightly against the side of his bowl, a sound that was nearly lost under the ambient chatter. "I don't know if you remember, but Lazard insisted you get checked out when we returned, and according to everyone involved you were." Except, of course, Cloud had never been seen by anyone. "All of your paperwork says that you checked out with perfect health but a SOLDIER level enhancement from the mako you fell into. Nothing special." Which, of course, was a bit special in and of itself, but not that big of a deal.

Finally he looked up at Cloud, mouth twisted wryly. "Sephiroth and I had to do some underhanded things to get you through, but it worked out in the end. Even before that, when we were in Junon, I think there was probably more to Sephiroth leaving early and taking all of us with him than there seemed. I'm not too worried about it, because I don't expect Sephiroth to do much at this point, but he is curious. Understandably so! But, I don't think he had any ulterior motives, Cloud. It was probably just that, a test. After that incident...well, you probably confuse him and he's trying to figure you out. What I don't understand is what do you mean when you say you could sense Jenova?"

Cloud could feel his eyebrows raise as Zack talked, baffled and impressed that his friend had thought so far ahead. The political side of ShinRa wasn't something Cloud had experience with before; he was more of the 'sneak in and blow stuff up' school of thought. Hearing how far back Sephiroth's interest went was not reassuring, though. There was nothing Cloud could have, would have done differently, when he'd first seen Sephiroth. Shaking his head, Cloud brought his hands up to rest his chin on them, elbows braced against the table as he thought. He still didn't like the idea of Sephiroth being so interested in him, especially since Cloud was actively working against the man in a way. Whatever Sephiroth learned from his games could tip the balance either way, and leave Cloud completely unprepared for when things went wrong. It was the fear of knowing but not knowing if or when that information might become useless that was so stressful.

Zack's question sank heavily into Cloud's mind. The simple answer would have been easy to give, but wouldn't really tell Zack how bad the problem really was. Sitting back in his chair and allowing his hands to drop into his lap, Cloud focused his eyes on them to avoid Zack's gaze as he began to explain. "I was created to be Sephiroth's clone," he said quietly. "After Nibelheim? But…I was a failure, in Hojo's eyes." That feeling still haunted him, that Cloud wasn't good enough, could never be good enough for Sephiroth or anyone. When he'd discovered, remembered what he was, he'd wanted so badly for Hojo, Sephiroth, anyone to tell him he was needed…and his selfishness had nearly destroyed everything.

Taking a slow breath, he continued, "That still meant I'd been injected with Jenova cells. And…S-cells, as Hojo called them. It was some mad plan of his, for the Reunion, he called it. Sephiroth…was able to use the connection, sometimes." Use it to nearly make Cloud kill Aerith. Cloud had fought so hard to stop that, had even managed to break the hold…but it hadn't mattered. "Because Sephiroth had somehow overpowered Jenova, could use her instead of the other way around…. I could feel her, still. It's like a buzzing in the back of your head. Not quite a headache, but…impossible to ignore.

"The last time I felt it was when…" When Kadaj had sacrificed himself to allow Sephiroth back into the world. The terror Cloud had experienced when he'd realized it was no longer the Remnant he was facing, that it was him, had nearly been enough to destroy Cloud. "When a piece of Jenova was used to bring him back," he said, absently pressing a hand into his shoulder in remembrance of the Masamune's biting touch. "When I arrived here, I could feel her again. It was…different. Not the shadow behind Sephiroth. I think she was calling…." Cloud's eyes unfocused slightly as he tried to recall exactly what the sensation had been like. "It was worse when I was close to Sephiroth. She was trying to reach him through me…" he trailed off, blinking to break himself out of the memory of the seductive pull.

"Created," Zack said, voice flat and toneless. "I'm going to kill him." It was said almost like an epiphany, perfectly calm, perfectly cool. Just a statement of fact, and almost a promise. Zack grimaced, face twisting in a mixture of fury and something a little more violent. "Son of a bitch." Then he took a deep breath, released it through his nose and calmly started eating again. He picked his way through his meal, a sharp frown in place of his usual easy going smile while he attempted to glare the dregs of his stew into submission. Zack sighed out the tension as best he could. "You said you 'could' feel her? Does that mean it stopped?"

Cloud watched his friend work through the anger, feeling detached from the emotional upheaval Zack was experiencing. It was horrible, always would be a nightmare that haunted his memories, but Cloud was so tired of hurting over the past. Even now, when most of those things hadn't even happened, wouldn't happen if Cloud could help it, he was still unable to break free from his memories.

"It did stop," he confirmed. "When…in the apartment, when Sephiroth first visited. I don't know what happened, but when we…touched…something snapped, and I couldn't feel her anymore." Even now Cloud had no idea what had caused the intense reaction. It was nothing he'd ever experienced before, not with Sephiroth or anything else. The closest he could come were the times he'd been overwhelmed by the mako and repressed memories trying to break through his carefully constructed persona. The conflicting emotions often drove him to his knees in pain as he struggled to suppress any reminder of his old life.

"I don't know if that was the only time that...that would happen," Cloud continued. "When we were fighting, I didn't feel anything strange at all." Aside from a battle high he'd never quite experienced before. Cloud had never enjoyed fighting. He knew he was good at it, one of the best at winning, even if his technique was unorthodox and self-taught for the most part. All his battles had been necessary, aside from a few games at the Gold Saucer which had been challenging for their handicaps, not their difficulty.

Zack's frown deepened again, and he rubbed absently at one shoulder as he thought. "You said that Sephiroth managed to overpower Jenova before right? Maybe it had something to do with that. Maybe he's stronger than she is and when you touched she tried to reach out and was...I don't know, repelled somehow?" Shaking his head, Zack asked, "How did that...fight go otherwise? and how in the name of the Planet did you end up like...with the coat." He made a little noise in the back of his throat, and waved one hand in a vague gesture.

Wrinkling his nose faintly in annoyance, Cloud just said, "Viri." Sighing, he leaned forward against the table again, bringing a hand up to rub tiredly at his eyes. "And aside from…that, there were no problems." Cloud paused mid-motion as he remembered the lady scientist and her searching looks. "Though…I think one of the scientists was a bit too…curious." If she was one of Hojo's underlings, then that could lead to trouble.

"Ah, figures," Zack muttered. "That bird loves you almost as much as he does his mom." He passed a hand over his face, looking as worn and tired as Cloud felt. "We'll deal with it if a problem comes up. For now we've got a vague plan to get us started and that's better than nothing. It's still a waiting game." Then he pointed his spoon at Cloud. "Now get eating or I'll come over there and hand feed you."

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Next time on Counter Crisis it's a Crisis of Countermeasures!

10/25/2013 – Slight edits have been made to all chapters up to this point.