When Meredith and Derek had arrived at the hospital with Ava this morning, they stopped feeling like doctors and they felt more like parents who were going to begin the darkest journey of their lives. They knew Ava could get better, but it didn't change how scary any of this was. When the nurse had come in to start Ava's IV their daughter had screamed and cried.
She had never liked shots and now needles were going to be apart of her life and it wasn't fair. Regardless, she had to put on a brave face as she and her husband sat with their little girl who was now hiding her face and crying. "Ava..."
"It hurts." Ava cried, holding tightly onto Meredith's arm.
"Still?" Meredith frowned, knowing her little girl was more scared of the needle then actually still hurting from it.
"I don't want it." She shook her head.
"Look at me Ava..."
"What?" Tears ran down the little girls face.
"It only hurts for a little bit...the doctors are trying to help you get better."
"It's giving you medicine so that you can feel better." Derek told his daughter.
"Remember how we told you that things might hurt for a while and make you sick but one day you'll wake up and be better?" Meredith whispered.
"Yeah..." Ava sniffled.
"It'll just be hard at first." Meredith assured her.
"But it hurts!"
"Ava...what if Daddy does this?" Derek kissed her arm close to where the IV was.
"A little." Ava pouted.
"Only a little?"
"Yeah." Ava whimpered.
"What about this..." He smiled, kissing her cheek and then blowing and making a loud noise.
"Daddy!" Ava giggled.
"I knew that would help." Derek laughed.
"Daddy am I gonna be bald?"
"What?" Derek breathed, looking over at Meredith.
"Hunter said I was gonna be bald but he would cut his hair off so I wouldn't be sad." Ava explained.
"Sometimes when people get sick with Leukemia they lose their hair." Meredith told her little girl. "You will probably lose your hair but you will be just as beautiful."
"Oh." Ava sighed.
"But that's okay." Meredith assured her.
"Are you coming with me in surgery?"
"No Sweetie but Alex and Arizona will be." Meredith replied.
"Why?" She started to whimper again.
"Because they're your doctors."
"I want you and Daddy."
"I know...but we can't, pumpkin." Derek whispered. "But we'll be here when you get out."
"Promise?"
"We promise." Meredith breathed.
"You're just going to go to sleep for a little while." Derek told her.
"And then you can have as much ice cream or chicken nuggets as your little heart desires." Meredith wrapped her arms around her little girl.
"Can I have gummy bears?" Ava breathed.
"Of course baby girl." Meredith kissed her cheek.
"Just the red ones."
"Only the best." Meredith giggled.
"Can I have some too" Derek asked.
"Yes Daddy."
"Thank you." He laughed, running his hand over her head.
"Can Hunter have some too?" Ava asked, playing with her mother's hair.
"When we get back to Grandma's." Derek nodded.
"In three sleeps." Ava replied. They had done a lot of talking to her about what she could expect.
"Exactly."
"I don't like this." Ava looked down at her hand, her free fingers started to pick around the medical tape that was holding her IV in place. "Off."
"Ava...no...no you can't do that." Derek took her hand.
"I don't like it."
"I know...I don't either."
"Take it off." Ava held her hand out to Meredith.
"No Ava." Meredith moved her daughter's arm. "Remember? We have to keep it on."
"No." The little girl shook her head, pulling at it again.
"Ava." Derek moved onto the edge of her bed. "You have to leave that on okay? It's going to give you the medicine so you feel better faster."
"I don't like shots."
"Remember what I told you about shots?"
"Refresh her." Meredith looked up.
"They only hurt for a second. But when its over...you get a cool princess bandaid." Derek smiled. "And then you don't feel sick anymore."
"Then I'll be all better!"
"Then you'll be all better." Derek breathed.
"Everything is going to be fine...even when it seems scary...Daddy and I will be here to make sure that you're always okay." Meredith breathed, smelling her little girl's long blonde hair.
"Hey guys." Arizona came into the pre-op room in her scrubs.
"Is it time already?" Derek looked up at her.
"It is." Arizona nodded. "Hi Ava."
"Hi." Ava waved the hand that didn't have the IV in it.
"I'm going to let your Mommy and Daddy say bye and then we're going to go have your surgery." Arizona nodded at Meredith and Derek.
"Okay..." Derek breathed.
"Ava, Daddy and I are going to wait here and we'll be here right when you wake up." Meredith leaned over.
"Goodnight kisses." Ava puckered her lips.
"We'll see you soon." Derek whispered, giving her a kiss. "I love you Ava."
"Love you Daddy...Love you Mommy."
"Love you Ava." Meredith's eyes teared up as she kissed her little girl's nose.
"We'll keep you updated." Arizona nodded.
"Thank you." Meredith nodded, standing as the nurses wheeled Ava's bed out.
"Bye Ava." Derek breathed, standing in the doorway.
"We'll take you to the room she is going to be in for a few days when she's out of surgery and after you talk to Dr. Robbins." The nurse replied, before rushing out of the room.
"Thank you." Derek whispered, his voice cracking.
"God..." Meredith turned against the wall.
"She's going to be okay." He wrapped his arms around her.
"It's not fair."
"I know...I know it's not."
"She has cancer."
"She's going to beat cancer." He whispered, holding her against him.
"I just...gosh..."
"I know."
"She just started kindergarten and then...I'm researching homeschooling programs for her to work on when she's doing chemo...that isn't fair for my five year old."
"It isn't." Derek whispered, running his fingers through her hair. "But she's brave...she's...we're going to make it through this."
"I should call and check on the kids."
"Okay."
"I'll be back." Meredith reached for her purse and rushed out of the room. She couldn't break down right now. Not when her little girl was about to start the fight for her life. Meredith would give anything to fight this for her and it killed her that she couldn't take the cancer away. So Meredith was going to be strong and show her little girl that she would be just fine.
Well I've never been the kind to ever let my feelings show
And I thought that being strong meant never losin' your self-control