Note: Sorry for the delay once again, you know how the muse can get ;)
CHAPTER 10: NO PARADES OR APPLAUSEThere were things that made being back in Neptune hard. Resting in her bed for the first time in nearly a year, that was what had been on Veronica's mind. She wasn't anxious with facing the rest, the 09ers… Staying away from being Veronica Mars for so long, she didn't have to think about dealing with them and what that might be like.
Then there were things like Shelly Pomeroy's party. Her time away had been beneficial in allowing her to push it out of her head, Now that she was back, it was one of the many things that had begun circling back and reintegrating her thoughts. And they made her skin crawl. She didn't want that to get to her too much, and really she'd be fine. She just had to give it time, let things settle a bit.
Being home with her father helped. Her first night and morning back gave her plenty of that help. Considering she would soon be facing Celeste Kane, she really needed it. After the snack had been consumed, Veronica was ready to head to bed. She changed into PJs, got into bed. Being in her belongings was more of a blessing when it came to resting. She truly had the best sleep she'd had since they'd left.
Her father had come to check up on her a few times, she knew it. Seeing how he was almost scared it would turn out to be a cruel dream only made Veronica more sorry. They could have found a way to take him along. They could have all left together and never looked back… instead he'd been left behind, their family torn apart. Veronica wasn't going to let that happen again, no matter whose paternal genes she carried.
In the morning she'd awakened to the smell of pancakes and many more delicious things. She smiled, looking down to the dog sleeping over her.
"Wake up, breakfast time," she whispered to the dog. Over the meal, which her father had put together with the same importance as the previous night's snack, they talked. It was then that they'd devised the plan of how to 'bring Cliff in'. The whole day though, she knew it somehow would lead to some tough confrontations.
So as she stood there and watched Celeste Kane turn around, she was braced and ready. The woman's face froze, perhaps attempting to block off any strong reactions.
"Hello Mrs. Kane," she greeted her with a barely concealed annoyance. Celeste remained, calculating. "I know what you're probably thinking, that you'd finally seen the last of me. Darn, foiled," Veronica intoned. "Your big threat? We've got you figured out." Celeste opened her mouth to speak, but Veronica interrupted her. "Don't try to deny it, okay? I know about everything. Look around, if I was here to bust you, would my father have let me come alone?" The woman's posture changed, showing her willingness to speak openly if only to a point.
"I'm not sure what you're looking for here…"
"You had my mother pretty scared, made her think this was the only way to keep me safe. Was that really necessary? Were you so insecure about your precious reputation, your money?"
"It's nothing against you…"
"Really, 'cause it doesn't feel personal at all," Veronica had to force herself not to raise her voice, knowing Duncan was in the other room. She didn't want to get him involved in this. "You put my family through hell. Was it payback or something?"
"I know this may not seem like the answer you're hoping for, but I didn't mean for it to get to this." Veronica stood in silence for a moment.
"I'm not going to pretend that anything you say might make things okay again. Try to justify it to yourself if you must, but don't try with me. The reason I came here today is that I wanted you to learn I was back from me. I wanted to be there. And more importantly, I came to tell you… back down. Whatever you're afraid I might do, I won't. You leave me and my father be, we won't tell and we won't sue." After a moment, Celeste spoke.
"Alright."
"There's just one thing I need from you… actually, two. One, keep this meeting between us. I'll tell people I'm back on my own terms, or I go to the Instigator. Does that work for you?"
"Yes," Celeste nodded.
"Two…" her voice shuddered. "I'd like a test, so I… we know for sure… Would you make that happen?" This took a moment longer.
"I'll need to talk to Jake."
"That's fine."
"It might be a few days."
"Well I'm not going anywhere, so that shouldn't be a problem."
"Right," Celeste nodded.
"Have a nice dinner. I'll see myself out."
Turning away from her, she had to will herself to keep it together just a while longer. Just looking at Celeste Kane was enough to send her tumbling back to the desperation of her months away. Up until now, she thought nothing could break her new resolve, but evidently there was. Hopefully it would be the only one.
She walked carefully, quietly, so Duncan wouldn't hear her go. She didn't want to have to explain herself any further. She just wanted to get home. These were the last moments she had before she re-entered the Neptune social awareness, the last moments for some time – she imagined – where there wouldn't be the constant buzzing of questions and comments. She could just see it now, hear it, and it only made her teeter with nausea. She got to the door and squeezed out, turning to rest against it. Eyes closed, deep breaths, nothing would happen. It would be fine, no problems. She was home, that was all that mattered – and as long as she let herself believe it, so could she.
"Veronica?"
The thumping in her chest intensified. She couldn't even pretend, for the sake of an extra moment of denial. The voice was unmistakable. It wasn't a problem – after all, she was the new Veronica, not the girl she'd been when they last saw each other. She realized then that she wasn't actually scared She thought she would be, but the thump wasn't fear – just surprise. To know that her reaction to him had changed as it had… it felt good.
"Veronica…" he spoke again, and at last she opened her eyes.
"Logan… hi." The look on his face was odd to say the least. There were so many emotions mixed together it was sort of impossible to identify any one separately. He even looked like he was on the verge of tears. "What are you…"
"I think under the circumstances I should be the one asking questions."
"Please, I… I can't do this… not now…" she shook her head. She looked back up, trying to plot an exit strategy. He stood between her and the car, and she didn't know how he'd react if she tried to leave.
"We were all worried about you…"
"You... you were worried?" she asked, leaning on doubt. "I'm… I have to go," she took a breath and started to move past him.
"Veronica, wait… please…" he reached out to take her arm. She stopped, feeling his hand shaking. She looked at it, then up at him.
A second later, the door to the house opened and Duncan walked out, halting at the scene before him. "Logan?" he asked. On the sound, Logan let go and Veronica took a step back, both looking away. "You didn't say you were leaving," Duncan turned to Veronica.
"I know, I'm sorry. I have to go," she finally made her exit, looking at them over her shoulder for a second before taking a hurried walk to the car. The boys watching her go before Logan finally turned back to Duncan.
"What are you doing here?" Duncan asked.
"Shift a pronoun, would you… She…" Logan looked back to see her car drive away. "Is there something I should know?"
"She just… showed up. She says she just got back."
"To you…"
"No. She wanted to talk to my mother," Duncan sounded as confused as Logan looked. "Logan, what's going on?"
"Well I said I'd see you around. I was just thinking… I want things to be how they were… the parts that can at least," he chuckled lightly. Duncan gave a small smile
"Got some new video games."
"Ah, the cornerstone of our friendship, crushing you at every game."
"Oh I think you'll find I've got some new tricks up my sleeves." They took a moment of silence before starting back for the house.
"So she's back…" Logan spoke slowly.
"Yeah…"
"Well, this should make school interesting at the very least…"
MARS HOME"Dad?" Veronica called as she walked in, placing the car keys on the counter.
"Be right there, stay in the kitchen!" he called out.
"What are you up to?" she called back with a bit of a smirk.
"You'll see!"
"I'm so glad to be back. I've missed having you there to cheer me up."
"Everything alright?" he asked, coming to join her.
"Well I had a meeting with Celeste Kane…"
"Right."
"Care to tell me why you have sugar rush face?"
"Well, I… wanted to get you something to say 'welcome back'."
"And?"
"I got a little carried away…"
"A little carried…"
"A lot, okay. Right this way!" he jogged behind her to direct her toward her room. Veronica laughed, doing her best to keep up. Seeing him regaining the old glimmer he had once was already welcome enough, whatever he had in store for her was a bonus.
Walking into her room, she found a large pile of wrapped items. "Wow…"
"Those over there were your birthday presents, I'd gotten them just in case. A-and these…" he brought her closer to the pile, "These were for Christmas." They shared a wistful smile. "And then the others… welcome back." She could hear the tears of joy choking his voice, and she hugged him tight.
"Love you Dad…"
"Love you too kiddo." They pulled back after a moment.
"I should call Mom… she'll be worried sick."
"Okay," Keith nodded. "I'll let you do that, then we can open the presents."
"Okay," she smiled. Keith leaned in to kiss his daughter's forehead and left the room, closing the door. Veronica sighed and took the phone, sitting down on her bed before dialing. It had only been half a week since she'd left from their home and the pressure of the guilt she was feeling made his call even more difficult. One ring, two rings, and…
"Hello?" her voice was on edge, sad…
"Mom…" Veronica breathed.
"Where are you?"
"I can't… I left for a reason, and if I tell you then you'll come get me."
"I won't…"
"Yes, you will. And you can't. I have to see this through. I called so you'd know I was okay. I promised I would. Look, this isn't about cutting you out of my life. I need you, I love you, I just need to figure out who I am." She paused. "I set up an e-mail account. You'll be able to contact me that way, and I'll be able to do the same with you."
"How long is this all going to take?"
"I don't know… but I'll figure it out."
After hanging up, Veronica sat there swallowing away any urge to cry. She didn't know what would happen, she didn't know if her family could ever be together again. But she couldn't tell her mother that. She already had enough on her plate as it was. She smiled to herself as her eyes fell on the presents. At the moment she had to focus on her father, her potential Kane connection, and the rest of Neptune. The next day would be a very big day, no matter how she was received by the town.
THE NEXT MORNINGWhen Veronica woke up that morning, there it was again… the feeling in her gut. It didn't worry her though. It would have worried her if it wasn't there. There was no denying it – this day would change everything. The last few days, it had still been transit – from everyone she'd been back to who she was, with all of them coming together to make her 'the brand new Veronica Mars'. When she went out there today, it would have to be what she was now and what she'd remain.
She wasn't sure if she understood these thoughts; a psychiatrist would be just as confused. She sort of had to wonder what would have happened if she hadn't gone away. Would she still be living through the hell of what she'd once left behind? Was she about to get back in it? As much as she didn't want to worry, she still couldn't chase away the thoughts.
She looked down to Backup, snoring as he lay over her feet. She was home. This was everything she'd hoped for. Yes, there would be a period of incessant questions. Yes, people would more than likely talk and whisper for just as long or even longer. But this was what she wanted. As twisted as it could sound, she missed it all. So it was just a matter of making a move, getting the wheels to start spinning. Once it started, she could start the motions toward her life again. No more running, no more hiding. Yes, her hair was still faded red, but other than that… she was back.
"Let's get this show on the road," she scratched Backup's back with a smirk before getting up. He started to make a move, then just lied back down with a sort of yawn. What did one wear on their re-entrance into Neptune society? She picked out a couple of things before heading into the shower.
Forty-five minutes later, she walked into the kitchen, hair done, clothed. Her father was in there, reading the paper. She sat to the waiting breakfast, looking at him. "Hey, look, there's an early showing at the cineplex, wacky cop comedy. What do you say we blow this off?"
"'This', being my education?" she smiled, grabbing a piece of toast.
"What could you possibly learn in there I can't show you myself?"
"Mm… science?" she guessed. He paused.
"Yeah…"
"Dad, it's gonna be okay. Now, how is this going to work exactly."
"Well, if you insist…" he put the paper down. "I'll take you in to see Clemmons, then hopefully he'll be able to get you back into classes."
"Okay," she nodded. "And we can see the wacky cops this weekend."
"Thank you," he nodded innocently.
On the car ride over to school, Veronica sat deep against her seat, looking out the window. Seeing Neptune in all its sunny, morning glory seemed sort of off-putting, considering that had and would come to pass. As they approached the building, Veronica could tell her father was looking over her every few seconds.
"Okay, you need to work on 'covert'," she turned to look at him with a smile. "I'm fine."
"I know you are. One day you'll understand why I can't help worrying."
"Worry all you want. I think it's sweet." He chuckled as they turned to approach the curb. Students and faculty were milling in for the day ahead of them, none having taken notice of the car so far. "Well here goes," Veronica nodded. "Dad?" she spoke as she reached for the handle.
"Yeah, honey?" he did the same.
"Love you."
"Love you too," he smiled, squeezing her left hand for a second. He exited the car first, walking around to stand by her as she stepped out. She blinked back the initial exposure to the sun, her vision clearing again as they started toward the building.
The buzz of whispers began within seconds. Veronica walked on, head high and eyes ahead. She couldn't afford to look to them yet. If she did, her control might falter. If she gave it some time, they could all work out the surprise of first sight while she was in the meeting with her father and Clemmons. After that, it was all free game.
Keith and Veronica walked into the school and toward the administrative office. As they walked in, the secretary gasped.
"Could you tell the Vice-Principal we want to speak with him?"
"Just… just a second," she turned to the phone and dialed. "Mr. Clemmons, sir? Keith and Veronica Mars are here to see you," she spoke, looking up at them.
"Say that again?" Clemmons' voice came through the speaker.
"Mars, she said," Veronica leaned over the counter to speak into the machine. Keith pulled her back with a chuckle. A moment later, Clemmons stepped out of his office. He stood frozen, looking at them. Veronica gave a small wave. "Hi," she greeted him.
They stepped into his office, sitting across from the dazed man. There was a minute or two where no one spoke. Even though she was clearly sitting before him, it was like he couldn't believe she was there. Finally, Keith broke the silence.
"Look, you're probably wondering what's going on right now. The thing is, she got back into town a few days ago. Until this morning, only a few people knew about this."
"Well, this is a… delicate situation of course… I don't know about the circumstances, and I know that asking you would be pointless. Am I right?"
"Very much so," Keith nodded.
"Alright, then let's move along," Clemmons did the same.
"Right."
"I assume you're here to re-enroll?" he turned to Veronica. He had that same look in his eyes, the one she'd seen in Cliff's eyes, in Duncan, Celeste, and Logan – as though they were in the presence of some mythical creature suddenly revealed to be real.
"That's exactly it," she confirmed.
"Well let's see… You've been gone for nearly a year…"
"I was in school. I don't think we all studied exactly the same things, but… give me some tests and I can show you."
"That can be done. Now, if I were to allow you back, into the junior class, you'd have to do more than tests. You'll talk with the teachers, you can figure things out. I would also need for you to keep a meeting with the guidance counselor. Once a week, for a month, Miss James will expect you."
"That seems reasonable," Veronica slowly nodded. She wasn't sure how much she waned to tell this woman, but if this was what it took…
"Okay then… Welcome back," he held out his hand.
It was nearly an hour before they stepped out of the office, a brand new class schedule in Veronica's hands. "Ooh, math… lovely…" she looked to her father.
"Who's that?" he was indicating someone signaling to them from the hall. She looked up and grinned, waving him over.
"Heard you were here, had to see for myself," Wallace approached them.
"The rumors are true," she continued smiling. "I was hoping you'd show up. Check it out," she turned her schedule over for him to see.
"Hi, Keith Mars," he cut in. Veronica blinked, realizing she was leaving him out.
"Sorry… Wallace, this is my father. Dad, this is Wallace Fennel. I told you about him?"
"Of course. Nice to finally meet you Wallace," Keith shook his hand.
"Likewise."
"And uh… thank you."
"Sure."
"Okay, are you sure you'll be okay?" Keith turned to his daughter. "I don't have to leave…"
"Yeah you do," she smirked. "Relax. I'm not alone. I have Wallace," she nodded toward him and he nodded back.
"Fine, fine. I'll go. I'll be here to pick you up when school's out this afternoon."
"Okay. Now off you go." Keith leaned in for a quick hug and forehead kiss.
"Alright… see you then…" Another pause and he finally headed out.
"So let me see," Wallace pointed to the sheet in her hand. She handed it over and he checked it out. "Wow, it's practically the same as mine except for a couple things."
"Isn't it great the way things turn out some times?"
"Mm mm. I'm getting this feeling this isn't an accident."
"How perceptive of you. We should get going. I sort of need the 'good impression' points here. How is it out there? Lots of chatter?"
"You're a hot topic. I'm starting to get what you were saying. Don't worry, I got your back."
"Yeah," they 'bumped fists' and headed off into the hall. "I feel so loved," Veronica sighed breathily as they found all available eyes turning to them.
"Forget them," he shrugged.
"I know," she assured him. "Let's go." Getting to their first class, which they shared, Veronica spotted Duncan, then Logan. There was a brief exchange of looks before they went on.
"On a scale of one to ten, how awkward is this for you?" Wallace asked as they took a couple of seats together.
"Rating is premature at this point," she nodded. As the teacher arrived, they could tell he'd heard of her presence. "I'm famous," she whispered to Wallace before getting up to hand the teacher a form. After class, which went a lot better than she'd thought, they headed back into the hall. "So I guess we'll see each other again at lunch?" Veronica asked Wallace.
"Okay," he nodded and they headed in opposite directions.
Now that she was alone, she didn't have that calm, safe feeling anymore. She missed it immediately, missed Wallace… She'd had it and lost it as she'd had and lost Lilly, then Avery, then Margot… To have it again, especially now… it felt good. It also felt like something she didn't want to lose again. Having this kind of friendship… it was something to cherish, to protect.
"Veronica Mars…" She looked up, out of her thoughts. Weevil stood three feet away from her. "Heard you were back," he came up to stand at her side.
"News travels fast. Heard you helped my father with a case."
"Yeah," he nodded then shrugged. "Couldn't let that idiot get away with what he did."
"That's so noble of you."
"Are you okay?" he diverted.
"More and more," she confirmed. "What does that say about me?" He gave her a half-smile.
"I'll see you around."
Turning on her heel, Veronica headed off to her next class. When lunchtime came around, she was more than glad to go find Wallace again. He was waiting for her just out of the line in the cafeteria.
"Food…" she hummed.
"Don't get too excited." She laughed lightly as they picked up their trays. Finding a table, both did their best to ignore the looks and/or whispers
"I talked to my mother last night," Veronica told Wallace.
"Was she okay?"
"Well, I did what I could to reassure her. I don't think it really worked, but hopefully she'll come around."
"But you didn't tell her you were here?"
"It's better for now. After everything that happened, she just can't be here right now. It would get complicated…"
"She's your mother, she's out there… At least you have that…"
"Does it make me sound selfish?" she asked. She had been aware of his family situation, but then…
"No, no… I didn't mean it that way. You had a rough year, your decisions are your own. And I get it."
"I love them both, that's not the issue. Factoring the way things were before with what this put all of us through…"
"She's better off," he nodded.
"Yeah."
As silence set in for a pause, it allowed for their surroundings to come back into focus. She knew that was to come. A comment here, a mime there… There was no way around it, not that she was looking to run. She just didn't want open floodgates on this better-than-hoped first day back. Any other day, she'd deal with whatever they threw her way. But it couldn't be today. She hurried to finish her lunch.
"Woah, easy there. It's not like it's that good…" Wallace pointed out.
"I just need to take care of something. See you in History?" she stood.
"Yeah," he nodded.
She went back inside, dodging any incidents. She found the journalism class, which appeared blissfully empty. She closed the door and sat at the large table with a sigh, rubbing at her temples.
"Hiding?" She jumped at the voice, turning to find she wasn't alone as she'd thought.
"Logan…" He came out from behind the partition that had kept him hidden. "I didn't realize anyone was…"
"What can I say, I'm very quiet." He came to sit across from her. "What happened? Where'd you go?" he asked slowly.
Just as when they'd run into each other outside Duncan's home, she picked up on something in his tone that kept her from walking away right then. She had known people might have changed over time. Whether she could have guessed Logan would be one of them though… There had been the video from the memorial though, and there she'd first seen this in Logan. It wasn't as though she had forgotten what had happened after Lilly's death between the two of them. She remembered that last day…
She shook away the thoughts, remembering that he was right there with her. "It's the big question today, isn't it?" she looked up.
"Everyone's got their theory. They only escalated in improbability with each month. Someone suggested… well, I kind of stopped listening…" Taking a moment, she finally spoke up.
"My mother took me to protect me from some threats. We were in hiding."
"You came back. Crisis averted?"
"More or less."
"Your father didn't find you?"
"We asked him not to. Still, we took precautions."
"Like what?"
"Changed names… changed looks…"
"Yeah," he pointed to her hair.
"Yeah," she reached for it.
"My mother didn't want us to be found. And she made sure of that. She doesn't know came back here." She paused, looking down to her hands. "Logan, you can't tell anyone about this. I don't know why I…" she shook her head.
"I won't tell, I promise," he nodded, not wanting her to bolt off. "You wanted to be alone… I'll keep watch," he stood.
"You don't have to…"
"With the Neptune High paparazzi out there? I deal with the real ones, they're not fun." She laughed, nodding.
"Guess so… How are they doing, your parents?"
"Dad's his usual 'lovable' self… Mom's in transit between parties and functions." She nodded. "I'll… get out there," he pointed to the door.
"Okay." He turned to leave, but she had to ask. "Logan?" He looked back toward her. "Why… why are you being so… well, nice. Last time we saw each other, we weren't exactly on the best terms. What changed?"
"Not pity… I wouldn't want that for anyone… I can't really explain it yet. But I'll try – I don't know when."
"Well, I'm not going anywhere." He gave her a small nod and left the room.
Back in the quiet of the empty room, Veronica could find her breath again. If she could get through this day, then all of the others wouldn't be in vain. She looked around the classroom. She'd loved being part of the journalism class at the last school she'd gone to. It had only seemed natural to try her hand at it here too. When she'd gotten her hands back on her camera, it made her realize how much she'd missed having it. This could be her chance.
When the day ended, Veronica and Wallace went out to the front of the school. As promised, there was Keith waiting. "Want a ride home?" Veronica asked Wallace.
"Sure," he smiled.
After dropping him off, father and daughter were back alone at last.
"How was your day?"
"Oh, you know. Classes, lunch… I've never gotten this many looks in one day."
"It'll change."
"I know it will. Still, I'll always have it hanging over my head. But it's okay," she shrugged.
"Hey… How about we get pizza and some ice cream on the way home."
"I'm liking that idea… A lot," she nodded with a smile. "Maybe we could drop by the video store too?"
"Yes, ma'am," he nodded approvingly.
She'd had a stomach ache all day, a pinch… It wasn't about discomfort or anything. For the first real time, she'd felt like herself again. And that alone could have made this day so memorable. Knowing that she was home, and that she had people there to count on… She was optimistic for the future in ways she hadn't been since that day in October. If this was possible, then maybe there was hope for some kind of reunion for herself and her mother and father. Whenever that might be, she was waiting.
TBC