Jem: ... Sarin, don't you dare...

Sarin: I CAST THIS REZ STONE ON THE EVIL AUTHOR!

Jem takes on a weird blue glow... it subsides to find her wet and very not happy.

Jem: For the eightieth time: Water balloons. Are not. Resurrection Materials!

Sarin: *trying to act innocent* You do know we're rolling right?

Jem: ... Eeep!

Disclaimer: (cuz my life actually changed... i know... shock and amazement)

Out of school (for now): Yay for graduating, jury still out for this whole 'Real World' thing everyone keeps talking about. Newlywed: still figuring stuff out after a month and a half - June 13 to my bff NeoRyu777. Working for the government: ... well... nuff said. So I don't own nothin and probably never will. (Sadness)

Sarin: And that, mes amis, is priceless. But enough with the disclaiming - on to the crack!

_LIIIIIIINE_

Awakening with a pounding head is never an enjoyable experience anyway, but having been subjected to only the echoing sound of Voldemort's cackling for seven years was not making it any better. And to top it off, when the nice looking fat man in the yellow robes (now to be known as Parsley) began the lengthy lecture on the prone form, Harry realized that no currently existing headache or hangover cure would have done the trick against the pulsing pain that had settled behind his right eye and spiderweb-ed over what felt like his whole head anyway - his voice had somehow managed the mixture of Professor Binns and werewolf claws on a blackboard perfectly. The dinging fairy in the background was no help either, chirping and muttering and proud as if she herself had made sure he had gotten "all grown up" alright instead of being a pest. Harry couldn't even mentally roll his eyes.

Mouth feeling like it was full of mothballs, Harry finally staggered to a standing position, though he regretted it before he even made it fully upright. But he was sooooo glad to be seventeen again, even if the clothes - which either grew while he wore them or someone, he had his suspicions, took way too much time to ensure they were just right - looked even weirder now. Honestly, he thought through the painful cloud that shuttered his brain, he should be working at the North Pole like in that one movie. This made him snicker, causing a dirty look from Parsley and the world to shift a little more violently under his boots before solidifying back into the temple. Harry looked around. Parsley was gone.

Feeling his instincts rise as well as his neck hair, he spun around with sword drawn (AN: Yes like on a piece of pape - oh never mind. SN: Sorry about that... she's adlibbing punnyness even though this is all written.), and nearly sliced in half the young man standing behind him garbed in what looked to be purple bandages around an equally purple spandex jumpsuit that had somehow managed to blend with the shadows.

"Didn't your mother tell you not to play with sharp objects? You could have hurt someone with that thing!"

"Kind of the point." Harry growled, trying to keep his eyes on the figure despite the increasing sensitivities to sound and light that both accompanied and enhanced the raging pain in his head, threatening to split it in two. He channeled this pain into his voice as he continued "Now who are you and what do you want."

"Guess you're not a morning person," the figure grumbled, seemingly immune to the malice in the other's tone and posture as he settled into a relaxed pose against a wall, letting Harry decide for himself whether friend or foe. He'd really hate to have to hurt him this close to the beginning of a new quest, but if Harry decided that - he stopped his thoughts right there. Beating Harry with a lute might be fun in the short run, but it might damage the golden instrument...

"... Sheikah?" Harry guessed, running through all the races of his 'Linkified' vocabulary as fast as the pain and messy filing system that was his memory would let him. After all, the giant All-Seeing Eye on the chest of the figure made it the most reasonable idea. Said lounging figure nodded.

"You can call me Sheik. I'm supposed to help you, teach you music, disappear at inopportune moments, blablabla, stuff like that. Oh, and any and all questions will be ignored."

"Ummm... ok, nice to meet you, I guess."

"Nice to meet you too, Link Hero of Time." If Harry didn't know better, he could have sworn this was said with the same sarcastic drawl that always accompanied "Harry Boy Who Lived." But that was impossible... wasn't it? After all, Draco wouldn't be caught dead in spandex... but then again, the dress... He felt a hard thwack on his head and came back to the discussion at hand.

"Anyway, most of the weapons and stuff you already collected will be useless now. So you get to go looking for new stuff!"

Harry groaned. He'd just finished collecting the last of the Old weapons... even if it had been seven years. After all, he couldn't remember that time, not that he was trying very hard, so it didn't count. "So..." He started cautiously. "What'd i miss while i was... whatever i was..."

"Technically trapped in time. But sleeping would work too, not that it seems to have done much good to your looks." He continued before harry could get out more than a slight noise of protest. "Well, that Voldemort chap has been really busy. The forest was inhabited by evil monsters, the volcano has a pissed off dragon living in it and is about to explode, the lake froze over as did Hell, the spirits in the desert need a good old fashioned Exorcism, the shadow beast sealed in the well in my village is trying to bust out and kill everyone, Zelda vanished, and Lon Lon Ranch is being run by a moron... oh wait, that's not different. and I think that's about it. Oh and everything is bigger, badder, and more blood thirsty than before so I hope you're a blood and organ donor."

"... Who's Zelda?"

Sheik looked at him as if about to revise his opinion of the new owner of the ranch. "The Princess."

"Kay?"

"Just go with it Link... I think it might be a name of power or something. It saves a lot of that migraine you have just to not stress about the small things that make the world go round."

"... Whatever."

"And there is now a ban on booze and chocolate. All of it has been confiscated, as well as those little tea sandwiches and quiches, to be sent to the evil dude in the remodeled castle."

A Clap of Thunder, A Dramatic Pause, and then as if a Hell Hound had been released came the most painful sound of all... Harry's sanity snapping at the most recent revelation. "! NOT THE TEA SANDWICHES!"

"Anyway," the nonplussed Sheik said with a tiny smirk beneath his mask, "Time to go!"

"BUT!"

And Sheik was gone in a blinding flash of light and a resounding crack that reincarnated the formerly fading migraine.

*ding ding ding* "What do you want? I thought I outgrew you!" *Ding Ding Ding!" "WHAT?"

"LINK!" Giggles followed, causing him to pale. Aw damn, it's that forest chick again. "Thank goodness. I had gone to all that trouble to upgrade Navi from a walkie-talkie to a cell phone so we can talk any time and any place. I got Unlimited Minutes! Plus this gets better reception. So are you coming back so we can fulfill our destiny and get married?"

"Umm... Soon. I have this one little quest to do first. It kind of involves saving the world."

"Oh really? Where do you have to go?"

"Well, they said something about the forest being overrun with monsters."

"Oh that's right... I knew I was forgetting Something! Let me start over... *Clearing throat* Help Help! I'm Trapped in the Forest Temple! Help me, Obi Link Kenobi! You're my only Hope!" The line seemed to go dead, but not the annoying fairy, much to Harry's displeasure.

"Well that was a mite disturbing..."

The line clicked back on "And you better hurry... Seven Years I waited -" Harry managed to hit Navi and disconnect the call. The Boy Wonder can hang up a Cell Fairy!

The Kingdom Hearts theme song Sanctuary suddenly filled the airy church space.

"What now?" He grumbled into the phone as he stalked out of the church, having let it 'ring' to voicemail twice before. This person really wasn't giving up.

"Link! Thank goodness I got a hold of you."

"Sheik?" He stopped in the middle of the town square.

"It has a brain after all. I wondered if what little there was would atrophy in seven years, Aurora."

"Who?"

"And you Muggleborn..." Came the soft muttered response right before a louder "Nevermind. ...oops, I take that back. Zombies are bad for your health, so I would not stop in the middle of the road."

"Why'd you call?"

"Oh, to say that saving your forest friend first is the only way to go."

"But she's a Stalker!"

"So? Friend, Stalker, same difference." The careless voice drawled, sounding so familiar. Stupid migraine.

"She's been perv-ing on me."

"Eww... who'd want to do that?"

"... HEY!" Navi somehow managed both to convey the smirk from the other end of her astral connection as well as pout that the funny not-fairy boy had stolen her catchphrase. She intentionally dropped the call there.

Harry was trapped between the irresistible urge to glare at and perhaps forever maim the fairy - he'd decided that killing her would be too easy and too kind - as well as return the sulk. He had to go save this ridiculous child and was getting no information, but plenty of insults, from the supposed helping hand he'd been given. Who did that purple spandex freak think he was anyway?

Having nothing better to do, Harry began the trudge toward his first destination...

_LIIIIIINE_

Jem: and time for snoozles.

Sarin: but there is a new chappy up, so rejoice!

Jem: Cookies for reviewers and favies! I loves u!

Sarin: She really does have it done... uploading is her weak point.